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Fuzz Jokes

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A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century

The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do no...

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Two prostitutes were chatting on the corner. One says to the other, "You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

She says, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits a couple times."

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An 80 year old grandma wants to join an outlaw biker gang

The gang leader says "Well, do you have a bike?"

"Sure! I just bought a new Harley!"

"Are you ok with drugs?"

"I should hope so, I take 20 pills a day!"

"Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"No, but I got swung around by the tits once!"

What's black and white and full of fuzz?

A squad car.

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A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around.

She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off.

"Do you even own a bike?" he asks.

"I do. It's parked right outside."

"Do you swear?"

"More ...

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club...

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.

She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.

She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club."

The guy was amused and told her that she needed to me...

A guy walks up to a hooker and asks her if she's ever been picked up by the fuzz...

She replies "No, but I'd imagine that would hurt quite a bit."

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town.

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking down Main St., he noticed a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should...

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Why do innie belly buttons make such bad criminals?

Because they can't stop attracting the fuzz

Little old lady decides to join the Hell's Angels

A little old lady decides to join The Hell’s Angels so one day she goes up and knocks on their clubhouse door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She boldly proclaims, “I want to join your club.”

The guy is amused, and decides to humor her a bit, so he says sh...

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An old lady wants to join a biker gang.

An old lady wants to join a biker gang so she goes down to the local biker bar and talks to the leader.

Biker: Lady I don't think you're cut out for this. We drink around the clock over here.

Old lady: That's not a problem. It may not look like it but I drink a fifth of Jack at night.<...

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A woman decided to join a biker gang to see what it was like...

After talking with the club president, a burly tough-looking guy, she was told that she was going to be asked some questions that would be used to decide if she qualified. She had never done anything illegal and had no idea what they expected, so she decided to put on her best bad girl act to impres...

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[NSFW] A prostitute is beginning her first night of work...

She has another lady of the night showing her the ropes of the new corner.

New girl asks: "girl have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?"

"No, but I have been swung around by the titties!"

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A friend of mine told me she worked as a prostitue for a while...

I asked her if she'd ever been picked up by the fuzz. She hadn't, but she said she'd once been swung round by the tits.

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There’s a knock on the door of the Hells Angels clubhouse

Big hairy biker goes to answer and there’s a little grey haired old lady standing there.

Old lady: I’d like to join the Hells Angels

Biker (a bit flabbergasted): Jeez, I dunno, what about a hog?

Old lady: Oh, that’s no problem, I just bought a brand new Harley.

Biker: Wel...

One of my all-time favourites

A deer sees a crying bunny, sitting by the road.
When asked what is wrong, the bunny said "The bear asked me if I fuzz, I said that I don't and he used me sa his toilet paper".

Some days later, the deer sees the same bunny at the roadside, laughing histerically.

"Glad to see yo...

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Two hookers are standing on a corner...

when a cop car rolls by and the officer eyes them suspiciously. The girls act like they're waiting on the light to turn, and the officer drives off. One of the hookers watches the policeman drive off with disdain in her eyes. She asks the other, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The other ...

An older woman's husband dies during a bdsm session.

She decides to do something crazy with her life, and buys a Harley, gets a few tattoos, and goes out in search of the Hell's Angels.

When she finds them they give her an initiation test.
"You ever killed a man?" They ask.
"Yep" she says. "Killed my husband."
"You ever steal ...

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Two prostitutes are walking along a quiet street at night...

...when they encounter a policeman standing in a doorway. "Good evening ladies" he says..."I know what you are doing" he continues...
"Have you ever been picked up by The Fuzz?" he enquires...


The two girls both look knowingly at one another and one of them sighs "No, but I've been swu...

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Three men all suffer an untimely death on the very same day.

They all wind up in purgatory and each has a sneaking suspicion that they will unfortunately end up in Hell for their various evil deeds committed on Earth. As this thought occurs to each of them, Satan suddenly appears before the three men. Much to their delight, Satan offers each of them one final...

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I've always thought this was funnier due to the fact that I first heard it from my mother.

There's an old woman and she decides that she wants to join a motorcycle gang. So she goes to the bar where the gang hangs out and finds the leader of the gang.
"I want to join your gang," she says to him.
He looks at her skeptically. "Do you even ride motorcycles?" he asks.
"Of course I ...

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An older woman wants to join a biker gang.

So she strolls into a biker bar. A grizzly man comes up to her and asks what she is doing there. She says, "I want to join your gang."

"hahahaha" says the biker. "You even got a bike?"

"That's my Harley out there" she replies.

"OK fine, but do you smoke?"

"Three packs ...

An elderly woman was stopped by the bouncer at this biker bar...

He said, "Before I let you in, I need to ask you some questions. Firstly, since this is a biker bar, do you even have a bike?"
The old lady replied, "Son, did you not see me ride up on my '65 panhead? That's it in the spot up front right there."
"Ok, This is a neutral bar, you're not represe...

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Three Guys Walk Into Bar [long]

Three men walk into a bar. Bartender looks each one up and down and says "I bet I can tell where each of yawl is from just by lookin at you, and if I'm wrong, I'll buy each of you a round of drinks." The men snicker among themselves and shake his hand, excited they're about to get their drink on for...

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Three tired travelers stumble across a farm as it is beginning to get dark...

Three tired travelers stumble across a farm as it is beginning to get dark. Exhausted, they decide to stop and ask if there is a place to sleep until morning. A friendly farmer answers the door and says they can sleep in the barn under one circumstance: Nobody is allowed to go up in the loft. The...

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A boy is buying his first motorcycle

His mother is mortified that after saving up all through highschool he's going to risk his life and
buy a motorcycle in college. She asks him why he wants to ride and he replies "Because it's cool,
I'm an adult now, I want to feel free for once in my life"

His mum took that to heart. S...

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