The 45+ Best Gangster Jokes

How do gangsters receive communications?

Gmail

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Walking down the street I heard a gangster call me a pussy...

I turned to find him and his friend laughing. Feeling brave I simply replied, "You are what you eat. Explains why you're being such a dick while your buddy's giggling like an asshole."

The good news is that the nurse says I can go home in 4-6 more weeks...

Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.

Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem

Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.

Gangsters are the kindest people.

They gather in a group and ask what your problem is

'Everybody's a gangster until they get punched in the mouth.' - Mike Tyson

And after that, everybody's a gangthter.

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The Brit, the Frenchman, the Gangster and the Tribals

One day, a trio of adventurers are making their way through the Amazon. The group consists of a die-hard Brit, a die-hard Frenchman and a recent addition to the team, a gangster from downtown Chicago. Eventually, the party is caught by a group of tribals and put in a cage. The chief of the tribals a...

Why did the gangster stand under the tree?

Because it was shady.

(credit goes to my 11-y-o for this 100% original joke.)

What's a gangster's least favorite food?

Snitchel.

5 gangsters calmly walk into a bar.

Immediately, a Karen rushes up to them and starts yelling at them to get out.

"What are you doing!?" yells the bartender. "They haven't even been here for two minutes!"

"Well," the Karen retorts. "I've heard that 5G's are bad for the environment!"

Where do Italian gangsters come from?

The spaghetto

What do you call gangsters from Minnesota?

Oh, jeez.

What do you call a gangster who believes in double standards?

A hypocrip.

Is Jesus a Gangster?

Because he’s coming straight from the underground.

What did the gangster say when a bunch of houses fell on him

"Get off me homes!"

I heard about the gangster with a weak stomach

He was throwing up gang signs

Why did the gangster have to keep seeing the eye doctor?

Because he had glock-oma.

Never bother a gangster the night before he goes on holiday

He's probably packing

What do you call a gangster who’s always on the hunt for a good deal?

Al Coupon

When a gangster put out a hit on Daffy Duck, what was their one condition?

Just send me the bill.

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What were the old-time gangster's last words?

"Who put this fucking violin in my violin case?!"

What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?

An emoji.

What do you call a gangster who kills his friend?

A murder rap.

gangster humor

Did you hear about the really stupid gangster who gave testimony against a mob boss?
They had to put him in the witless protection program...

What do You call a place where gangsters chill?

What do You call a place where gangsters chill?

G-Spot

A gangster approaches someone that has information and draws a gun on him.

"Okay, here's how it works," the gangster said. "You have information, and I want that information. So when I ask a question, you answer truthfully, and you may walk out of here alive."

"Ok, shoot" the man at gunpoint said.

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his exams?

"Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,

but I never told them anything!"

A gangster in Soviet prison goes to the doctor. "Doctor, I'm feeling sick."

The doctor frowns and takes a good look at him. "Have you been drinking?"

"Yes, doctor..."

"Then come back tomorrow when you've sobered up."

The next day, the convict shows up at the doctor's again. "Doctor, I'm still not feeling well."

"Are you sober?"

"I haven't ...

What would you call a Jewish, Reggae Artist, and a Gangster?

Jew-Mon-G

Have you heard about the hobo gangster?

Word on the street is he's roofless.

Some people call me the space cowboy. Some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice...

Yes that's very nice sir, now can you show me your license please?

What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer?

Murdered.

(If you don't get it: "cross" can mean "betray")

What do you call gangsters living in the woods?

Cottage G's.

Why do gangsters hold their guns sideways?

Because that's the way it came in the box.

Where do French gangsters hang out?

The baghetto.

What did the Gangster say to the duck?

What’s up quacker?

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

How can you tell if your farmer is a certified gangster?

His cornrows are always straight

What killed all the 1920's gangsters?

hepatitis see

How does an old timey 1930s era gangster threaten a jelly fish?

"You're see, through!"

Where do gambling gangsters go after they die?

To the Gangster's-Pair-a-Dice.

What do gangster fish have at parties?

Hooks and blowfish

What does a gangster on an island say when they see a non-electric car?

Madagascar

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Three gangsters in a fancy restaurant...

Three gangsters, Vito, Carlo, and Nick are sitting around a table in a fancy restaurant. They’ve just finished their meal and have ordered some brandy. While they’re waiting for the brandy Vito pulls out a cigar and a $50 bill. He sticks of the bill into the flame of the candle in the centre of the ...

Why did the 1920's gangster get scurvy?

NYAH, 'CAUSE HE DIDN'T TAKE HIS VITAMIN, SEE!

Whats a gangster's favorite month?

April, fool!

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