What do you call a gangster who believes in double standards?

A hypocrip.

What do you call gangsters living in the woods?

Cottage G's.

Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.

Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem

Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.

What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?

An emoji.

What's a gangster's least favorite food?

Snitchel.

Where do Italian gangsters live?

In the spaghetto.

PS: credits to my girlfriend who came up with it

Why do gangsters hold their guns sideways?

Because that's the way it came in the box.

Whats a gangster's favorite month?

April, fool!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Walking down the street I heard a gangster call me a pussy...

I turned to find him and his friend laughing. Feeling brave I simply replied, "You are what you eat. Explains why you're being such a dick while your buddy's giggling like an asshole."

The good news is that the nurse says I can go home in 4-6 more weeks...

What did the gangster say when a bunch of houses fell on him

"Get off me homes!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What were the old-time gangster's last words?

"Who put this fucking violin in my violin case?!"

The mob boss sends two of his men to kill a gangster...

They park outside his house half an hour before his expected return, check their guns, and wait. Half an hour later, the gangster's not there. They keep waiting in silence, an hour passes - and he's not there. Time passes, and the target is still not home. Finally, one of the hitmen looks at the wat...

How do gangsters receive communications?

Gmail

What do you call it when a stoned gangster gives you an ultimatum?

[deleted]

What do you call a Semitic Rastafarian Gangster?

Jew-Mon-G

What do you call a gangster cow?

Al Cowpone

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do Japanese Gangsters say Hello??

WASABI


(What's up B!)

How can you tell if your farmer is a certified gangster?

His cornrows are always straight

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his exams?

"Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,

but I never told them anything!"

Why did the 1920's gangster get scurvy?

NYAH, 'CAUSE HE DIDN'T TAKE HIS VITAMIN, SEE!

Why aren't there any Jewish gangsters?

Because they don't "come from the hood"

Have you heard about the hobo gangster?

Word on the street is he's roofless.

What do you call a lazy gangster?

A potato Crip.

Where do adolescent gangsters go?

The childhood

What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for? (X /r/ScienceJokes)

Homie O'Stasis.

What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer?

Murdered.

(If you don't get it: "cross" can mean "betray")

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three gangsters in a fancy restaurant...

Three gangsters, Vito, Carlo, and Nick are sitting around a table in a fancy restaurant. They’ve just finished their meal and have ordered some brandy. While they’re waiting for the brandy Vito pulls out a cigar and a $50 bill. He sticks of the bill into the flame of the candle in the centre of the ...

What do you call it when a gangster accidentally kills a fellow gang member?

Homiecide

My daughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet us.

He seemed a bit of a gangster at first but then I realised he was in fact just deaf.

Why isn't the word gangster pronounced [Jang-ster]?

Because there ain't no such thing as a soft 'G.'

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

Don and his son

Big time gangster Don Vito Corleone picked up his son Santino after his annual exams. 'How was it?' he asked.

'They questioned me for three hours, papa. But I told them nothing.'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Archie the Strangler

A British gangster sat in the corner of a pub with his best mate. Tired and frustrated, he sighed and turned to his friend "I can't stand it anymore, every day and every night she whines and complains at me. On and on and on... I'm so sick of it, I'd gladly have her killed if I could!"

His fr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After a date at the bars, a girl invites her date home...

Once home, she decides to try to lighten the mood and send some signals.

She also remembers him mentioning that he likes jokes so she asks, "How is a warm cabin, a short gangster and a horny girl the same yet different?"

*Her date shrugs*

"One's a little homey, the other's a l...

I decided at a young age that I would get buried in the same way as my father

Unfortunately gangsters buried him alive

Side note,could someone please send help

I am not a pimpstagram

Said the gangster to his grandma

The Spice Mafia

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic...

[Long] Reposted joke

So there's this guy named Theodore. As a child, he was rather tough, almost on the gangster side, but kept to the rules so he wouldn't face too much punishment. In college, he studied a bit of law, and often worked out at the gym. Although he dropped out of college early, he was the perfect candidat...

A stiff, and swollen upper lip

A british man staggers into a hospital in atlanta, badly beaten and bruised. 'Can someone help me?' he moans, before collapsing in a dead faint. When he comes to,several hours later a doctor and police officer are at his bedside, looking at him anxiously.

'Who did this to you sir?' asks the o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some historic anti-Nazi jokes from Germany

Hey there. I thought, I'll take the time and translate you some of the so-called "Flüsterwitze"(whisper jokes) from nazi Germany.

* The old code of law seems to complicated, so it has to be changed. From now on, there are only three laws: 1. If you do something, or fail to do something, you ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mafia joke

A mafia gangster takes a translator to visit the shop of a man, whose brother has just died. He had taken money from the gangster and hid it away somewhere - and the gangster assumed he had told his only living relative, his brother. But the brother only spoke Italian, you see, which is why a transl...

Stedman, the repo guy

Once there was a man named John. He had recently got a new job in which he was working for a gangster, repossessing vehicles for him. He was working with many other repossession guys as well.

The best out of all of them was Stedman. He was known better as Sted. He had been working with the ga...

It was so cold outside...

I saw a gangster pulling up their trousers

In the land of Cheerios...

In the land of Cheerios there is a cast system. At the top there are the king and queen Cheerios, next come the noble Cheerios, then the night Cheerios who are responsible for law enforcement in the land, then come the peasant Cheerios who are somewhat oppressed but work hard and get by, and then th...

A boy does not know English...

After moving to America a boy does not know much English or know any at all. So one day he asks his older brother "What do I say when someone speaks English to me?" and his brother replies "Always say yes." The kid goes to his first day of school...
"What are you doing?"
"Yes."
"How are you...

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!