How do gangsters receive communications?

Gmail

Is Jesus a Gangster?

Because he’s coming straight from the underground.

What's a gangster's least favorite food?

Snitchel.

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Walking down the street I heard a gangster call me a pussy...

I turned to find him and his friend laughing. Feeling brave I simply replied, "You are what you eat. Explains why you're being such a dick while your buddy's giggling like an asshole."

The good news is that the nurse says I can go home in 4-6 more weeks...

What do you call a gangster with clean teeth?

Oral-G

'Everybody's a gangster until they get punched in the mouth.' - Mike Tyson

And after that, everybody's a gangthter.

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The Brit, the Frenchman, the Gangster and the Tribals

One day, a trio of adventurers are making their way through the Amazon. The group consists of a die-hard Brit, a die-hard Frenchman and a recent addition to the team, a gangster from downtown Chicago. Eventually, the party is caught by a group of tribals and put in a cage. The chief of the tribals a...

What do you call gangsters from Minnesota?

Oh, jeez.

Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.

Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem

Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.

5 gangsters calmly walk into a bar.

Immediately, a Karen rushes up to them and starts yelling at them to get out.

"What are you doing!?" yells the bartender. "They haven't even been here for two minutes!"

"Well," the Karen retorts. "I've heard that 5G's are bad for the environment!"

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What do gangster honey bees do?

Fuck flowers. Make honey.

A gangster in Soviet prison goes to the doctor. "Doctor, I'm feeling sick."

The doctor frowns and takes a good look at him. "Have you been drinking?"

"Yes, doctor..."

"Then come back tomorrow when you've sobered up."

The next day, the convict shows up at the doctor's again. "Doctor, I'm still not feeling well."

"Are you sober?"

"I haven't ...

Why did the gangster stand under the tree?

Because it was shady.


(credit goes to my 11-y-o for this 100% original joke.)

What do you call a gangster who kills his friend?

A murder rap.

Never bother a gangster the night before he goes on holiday

He's probably packing

Why did the gangster have to keep seeing the eye doctor?

Because he had glock-oma.

What do you call a gangster who believes in double standards?

A hypocrip.

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

What do you call gangsters living in the woods?

Cottage G's.

Have you heard about the hobo gangster?

Word on the street is he's roofless.

A gangster approaches someone that has information and draws a gun on him.

"Okay, here's how it works," the gangster said. "You have information, and I want that information. So when I ask a question, you answer truthfully, and you may walk out of here alive."

"Ok, shoot" the man at gunpoint said.

How does Chinese gangster say hello in Italian?

Ciao, mein!

I heard about the gangster with a weak stomach

He was throwing up gang signs

What did the Gangster say to the duck?

What’s up quacker?

Where do Italian gangsters come from?

The spaghetto

Where do French gangsters hang out?

The baghetto.

What do You call a place where gangsters chill?

What do You call a place where gangsters chill?

G-Spot

Gangsters are the kindest people.

They gather in a group and ask what your problem is

A guy comes up to an Italian

and says, "you are a southerner. You are in the mafia"

So the Italian told him, "No, look. Not all southerners are gangsters."

But the guy kept insisting, he said, "No, no. You are a southerner. You are in the mafia"

The Italian tried to reason with him by telling him that they ...

What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?

An emoji.

Some people call me the space cowboy. Some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice...

Yes that's very nice sir, now can you show me your license please?

A man's son is about to return from prison.

A man's son is about to return from prison. After spending five years in the clink, the man was very curious to know what his son plans to do further in life and what profession he's going to choose for his future. He decides to test his son. He sets a bottle of alcohol, a wad of money, a gun and a ...

What would you call a Jewish, Reggae Artist, and a Gangster?

Jew-Mon-G

What do you call a gangster horse?

Al Capony

Where do gambling gangsters go after they die?

To the Gangster's-Pair-a-Dice.

Let me tell you a little story about a criminal.

So in Thailand there was a gangster named "Mr. Phoon.", and one day he was passing through a small village that was home to a man he had had "taken care of", when the man had tried to interfere with the flow of Mr. Phoon's drugs into the town.

Now it was a stormy day, and some of the famil...

What do you call giving a gangster a hand job?

Tug a thug.

How does an old timey 1930s era gangster threaten a jelly fish?

"You're see, through!"

What did the gangster say when a bunch of houses fell on him

"Get off me homes!"

Why do gangsters hold their guns sideways?

Because that's the way it came in the box.

What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer?

Murdered.

(If you don't get it: "cross" can mean "betray")

How can you tell if your farmer is a certified gangster?

His cornrows are always straight

What killed all the 1920's gangsters?

hepatitis see

What do gangster fish have at parties?

Hooks and blowfish

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his exams?

"Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,

but I never told them anything!"

What do you call it when a gangster accidentally kills a fellow gang member?

Homiecide

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

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Three gangsters in a fancy restaurant...

Three gangsters, Vito, Carlo, and Nick are sitting around a table in a fancy restaurant. They’ve just finished their meal and have ordered some brandy. While they’re waiting for the brandy Vito pulls out a cigar and a $50 bill. He sticks of the bill into the flame of the candle in the centre of the ...

My daughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet us.

He seemed a bit of a gangster at first but then I realised he was in fact just deaf.

What does a gangster on an island say when they see a non-electric car?

Madagascar

Why isn't the word gangster pronounced [Jang-ster]?

Because there ain't no such thing as a soft 'G.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

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After a date at the bars, a girl invites her date home...

Once home, she decides to try to lighten the mood and send some signals.

She also remembers him mentioning that he likes jokes so she asks, "How is a warm cabin, a short gangster and a horny girl the same yet different?"

*Her date shrugs*

"One's a little homey, the other's a l...

I am not a pimpstagram

Said the gangster to his grandma

What were the last words of an Italian gangster?

Who the heck put violin in my violin case?

The mob boss sends two of his men to kill a gangster...

They park outside his house half an hour before his expected return, check their guns, and wait. Half an hour later, the gangster's not there. They keep waiting in silence, an hour passes - and he's not there. Time passes, and the target is still not home. Finally, one of the hitmen looks at the wat...

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How do Japanese Gangsters say Hello??

WASABI


(What's up B!)

What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for? (X /r/ScienceJokes)

Homie O'Stasis.

This Halloween my friends and I are going as The Joker

One will be the space cowboy, one will be the gangster of love, and I’ll go as Maurice.

Unique sport tool

Gangsters come into sport shop and says:Hey Fred we need to beat some guys up! Fred:Hmmm this baseball bat should be good. Its have a signature of Babe Ruth! Hey Fred its real signature of Babe Ruth? Fred:No but if you beat that guys hard they will not ask about this.

[Long] Reposted joke

So there's this guy named Theodore. As a child, he was rather tough, almost on the gangster side, but kept to the rules so he wouldn't face too much punishment. In college, he studied a bit of law, and often worked out at the gym. Although he dropped out of college early, he was the perfect candidat...

It was so cold outside...

I saw a gangster pulling up their trousers

Why did the 1920's gangster get scurvy?

NYAH, 'CAUSE HE DIDN'T TAKE HIS VITAMIN, SEE!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A local man wins the lottery.

After he’s cashed in his winnings he’s overwhelmed with joy, gratitude, and serenity. He wants to give back to his community and he thinks that everyone should get in on the feels. He decides to throw a grand party at his new mansion where anyone in town can come to eat and drink for free as long as...

I decided at a young age that I would get buried in the same way as my father

Unfortunately gangsters buried him alive

Side note,could someone please send help

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Mafia joke

A mafia gangster takes a translator to visit the shop of a man, whose brother has just died. He had taken money from the gangster and hid it away somewhere - and the gangster assumed he had told his only living relative, his brother. But the brother only spoke Italian, you see, which is why a transl...

A boy does not know English...

After moving to America a boy does not know much English or know any at all. So one day he asks his older brother "What do I say when someone speaks English to me?" and his brother replies "Always say yes." The kid goes to his first day of school...
"What are you doing?"
"Yes."
"How are you...

What did the Mexican gangster say when a Super America fell on top of him?

Get off me SA!

Don and his son

Big time gangster Don Vito Corleone picked up his son Santino after his annual exams. 'How was it?' he asked.

'They questioned me for three hours, papa. But I told them nothing.'

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

I recently inherited an antique set of loaded dice from my grandfather. They used to belong to Al Capone himself.

In other words, we've been spending most our lives living with a gangster's pair of dice.

So my grandpas doc came into the room yesterday and he says to me he says

“Can you sing a song for me” and I say “sure doc” and so I sing my absolute favorite Billie Eilish song and he goes, “you’re just like your grandpas heart rate,” breaks into tears and goes, “A little flat” (read in your best gangster voice)

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Some historic anti-Nazi jokes from Germany

Hey there. I thought, I'll take the time and translate you some of the so-called "Flüsterwitze"(whisper jokes) from nazi Germany.

* The old code of law seems to complicated, so it has to be changed. From now on, there are only three laws: 1. If you do something, or fail to do something, you ...

The Spice Mafia

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic...

Stedman, the repo guy

Once there was a man named John. He had recently got a new job in which he was working for a gangster, repossessing vehicles for him. He was working with many other repossession guys as well.

The best out of all of them was Stedman. He was known better as Sted. He had been working with the ga...

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