Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song

giving us time to change the song.

A blonde and a redhead head into their ranch and find their bull is missing

The women plan to buy another one, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the te...

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What do you call a masturbating bull?

Beef Stroganoff

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. The first bull growled, "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows!" The second bull snorted, "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows!"

The third grunted in agreement, "I've only been here a year and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows!"

Just then, an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen.

At 4,70...

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a milk cow?

It is either one or the udder.

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Bull Testicles (this isn't necessarily NSFW but it's not for people who get grossed out easily so you've been warned)

My dad told me this a few years back

A tourist in Spain is in a restaurant near a bullfighting arena right after a bullfight.
There's a table nearby where a guy is eating a dish with two big balls in it and all around the table people are making merry.
The tourist got curious and asked ...

A farmer has 3 bulls and 200 cows

One of the bulls is large and has 100 cows to himself. The second bull is medium sized and has 70 cows. The third bull is small and has 30 cows.

One day the farmer gets another bull.

The large bull says, “I don’t care how big he is, he’s not getting a single one of my cows.” The medium...

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3 Bulls were standing around the farm and talking about the arrival of a new bull.

Three bulls were standing around the farm yard one day, talking about how the farmer had just bought a new bull. The first bull, the biggest and strongest of the group, says "He's in for a surprise when he gets here. I'll be damned if he thinks he can take any of my 75 cows." The second bull chimes ...

Two women go to Spain to buy a bull...

Two women got sent to Spain from America to buy a bull for a wealthy Rancher.

They have a great time travelling and sight seeing.
They lose themselves in the fun and end up spending all of their bull-purchasing money buying match tickets to watch the El Classico. Once the euphoria is over,...

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There was an italian couple that went in Spain for holidays. A typical plate in Spain are the balls of the bull. They went in a restaurant and ordered them.

When the plate camed there were some little balls. So they asked the waiter why they were that small.
He said: it don't always pass good for the bullfighter.

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Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again...

Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to rep...

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The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling."

The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your m...

A bull walked up to a cow and boasted that even without an udder he could produce more milk than her.

"How dairy! ? ", thought the cow.

This morning I acidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I got half way to work before I realized I had forgotten my car.

Why do bulls wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

A young country girl (Mary) was walking down through the village with a large bull

Mr Jones stops her and says : Young Mary, where are you taking that beast?
Im taking him to farmer Giles so that the bull can mate with his cows. She replied
Can't your father do that? Asks mr Jones
No sir, says Mary, It must be the bull that does it.

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A police officer Vs A Bull

An undercover cop called at my farm in the sticks yesterday evening...
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.

“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the au...

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

what do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull?

not much of a watchdog, but it’s a vicious gossip.

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It’s Nature

Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw two dogs mating. She said 'How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?'

I replied he can smell she is ready, thats how nature works!
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the yew, again my girlfreind asked h...

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A Man Comes Home To His Apartment To Find His Wife In Bed, Naked

Now, he's already suspected her of cheating for some time, and coming home to see his wife naked in her bed set him off like a bull.

"WHERE IS THAT FUCKER!!!!" He shouts at her, wildly scrambling around the room, looking in every hiding spot his mind can think of.

He suddenly runs out ...

A guy walks into an exotic restaurant in Spain

Waiter: "How can I help you?"

Customer: "I'm looking for the most exotic thing you have"

Waiter: "You're in luck, I'll return shortly"

Waiter leaves and returns with a bowl containing something unfamiliar to the customer.

Customer: "What's this?"

Waiter: "Every we...

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There is a traveler passing through the country and spots a farmer with his bull

The traveler stops and asks the farmer for the time to which the farmer says "sure" and proceeds to lift the bulls balls up with his hand and replies "3:34" the traveler confused asked the farmer how he knew the time by lifting the bulls balls and the farmer says "come closer" and lifts the bulls ba...

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

I used to be a work on a ranch that kept cows and bulls,

but the pay was udderly terribull.

What do you call four bull-fighters standing in quicksand?

Quatro sinko.

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A man walks into a pub and spots a jar full of notes

He asks the barman "whats all this money in this jar for?".
The barman replies "its prize money, for the person who completes my three challenges, never been done before".

The man fancies himself a competitor regardless of the challenges and asks what they are.
"First ,you have to knock...

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Seven Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull.

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put
him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at
a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he
was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said
the bull...

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A teenaged farmboy is tending to his family's cattle

When his father comes out to the pasture. He says, 'Son, another family in town is paying us to breed more cattle for 'em. Take our three largest heifers over to their farm where their breeding bull is waiting.'
The son dutifully walks the mile or so with their three cows over to the Anderson far...

She’s from Minsk

A small, tight knit, Russian village buys their milk from the neighboring town. Eventually they realize they should pool their resources and buy a cow for the town.

They all gather their money, some put more, some less, whatever they can afford. Now they have 800 roubles, but to buy a cow fr...

What's so funny about a stupid bull?

It's an oxymoron.

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A man is on vacation in Spain

He goes out to eat one night and notices a man at another table being served a plate of spaghetti with two large meatballs. He asks his server if he can have the same.

The server says “I’m afraid not, señor, because those are actually the testicles of bull killed today at the bull fight. But ...

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An old "sound guy" joke: What's the difference between a bull and a blues band?

With a bull, you get the horns in the front and the asshole in the back!

The farmer and his wife needed a new bull...

There was a man who lived on a farm with his wife in the middle of nowhere. All they owned was a truck, a few cows, and an old bull. They didn't have much, but they were happy.

One day, the farmer woke up and found that the bull had died. He went to his wife and said, "I take our money into ...

What do you call four bull fighters in quick sand?

Cuatro sink-o.

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ givin’ him any of mine.”

The second bull says, “That pretty much says...

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In a Spanish town, testicles of the bull are served in a restaurant the next day of a bullfight.

In the restaurant, a man orders testicles.He is surprised and asks ' Why are the testicles so small?'

The restaurant owner replies ' The bull won yesterday.'

Pit Bull at the Funeral

A guy is walking down the street and sees a massive funeral procession. At the front of the line is a man with a pit bull, then 2 coffins, followed by 200 people. Curious, he asks the man what happened.

"Well," says the man, "My pitbull killed my wife last Thursday, then on Friday, he killed ...

Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl

Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.

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An old man decides that he wants to see a bullfight before he dies.

Immediately upon arriving in Spain, the man makes his way to the arena, then cheers along with the crowd as he watches the matador fight the bull. For as much fun as it is, he soon realizes that the travel and the excitement have left him feeling worn out, so he decides to find a nearby restaurant b...

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Have you heard about the matador de toros that fought with a chicken in his hand?

It’s just another cock and bull story.

Whenever my son puts on a cloak he starts running around like a male cow.

He's in cape a bull.

An older couple go to a cattle show...

The wife takes interest in the prize bull. She goes to the first one... bred 100 times in a single year... the second one, 20p times. She comes to the third bull... it bred 500 times in a single year! She turns to her husband and says:

“Dear, you could take example from this bull... it jumpe...

What do you call a piece of paper with a Bull on it?

Bullsheet.

Yeah it’s really bad I know.

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A man on a business trip in Spain decides to go to a bull fight.

After the event, he stops in to the little restaurant next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants, he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer.

The other customer starts eating what appear to be two large meatballs with great gusto. W...

What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull.

Why can’t an animal be both a cow and a bull?

They are mootually exclusive. (Sorry)

What's scarier than a pit bull with AIDS?

The guy who gave it to him

Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin are riding in a car in Crimea when suddenly they see a big bull blocking the road.

Roosevelt gets out of the car and asked the bull to move, but the bull doesn't move. Churchill began to plead with the bull to move over, but the bull pays zero attention. Finally, Stalin walks over to the bull and whispers something in its ear, after which the bull sprints off into the distance. In...

What steps would you take if a bull chased you?

Big ones.

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Surprises

The farmer and his wife are entertaining the local bigwigs when their son runs in and announces to his father in a loud voice, “Dad, dad, the bull’s fucking the cow.”

After a moment of shocked silence, the farmer turns to his son and calmly says, “Next time, son, be a little less explicit. Yo...

I knew I shouldn’t have started dating a bull fighter—

There were big red flags!

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What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

A man takes his wife to the stock show.

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.” They proceed to the...

"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull is standing at the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull doesn't give milk"

"Belgians don't know that!"

My spirit animal is a bull

Because, I too, charge head first into red flags

Best Salesman of the year

At a sales conference, one of the awards went to Matthew for best salesman. He’d sold a record quantity of mouthwash. After he’d been presented with his award, he was asked for the secret of his success.

“Oh it’s simple really,” said Matthew. “I set up a mobile stall during rush-hour and give...

Hey Girl, you know why they call me the Mechanical Bull?

Because riding me is a very uncomfortable and likely short experience.

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A cow named bella was moved to a new pasture.

Grazing in the field next to her was a bull named Hannibal, an absolute unit of a specimen. Bella desired the big Hannibal greatly, but a barbed wire fence separated them.

" please Hannibal, mighty bull, leap across the fence to me!" Cried Bella
" I cannot!" Replied Hannibal sadly, " thi...

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Little Johnny

Teacher gets mad at Little Johnny because he missed the class.

Why did you missed the class Johnny? You knew we had very important test today.

Well, it’s the mating season and I had to take our bull to the neighbors cow for mating.

This is outrageous, yells the teacher. You a...

I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes I realized I forgot my car.

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A guy walk into a restaurant in Spain

And sits down to eat.

While he's waiting, three trumpet players emerge, start playing a flourish, and in walks a waiter holding a covered plate that he presents to another patron. He pulls the cover off and shows the dish to everyone present.

The guy asks his own waiter, "What is t...

Strong coffee

Two days ago I was trying to make a coffee in the morning but had no water. Instead of water I used RedBull to make my coffee... long story short, when I got to work realized I forgot my car

A young man buys a brand-new bike

He is over the moon with his purchase. The salesman hands him a tiny jar of Vaseline before driving off, remarking: 'Be wary that your seat is made of 100% pure bison leather. Make sure to put vaseline on the seat, should it rain, otherwise the leather might crack.' The man thanks the salesman and r...

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

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A burglar invades a house in the middle of the night

While he is slowly moving through the empty and dark house, he hears a strange voice voice coming from the darkness beyond, that said:

"Jesus is watching you!"

Surprised, the burglar points his flashlight at the direction of the sound, only to discover that the sound was made by a parr...

How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day in January?

He goes into the barn and slips into a warm Jersey.

To whomever broke into my shop and stole three hundred cans of Red Bull:

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

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What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a labrador?

A dog that scares the crap out of you then runs off with the toilet paper.

A man goes up to a police officer and asks him:

„Officer, is it allowed to call a police officer a Bull?“ The officer said: „No, I would arrest you if you did that.“
The man continued to ask: „But is it allowed to call a Bull ,Officer‘?“
„Yes, you can do that if you want.“, the officer replied.
With a smile on his face the man said: „W...

Bulls need to realize that when a matador waves his cape, he’s scamming them.

It’s a huge red flag.

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So I saw a butterfly with no wings today, I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM!

It drowned...

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

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Some fucking old guy came up to me and started speaking a bunch of bull

Olé boomer

A bull was sent to prison for violently running into a man and killing him

Guilty as charged

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An r/classicialmusic mod removed this one when I posted it. What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?

A bull has the horns in front and the asshole in back.

What kind of frog says Ribeye ribeye, instead of ribbet ribbet?

A bull frog

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My buddy went to the bull fights

My buddy returned from Spain a few days ago and was telling me about his trip. He said he went to the bull fights and later found the best Italian food he had ever had right outside the stadium. The pasta was fresh, the sauce was amazing, and the meatballs were the most tender and well seasoned he h...

A city boy comes to visit his grandparents on their farm and spend the night.

It's been years since they last saw him, and over dinner they reminisce the times that he came to visit over the summer as a kid. Most of the stories Grandpa brought up were about his grandson's dumb attempts to help out.

"Why, I remember when you said you could feed the chickens and gave the...

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

What time is it when a bull sits on your car?

Time to get a new car

I wanna see if this Pittsburgh joke translates into English

Didjinz gise no dem stillers er gun win da souper bull?

Cows & politics

***SOCIALISM***

You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

***COMMUNISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

***FASCISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

***BUREAUCRATISM***

...

What do you call eight bull dozers working together?

*in Sean Connery voice*

Octopushy

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

What did the father bull say to his son when he left for college?

Bye son!

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

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A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

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Three old men are sitting around in a convalescent home,

And the first man pipes up:

“I wish I could have just one good easy piss. I’ve had enough with this dribbling, and trying to get it out, always waiting and waiting and waiting.”

The second man chimes in:

“I wish I could have one just one easy poop. It either comes out runny and ...

I should change my last name to Bull.

But I'm not going to as it would make this a Terry Bull joke!

A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door



A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy

“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked

“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said

The farmer stood there for ...

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Little Johnny is visiting his uncle Fred the farmer...

Johnny came running in from the field one day frantically shouting “UNCLE FRED! UNCLE FRED! THE BULL IS FUCKING THE COW!!”

Fred of course found this information useful but told Johnny “thank you for tell me, but maybe instead of telling me the bull is fucking the cow, just tell me he’s SURPRI...

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The moral of the story.

One day a monkey was walking in the jungle when he heard a terrible screeching sound. He ran on further to find that an Ostrich was stuck in the deep mud near a watering hole. The monkey dare not try to go into the mud, he tried to find a branch from a tree.. but it was too small. He had no rope. Wa...

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A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking

and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, but the smell was wonderful..

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah Senor, you have exc...

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A farmer spends $7,000 on a young registered Black Angus bull to mate with his cows.

He puts the bull out with the herd, but the animal just eats grass. He won’t even look at the cows. The farmer feels cheated, so he brings in the local vet to check out the bull. The bull is very healthy, the vet explains, but possibly just a little young. So he gives the farmer pills to feed the bu...

What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

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A farmer goes to the local farmer's market to try and sell his bull. A stranger comes up to him to inquire about the animal.

Stranger: Is your bull good at breeding?

Farmer: Of course he's good. Shit, he's even too good! He tries to mount every single cow, horses, donkeys, sheeps, etc. There's not an animal on that farm he hasn't tried to fuck yet.

Stranger: Then why are you selling him?

Farmer: Becau...

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A Rottweiler, Pit Bull, and Great Dane are in kennels at the vet.

The Rott says "my owner's kid got close to my bowl while I was eating so I bit her face. I'm here to be put down."

The Pit says "I keep getting nervous and pissing all over the carpet. My owner's sick of it and I'm here to be put down."

The Dane says "My owner is a beautiful 22 year ol...

What do you call an explosive cow in the winter?

An a-bomb-in-a-bull snowman!

What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

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