A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling."

The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your ...

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The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ givin’ him any of mine.”

The second bull says, “That pretty much says...

Pit Bull at the Funeral

A guy is walking down the street and sees a massive funeral procession. At the front of the line is a man with a pit bull, then 2 coffins, followed by 200 people. Curious, he asks the man what happened.

"Well," says the man, "My pitbull killed my wife last Thursday, then on Friday, he killed ...

What do you call a piece of paper with a Bull on it?

Bullsheet.

Yeah it’s really bad I know.

Hey Girl, you know why they call me the Mechanical Bull?

Because riding me is a very uncomfortable and likely short experience.

I knew I shouldn’t have started dating a bull fighter—

There were big red flags!

You know why bulls have bells

....

.......

...............

Beacause their horns dont work.

The farmer and his wife needed a new bull...

There was a man who lived on a farm with his wife in the middle of nowhere. All they owned was a truck, a few cows, and an old bull. They didn't have much, but they were happy.

One day, the farmer woke up and found that the bull had died. He went to his wife and said, "I take our money into ...

What's scarier than a pit bull with AIDS?

The guy who gave it to him

What steps would you take if a bull chased you?

Big ones.

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Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?

Quatro Cinco

Why can’t an animal be both a cow and a bull?

They are mootually exclusive. (Sorry)

How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day in January?

He goes into the barn and slips into a warm Jersey.

Why did the bull crash his car?

He wasn't very good at steering, so then he had to hoof it.

I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes I realized I forgot my car.

Bulls need to realize that when a matador waves his cape, he’s scamming them.

It’s a huge red flag.

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What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.


"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.
...

"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull is standing at the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull doesn't give milk"

"Belgians don't know that!"

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What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a labrador?

A dog that scares the crap out of you then runs off with the toilet paper.

My spirit animal is a bull

Because, I too, charge head first into red flags

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My buddy went to the bull fights

My buddy returned from Spain a few days ago and was telling me about his trip. He said he went to the bull fights and later found the best Italian food he had ever had right outside the stadium. The pasta was fresh, the sauce was amazing, and the meatballs were the most tender and well seasoned he h...

If you think riding a bull was hard...

Next time you have your girl bent over in bed, lean over and whisper in her ear, “Your sister is a better lover than you.” Grab on tight and see how long you can hold on.

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So I saw a butterfly with no wings today, I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM!

It drowned...

What do you call eight bull dozers working together?

*in Sean Connery voice*

Octopushy

To whomever broke into my shop and stole three hundred cans of Red Bull:

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

What did the father bull say to his son when he left for college?

Bye son!

Same old cow

My wife and I went to the auction mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......s...

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A DEA agent stopped at a ranch and told the rancher: "I need to inspect your ranch for illegal drugs."

The rancher, pointing over to the west, said: "Okay, just don't go in that field over there."

The DEA agent exploded, exclaiming: "Listen here, you bucktoothed hick! I have the FULL AUTHORITY of the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT!"

"That may as well be," said the rancher, "But you'd bet...

I should change my last name to Bull.

But I'm not going to as it would make this a Terry Bull joke!

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A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain.

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Si senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called...

A bull was sent to prison for violently running into a man and killing him

Guilty as charged

What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

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A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

Mating Bull

A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. You could lea...

What time is it when a bull sits on your car?

Time to get a new car

My friend recently got divorced because his wife was a bulls fan and he was a pistons fan

When I asked him how that could possibly affect their relationship, he replied, "Hey, at least it lasted longer than Derrick Rose's prime."

I suddenly understood why his wife was the one who wanted the divorce.

What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch...

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her...

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.

The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph offi...

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

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The white cow is ready for breeding

The white cow is ready for breeding and little Jimmy's dad explains that the white cow needs a visit from the bull and that the brown cow is too young so they will need to keep it separated until it gets older.

Two hours later Jimmy runs to his dad and says "the bull just fucked the brown c...

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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On a bull, the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

A Saudi prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

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A farmer spends $7,000 on a young registered Black Angus bull to mate with his cows.

He puts the bull out with the herd, but the animal just eats grass. He won’t even look at the cows. The farmer feels cheated, so he brings in the local vet to check out the bull. The bull is very healthy, the vet explains, but possibly just a little young. So he gives the farmer pills to feed the bu...

How do you stop a bull from charging?

You shoot it.

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My mom pronounces “boil” like “bull”

Needless to say, that southern twang is boilcrap

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Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

As they turn the corner, they come across a circus in the field over the road that has closed up for the night. One of the main attractions, a huge 12 foot tall bull elephant with a 6 foot long penis could clearly be seen quietly ea...

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The bus.

The bus leaves the stop, the man behind it who is rushing towards it to catch it stumbles and falls, gets up, starts running again, falls again. So many times in a row. People on the bus look at the bull and are choking with laughter.
One girl puts her head out the window and yells, "If you stum...

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A kid is late for school one day. “I had to take the bull down to mate with the heifer,” he explains to the teacher.

“Well, couldn’t your father have done that?” the teacher asks after class.



“Sure,” the boy replies. “But the bull would have done a better job.”

Competing investment clubs are opening in Chicago.

The Chicago Bears and the Chicago Bulls.

What animal has four legs and one arm?

A pit bull on a playground.

I heard that my cow just got pregnant!

But it turns out that it was just a load of bull!

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So a guy is having drinks at a bar .....

After a while he looks over and sees a huge jar stuffed to the brim with 20 dollar bills. He asks the bar tender " hey whats with the jar? Theres gotta be at least 4 grand in there?" to which the bar tender replies " oh, you wouldn't wanna know. Its just a running bet" The guy says " try me. I love ...

A man goes to Spain

He arrives, and of course, the first thing he has to go see is the daily bull fight.
The match is drawn out, a banderillero is gored, but eventually the bull is subdued and the matador emerges victorious.
The man is famished at this point, and so, entranced by the fight, he finds his way to t...

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A farmer goes to the local farmer's market to try and sell his bull. A stranger comes up to him to inquire about the animal.

Stranger: Is your bull good at breeding?

Farmer: Of course he's good. Shit, he's even too good! He tries to mount every single cow, horses, donkeys, sheeps, etc. There's not an animal on that farm he hasn't tried to fuck yet.

Stranger: Then why are you selling him?

Farmer: Becau...

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An r/classicialmusic mod removed this one when I posted it. What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?

A bull has the horns in front and the asshole in back.

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A man's at a restaurant in spain and he sees a waiter delivering two huge, round meatballs to the next table.

A man's at a restaurant in spain and he sees a waiter delivering two huge, round meatballs to the next table.
he calls a waiter over and says he wants the same but the waiter says, ah senor, there is only one dish per day, they are the testicles of the bull killed at the bullfight today
the ma...

From a farmer I know

A lady and her husband are at the county fair and they walk up to where the bulls are being kept. The lady sees a sign on the first bull pen and reads it: "This bull services a cow a week!"

"Hmmm" she thinks to herself just as she notices a sign on the second pen. It read: "This bull service...

What do you call a bulls wife?

His significant udder.

Jesus is watching you

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
...

Upstanding bulls

A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground. But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, a...

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As it turns out, a large majority of the participants in the Running of the Bulls are Catholic priests.

They all took a vow to stay chaste.

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A guy walks into a bar

He is drinking, minding his own business, when he sees a huge jar with a bunch of cash in it behind the bar. He asks the bartender, what's that all about? Bartender says, oh that's for anyone that can complete 3 things that are hard to do. The guy is now pretty drunk, feeling bold, and asks what the...

Charging Bull

What's the first thing you should do if a bull charges you?


PAY HIM!

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A Spanish man went to a restaurant right next to a bull fighting arena.

He always ordered the same thing after a bull fight, 2 bull testicles cooked to perfection.
The man did this every week for months and was always satisfied with the taste and the size of the bull testicles until one week he was disappointed with the size of the testicles.
Confused, he decide...

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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.

A night of tall tales commences.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing....

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again...

Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to rep...

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Jim and bob are working

Jim and bob are working for the same big international company. They get underpaid and the workload is huge. At some point during the friday lunch Jim just has enough and goes "That's it! I'm going to quit and I'll show them who's boss."

He stands up and like a mad bull rages towards the CEO ...

Why was the rodeo clown frustrated with his job?

He was tired of all the bull.

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Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

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A Chinese man moves to USA after having lived 50 years in a small Chinese province

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door
but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt thes...

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A Rottweiler, Pit Bull, and Great Dane are in kennels at the vet.

The Rott says "my owner's kid got close to my bowl while I was eating so I bit her face. I'm here to be put down."

The Pit says "I keep getting nervous and pissing all over the carpet. My owner's sick of it and I'm here to be put down."

The Dane says "My owner is a beautiful 22 year ol...

What do you get when you cross a bull and a possum?

Pfft... Don't be stupid... That's a possum bull.

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A man walks into a Spanish restaurant

An American man walks into a Spanish restaurant and sits down. As he is sat there he sees lots of bull heads on the walls and costumes of matadors in the restaurant.

The waiter walks past and the American asks him “why do you have all these pictures and bulls heads up?”

The Spanish wa...

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Jack Shitt: This Is His Story

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS TO YOU: "You don't know Jack Shitt"

\[Now you'll know the entire story!\]

**Jack Shitt** is the only son of **O. Shitt** and **Awe Shitt**. O.Shitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Shitt, who later ran *the Kneedeep Inn-Shitt*. Jack Shitt eventually married **Noe...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if y...

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What do you call a masturbating bull?

Beef Strokin’ Off

A man is walking on a beach, and finds a lamp containing a genie that offers him 3 wishes, however, whatever his wish, his mother-in-law gets double of it.

The man is upset at first since he hated his mother-in-law, but decides to try it out.

"I wish for a hundred million dollars" the man told the genie.

The genie nods his head, and $100,000,000 appears before the man.

"Gtanted, but Your mother-in-law now has $200,000,000 as well" ...

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Little Johnny went to his first rodeo with his mom and dad....

Dad went off to buy a beer and little Johnny happened to spy the bull's cock flopping around beneath his belly.

"Mommy, mommy! What's that long thing beneath the bull's belly?" Johnny asks, pointing.

Embarrassed, his mother looks away and mutters, "oh, don't worry about that, that's ...

What does a bull say leaving a china shop?

Cowmendesai

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Breaking news: £500,000 worth of red bull stolen in The UK

How do those bastards sleep at night?

Two bulls are in a field staring at a new cow

One says to the other “I haven’t seen herbivore”

A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door...

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy

“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked

“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said

The farmer stood there for a minut...

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What happens when a bull gets the Mad cow disease?

He does some weird bullshit.

The plant markets have been bull lately...

The stalks have been going up!

In 1986, Peter Davies

was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the el...

Fear the wrath!

Things that people who come to Australia are afraid of: Spiders, Scorpions, Snakes, Sharks, Crocs, Jellyfish, Octopus, Stone Fish, Feral Pigs, Giant bulls, Emus, and Kangaroos.
Things that Australians are afraid of: Magpies.

I put a bull and a bear in a cage to fight.

The stock market crashed shortly after...

The Schitt Family

Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schit...

I accidentally tried to milk a bull.

It was udder confusion.

The romans once tied together a bear and a bull in the colosseum to see what happened.

Unfortunately all that happened was the stock market collapsed

You have to have the skill of a world class bull rider to keep up with me in bed

You only have to ride me for 8 seconds and then it’s over

What did the cow say to the other cow when she found out the bull was cheating on her?

How Dairy

A fat bull...

A fat bull once strayed from his herd while grazing and wandered into a nearby jungle. He kept grazing, oblivious to his surroundings. Eventually he had his full and finally looked around, only to realise that he's lost somewhere in a dark jungle. He didn't know what to do, and he just sat there laz...

A loyal employee, Skip, was bragging that he knew almost anyone in the world personally

Naturally, his boss took him up on the offer. He took him to a Chicago Bulls game, and walking into the tunnel, Michael Jordan recognized him and said "what's up Skip?". His boss naturally was impressed. So he took it a step further and went to the White House. President Bush immediately recognized ...

What’s the difference between a rodeo clown and a politician?

The rodeo clown tries to avoid the bull.

A Mafia Leader Is Robbed By One of His Foreign Non-English Speaking Associate

The leader figures out who stole the money and hires a translator in order to properly communicate.

Leader: So you're the one who had the guts to steal my money?

Translator (proceeds): He said he didn't do it.

Leader: Tell him to cut the bulls*** and tell me how much he stole....

A man buys a cow at a market in Minsk

It's a nice, big cow that gives lots of milk. After a while, the man decides that he wants to breed the cow, so he brings the cow to his bull. As soon as the bull tries to mount the cow, the cow steps out of the way! Every time the bull tries, the cow moves just slightly, and the bull fails.

...

50 cows and 1 bull were standing in a field...

A sudden strong breeze came and blew all the cows over, but not the bull. A cow walked over and asked the bull, why didn't that breeze blow you over? The bull replied, we bulls wobble but we don't fall down

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