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A DEA agent stopped by my farm yesterday.

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.

“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The DEA officer exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the federal government with me!”, he shouted before pul...

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The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

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A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Fina...

The farmer and his wife needed a new bull...

There was a man who lived on a farm with his wife in the middle of nowhere. All they owned was a truck, a few cows, and an old bull. They didn't have much, but they were happy.

One day, the farmer woke up and found that the bull had died. He went to his wife and said, "I take our money into ...

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A tourist in Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing.

While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles ...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.


They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells h...

"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull is standing at the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull doesn't give milk"

"Belgians don't know that!"

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

I should change my last name to Bull.

But I'm not going to as it would make this a Terry Bull joke!

To whomever broke into my shop and stole three hundred cans of Red Bull:

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

three bulls walk in a field

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.


First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."


Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."
...

If you think riding a bull was hard...

Next time you have your girl bent over in bed, lean over and whisper in her ear, “Your sister is a better lover than you.” Grab on tight and see how long you can hold on.

What did the father bull say to his son when he left for college?

Bye son!

My friend recently got divorced because his wife was a bulls fan and he was a pistons fan

When I asked him how that could possibly affect their relationship, he replied, "Hey, at least it lasted longer than Derrick Rose's prime."

I suddenly understood why his wife was the one who wanted the divorce.

What time is it when a bull sits on your car?

Time to get a new car

A man buys a cow at a market in Minsk

It's a nice, big cow that gives lots of milk. After a while, the man decides that he wants to breed the cow, so he brings the cow to his bull. As soon as the bull tries to mount the cow, the cow steps out of the way! Every time the bull tries, the cow moves just slightly, and the bull fails.

...

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

A Saudi prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

A bull was sent to prison for violently running into a man and killing him

Guilty as charged

What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.

The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph offi...

An FBI agent tells a Montana Rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The old rancher says, "Ok, but don't go into that field over there."

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

A blonde and a brunette own a cattle ranch

Their bull's gotten a bit old and his about ready for the meat processor, so they decide that the brunette will head over out to another town to buy one. The brunette explains:

"We have $1000 to get that bull, that's all. I'm going to head to town with the Corolla and try to find us one. ...

Mating Bull

A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. You could lea...

What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?

Abominable.

I used Redbull instead of water to brew my coffee today

Got halfway to work, realized I forgot my car.

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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On a bull, the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

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A guy walks into a bar...

notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.

He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the mon...

Little Billy...

...walks through the village with a cow.

The priest sees him and asks: "Billy, where are you going with that cow?"

"To the bull.", Billy replies.

The priest looks shocked: "What? Why doesn't your father do that?"

Billy with disgust: "Nope, this is always done by the bull....

A kid is late for school one day. “I had to take the bull down to mate with the heifer,” he explains to the teacher.

“Well, couldn’t your father have done that?” the teacher asks after class.



“Sure,” the boy replies. “But the bull would have done a better job.”

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What do you call a bull that jerks off?

Beef jerky

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Little Johnny went to his first rodeo with his mom and dad...

Dad went off to buy a beer, and little Johnny happened to spy the bull's cock flopping around beneath his belly.

"Mommy, mommy! What's that long thing beneath the bull's belly!?" Johnny asks, pointing.

Embarrassed, his mom looks away and mutters, "Oh, don't worry about that, Johnny. T...

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A farmer goes to the local farmer's market to try and sell his bull. A stranger comes up to him to inquire about the animal.

Stranger: Is your bull good at breeding?

Farmer: Of course he's good. Shit, he's even too good! He tries to mount every single cow, horses, donkeys, sheeps, etc. There's not an animal on that farm he hasn't tried to fuck yet.

Stranger: Then why are you selling him?

Farmer: Becau...

What do you call a bulls wife?

His significant udder.

How do you stop a bull from charging?

You shoot it.

Upstanding bulls

A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground. But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, a...

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An r/classicialmusic mod removed this one when I posted it. What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?

A bull has the horns in front and the asshole in back.

A farmer spends $7,000 on a young registered Black Angus bull to mate with his cows.

He puts the bull out with the herd, but the animal just eats grass. He won’t even look at the cows. The farmer feels cheated, so he brings in the local vet to check out the bull. The bull is very healthy, the vet explains, but possibly just a little young. So he gives the farmer pills to feed the bu...

Charging Bull

What's the first thing you should do if a bull charges you?


PAY HIM!

What's more dangerous than a pit bull with AIDS?

The guy who gave him AIDS.

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A Spanish man went to a restaurant right next to a bull fighting arena.

He always ordered the same thing after a bull fight, 2 bull testicles cooked to perfection.
The man did this every week for months and was always satisfied with the taste and the size of the bull testicles until one week he was disappointed with the size of the testicles.
Confused, he decide...

What do you get when you cross a bull and a possum?

Pfft... Don't be stupid... That's a possum bull.

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again...

Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to rep...

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A Rottweiler, Pit Bull, and Great Dane are in kennels at the vet.

The Rott says "my owner's kid got close to my bowl while I was eating so I bit her face. I'm here to be put down."

The Pit says "I keep getting nervous and pissing all over the carpet. My owner's sick of it and I'm here to be put down."

The Dane says "My owner is a beautiful 22 year ol...

What does a bull say leaving a china shop?

Cowmendesai

Two bulls are in a field staring at a new cow

One says to the other “I haven’t seen herbivore”

I once mixed Red Bull and coffee

After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home

The plant markets have been bull lately...

The stalks have been going up!

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Breaking news: £500,000 worth of red bull stolen in The UK

How do those bastards sleep at night?

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What happens when a bull gets the Mad cow disease?

He does some weird bullshit.

This morning I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of water...

...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...

I put a bull and a bear in a cage to fight.

The stock market crashed shortly after...

I accidentally tried to milk a bull.

It was udder confusion.

What did the cow say to the other cow when she found out the bull was cheating on her?

How Dairy

What do you call cheese made from bull's milk ?

Cumembert.

Why do bulls wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

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[OC] A bull walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The barman says, "We don't serve cows here."

The bull replies, "Well, it's a good job I didn't order a fucking burger, then."

50 cows and 1 bull were standing in a field...

A sudden strong breeze came and blew all the cows over, but not the bull. A cow walked over and asked the bull, why didn't that breeze blow you over? The bull replied, we bulls wobble but we don't fall down

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

You have to have the skill of a world class bull rider to keep up with me in bed

You only have to ride me for 8 seconds and then it’s over

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Hannibal the bull:

Once upon a time, in a farm not quite far, there was a bull named Hannibal. Hannibal was in love with Poppy, the neighbor's cow.

but their enclosures were separated by a barbed fence, and therefore, they could only talk.

And everyday, Poppy asked Hannibal to come over, and everyday, Ha...

My wife and I went to a Bull Sale & Agricultural Show...

and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:

"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs and said "He mated 50 times last year! That's almost once a week!"
...

A bull notices a spider on a cow’s back

He tells the cow, “don’t moo.”

Three bulls

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know ...

I poured Red Bull into my CPAP machine...

Got a full night’s sleep in 45 minutes.

A farmer had three bulls, One small, one medium, and one large.

The large one looks over the herd of cows and says, "Half these cows are mine!" The medium-sized bull then says, "A third of these cows are mine!" And the small bull, looking crestfallen, says, "Well, I am new here but some of these cows are mine too".

The farmer comes home one day with a sim...

What happens when you cross a bull with a hen?

A dead hen.

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Little Johnny lives with his mother on a farm...

One day he comes running in and screams: "Mommy, Mommy, the bull is fucking the cow!"
His Mother slaps him hard and says: "We don't use language like that in this house, the next time it happens, say 'The bull is *surprising* the cow.'" Rubbing his cheek, Little Johnny walks away.

A coup...

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The farmer ordered a new bull

Three bulls were standing around the farm yard one day, talking about how the farmer had just bought a new bull.

The first bull, the biggest and strongest of the group, says "He's in for a surprise when he gets here. I'll be damned if he thinks he can take any of my 500 cows."

The seco...

Injuries during bull fighting are completely avoidable

All you have to do is avoid-a-bull

How do you stop a bull from charging?

Just take away his credit card

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