I'm not a snitch!

But he is!

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"

Ummm, "150 points?"

What's the difference between an eagle and a snitch?

Nothing, they both talon you.

Here all night.

A magical teddy bear decided to go for a walk

The bear decided to walk down the street and he stumbled across an alley where he heard some weird sounds. Being a teddy bear, it figured no one would care if it saw them as long as it acted natural. So it went to see what was happening.

The bear noticed an infamous criminal beating a man to...

I’m repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

My teacher told me to turn in my essay...

But I ain’t no snitch.

So our boss just banned overly specific nicknames.

Now our whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner

I saw my uncle cheating with another woman

but I aunt snitching

A girlfriend decides to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is...

She proceeds to snitch him out to the police.

Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss

He always catches the snitch

A botched surgery

Recently I had an old childhood friend over for some drinks. Catching up with him over the course of the evening I learned that he had gone on to become a surgeon. So, I asked him if he could check out a lump that had grown on my wrist. He set down his beer and and looked it over and declared, "W...

Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?

Because they were only a quideach

What do Harry Potter and the Bloods have in common?

They're both after a golden snitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dude was in prison and his cell mate had leprosy

Every day his cell mate would have a part of the body fall from his body

One day, it was the ear. He picked it up and threw it away through the window

The other day, the little finger; away through the window

On the day after, the thumbs, also away through the window

On...

I cut myself pretty badly but I don’t have insurance

So I snitched on some gang members I know. I’m really hoping it works out.

Why do miners make good accomplices?

They don't snitch. They're good at mining their own business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do terrorist advertise their suicide mission?

Suicide bombers get 72 virgins.

How did the Stasi advertise?
Snitches get bitches.

If you have Quidditch problems, I don't know what to tell you son..

I got 99 problems and a SNITCH ain't one.

A Mexican boy was in class

When the teacher said, "ok class, turn in your essay. "


The Mexican boy Responded.


"Nah, fam, I aint no snitch. "

I turned in my doctor for corruption charges when he wouldn't treat my open wound.

He was a good guy but I had no choice. I was losing blood fast and only

"snitches get stitches".

How is prison like quidditch?

The game ends when they catch the snitch

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

What does Harry Potter and inner city gangs have in common?

They chase snitches

What Makes Harry Potter a Great Mob Enforcer?

He is the best at catching snitches.

I once cut my arm severely by saving children from a burning building.

As the building was coming down on top of us I dived out of the second story window with 2 baby girls in each arm. We landed safely but a shard of glass had cut my arm deeply from jumping. I handed off the babies to nearby fire fighters and started jogging to the nearest hospital. It was bleeding he...

A warning to prisoners of the Matrix

Snitches get glitches

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