Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start."
So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."
My girlfriend was being very suspicious so I followed her, and now I have a huge problem
I need some advice guys. Recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work. I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterd...
After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.
After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.
"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.
To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."
Noah being ...
You know what really grinds my gears?
Not pushing the clutch in.
How to get away with speeding
An older woman gets pulled over for speeding...
**Older Woman:** Is there a problem, officer?
**Officer:** Ma'am, you were speeding.
**Older Woman:** Oh, I see.
**Officer:** Can I see your license, please?
**Older Woman:** I'd give it to you but I don't have one....
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Me and Leroy
A old southern,slow-talking' truck driver answers an ad in the paper for an OTR position. He goes into meet with the supervisor. The supervisor knows they need drivers bad, so he cuts off the entire interview and says:
Supervisor: "Look, if you can pass your certification test, the job is you...
Why does the motorcycle get sad when shifting gears?
Because the clutch is depressed
Why did the leper fail their driving test?
They left their foot on the clutch.
Carl drives a stick
**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!
What type of cars do chickens drive?
Hatch-backs with a clutch.
Harvey Weinstein was a driving instructor before becoming a film producer
He was teaching one of his first students, an attractive young girl, how to drive. He said,
‘lift your left leg off the clutch to start moving.’
A few minutes later, he said,
‘lift your right leg off the accelerator to let the car slow down.’
The girl asked him, ...
Why does Lebron James drive automatic?
He has no clutch.
I've heard they're pretty clutch.
It's been so hot lately, so I finally got a new AC...
and i nicknamed it DIRK cuz it's so clutch against the heat.
A young man...
had just bought a brand new sportscar. He was sitting at a red light when an 80 year old wearing a half helmet and goggles pulled up alongside him on a beat up, old moped. As they sat there the old guy began to gawk at his car.
“My goodness, sonny” the old man wheezed. “That's a lotta car ya...
My truck is a lot like Tony Romo.
It will turn over, but the clutch doesn't work.