Copper is the only element that have eyes

Becuase it can Cu.

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Hey girl, are you made of Copper, Nitrogen, Terbium, and Silver?

Because you are a CuNTbAg.

Why was the copper up a tree?

Because he was Special Branch.

A priest is driving along a country road when he is pulled over by a copper..

“Have you been drinking?” He asks.
“Just water” replied the priest.
The cop says “So why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks over at the bottle and says “good lord, he’s done it again”

How copper wire was invented.

Dad: So, what did you need help with?

Son: I need to know how copper wire was invented.

Dad: It all started when 2 lawyers were fighting over a penny.

Son: ...

When copper reacts,

....you get lead.

What do you call it when touching iron or copper makes you break out in hives?

A metallurgy

How did the mob identify the copper?

By finding a wire!

I bought a wooden whistle.

But it wooden whistle.

So I bought a steel whistle.
But it steel wooden whistle.

So I bought a lead whistle.
But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

So I bought a copper whistle.
But the copper steel wooden lead me whistle.

So I bought a tin whistle.
Now I can w...

What is an element that criminals don't like?

Copper

French archaeologists found ancient copper cables under Paris...

They came to the conclusion that the French had telecommunications way back in the Copper age. Infuriated by this, the British published a paper saying they found Bronze cables under London and came to the conclusion that they had telecommunication technology way before the French.

After hear...

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

Did you hear about the guy with copper wire?

Apparently he got arrested for misconduct.

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The Leprechaun Thief

I met a Leprechaun once, in a pub in Ireland. He was just minding his own business when I sat down on the stool next to him and ordered my drink.

"Your favourite Stout, please.", i said to the bartender. The Leprechaun turned his head and sized me up.

"You're a proper lad", he quipped....

There once was a man in New York

He decided one day to go out in his yard and start digging hoping he’d find something, he dug about 10 feet down and found some copper wiring. So he concluded that 100 years ago New York had the worlds first telephone system. He then decided to post about it on the internet. A man in California saw...

I think pennies are made of copper and zinc

But that’s just my two cents

Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar

The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."

He leaves without resistance.

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

Copper instruments make the symphony sounds so much better than brass.

Copper is a much better conductor.

Between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, there was The Copper Age...

Back then, people really knew how to conduct themselves...

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American ...

Copper and Tin joined the Olympics the other day

Sadly they both tied on Bronze

What does a gypsy drive?

A mini copper

What are all the police officers bullets made out of?

Copper

what did the Copper say to the sodium chloride couple?

I'm taking you in for a salt

What kind of security do they hire for metal concerts?

Coppers

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

What did the criminal chemist say as he was escaping from a police officer?

Cu later Copper!

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Man walks into a bar ( long)

A fellow walked into the bar,sat down and ordered a beer. Over the course of a few hours he continued to drink beer after beer.
The barman notices that the fellow never got up to go to the gents room. He continued to drink through the night until last call.
At this point, the barman was aston...

What did the poor leprechaun say as he ran from the police?

You'll never get me copper!

Why is it okay to make fun of David Copperfield?

Because Copper is refined by Roasting.

A man walks into a bar with a suitcase..

..and orders a drink. Bored, he opens his suitcase and takes out a piano and sets it on the table. Then he reaches back into the suitcase and takes out a tiny man in a tuxedo. The tiny man immediately starts playing the piano.

The bartender is impressed. He says, " Wow! Thats amazing! Where ...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

Metal detectors are valuable archeological tools.

A Brit with a metal detector dug up a chunk of land along the Thames and found a few stray pieces of jewelry and copper cables buried 10 feet deep. The newspaper headlines read "Excavation proves telephony in Britain was widespread 100 years ago."

Not to be outdone, an Irishman dug up a secti...

It's never a good idea to steal a periodic table

Coppers always Cu

A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered

"Hello? "Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home? "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him? " the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No. "Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,...

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New Orleans Drunk

A New Orleans drunk was staggering down the street when a cop pulled him over. He says to the copper. "Mr. Policeman, where is my car?"
"Beats me, when was the last time you seen it?" Asks the copper.
"Why, it was just on the end of this key a minute ago" (holds up ignition key), says the d...

Little Billy loved to visit at his uncle’s junkyard

Even though he ran a junkyard, uncle Stu was a very bright man who loved to teach and answer all of his beloved nephew Billy’s questions. Over one particular summer they restored a classic old car. Each step was a learning experience. When a part was rusted, uncle Stu would explain all about the pro...

Steel drivin' man

So there was a guy put in jail recently. He ran a business refining ore into metal. He had some cheap iron ore he had obtain so he made some steel with it but it had a pretty high percentage if copper impurity. It ended up in the market as pure steel and when the fraud was found out an investigation...

What is a criminal's least favourite metal?

The copper.

Chemistry Lesson

Me: "Hey girl, if you were a compound, you'd be copper telluride. You know why?"

Girl: "Because I'm cute?"

Me: "Nah, you're just really dense."

Why do Dutch people have big noses?

Because air is free.

### Bonus joke:

* How was copper wire invented?

Two Dutchmen found a penny at the same time.

What kind of metal can stop any car?

A Copper

A Frenchman, a German, and an American were regulars at a bar

One day, the Frenchman decides that he is going to prove how much smarter the French are than Germans or Americans. So he goes digging in his backyard and finds traces of copper wiring 15ft deep. He smugly claims, "Ha! 300 years ago, my ancestors had a working telephone system!"

The German, n...

Watson and Holmes are returning from the lock-and-key shop where they've ordered an extra apartment key because Watson lost his.

As they arrive, Watson bounds up the steps to 221B Baker Street and barges into their apartment as Sherlock Holmes follows him.

"I'll show you my deductions today Holmes!", he says. "I can deduce too!"

Sherlock Holmes shows him the only key to the apartment and says, "What can you ded...

Canadian Protesters...

So there were some protesters at the Canadian parliament buildings yesterday. 2 of them had the great idea to scale the Peace Tower (the massive tower on the centre front) and stand on the roof. Unfortunately, the copper roof broke and one of the men fell down the tower hitting the bells on his way ...

A Londoner is walking his dog...

...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.

"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"

"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.

"I don't like you...

Two chemists are hanging out at a bar after work...

One gets up to go home and says "future copper". Puzzled, the other gazes back for a moment before the first clarifies, "Cu later"

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My favorite "clean" Jewish jokes

* Q. What's the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
* A. A canoe will eventually tip

* Q. What does a Jewish pedophile say?
* A. Hey kid want to buy some candy?

* Q. A Jew with an erection walks into a wall, what happens?
* A. Breaks his nose

* Q. How was copper wire ...

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The teacher asks little Johnny to tell the class what he thinks sex is

Little Johnny was getting to that age, so in class the teacher wanted to know how much each student knew about sex. For that, she asked everyone to explain sex as they understood it.

First, little Mary explained it with the classic Birds and the Bees speech. "Good job, Mary", said the teache...

Former police officers are offering their services to appear in court for you.

It’s a form of copper recycling.

Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies?

She was taken in by the coppers.

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street

with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh ...

An Irish, a Scot and an English man are digging.....

in their back gardens. 12 feet down the English man finds copper wire. In the local paper he announces England had internet 200 years ago.
The Scots mon finds wire at 16 feet and announces Scotland had internet 300 years ago.
The Irish man digs 22 feet! but finds nothing and states in the pa...

London Lawyer v Glasgow Cop

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop's ...

In the past

Russian scientists dug 1000 mtr deep and found a copper wire.
They concluded:
“1000 yrs back our ancestors were using copper cable technology”..

American scientists dug 2000 mtr deep and found optic fibre.
They concluded:
“2000 yrs back our ancestors were using optic fibre technol...

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Jokes to offend Abrahamic religions

* JESUS SAVES! HE PASSES TO GRETZKY, GRETZKY SHOOTS, GRETZKY SCORES!

* How was copper wire invented?

Two jews found the same penny


* What did the jew do when he heard clouds had silver linings?

Got his pilot's license


* Why doesn't Jesus eat skittles?
...

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