What does a cross-eyed teacher have trouble controlling in class?

His pupils.

My daughter thinks I’m nosy and controlling.

At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

I’ve noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month.

It’s nothing but period drama.

My coworker is convinced that the government has implanted a microchip in his brain, and is controlling his thoughts.

I told him it's all in his head.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'.

Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is no arguing with cowboy logic.

The Sierra Club and the US Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the naturalists had a "more humane" solution. What ...

If you are not well informed about your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new priest decides to automatise his church

He hires a programmer to make as many systems as possible, passing most of the grunt work to computers. Donations can be done through PayPal, and credit cards are accepted for paying the tithe. Alexa buys the flowers and candles on schedule while also controlling the lights and the doors. Finally, t...

This new guy Juan has been hanging out with me and friends lately and honestly, I'm not a fan. He very controlling and manipulative.

And no Juan is going to tell me what to do.

Trump became so controlling that he refused to allow people and restaurants to buy shredded cheese, and as such, companies that shredded cheese got shutdown.

I guess he really did make America grate again.

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

Controlling probability is the best super power

And I think there's a big chance that you'll agree

Move to the left!

"A pastor announced, "If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left".

All the men in the church moved to the left except one man.

The pastor was happy there was at least one strong man, and asked," How come your wife can't control you?"

The man quietly replied, "It...

If you have difficulty controlling your temper, it's a bad idea to take a chihuahua for a walk.

Because you're going to need to use a little restraint.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is stopped by an officer controlling traffic...

The officer is conducting the control rather rudely and is pedantic about the state of the car and the man starts to get annoyed. When the officer finally hands back his papers, the man asks: "would I get into trouble for calling an officer an asshole motherfucker?". The officer makes an angry noise...

Help! My husband's too controlling!

Edit: No he's not, he's a really nice guy

I'm going to divorce my controlling wife

When she lets me.

What do you call a mind controlling failure of a phone??

A tele-pathetic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

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