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Controlling Jokes

My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'.

Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

Controlling probability is the best super power

And I think there's a big chance that you'll agree

Help! My husband's too controlling!

Edit: No he's not, he's a really nice guy

What is the controlling design factor for the ceiling of a study room?

The attention span.

My daughter thinks I’m nosy and controlling.

At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

I'm going to divorce my controlling wife

When she lets me.

I’ve noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month.

It’s nothing but period drama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is stopped by an officer controlling traffic...

The officer is conducting the control rather rudely and is pedantic about the state of the car and the man starts to get annoyed. When the officer finally hands back his papers, the man asks: "would I get into trouble for calling an officer an asshole motherfucker?". The officer makes an angry noise...

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

My coworker is convinced that the government has implanted a microchip in his brain, and is controlling his thoughts.

I told him it's all in his head.

What do you call a mind controlling failure of a phone??

A tele-pathetic

A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date...

German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"

Sheep: "You herd me."

I've been working really hard on controlling my alcoholism

I can't remember the last time I blacked out.

Why is I such a controlling letter?

Because I said so.

If I had to define the word "controlling"...

I'd make sure I got my boyfriend's approval of the definition first.

If you have difficulty controlling your temper, it's a bad idea to take a chihuahua for a walk.

Because you're going to need to use a little restraint.

This new guy Juan has been hanging out with me and friends lately and honestly, I'm not a fan. He very controlling and manipulative.

And no Juan is going to tell me what to do.

Trump became so controlling that he refused to allow people and restaurants to buy shredded cheese, and as such, companies that shredded cheese got shutdown.

I guess he really did make America grate again.

My boss just told me I'm now in charge of controlling the town water supply.

Well I'll be dammed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Batman and Robin go out for a few drinks

Both superheroes are exhausted after a long week of non-stop crime fighting, and decide to chill for a few a hours at the local watering hole.

Robin knows his friend has been working way too hard and for long hours. So he thinks, what the heck, he can get drunk and relax. He decides to remain...

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