Ownership Jokes

I think I should start uploading my bills.

You can have anything you want, as long as it points at Moscow

Coz, they are afraid of stake-holders!

But I couldn’t get anyone to cosine.

(A).... Americans get it.....the rest of us *don't*.

My newt.

Turns out we had a lot in common.

50% of cats are owned by the top 1% of cat lovers

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn decision

(I heard this joke around 1980, so I can't claim ownership)

St. Peter at the pearly gates says, "I'm busy, so I'm considering 2 admissions at a time. Tell me a good poem using the word 'Timbuktu'. Whoever has the better poem gets in."

Shakespeare smiles broadly and says, "I am a great ... read more

From the history segment on the Wikipedia article for joke.

The tale of the three ox drivers from Adab completes the three known oldest jokes in the world. This is a comic triple dating back to 1200 BC Adab. It concerns three men seeking justice from a king on the matter of ownership over a ... read more

The first, wishes to have one million bucks. Instantly, he is now in ownership of one million wild deer. He sets up a venison business and makes millions

The second wishes for his ex-wife to fall for him again. She instantly trips while thinking about him, and on the way to the hospital, he m... read more

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-E... read more

"One day, this will all be yours" the father said.

Next day the father died of natural causes and the ownership of the farm was transfered to the son.
24 hours later the bank came and took over, due to the fathers very high debt.

"I guess my father wasn't lying when he said this wou... read more

Just have Michael Jordan take over ownership.

My friend have this problem with a perpetual hard-on and decided to seek help. He went to the pharmacy owned by 3 sisters for any kind of medication.

He explained his problem to one of the owner/pharmacist and asked what he can get for his problem. She said wait here and I will asked my sist... read more

While browsing the forums I read a simple post, the question "Can I get a pet fox?"

Clicking inside, I read the top answer. "You can't tame a fox, but you can leash it to a post." Which I thought was a really succinct and apt commentary on how exotic pet ownership is sometimes unfair to speci... read more

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males emplo... read more

You drop a horrendous fart and he claims ownership of it.

And the police officer asks the girl for her license, she says she doesn't have one, he asks why and she says because she has a bunch of DUI charges. Then he says can I see your ownership. She says I don't have one, he asks why not? She says because it's not her car, he says who's is it? She says th... read more

The woman behind the counter replies that she is the pharmacist, that she and her sister own the drugstore, and that there are no males employed there. “But surely I can help you,” she says.

“This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection that causes me a lot of pain and severe ... read more

I went to a chemist store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. 

The woman I spoke to said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. 

She asked if she could help me.

I said that I really would have preferred to spea... read more

A blonde walks into a high-end bank in New York City and requests a personal loan of $5,000 for her trip to Europe for two weeks. The loan officer explains that they'll need collateral for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to her Rolls Royce along with showing the title as proof of ownersh... read more

Each one puts his sheep in his garden. But at night the sheep destroy the fence. Next morning Cletus and Billy don’t know which sheep is his own. So Cletus picks a sheep and chops a leg off it. That way he knows the sheep with three legs is his.

But the following night, the sheep with four ... read more

...but after only one day of ownership returns it to the garage.
'It's no good mate, the car's no good for me,' says the man to the car dealer.
'Why not?' asks the car dealer.
'Do you see that steep hill over there?' says the man, pointing. 'Well it will only get up to 75 up there'.
'Tha... read more

A miracle.

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A man drives his Lada to a mechanic and asks, "Can I have a spare hubcap for my Lada?" The mechanic says, "Sounds like a fair trade."

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A Russian man enters a car raffle. Dropping the tic... read more