UPJOKE
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Dominate Jokes

When passing wind, farting if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate?

In otherwords, which way do you lean?

Technology is dominated by two types of people:

Those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand.

If FemDom is enjoying being dominated by women...

Is wisdom enjoying being dominated by Wizards?

Which social network do Sith Lords prefer using as they dominate the universe?

MySpace

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Spartan, a Samurai and a Viking are summoned to Outworld for Mortal Kombat.

Their first opponent is the dread-sorcerer Shang Tsung.
  

The Spartan goes first, and quickly overpowers Shang Tsung, but is unsure of what to do next. Shang Tsung then speaks a word of power and the Spartan trips over his own cape and impales himself headfirst upon his own spear. Sha...

It must be hard for women to work in the postal service.

It’s such a MAIL dominated industry.

Why is NASCAR a white dominated sport?

They're all racists.

It's disgraceful that in 2020 the train-driving profession is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Surely it's...

a woman's right to choo-choos.

I found out my ex is into being dominated

That's funny, I'd never have pegged him as a sub

Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century

It's nearly 2019 now. Is anyone else not offended we still don't have a Himhe bar?

Everybody on Earth dies and goes to Heaven....

The Lord comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

Said and done, the next time The Lord looked, the women ar...

I recently learned my friend likes to be dominated by his girlfriend in bed.

I wouldn't have pegged him for that.

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man calls his boss one morning, and says..

“Hey boss, i’m sorry but I don’t think i’ll be able to make it today. I’m feeling really under the weather.”

His boss, a pretty old fashioned man, replies:

“Listen here, mister. Whenever I feel under the weather, I go see my wife, and tell her to polish my knob, grease my engines and d...

The Americans and Russians

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's...

Liverpool had so much going for them. Dominated the ball, constantly on the attack, great strategy to win the day. But no matter how often the were close a score seemed inevitable, Real Madrid defenders always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. It must actually be true what they say

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

No more oil!

Saudi Arabia is definitely moving away from oil based economy. Milk is a interesting commodity. I bet soon they will dominate the market , these new milkshejkes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife likes to be dominated during sex, but to be safe before we do it we pick a safe word to say when it get's a bit too rough.

Apparently "Harder" wasn't a good choice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard this from one of my friends....

A married couple always try to dominate the each other.
Him: darling, I bet you couldn’t tell me something that makes me both happy and sad at a time.
Her : (gives a pause) you have the biggest dick among all your friends.
Him : (silence for ever)

My childhood memories of Christmas are dominated by the time I sneaked downstairs one Christmas Eve and heard my mother telling Father Christmas that he was a fat, lazy, good for nothing drunken slob...

I saw mommy dissing Santa Claus...

The internet has improved equality

We used to have a very mail-dominated society.

How many Jedi does it take to screw in a hallway lightbulb?

None, because once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.

What does a jock and a V7 chord have in common?

They both dominate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Space Tourism

One of the car hire companies was looking at diversification, to be able to better cope in the next pandemic.

They started getting interested in the space tourism market, currently dominated by companies such as Blue Origin, Virgin Galactic and SpaceX. They needed a hook to make them stand o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anybody could have predicted Hitler's rise to power.

After all, he dominated the Poles.

Or else!

Timmy was a soft spoken mell-mannered lad and he was soon to be married to Jane. His mates were worried that, with his mild nature, he'd end up being dominated by his new spouse and had a plan to "show her who's the boss". Obviously Timmy thought that would be an appalling idea but finally gave in.<...

The two lines

A man dies and goes to heaven. At the entrance to the pearly gates he looks ahead and sees two lines. One says "MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY WOMEN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES" and another one for those who haven't.

The dominated line has men a mile long, queuing and waiting, seeming to stretch on f...

My Daughter In Law

She’s a manager at a post office. I threw her a party for getting promoted in a mail dominated industry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish joke.

Rabbi Altmann and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Berlin in 1935. "Herr Altmann," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Der Stürmer! I can't understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?"

"On the contrary, Frau Eps...

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm 17 and I like to write jokes in my spare time. Thought reddit might like to hear some.

I think blonde jokes are awful. I mean, the poor things don't even understand them.

So I got this pair of shoes that cost me an arm and a leg. Luckily, my mom still pays for everything.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 11 people are offended by this joke.

I've yet to be dispr...

Don't blame me...

One day 100 people in Heaven were sent to the presence of God. He asked them this question

"Who among you are dominated by your wives? Raise your hands and stand at the left" He asked.

So 99 of the men raised their hands and put them down. Then, they proceeded to stand at the left of H...

At the Pearly Gates, there is a men's entrance and a women's entrance

and at the men's entrance there are two smaller doors for married men. Over one there is the inscription FOR MEN WHO WERE DOMINATED ALL THEIR LIVES BY THEIR WIVES and over the other it reads FOR MEN WHO WERE NOT DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES.

One morning at opening-up time St Peter comes and unl...

The college basketball team at Indiana University had just finished their worst season in school history.

The head coach, Bob, knew the team needed a different approach next year.

In the off season, Bob was driving around town when he saw a panhandler at a stoplight, and realized that this panhandler was around college age, and looked close to 7 feet tall. Bob stopped his car to talk to him and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interesting fact:

Before cyanobacteria, the progenitor of photosynthesis, earth was mostly oxygen-poor and dominated by anaerobic (can live in and thrive without oxygen) bacteria. Most of these bacteria were strict anaerobes, meaning oxygen would kill them. After cyanobacteria evolved, earth became flooded with oxyge...

Second half centipede

The animals and the insects were always competing as to which group was greater. The insects argued that they were greater in number and more diversified. The animals argued they rat were more highly developed and had greater abilities.
To prove which group was greater they agreed to have a foot...

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