How can you donate money to Taliban?

Just pay your taxes in United States

If you donate one kidney everyone praises you!

But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.

Sheesh!

What type of money do you make when you donate to a sperm bank everyone day?

Passive incum

If I won the Mega Millions valued at 750 million today, I would donate a quarter to charity.

Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons

No strings attached

When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you

When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh

Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man came up to my door and asked me if I'd be willing to donate to a charitable cause

I asked him what the donations were for.

He told me the Association for Anal Sex.

I thought to myself, "Damn, that's an organization I can get behind".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man storms out of a hospital screaming “I am not going to donate blood! I don’t want my blood to be in someone else’s boner!” The Doc sighed and asked,

“no hemo?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can butt skin be donated for skin grafts?

Ass-skin for a friend.

"When I donate blood, I don't extract it myself..."

"... the nurse does it for me."

"I understand stand sir, but this is a sperm bank, it doesn't work that way here."

A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: “What’s your blood group?”

The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....

How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero



I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster

Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms.

She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club

Do you guys wanna donate to my charity?

It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"

It's four good caws

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can I donate a graft of tissue from my buttocks to another person I'm not related to?

Ass skin for a friend.

I donated $100 to a blind children's charity...

Too bad they won't ever see a penny of it.

Marie Kondo says to donate anything that doesn't spark joy,

but The Salvation Army says that amounts to human trafficking.

The supermarket cashier asked if I wanted to donate food to Africa to help solve world hunger.

I said, "no thanks. World hunger will be solved a lot faster if we stop feeding them."

Went to donate blood today...awful experience, never again....

Question after question..."who's blood is it?"....."where did you get it?"....."why is it in a bucket?

I was scared to donate blood today.

But I tried my best to B positive

Wife: I have a bag full of clothes I'd like to donate. Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? It's much easier. Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use the clothes

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits in your clothes is not starving.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: “what God has joined let no man put asunder.” The groom interrupted: “what’s asunder?”

The preacher said “apart.” The farmer said “a part of what?” “Apart from your wife” said the now frustrated minister. The groom said “shit! I already got a part from her.”

Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.

But donate three or more, and suddenly you’re a “monster.”

I'm not rich but yesterday i donated my Phone, Wallet, and my watch to a poor guy.

You can't imagine the happiness that i felt as i saw him putting the gun back in his pocket.

A husband walks into his bedroom to find his wife pulling all her clothes out of the closet.

"What's going on here?"

The wife replies that she's just looking for stuff to donate.

"Why don't you just throw them out?" The husband asks.

"Dear! There are so many unfortunate people who could use these clothes!"

The husband replies without missing a beat, "Honey, I kn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was in high school, my class had a rule that whoever swears, that person had to donate 1 dollar to the class fund

One day my friend sweared, following the set rule, he came up near the fund jar, held a 2-dollar note, as he was putting it into the jar, he said: “Keep the change, motherfuckers!”

I donate to a charity called OnlyFans

Because those girls can't even afford clothes!

I donated to a group trying to make all cows go extinct.

It’s a no bull cause.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery,
the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need a transfusion.

 

As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally,
the ...

I tried to donate a kidney

But they kept asking where I got it

Whne I got to donate blood they ask me so many strange wuestions like:

What is my name? Why is the blood in a bucket?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If someone gets burn damage and needs a skin graft, can I donate buttock tissue to help them?

Ass skin for a friend.

My wife said she wants to donate her old clothes to the Salvation Army, so starving people can buy and wear them.

I told her that anyone who can fit in her clothes certainly isn't starving.

Saw a billboard today, urging me to DONATE

Who is Nate?

Father: Son, i donated your toys to the Orphanage.

Son: Why did you do that?
Father : So you don't get bored there

I recently donated all of my Jerry Garcia memorabilia to the Smithsonian Institute,

it was a dead giveaway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new farmer from the city

He's given up on city life and dropped everything and bough 20 acres in the country.

The problem is he doesn't know anything about farming. So he goes to the feed store to ask some friendly farmers for some help in the right direction.

Luckily an old farmer there is happy to see youn...

When I donate blood, I really hope it goes to a woman

So that I can at last, be inside one.

A charity was trying to convince the towns only millionaire in town to donate to them.

So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrass...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to donate sperm and they said I'd have to masterbate in a cup.

I said, I'm good but I'm not ready to compete.

You think you can donate to an African country?

Well... Kenya?

My brother once promised to donate me his liver.

Turned out he was only kidneying me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

Honey I want to donate my clothes

Wife: Thinking of donating my clothes which I am not using anymore

Husband: No point donating, you can trash those

Wife: there are lots of women who are hungry and depraved, they could use my clothes

Husband: honey, if your dress fits another woman do you think they would have e...

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign

Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.

I donated my body to science the other day

bast*rds sent it back and demanded a refund

Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.

Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

My wife just told me she was going to donate some of her clothes to the needy

I told her anybody who could fit in her clothes definitely isn’t very needy.

My ex just donated her eggs and got $3,000! WTF?

I donated sperm and all I got was a weird look from the Salvation Army Santa.

A guy donated a kidney and they called him a "Hero"..

I donated 7 and they called me a monster

A charity office noticed that their town's most successful lawyer had never given any of his hundreds of thousands of dollars to the charity. One of the charity reps called the lawyer to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that, despite your wealth, you haven't given a cent to charity," said the charity rep. "Wouldn't you like to make at least a small donation?"

"Did you research also tell you that my mother is dying of cancer?" replied the lawyer.

"No," answered the charity rep.
<...

I donated 1 kidney and they called me a lifesaver

I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero.

But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.

You donate to God's house as a sign of faith and

you buy insurance as a sign of lack of it.

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

I was going to donate my silverware to Goodwill today, but the wife already gave them to a friend.

I have no more forks left to give.

I donated $50,000 to a charity for mute children.

They didn't even say thank you.

Wife says to Husband, I am going donate all of my clothes I no longer wear to poor starving African Women:

Husband replies,

If your clothes fit them, they are definitely not starving:

I'm starting a charity to raise awareness of pyramid schemes.

Donate $100 to register as a fundraiser and you'll receive 10% of all donations you raise.

My friend asked me if he should donate to TeamTrees

I said "I wood"

When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.

That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.

The Dean of the College of the Cardinals was at his wits end

The conclave had been contentious, and no clear leader emerged after many days of bickering. He needed a break, and was resting in his private office when there was a gentle rap at the door.

"What is it? Is there word of a new Pope?"

"Not exactly, sir."

"Who is it that disturbs...

Rihanna just donated $5,000,000 to Coronavirus relief through her foundation.

I wonder what her mascara’s going to do.

The cashier at the local grocery store asked me if i wanted to donate 2$ to end world hunger, i was like HELL YEAH!

I had no idea we were this close! I'm gonna be a god damn hero!

Joke by Matt Donaher

When I go to donate blood I expect a cup of tea, a biscuit and a polite word of thanks...

...not a whole lot of screaming, my bucket confiscated, and a policeman asking me questions.

A pastor is on a plane when the man next to him strikes up a conversation.

After some pleasantries, the pastor says, "I'm flying across the country raising money for my parish. I've been performing small miracles hoping people will donate money to me. You see, I ask the Lord to provide a person's favorite food on the spot. My best luck is with college grads who are nostalg...

I donated a kidney last year

They still want to know where i got it from

Little Girl says to her Mum, I want to donate a lot of the clothes I don't wear to all of the little girls that don't have any, Mum says who are these Girls??

You know, the ones on Daddy's computer.

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

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