Wife: I’m going to donate all my old clothes to starving people

Husband: Honey, anyone who can fit into your clothes, isn’t starving...

I won $3 Million and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $2,999,999.75

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....

How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.

But donate three or more, and suddenly you’re a “monster.”

Whne I got to donate blood they ask me so many strange wuestions like:

What is my name? Why is the blood in a bucket?

I donate to a charity called OnlyFans

Because those girls can't even afford clothes!

I tried to donate a kidney

But they kept asking where I got it

When I donate one kidney, I am applauded as a hero...

When I donate one hundred kidneys, people start asking questions.

Me: When I donate my blood

I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

I tried to donate blood today... NEVER AGAIN!

So many questions,

Who's blood is that?
How did you get it?
Was the bucket even sanitized before you filled it with blood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If someone gets burn damage and needs a skin graft, can I donate buttock tissue to help them?

Ass skin for a friend.

Saw a billboard today, urging me to DONATE

Who is Nate?

The supermarket cashier asked if I wanted to donate food to Africa to help solve world hunger.

I said, "no thanks. World hunger will be solved a lot faster if we stop feeding them."

Father: Son, i donated your toys to the Orphanage.

Son: Why did you do that?
Father : So you don't get bored there

Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.

I donate five, and get arrested?

Today I donated my watch, phone and $500 to a poor guy.

You don't know the happiness I felt when I saw him put the knife back in his pocket.

When I donate blood, I really hope it goes to a woman

So that I can at last, be inside one.

Wife: I have bag full of clothes I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in trash? It's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use the clothes

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits in your clothes is not starving.

Every month I donate money to a children's charity.

Although the technical term is "government tax".

I donated my body to science the other day

bast*rds sent it back and demanded a refund

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A married couple was in a terrible accident...

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they could not graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the d...

My brother once promised to donate me his liver.

Turned out he was only kidneying me.

You think you can donate to an African country?

Well... Kenya?

There is only one reason crabs don't donate and its

They are shellfish

A charity was trying to convince the towns only millionaire in town to donate to them.

So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrass...

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I went to donate sperm and they said I'd have to masterbate in a cup.

I said, I'm good but I'm not ready to compete.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dying mothers final wish

The mother specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, her daughter realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman tra...

Honey I want to donate my clothes

Wife: Thinking of donating my clothes which I am not using anymore

Husband: No point donating, you can trash those

Wife: there are lots of women who are hungry and depraved, they could use my clothes

Husband: honey, if your dress fits another woman do you think they would have e...

I just donated 100$ to a charity for blind children

But I doubt they'll ever see any of the money

A guy donated a kidney and they called him a "Hero"..

I donated 7 and they called me a monster

I was going to donate my silverware to Goodwill today, but the wife already gave them to a friend.

I have no more forks left to give.

You donate to God's house as a sign of faith and

you buy insurance as a sign of lack of it.

I donated a kidney last year

They still want to know where i got it from

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

Shaving

I finally shaved my legs and donated the hair to locks of love.....

Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.

Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!

My ex just donated her eggs and got $3,000! WTF?

I donated sperm and all I got was a weird look from the Salvation Army Santa.

A man is walking along a beach when he finds something in the sand.

He kicks it over and sees that it’s a magic lamp. A genie comes out and tell him, “Since you found me, I will grant you 3 wishes, but since you kicked me the person you hate most will receive double that wish” The person who the man hated most was his boss, so the man asked for his first wish, “I’d ...

I donated 1 kidney and they called me a lifesaver

I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero.

But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.

I donated $50,000 to a charity for mute children.

They didn't even say thank you.

So apparently an Olympic downhill skier was injured so many times she donated a huge sum to the local hospital's critical care unit.

Of course they called it the Picabu ICU.

Rihanna just donated $5,000,000 to Coronavirus relief through her foundation.

I wonder what her mascara’s going to do.

So i was made to donate to the con artists association

But turns out it doesn't even exist!

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant,...

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Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

My friend asked me if he should donate to TeamTrees

I said "I wood"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is hosting his retirement dinner with his family, friends and coworkers

He’d lived a long life- when he was only 25 he went on a mission trip to South America where he met two young boys who he later adopted. Seeing the standard of living in South America prompted him to study medicine- a field he completely excelled in and successfully developed vaccines for over ten d...

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy goes to the red light district

And waits for the first guy to come out. He runs to the guy and says, give me €25 or I will tell everyone you visit prostitutes. The guy immediately hands over the money to the boy.

The boy runs home and proudly tells his father what he did. But the father says, it's a sin to blackmail others...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve helped make men’s dicks hard.

No, I’m not hot, I just donate a lot of blood.

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

When I go to donate blood I expect a cup of tea, a biscuit and a polite word of thanks...

...not a whole lot of screaming, my bucket confiscated, and a policeman asking me questions.

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

Mitch McConnell goes to the doctor....

Mitch McConnell goes to the doctor for a regular checkup. The doctor checks his heart. Then he checks his breathing, his eyes and ears. He does the works. After finishing checking him up and just before sending him out the door McConnell asks.

McConnell: “Hey doc I’d like to donate my body to...

I'm going to donate my body to science, and keep my dad happy...

he always wanted me to go to medical school.

The last time i was someone's type ...

was when i donated blood

I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign

Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.

Donating sperm is more lucrative than donating blood...

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the ...

When I die, I'd like to donate my heart to NASA

That way they can finally see what a black hole actually looks like.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was gonna go donate sperm today

But then I realized it was a dick move.

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

When you donate sperm they ask if you have any “sociopathic tendencies”.

I was like “other than creating people for money? ..No.”

If I had $20 million, I would donate a quarter of it to charity....

I’m not sure what I would do with the remaining 19,999,999.75

Little Girl says to her Mum, I want to donate a lot of the clothes I don't wear to all of the little girls that don't have any, Mum says who are these Girls??

You know, the ones on Daddy's computer.

“Hi, I’d like to donate my organs”

Nurse: “You’ll have to go to the DMV for tha—“

Me: “No, I’m ready now”

I went to donate blood today

I guess Salvation Army prefers clothes.

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for rescued farm animals, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for animals when children in Syria are dying of hunger?

Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for children in Syria, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for children in Syria, when children in our country are dying of hunger?
...

I drove to my local church to donate cheese to their food shelf.

Jesus take the wheel.

I was planning to donate my body to science,

but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.

So now I’m donating my brain to religion instead.

Why couldn’t the poor man donate at the sperm bank?

He was too low income

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can butt skin be donated for skin grafts?

Ass skin for a friend...

A red cross worker is cold calling people for donations

A Red Cross worker is cold calling people for donations and comes across a lawyer where records shows he makes $500k+ a year and hasn’t made a single charitable donation. So the Red Cross worker calls the lawyer and asks if he’d like to donate. The lawyer says “no “,thank you.” The Red Cross worker ...

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