UPJOKE
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What do you get when you combine a carpenter with a bunch of fishermen?

A shepherd!

What do you get when you combine human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out of Sea World, apparently.



Yes, I know it's a repost. But I love this joke.

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

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Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

If you combine Basil, Parmesan, Pinenuts and Olive Oil you get Pesto. What do you get when you mix Olive Oil, Spinach and Sweet Peas?

You get the comic and cartoon classic Popeye.

How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh?

A Washington.

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

I’m thinking of starting a combined escort and midwife service

It will be called “Vaginal Delivery”

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A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

I thought up this fibonacci joke ..

But it's worse than my last two combined

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Paddy goes to war with France..

The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

“Hallo, Mr. Macron, " a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

“Well, Paddy,” Macron rep...

What do you get when you combine Finland and Germany?

You get a finger!

Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.

It’ll be a catastrophe.

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What do you get when you combine a Crocodile and a Shitzu?

A Crockashit.

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

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What happens when you combine Putin and a potato.

You'll get a dicktator. And vodka

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A Black Man, a Mexican, and a White Man Got Lost Canoeing.

They reached an island ruled by terrorists. The terrorists wanted to kill the entire crew. However, after seeing the white man, the terrorists had a proposal. If the combined length of the mens' penises measured 1 foot, then the men would be set free. The Black man's dick measured 6 inches. The Whit...

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them.

He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

What do you get when you combine an image board website and a popular puzzle game show?

Wheel of 4chan!

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people.

what do you get when you combine an elephant and a rhino?

hellifiknow

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

I have 1,800 nuclear missiles, 283 battle ships, 9,400 planes.. I spend more on my military than the next 12 nations combined and despite spending more every year I still feel insecure...

I have a military-industrial complex.

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One day a man with three testicles walks on the street. Then he says to the other man, proudly: "you and I combined have five testicles."

The other man, full of disbelief and shock, says: "you only have one?"

What do you get if you combine a monster and a boy scout?

A monster that can scare old ladies across the street!

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

Prepare three envelopes

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things...

If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

...being poor.

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

What do you get when you combine corporate greed, sleazy politicians, and willful ignorance?

A climate crisis!

What do you get if you combine a insomniac, a Agnostic with a Schizophrenic and a dyslexic?

A person who argues with himself all night about whether or not there is a dog.

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

What do you get when you combine a parrot and a shark?

Something that talks your leg off.

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

What do you get when you combine a flat earther and their arrogance?

Flatulence.

What do you get when you combine a wedding and a funeral?

Two funerals

what do you get when you combine role playing and the hotel industry?

Air D&D

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

What do you get when you combine a mommy and a daddy?

I don't know, but my dad said it's a mistake.

What do you get when you combine Reddit and 4chan?

A REEEEEE-post

What do you get when you combine an excess of waste and recycling?

r/jokes

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm?

A Zy-Goat

I'll escort myself out.

What do you get when you combine flour, water, sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?

PETA bread.

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

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Optimus Prime has had a sexy change and is now a Combine Harvester

He’s a Trans-Farmer

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

Your ability to combine photos into a beautiful and evocative display is amazing!

Well, I am a collage graduate.

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined.

She lost 120 lbs.

What do you get when you combine brain supplements and your dinner?

Food for thought.

What do you get if you combine two Gs, an I, an E, an R, an S, and an N. I’ll tell you, you get the worst kind o man in the world:

Gingers

What do you get when you combine an overpass and a nuclear reactor?

An overreaction.
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**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHMANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOBOYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

Why don’t In n Out and Chick-Fil-A combine restaurants?

They’re too scared and would just Chick n Out.

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

I accidentally combined Fahrenheit and milliliters

FmL

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple

A farmer buys a combine harvester

He's accidentally chops his finger off one day, inspecting a blade.

So the wife bags the finger up and takes him to the hospital. The doctor looks at it and performs micro surgery which re-attaches it like brand new.

Some weeks later the farmer somehow gets his leg chopped off. Panicki...

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What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

What do you get when you combine How I Met Your Mother, 2 and a Half Men, and The Big Bang Theory

How 2 and a Half Men Banged Your Mother.

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What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

What do you get when you combine Battlefront II with the internet of 2018?

Pai to play

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

What charge do you get when you combine sodium and chlorine?

Assault

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

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What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?

A two-eyed onion.

How many farmers does it take to grease a combine?

...only two, if you feed them in real slow.

I'm going to combine my love for political activism with my love of archery

so that I can stick it to the man from a distance

Yesterday was Star Wars Day (May The Fourth be with you). Today is Cinco de Mayo. Combine the two and tomorrow is...

Revenge of the Sixth

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An asian, a Black and a White guy were in prison.

The prison manager gave them a chance to get out, as it was the presidents birthday.

Prison manager: if all the combined length of your penises comes to 10 inches, you will get out.

The black man had 5 inches.
The white man had 4 inches.
The asian man had 1 inch.

As they w...

What do you get when you combine someone from Colorado and someone from Idaho?

A Baked Potato

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you combine bleach and a girl dog?

You get a basic bitch

What do you get when you combine flour, eggs, sugar, fruit, and a man who thinks women are objects?

Crepe Culture.

What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?

A fruit and a vegetable.

What do you get when you combine north beach and south beach?

Sum of beaches.

How many idiots does it take to arrest a protestor?

Apparently more than the entire Russian Riot Police combined, because they got the bicycle but the rider still got away.

I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined

And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint

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