UPJOKE
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Combine Jokes

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.

It’ll be a catastrophe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As an experiment, I combined some Viagra with penis enlarging pills and dissolved them in some eye drops.

It made me take a long, hard look at myself.

What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people.

If partially sighted people want the right to drive combine harvesters...

I'm not going to stand in their way.

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question with a joke?



" "

(I'd leave this blank, but Reddit doesn't like that...)

What do you get when you combine a carpenter with a bunch of fishermen?

A shepherd!

What do you get when you combine human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out of Sea World, apparently.



Yes, I know it's a repost. But I love this joke.

I accidentally combined Fahrenheit and milliliters

FmL

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh?

A Washington.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine a Crocodile and a Shitzu?

A Crockashit.

Listen kids! Never ever combine bleach and vinegar.

It is an oxidant waiting to happen.

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine harvester?

Just one, but you squeeze them through really slowly.

My friend had the weed and I had the papers so we combined our resources.

It was a joint effort.


Happy 4/20 for those who celebrate.

What do you get when you combine Finland and Germany?

You get a finger!

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

what do you get when you combine an elephant and a rhino?

hellifiknow

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you combine Putin and a potato.

You'll get a dicktator. And vodka

If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

...being poor.

A farmer buys a combine harvester

He's accidentally chops his finger off one day, inspecting a blade.

So the wife bags the finger up and takes him to the hospital. The doctor looks at it and performs micro surgery which re-attaches it like brand new.

Some weeks later the farmer somehow gets his leg chopped off. Panicki...

What do you get when you combine Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube?

Youtwitface!

Since many of the posts on here are "Yo Mama jokes" and many others are "Chuck Norris" jokes, can any of the brilliant minds who post on here combine the two memes into a single joke?

Chuck Norris used a roundhouse kick to move yo mama, because when she sits around the house, she really sits **around the house**.

What do you get if you combine a monster and a boy scout?

A monster that can scare old ladies across the street!

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

What do you get when you combine Reddit and 4chan?

A REEEEEE-post

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm?

A Zy-Goat

I'll escort myself out.

What do you get when you combine a mommy and a daddy?

I don't know, but my dad said it's a mistake.

What do you get when you combine a flat earther and their arrogance?

Flatulence.

If you combine Basil, Parmesan, Pinenuts and Olive Oil you get Pesto. What do you get when you mix Olive Oil, Spinach and Sweet Peas?

You get the comic and cartoon classic Popeye.

What do you get when you combine a wedding and a funeral?

Two funerals

What do you get when you combine a parrot and a shark?

Something that talks your leg off.

What do you get when you combine an excess of waste and recycling?

r/jokes

what do you get when you combine role playing and the hotel industry?

Air D&D

What do you get when you combine corporate greed, sleazy politicians, and willful ignorance?

A climate crisis!

What do you get when you combine an image board website and a popular puzzle game show?

Wheel of 4chan!

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

What do you get when you combine brain supplements and your dinner?

Food for thought.

Your ability to combine photos into a beautiful and evocative display is amazing!

Well, I am a collage graduate.

My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined.

She lost 120 lbs.

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Optimus Prime has had a sexy change and is now a Combine Harvester

He’s a Trans-Farmer

Why don’t In n Out and Chick-Fil-A combine restaurants?

They’re too scared and would just Chick n Out.

I have a higher IQ than Batman and Donald Trump combined.

By the way, Batman has a higher IQ than me.

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

How many farmers does it take to grease a combine?

...only two, if you feed them in real slow.

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

What do you get when you combine an overpass and a nuclear reactor?

An overreaction.
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**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHMANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOBOYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

What do you get when you combine flour, water, sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?

PETA bread.

My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?

A two-eyed onion.

What charge do you get when you combine sodium and chlorine?

Assault

What do you get if you combine a insomniac, a Agnostic with a Schizophrenic and a dyslexic?

A person who argues with himself all night about whether or not there is a dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

I combined baseball and boxing and made a new sport.

It's called basebrawl.

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them.

He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you combine bleach and a girl dog?

You get a basic bitch

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple

What do you get when you combine Battlefront II with the internet of 2018?

Pai to play

I'm going to combine my love for political activism with my love of archery

so that I can stick it to the man from a distance

What do you get if you combine a dog and a tv aerial?

A Golden Receiver!

What do you get when you combine north beach and south beach?

Sum of beaches.

What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?

A fruit and a vegetable.

I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined

And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

What do you get when you combine someone from Colorado and someone from Idaho?

A Baked Potato

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

I thought up this fibonacci joke ..

But it's worse than my last two combined

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