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What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?

A dictator.

What do you get when you combine Finland and Germany?

You get a finger!

I figured out how to combine art and medicine.

Become a phlebotomist. You get to draw all day.

What do you get when you combine an image board website and a popular puzzle game show?

Wheel of 4chan!

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What do you get when you combine a Crocodile and a Shitzu?

A Crockashit.

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

I’ve combined alphabet soup with a laxative...

I call it LETTER RIP

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

Why should you never combine zoosadism and necrophillia?

Because you would be beating a dead horse.

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them.

He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

...being poor.

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.

It’ll be a catastrophe.

My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined.

She lost 120 lbs.

Did you hear about the singer who combines country music with rap?

His name is Hot Diggity Dogg

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

what do you get when you combine an elephant and a rhino?

hellifiknow

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and ...

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A lady I often chat with at the grocery store was ringing up my groceries asked my how things are going

I told her that it was a bit of a rough patch because my start-up business wasn't doing so well. She expressed some sympathy as it's pretty rough times right now, and asked me what my business was.

See, I'd done some research of nutrient quality in various fertilizers and I'd determined that ...

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Hello! Mr. Hussein?

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sadd...

what do you get when you combine role playing and the hotel industry?

Air D&D

What do you get when you combine corporate greed, sleazy politicians, and willful ignorance?

A climate crisis!

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people.

What do you get when you combine a flat earther and their arrogance?

Flatulence.

Purple is my least favourite color

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

What do you get when you combine a wedding and a funeral?

Two funerals

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

What do you get when you combine a parrot and a shark?

Something that talks your leg off.

What do you get if you combine a insomniac, a Agnostic with a Schizophrenic and a dyslexic?

A person who argues with himself all night about whether or not there is a dog.

A Voyage to Italy

A young woman from New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomo...

What do you get when you combine flour, water, sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?

PETA bread.

The true reason that the Titanic sank...

The combined weight of all the time travelers that suddenly appeared onboard.

Your ability to combine photos into a beautiful and evocative display is amazing!

Well, I am a collage graduate.

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

What do you get when you combine Reddit and 4chan?

A REEEEEE-post

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.

“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer ...

A man is having his final moments in his bed.

A man is having his final moments in his bed. Beside him were his sons Brock, Kenneth, Connor, and Dominic. He was struggling to say his final words but he managed. "Boys it's time, but before I go I want you to do me a favor. I want you all to combine the first, second, and third letters of you fir...

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A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

What do you get when you combine a mommy and a daddy?

I don't know, but my dad said it's a mistake.

Why don’t In n Out and Chick-Fil-A combine restaurants?

They’re too scared and would just Chick n Out.

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Optimus Prime has had a sexy change and is now a Combine Harvester

He’s a Trans-Farmer

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

A Russian joke

An American, a Serbian, a Russian and a Greek are stuck in a falling airplane. There are only three parachutes there.

The American says “I am from the most important country. Let me jump, I am important.” The Serbian gives him a parachute and the American jumps.

Then the Greek says “I ...

A farmer buys a combine harvester

He's accidentally chops his finger off one day, inspecting a blade.

So the wife bags the finger up and takes him to the hospital. The doctor looks at it and performs micro surgery which re-attaches it like brand new.

Some weeks later the farmer somehow gets his leg chopped off. Panicki...

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable drinks has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide...

Their "Melon-Cauli" smoothie has now been withdrawn...

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

What do you get when you combine an excess of waste and recycling?

r/jokes

What do you get when you combine an overpass and a nuclear reactor?

An overreaction.
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**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHMANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOBOYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

What do you get....

When you combine a laxative and alphabet soup?

'Letter Rip'

Two best friends meet. "I have two bad news" says one to the other...

"OK, combine them."

"Your wife is cheating on us."

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm?

A Zy-Goat

I'll escort myself out.

I accidentally combined Fahrenheit and milliliters

FmL

What do you get when you combine How I Met Your Mother, 2 and a Half Men, and The Big Bang Theory

How 2 and a Half Men Banged Your Mother.

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

This Fibonacci joke is bad as the last two you heard combined

Copied from mathologer video

Green is my favourite colour. I love it even more than

Blue and Yellow combined

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple

Growing up my grandma loved reading me Mark Twain. It combined her to favorite activities,

Spending time with her grandson and using the N word.

What do you get when you combine Battlefront II with the internet of 2018?

Pai to play

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What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados?

GuacaMole!

What charge do you get when you combine sodium and chlorine?

Assault

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

What do you get if you combine a dog and a tv aerial?

A Golden Receiver!

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A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

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What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

I'm going to combine my love for political activism with my love of archery

so that I can stick it to the man from a distance

How many farmers does it take to grease a combine?

...only two, if you feed them in real slow.

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