The 77+ Best Combine Jokes

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

What do you get when you combine a carpenter with a bunch of fishermen?

A shepherd!

Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.

It’ll be a catastrophe.

Listen kids! Never ever combine bleach and vinegar.

It is an oxidant waiting to happen.

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine harvester?

Just one, but you squeeze them through really slowly.

What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people.

If partially sighted people want the right to drive combine harvesters...

I'm not going to stand in their way.

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question with a joke?

" "

(I'd leave this blank, but Reddit doesn't like that...)

What do you get when you combine human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out of Sea World, apparently.

Yes, I know it's a repost. But I love this joke.

How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh?

A Washington.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine a Crocodile and a Shitzu?

A Crockashit.

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

My friend had the weed and I had the papers so we combined our resources.

It was a joint effort.

Happy 4/20 for those who celebrate.

If you combine Basil, Parmesan, Pinenuts and Olive Oil you get Pesto. What do you get when you mix Olive Oil, Spinach and Sweet Peas?

You get the comic and cartoon classic Popeye.

What do you get when you combine Finland and Germany?

You get a finger!

What do you get when you combine Roger Waters and Donald Trump?

An orange man who can actually build a wall

what do you get when you combine an elephant and a rhino?

hellifiknow

I accidentally combined Fahrenheit and milliliters

FmL

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm?

A Zy-Goat

I'll escort myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you combine Putin and a potato.

You'll get a dicktator. And vodka

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them.

He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

What do you get when you combine an image board website and a popular puzzle game show?

Wheel of 4chan!

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

What do you get if you combine a monster and a boy scout?

A monster that can scare old ladies across the street!

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

What do you get when you combine corporate greed, sleazy politicians, and willful ignorance?

A climate crisis!

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

What do you get when you combine a flat earther and their arrogance?

Flatulence.

What do you get when you combine a wedding and a funeral?

Two funerals

What do you get if you combine a insomniac, a Agnostic with a Schizophrenic and a dyslexic?

A person who argues with himself all night about whether or not there is a dog.

What do you get when you combine a mommy and a daddy?

I don't know, but my dad said it's a mistake.

What do you get when you combine a parrot and a shark?

Something that talks your leg off.

What do you get when you combine an excess of waste and recycling?

r/jokes

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

Your ability to combine photos into a beautiful and evocative display is amazing!

Well, I am a collage graduate.

What do you get when you combine Reddit and 4chan?

A REEEEEE-post

What do you get when you combine flour, water, sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?

PETA bread.

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Optimus Prime has had a sexy change and is now a Combine Harvester

He’s a Trans-Farmer

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

I have 1,800 nuclear missiles, 283 battle ships, 9,400 planes.. I spend more on my military than the next 12 nations combined and despite spending more every year I still feel insecure...

I have a military-industrial complex.

What do you get when you combine brain supplements and your dinner?

Food for thought.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a man with three testicles walks on the street. Then he says to the other man, proudly: "you and I combined have five testicles."

The other man, full of disbelief and shock, says: "you only have one?"

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

What do you get when you combine an overpass and a nuclear reactor?

An overreaction.
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**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHMANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOBOYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Why don’t In n Out and Chick-Fil-A combine restaurants?

They’re too scared and would just Chick n Out.

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

...being poor.

I have a higher IQ than Batman and Donald Trump combined.

By the way, Batman has a higher IQ than me.

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

What do you get when you combine How I Met Your Mother, 2 and a Half Men, and The Big Bang Theory

How 2 and a Half Men Banged Your Mother.

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple

What do you get when you combine Battlefront II with the internet of 2018?

Pai to play

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

How many farmers does it take to grease a combine?

...only two, if you feed them in real slow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

What charge do you get when you combine sodium and chlorine?

Assault

Yesterday was Star Wars Day (May The Fourth be with you). Today is Cinco de Mayo. Combine the two and tomorrow is...

Revenge of the Sixth

What do you get if you combine a dog and a tv aerial?

A Golden Receiver!

My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined.

She lost 120 lbs.

I'm going to combine my love for political activism with my love of archery

so that I can stick it to the man from a distance

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

What do you get when you combine someone from Colorado and someone from Idaho?

A Baked Potato

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?

A two-eyed onion.

What do you get when you combine north beach and south beach?

Sum of beaches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings

"Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right...

What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?

A fruit and a vegetable.

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined

And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you combine bleach and a girl dog?

You get a basic bitch

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