What do you get when you combine a carpenter with a bunch of fishermen?

A shepherd!

What do you get when you combine human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out of Sea World, apparently.



Yes, I know it's a repost. But I love this joke.

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What happens when you combine Putin and a potato.

You'll get a dicktator. And vodka

I have 1,800 nuclear missiles, 283 battle ships, 9,400 planes.. I spend more on my military than the next 12 nations combined and despite spending more every year I still feel insecure...

I have a military-industrial complex.

How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh?

A Washington.

What happens when you combine Johnny Cash and Johnny Paycheck?

You get Johnny Bank Account

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

What do you get when you combine Finland and Germany?

You get a finger!

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Ireland Declares War on France

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," the President of France ...

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One day a man with three testicles walks on the street. Then he says to the other man, proudly: "you and I combined have five testicles."

The other man, full of disbelief and shock, says: "you only have one?"

I hate the color purple

I hate it more than red and blue combined

What do you get when you combine an image board website and a popular puzzle game show?

Wheel of 4chan!

What do you get when you combine Calcium and Iron?

A cafe

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them.

He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

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What do you get when you combine a Crocodile and a Shitzu?

A Crockashit.

Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.

It’ll be a catastrophe.

What do you get when you combine Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube?

Youtwitface!

Why should you never combine zoosadism and necrophillia?

Because you would be beating a dead horse.

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

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An African, an American and an Asian guy get captured by tribals in a jungle.

The tribal chief tells them, “We will only let you go alive if the combined length of your penises adds up to 20 inches.”

The African steps up to the plate, whips out his genitalia and comes out at an impressive 14 inches.

The American goes next. He unzips his pants, sticks it out and...

If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

...being poor.

What do you get if you combine a monster and a boy scout?

A monster that can scare old ladies across the street!

what do you get when you combine an elephant and a rhino?

hellifiknow

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people.

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined.

She lost 120 lbs.

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

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The three Billy Goats and their endowment

I heard this one in high school; I believe from an ostensible lab partner who mostly told lewd jokes instead of doing assignments:

You might remember the old fairy tale of the three Billy Goats who were confronted by a troll while crossing a bridge. Well it was a day just like that one, wher...

What do you get when you combine corporate greed, sleazy politicians, and willful ignorance?

A climate crisis!

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

What do you get when you combine a parrot and a shark?

Something that talks your leg off.

What do you get when you combine a flat earther and their arrogance?

Flatulence.

I visited an art gallery.

"Absolutely gorgeous, don't you think?" I asked the fellow next to me. "The way the yellow combines with the grey...the way the colours intertwine. Truly beautiful."



He slowly stepped away from the urinal and left.

What do you get when you combine a wedding and a funeral?

Two funerals

They said this new programming language was so easy even a mafia enforcer can learn it in a month.

I thought mafiosi was just a random example but then I saw the way it combines the operators "or" and "else".

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

What do you get if you combine a insomniac, a Agnostic with a Schizophrenic and a dyslexic?

A person who argues with himself all night about whether or not there is a dog.

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

What do you get when you combine Reddit and 4chan?

A REEEEEE-post

What do you get when you combine a mommy and a daddy?

I don't know, but my dad said it's a mistake.

Your ability to combine photos into a beautiful and evocative display is amazing!

Well, I am a collage graduate.

What do you get when you combine flour, water, sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?

PETA bread.

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and...

I combined baseball and boxing and made a new sport.

It's called basebrawl.

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

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Optimus Prime has had a sexy change and is now a Combine Harvester

He’s a Trans-Farmer

What do you get when you combine an excess of waste and recycling?

r/jokes

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm?

A Zy-Goat

I'll escort myself out.

What do you get if you combine two Gs, an I, an E, an R, an S, and an N. I’ll tell you, you get the worst kind o man in the world:

Gingers

A blonde calls her husband who is at work

"Honey, I need your help. I just bought a puzzle at walmart and I really don't know how to solve it. It's so hard that I can't even combine two pieces."

"That's annoying my love. Does the box say how many pieces it has?"

"No, it doesn't say."

"Is there at least a picture of the ...

I like the color green

I like it as much as blue and yellow combined

What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?

Net neutrality.

Why don’t In n Out and Chick-Fil-A combine restaurants?

They’re too scared and would just Chick n Out.

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

What do you get when you combine an overpass and a nuclear reactor?

An overreaction.
.
.
.
.
**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHMANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOBOYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

I accidentally combined Fahrenheit and milliliters

FmL

A farmer buys a combine harvester

He's accidentally chops his finger off one day, inspecting a blade.

So the wife bags the finger up and takes him to the hospital. The doctor looks at it and performs micro surgery which re-attaches it like brand new.

Some weeks later the farmer somehow gets his leg chopped off. Panicki...

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

What do you get when you combine How I Met Your Mother, 2 and a Half Men, and The Big Bang Theory

How 2 and a Half Men Banged Your Mother.

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A pineapple

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon?

**HeYSeXe**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and ...

A well known local man has fell into a combine harvester trying to steal it last night

The police have confirmed he’s been bailed.

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The man with a single testicle (NSFW)

A man with a single testicle gets on a plane. He is very unlucky man with a single testicle.


The plane he is on has an engine malfunction mid flight and starts falling due to excessive weight. One has to jump from the plane to save the others.


"Lets choose someone randomly" say...

What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados?

GuacaMole!

What do you get when you combine Battlefront II with the internet of 2018?

Pai to play

A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable drinks has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide...

Their "Melon-Cauli" smoothie has now been withdrawn...

What charge do you get when you combine sodium and chlorine?

Assault

I'm going to combine my love for political activism with my love of archery

so that I can stick it to the man from a distance

How many farmers does it take to grease a combine?

...only two, if you feed them in real slow.

This Fibonacci joke is bad as the last two you heard combined

Copied from mathologer video

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

Yesterday was Star Wars Day (May The Fourth be with you). Today is Cinco de Mayo. Combine the two and tomorrow is...

Revenge of the Sixth

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

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What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?

A two-eyed onion.

What do you get when you combine someone from Colorado and someone from Idaho?

A Baked Potato

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