That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

One shop owner asks another, “So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you’re looking for a night guard?”

“Yeah, we got robbed tonight.”

God told Jesus he had to die for ours sins and you’d be surprised at his reaction.

He became cross.

A man visits his doctor after a severe allergic reaction.

The doctor enters the examination room and asks him, "How are we feeling today?"







The man replies, "Swell!"

Theirs two types of people in this world people who give up when they get no reaction

And necrophiliacs

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded do...

I’m outta here!!

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying,
"I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me"
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the k...

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Someone sees a statue of Jesus made out of cigarette butts. Whats his reaction?

HOLY SMOKES!

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A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim,

"Super Pussy!". She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her skirt and, again, proclaims, "Super Pussy!" and awaits his reaction. The old man looks at her, then her pussy, then back at h...

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish...

Why do elves get allergic reactions with each other?

They can't stand themselves!

Why did nobody laugh when the king farted?

Because noble gases don't cause reactions.

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You could say I have a knee fetish.

Its more of a knee-jerk reaction.

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When I was a kid, I was terrified of earwigs because I thought they were bugs that crawled in your ears.

Imagine my reaction when I heard about cockroaches.

Chemistry jokes.

Good or bad, it always gets a reaction out of you.

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

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If you brag about the proportions of your dick on a date, carefully watch her reaction.

Because sighs matter.

The Truck Driver and the Priest

In a small town outside of a big city, there was this truck driver who hated Lawyers. Now I mean like he really hated them lawyers. So whenever he was driving, he would intentionally swerve to hit them. Now, one day, he was driving his normal route, when he spots a priest on the side of the road. So...

NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding

When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

“What’s a licence” she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.

“I also need to registration” reminds the cop

...

I'd post a chemistry pun on here....

But I'm scared I'll get a volatile reaction.

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Drunked in a pub

In a pub will one man start to scream on other man : "hey dude i fucked your Mother"
Whole pub get silent and waits for reaction of the other man, but he is silent
Man screams again : "Hey! I fucked your Mother"
The other man is still silent...
The man screams again even more loud: " Do...

People ask me why I make chemistry jokes

Because I always get a positive reaction

TIL: If the Queen farts during dinner, all the other guests should pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases have no reaction.

I got the weirdest reaction from a girl whenI held the door open for her

She kept screaming things like “who the hell are you!” and “this is the girl’s bathroom!”

—-

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A Nazi walks into a bar...

A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there."

As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a...

President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.

the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.

I’ve been conducting a survey on the general public’s thoughts on blenders.

So far it has had mixed reactions.

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

Once upon a time, there was a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to hims...

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

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I've translated a popular Russian joke to English , wanna hear you reaction ))

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"Indeed, what is the difference?" ask...

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

***Spoilers***
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He was blown away by it!

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A man at a bar was getting drunk and rowdy

A man at a bar was getting drunk and rowdy. He stood up and said, "All lawyers are assholes!"

Nobody paid him any mind, so he repeated it, a little louder. "All Lawyers Are Assholes"

Again, no reaction, so now he got up and shouted, "ALL LAWYERS ARE ASSHOLES!"

A guy approach...

Why are farmers, who take good inventory of their cows, so efficient at chemical reactions?

Because they have a cattle list.

Two priests step into the communal shower, when they notice there's no soap. One says, "I'll go to my room and get two bars." He runs naked to the room, grabs the bars, but as he's running back, three nuns show up. Not knowing what else to do, he freezes like a statue...

The nuns look at the statue and say, "Such a beautiful figure, perfectly shaped!"

One of them, admiring its "toy soldier" decides do pull it.

The priest's reaction to the enormous pain makes him drop one of the soap bars, but he holds his pose.

The nun conclude then, that it's n...

Applying cream

I went back to see my doctor today.

I said, "I applied the hemmeroid cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction."

"Where exactly did you apply it?" he asked.

I replied "on the bus."

The enthalpy change for a combustion reaction is always negative

In other words, fire is hot.

(chemistry joke, hope someone gets it...)

sleep deprived and thought of joke

So as I said I am sleep deprived and im wondering if this is a good joke I just made up.

Joke:

There are three different reactions to when you say Guinea

Guy 1 will be offended as he is Italian
Guy 2 is wondering how you know what part of africa he is from
and Guy 3 asked...

What was the mans reaction when he was told he could never talk again?

He was speechless.

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So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot.

My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!” I fucking hate carrots.

i only made this because i could not post in r/memes thanks to my karma being too low

one day i tried to tell a chemistry joke



but i got no reaction

Timing is everything...

Friday night, a friend of mine converted to Christianity and, like new Christians tend to be, he is very passionate about sharing the Good News. He has been studying tirelessly to “show himself approved”. He doesn’t want to become a pastor or anything because he believes God will use him in the line...

When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...

He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.

TIFU by making my customer the wrong sandwich, giving her an allergic reaction.

Whoops. Wrong sub.

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Occupational Reaction

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped scant inches from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look here, don’t...

Was my joke that bad?

I made a joke tonight and it did not get any reaction...

I said: being a gynecologist is the only job where you can still say "I'm between things"

What do you guys think?

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster.

There was a crowd watching two fencers trade blows.

The first fencer performed an attack and the crowd gasped.

The king, who isn't into the sport, asked his swordmaster about the move.

"That's what you'd call ...

My cousin's allergic to shellfish, and I laughed as I told him I put shrimp in his soup.

You should've seen his reaction....

I remember my parent’s reaction when I brought home my first A+ on a test

It was something like “Who’s Lily” and “You aren’t even in AP Biology”

I have excellent chemistry with the girls I stalk these days

By chemistry, I mean the reaction of 8-methyl-*N*\-vanillyl-6-nonenamide with my eyes.

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

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A racist man walks into a bar...

He sees a black man sitting casually at the side, and is disgusted by the sight of him.

He then waves to the bartender and says, "I'd like to order a beer for everyone here except the black guy."

As everyone else is treated to a beer, he looks back at the black man in hopes of getting ...

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What was the woman's reaction to finding her husband's Viagra prescription?

She took it really hard.

I'll never forget my friends' reaction when we were younger and I told them Santa wasn't real

They said "How the hell have you gone 21 years without knowing this?"

A noble gas walks into a bar

The bartender says
“We don’t serve your kind here”

The noble gas has no reaction.

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The apple of your dreams.

One day Eddie walked into the patent office. He boldly stated to the patent officer, Bob, that he’d like to patent the apple. Bob, a studious man who looked like he spent a lifetime burying his face in books, dryly pointed out “You can’t patent the apple, Johnny Appleseed already did that.”
“We...

What was Mark Hamill's reaction when he finished reading The Force Awakens script?

Speechless

A man has an allergic reaction...

So he decides to go to the doctor to see what the problem is. The doctor runs some tests and tells the man
"I've got good news and bad news. Bad news is you're allergic to peas, but the good news is it is curable, and with monthly treatment your allergy should be gone in about 7 years."
"Grea...

I had trouble making friends in college until I came up with a foolproof plan.

I started telling girls, “I love you”, and their first reaction was “Let’s just be friends.”

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

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Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts,

I went to his funeral. Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.

So I explained:

"It's what he would have wanted"

A new doctor at a mental asylum decided to conduct a test

The objective of this test is to determine if those patients are truly mentally ill or not.

He handled patients in groups of three. He puts them in a room and draws a door on a board infront of them. Then he tells them that there is feast behind the door so he can see their reactions.

...

Two noble gases walk into a bar

They order 2 drinks.

The bartender said " we don't serve noble gases here".

They have no reaction.

A man is visiting a prison. Suddenly, on his right, a man yells "20!" And everyone dies of laughter.

After the laughter dies down, a different man yells "5!", getting the same reaction.

When the visitor asks an inmate, "What's going on?", the visitor replies "Well, we've all been here so long, we numbered our jokes. So when we say a specific number, everyone remembers the same joke."

...

A young cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a bowl of chili.

The older cowboy next to him says, "here, you can have mine. I'm not hungry"

So, the young cowboy being extremely hungry gobbles up the chili to find a dead rat in the bottom of the bowl. He quickly throws up the chili back into the bowl because he was disgusted.

The older cowboy said,...

The actual best knock-knock joke ever.

This is my go-to knock-knock joke.


You: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend: Why?

You: To get to ugly’s house —*chuckle like it’s funny*


—*a few seconds later*

You: Knock knock!

Same friend: Who’s there?

You: The chicken.

...

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Reaction to Snakes

• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.

• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.

• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for
more snakes.

• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere
kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."

• Army Aviation: Has GPS...

the Ogre and the Trids

Once upon a time long, long ago there were beings called Trids barely making a living on the side of a hill. They knew, however, that there was a beautiful field of valuable Flurd just on the other side of the hill, and if they could get their hands on some of that Flurd, their lives would improve i...

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A woman walks into a Boots

And notices that the cashier was a cheerleader at her old high school. So to impress her, she decides to buy a pack of extra-large condoms, so that the cashier'll think her boyfriend has a huge dick.


She puts her items through, and the cashier scans them without a word. Disappointed at th...

What was Trump's reaction to the petition for him to release his tax returns

Not my precedent

A company CEO always wants to put his employees in a good mood, so every morning he tells a funny story.

He is very shy though so he speaks over the intercom placed on his desk.

Every morning he tells the joke and a leaves the intercom on to hear the reaction.

No one says a word but after a good minute, everyone starts laughing. This happens every morning.

He is kind of confused b...

Do you want to hear a chemistry joke?

You might not like it though because last time I got no reaction.

A man was caught peeing in public by a police officer. The cop's only reaction was...

"Urine trouble now."

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A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

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An American golfer is asked to compete in a tournament in Japan

As soon as he gets there he starts partying as he has a few days to spare until the tournament begins. He starts dancing with an absolutely stunning Japanese girl and decides that despite the fact she speaks no English at all he's going to try and get her to sleep with him, they start kissing as the...

A girl was failing all her classes in college.

Deciding to try to use her looks to get ahead and get better grades she visited each of her male professors. She had three.

She visited the first one. After flirting a bit and getting some good reaction she decided to flash him. He seemed happy and liked them. Confident that he would raise h...

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

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A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband walks in.

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"...

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

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