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Reaction Jokes

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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it befo...

King Charles actually farted in the middle of his coronation, but no one really said anything.

This is because noble gases don't cause a reaction.

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The Optimist and the Pessimist.

Once, a family had two young boys. One was an eternal optimist, finding good in everything, even terrible things. The other was a pessimist who could find no joy in the world at all.

The parents, despairing of their boys ever leading healthy, fruitful lives, sought out a psychologist for he...

My wife asked me to stop with the corny dad jokes

I said I was going to do a chemistry joke next, but now I'm afraid of the reaction.

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 50th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..

The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.

"It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast," she told the clerk.

Th...

Why should you never tell a chemistry joke?

Because you won’t get a reaction.

A retired couple sitting at home was reliving their 50 years of marriage together.

The wife finally had gotten the courage to ask “Whats the cigar box under the bed you told me to never open?”

The husband sat a moment and then got up, abruptly leaving the room. When he returned, he had the cigar box. He sat down and opened it. Inside, there were three 50$ bills.

“I w...

The unusual camel

A man is walking through the desert. He's been lost for a while and he's kinda losing hope.

Behind a sand dune he sees what looks like a camel rental shop. Clearly a mirage.. or is it?

It doesn't disappear as he gets closer so he enters the main tent and is greeted by the owner.
...

I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body.

Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!

I had to go back to see my doctor today. I said, 'I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction.' 'Where exactly did you apply it?' he asked.

'On the bus' I replied

My son joined an experiment at school, where they would see what the reaction was on wearing a “go vegan” shirt for 2 weeks. So far he has been beaten, spitted on and yelled at.

I wonder what will happen if he goes outside of our house.

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would n...

A farmer's wife comes out into the field as he's plowing and begins to nag at him.

Moments later, one of the mules pulling the plow kicks her right in the head, killing her.

After the funeral, the priest walks up to the bereaved man and asks, "I noticed that many people approached you and offered their condolences. Whenever a woman would approach you and speak, I could see ...

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

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The children in Africa

When I was young and I wouldn’t eat my food, my mom would always tell me to think about the children in Africa and how they’re starving.

Being a good and impressionable kid, I really took her words to heart and made it an objective of mine to help these poor kids. Today I work as a volunteer...

Be careful driving on Christmas

The roads will be crazy. A lot of guys get drunk so their wives will be driving.


I don’t agree with this joke. I just heard it and wanted to see the reaction here.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

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A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

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3 Men end up marooned on an island

On the island they find a tribe of cannibals. They say they will let the men live if they complete a task. What they must do is go out into the forest and collect 10 of a type of fruit. The first man comes back with 10 apples. They tell the man he must shove all 10 apples up his butt without making ...

Pulled out a couple of nose hairs to see if it hurts.

Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems fcuking painful.

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Two elderly men

Got wasted drunk one evening and decided to go to a brothel.
The madam seeing how out of it both of them were decided to give them blow up dolls instead of real women.

The next day the two old men met up again and started sharing their experiences of the previous night.

The first o...

I took a photo of a goat and showed him. Guess it didnt like it..

His reaction was "Meh"..

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

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You b*****d!

A man was brought before the court to recieve his verdict.

"For the murder of your mother-in-law with numerous blows to the head with a hammer, we, the jury, find you guilty."

A voice in the back yells:

"You bastard!"

"For the murder of your wife with numerous blows to t...

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Three explorers lost in a jungle

Sadly they've been found by cannibals, who took them to the village prison. The next day, the village chief, tell them they have to do a challenge if they're willing to survive. First part of it is to collect 10 fruits in the wild and come back for the second part. The first explorer starts his hunt...

I wanted to tell a Chemistry joke…,

however thought that i wouldnt get a reaction…
It was supposed to be a Sodium joke, but Na.

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my girlfriend just told me that she was fingered both anally and vaginally by the gynaecologist

saying "awesome" was not the right reaction

I told my wife I found another girl just to see her reaction

On the first day, I saw nothing, the same thing for the second and third day... Fortunately, I started seeing a little bit with my left eye on the fourth day.

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A Nazi walks into a bar....

A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there."

As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a na...

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day...

The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he a...

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding

When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

“What’s a licence” she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.

“I also need to registration” reminds the cop

“...

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

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A soldier was standing guard next to a river in a remote area

A man trekking through the wilderness saw the soldier.

Surprised to see anyone, he called across to ask what he was doing there, but the soldier didn't respond.

It was a wide river, so maybe the soldier couldn't hear him. He decided to try using hand gestures to communicate instead.<...

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Your butthole closing after you take a poop is the second fastest known reaction in the world

The splash of water that races in is the first

Did you hear about the amputee who nearly died from an allergic reaction?

Apparently he was lack-toes intolerant.

What type of drug can you take if you have an allergic reaction to Rowan Atkinson?

Anti-MisterBeans

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What was the woman's reaction to finding her husband's Viagra prescription?

She took it really hard.

What was the dying tree's reaction to a 2nd chance to grow?

Re-leaf.

I wrote down on a piece of paper several books I wanted to read about substances that speed up chemical reactions, and told my kitten to go out and get them for me.



I gave my catalyst.

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The reactions to the half time show are pretty mixed. I've seen some people say it was the best since Prince and some people say it's the worst since Coldplay. Others have said it was complete ass.

It’s hard to tell what they think.

I'm doing a science experiment on comedy where I tell people a joke and see their reaction.

Welcome to the control group.

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Man's wife is in a coma

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they real...

What was Han Solo's reaction after eating a Momo?

Hmm... Chewie.

What is the reaction of two Helium atoms when they hear a joke?

He He.

One shop owner asks another, “So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you’re looking for a night guard?”

“Yeah, we got robbed tonight.”

A man visits his doctor after a severe allergic reaction.

The doctor enters the examination room and asks him, "How are we feeling today?"







The man replies, "Swell!"

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

***Spoilers***
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He was blown away by it!

Did you know that Andrew Rea's made a reaction channel?

Cringing with Babish

The enthalpy change for a combustion reaction is always negative

In other words, fire is hot.

(chemistry joke, hope someone gets it...)

A man was caught peeing in public by a police officer. The cop's only reaction was...

"Urine trouble now."

A man has an allergic reaction...

So he decides to go to the doctor to see what the problem is. The doctor runs some tests and tells the man
"I've got good news and bad news. Bad news is you're allergic to peas, but the good news is it is curable, and with monthly treatment your allergy should be gone in about 7 years."
"Grea...

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

I remember my parent’s reaction when I brought home my first A+ on a test

It was something like “Who’s Lily” and “You aren’t even in AP Biology”

The worst part about spring...

Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

Why are farmers, who take good inventory of their cows, so efficient at chemical reactions?

Because they have a cattle list.

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Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts,

I went to his funeral. Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.

So I explained:

"It's what he would have wanted"

What was Trump's reaction to the petition for him to release his tax returns

Not my precedent

I’m having an allergic reaction, quick, get my syringe!

It’s in that book over there, the Epi-Tome

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