i only made this because i could not post in r/memes thanks to my karma being too low

one day i tried to tell a chemistry joke

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but i got no reaction

i'm trying to teach my dog the basics of physics and we're at "every action has an equal and opposite reaction"

when he pulls on the leash, so do i

I'm doing a science experiment on comedy where I tell people a joke and see their reaction.

Welcome to the control group.

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish...

I got the weirdest reaction from a girl whenI held the door open for her

She kept screaming things like “who the hell are you!” and “this is the girl’s bathroom!”

—-

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

Why are farmers, who take good inventory of their cows, so efficient at chemical reactions?

Because they have a cattle list.

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

***Spoilers***
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He was blown away by it!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you brag about the proportions of your dick on a date, carefully watch her reaction.

Because sighs matter.

Most of my jokes get no reaction...

but dismay

President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.

the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.

The enthalpy change for a combustion reaction is always negative

In other words, fire is hot.

(chemistry joke, hope someone gets it...)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Nazi walks into a bar..

A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there."

As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a na...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

Why was there no reaction when the King farted?

Because it was a Noble Gas

What was the mans reaction when he was told he could never talk again?

He was speechless.

NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding

When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

“What’s a licence” she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.

“I also need to registration” reminds the cop

...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] A guy wanted to see his wife's reaction by complementing her sister's ass

He did not see anything

Second day, still did not see anything

By the third day he could see a little bit with his right eye

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

I remember my parent’s reaction when I brought home my first A+ on a test

It was something like “Who’s Lily” and “You aren’t even in AP Biology”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've translated a popular Russian joke to English , wanna hear you reaction ))

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"Indeed, what is the difference?" ask...

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

TIFU by making my customer the wrong sandwich, giving her an allergic reaction.

Whoops. Wrong sub.

I'll never forget my friends' reaction when we were younger and I told them Santa wasn't real

They said "How the hell have you gone 21 years without knowing this?"

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What was the woman's reaction to finding her husband's Viagra prescription?

She took it really hard.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Occupational Reaction

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped scant inches from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look here, don’t...

How often do I make chemistry jokes?

Periodically. I made one yesterday, but it had no reaction.

I’m having an allergic reaction, quick, get my syringe!

It’s in that book over there, the Epi-Tome

A man has an allergic reaction...

So he decides to go to the doctor to see what the problem is. The doctor runs some tests and tells the man
"I've got good news and bad news. Bad news is you're allergic to peas, but the good news is it is curable, and with monthly treatment your allergy should be gone in about 7 years."
"Grea...

I once told a chemistry student a joke..

No reaction.

After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts,

I went to his funeral. Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.

So I explained:

"It's what he would have wanted"

What was Mark Hamill's reaction when he finished reading The Force Awakens script?

Speechless

Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during a dinner and all the other guests have to pretend nothing happened

Noble gases are supposed to have no reaction

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

Two priests go into the shower

In the shower they notice that there are no soap.

One of them says "Il go to my room and bring 2 soap bars" runs naked to the room, grabs 2 bars of soap and when he was running back...

3 nuns show up, first thing he remembers to do "freezes like a statue"..

Nuns look at the s...

i would tell a chemistry joke...

but im afraid i won't get a reaction

What was Trump's reaction to the petition for him to release his tax returns

Not my precedent

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

Today I had an allergic reaction to a peanut...

**This title contains content from FINE BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT who has it blocked on copyright grounds.**

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Reaction to Snakes

• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.

• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.

• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for
more snakes.

• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere
kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."

• Army Aviation: Has GPS...

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

A new doctor at a mental asylum decided to conduct a test

The objective of this test is to determine if those patients are truly mentally ill or not.

He handled patients in groups of three. He puts them in a room and draws a door on a board infront of them. Then he tells them that there is feast behind the door so he can see their reactions.

...

A man was caught peeing in public by a police officer. The cop's only reaction was...

"Urine trouble now."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The apple of your dreams.

One day Eddie walked into the patent office. He boldly stated to the patent officer, Bob, that he’d like to patent the apple. Bob, a studious man who looked like he spent a lifetime burying his face in books, dryly pointed out “You can’t patent the apple, Johnny Appleseed already did that.”
“We...

A young cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a bowl of chili.

The older cowboy next to him says, "here, you can have mine. I'm not hungry"

So, the young cowboy being extremely hungry gobbles up the chili to find a dead rat in the bottom of the bowl. He quickly throws up the chili back into the bowl because he was disgusted.

The older cowboy said,...

Two noble gases walk into a bar

They order 2 drinks.

The bartender said " we don't serve noble gases here".

They have no reaction.

I am getting the worst reactions trying to find workout buddies at the gym... one girl even got up from doing pushups and slapped me right in the face.

All I said was she looked like she could use a push-up brah

How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he farted?

Because noble gases don't cause reactions.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A racist man walks into a bar...

He sees a black man sitting casually at the side, and is disgusted by the sight of him.

He then waves to the bartender and says, "I'd like to order a beer for everyone here except the black guy."

As everyone else is treated to a beer, he looks back at the black man in hopes of getting ...

The actual best knock-knock joke ever.

This is my go-to knock-knock joke.


You: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend: Why?

You: To get to ugly’s house —*chuckle like it’s funny*


—*a few seconds later*

You: Knock knock!

Same friend: Who’s there?

You: The chicken.

...

What is the reaction of two Helium atoms when they hear a joke?

He He.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman walks into a Boots

And notices that the cashier was a cheerleader at her old high school. So to impress her, she decides to buy a pack of extra-large condoms, so that the cashier'll think her boyfriend has a huge dick.


She puts her items through, and the cashier scans them without a word. Disappointed at th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Before being ordained, 6 priests had to stand nude with a bell tied to their cocks.

Anyone whose bell rang had no spiritual purity. A naked girl with big tits & a shaved pussy danced before each one. First priest no reaction. She went down the line with no response from them till she reached the last priest, Ralph. Poor Ralph. While she danced he got a stiffy & his bell ran...

A company CEO always wants to put his employees in a good mood, so every morning he tells a funny story.

He is very shy though so he speaks over the intercom placed on his desk.

Every morning he tells the joke and a leaves the intercom on to hear the reaction.

No one says a word but after a good minute, everyone starts laughing. This happens every morning.

He is kind of confused b...

A man is visiting a prison. Suddenly, on his right, a man yells "20!" And everyone dies of laughter.

After the laughter dies down, a different man yells "5!", getting the same reaction.

When the visitor asks an inmate, "What's going on?", the visitor replies "Well, we've all been here so long, we numbered our jokes. So when we say a specific number, everyone remembers the same joke."

...

Why does no one laugh when Queen Elizabeth farts?

Coz noble gases got no reactions!

Omg! My first gold. Thank you so much.

I had trouble making friends in college, but then came up with a foolproof plan.

I started telling girls I love them. Their first reaction was to say let’s just be friends.

the Ogre and the Trids

Once upon a time long, long ago there were beings called Trids barely making a living on the side of a hill. They knew, however, that there was a beautiful field of valuable Flurd just on the other side of the hill, and if they could get their hands on some of that Flurd, their lives would improve i...