UPJOKE
responsereplyanswerinputreactionresponsesreactionsqueryevaluationbacklashinteractioncuesreturnvalidationevaluations

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Americans and a German gynecologist were having a drink...

After a few they start sharing stories from their professions. Since all 3 were gynecologists it soon became a brag-fest.

American 1: "I once had a patient who had a clitoris like a blueberry!"

American 2: "that's nothing, my last patient had one like a cherry!"

German: "I would...

I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.

Uno.

A woman calls customer service..

"Hi, I bought a maternity dress through your site and I want to cancel the order." she says.

The service rep says, "Sure, I can do that for you.. but I'd also like to get your feedback; may I ask why?"

"Yeah," says the customer. "My delivery was faster than yours was."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese government delegation visits Russia [USSR for oldtimers]

Russian officials give them tours around Moscow and show off the best they could to impress honorable guests. Whenever they ask guests how they like the streets, buildings, or "state-of-the-art" plants, guests give the same feedback smile, bow, and "You have wonderful children".

On the final ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family brain storming of dad jokes, feedback wanted.... why didn't the fly like the police?

Because of the SWAT.

#2 What did the therapist mug say to the cup?

You need to get a handle on that.

At a corporate party…

The director of HR stood up and said “If anyone has any comments or anything they’d like to say please come up to the microphone”

An employee stood up and walked over. He picked up the microphone and pointed it directly at the speakers. A loud obnoxious noise screeched out and filled the room...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small boy

named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother hone...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

For the first time in my life, I got positive feedback on my exams

Too bad it was from the STI Clinic

How will you know if you die of the Delta variant of COVID?

On your way to heaven or wherever, you'll make a stop in Atlanta.

*Edit: Thanks for the upvotes and comments. Per feedback, it might be better as "On your way to heaven, you'll have a layover in Atlanta."*

An 80 year old man went to buy some clothes. He tried some modern tight dresses and when asked for a feedback, he told "These are like cheaply made castles."

No ball room

What did the brick do after he was fired?

Got a job in construction.

(Hopefully original am open to feedback)

Looking for feedback on a terribad joke I made up

Last night at 7:30 I went to my uncle's sixty second birthday party...

It was over by 7:31.

The misunderstanding (joke)

One day, a man from America who has recently moved to Britain, is meeting with an employer. The employer says “ hi, it’s nice to meet you! So what did you do for a living in America?”. The man replies “oh,I was a baker”, but because of the different accents, the employer heard “ oh, I was a banker “...

I once turned down a farm job because it called for haulin’ oats.

I told them, “I can’t go for that.”

This is my friend’s joke - original, supposedly. Posting it here for feedback.

Donald Trump's first summit with Kim Jong-un was only to get feedback about the quality of his tweets.

Who better to ask than the Supreme Reader?

XM Radio is looking for feedback on Reddit about how to improve customer service

They're taking Sirius replies only.

“Customer feedback.”

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a brothel and ask that the three most requested girls are brought in front of him(long)

A beautiful blond, brunette and a red head now stand before him, yet he simply can't decide who to pick. The man turns to the blond and ask. "Why are you so popular with the customers?"

She smiles an replies "You may not believe this, but when I get screwed in my ass really good, it congratul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I learned recently that 9/10 men masturbate regularly

You don't want to know how the last guy does it...


Note: all my jokes I post here are originals I'm working on, so as always, feedback is good yadda yadda yadda

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler hires a new cook

Before taking up the job he is told there are 2 main requirements - Making good healthy food for the dictator and never interfering in his policies.

On his first day he finds out about all of Hitler's preferences, likes and dislikes. With all of that in mind he makes everything as expected e...

Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers

An old one, but a good one…

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care...

Marketing terms explained

1. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
\--That's direct marketing.


2. You're at a party with friends and see a beautiful girl. One friend goes over to her, points at you, and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
\--That...

A guy dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives, St. Peter greets him and shows him around. Off in the distance, he hears the sickest drum solo he's ever heard, and asks St Peter, "Is that Neil Peart?!"

"Yes, he plays for us all day long!" St Peter replied.

Then, they hear the unmistakable melody of Purple Rain, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Appolcolypse

A zombie apocalypse had enveloped the earth. 99.9% of the world’s population had been annihilated and Carl, lone survivor, was venturing the land looking for somewhere to take shelter.

One day, he came across a prison. The place was full of people armed with swords, spears, axes and all kin...

What did the new comic say to the mic?

Thanks for the feedback.

I bought oats for my horse but they were moldy so I returned them and told the manager he should have better quality control.

He took my feedback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife's favorite joke

It took me months to gather courage to post this here, but, it's finally time. It's a terrible joke, so please be gentle.

A drunk man climbs a street light, and starts yelling that he will commit suicide.

A woman who was passing by, sees the scene, and start trying to convince the man ...

My son made up this joke. Knock knock

-Who's there?
-Alexa
-Alexa who?
-Sorry I don't know that one. You can always leave feedback on the Alexa app.

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

If you have a presentation, you should practice with a microphone.

Why? Because they will always give you feedback.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"


That's Direct Marketing.


You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.


One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,


"He's very rich. Marry him."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde visits a doctor... (NSFW)

A blonde visits a doctor and upon being inquired by the doctor of her predicament, says, "I seem to have a pain inside my ass. It feels a bit sore and I can't seem to get rid of it."

Taking note of her problem, the doctor requests the blonde to discard her shorts and bend over the bed by the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Monk's Secret

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a st...

An audio technician becomes a comedian

An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.

He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.

At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.

That was the last night he ever did comedy.

The feedback ruined it.

Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review

Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.

I was honest with my review: "This telescope sucked. Two Stars."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

r/jokes, let's have a chat.

Hello, r/jokes. I've come here to point out two things that have been irking this community since they have started. They both are unnecessary, hated by the community, and are downvoted into oblivion.

The first thing is this "the x fainted". Please stop. The majority of the subreddit knows ab...

How did the train employee survive electrocution?

He was a good conductor.

I came with this one up myself and I'm looking for feedback.

What is it called when your toddler spits out everything you make for him?

Feedback

Why is it hard to know what a baby wants?

Because when you feed it, it doesn't feedback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend wanted a chemistry joke, so I made this up for her

So a guy and his girlfriend, sophomores in college, were picking classes. They were struggling with their relationship, and picking classes was just stressful for them. They were able to get the exact same schedule except for one class. That's when the guy got up, grabbed his things and say "Sorry, ...

A farmer arrives at a local market and asks a merchant, "Can I get some feed for my chickens?"

"Sure, how much do you want?" the merchant replies.

"Well I recon I'll need about 9 bags."

The merchant gathers up some feed and hands the farmer 11 bags.

"Uh, I said I only needed 9 bags."

"Oh, I'm so sorry I thought you said 11, my mistake."

"It's no big deal, I'...

Did you hear about the sound technician that got fired recently?

Apparently he couldn't handle feedback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to an interview for an entry level position..

HR Manager: "We've done a small background check on you. Your current boss tells us that you have no technical or business skills. You report late to office every day, spend 3 hrs on lunch/breaks, 2 hrs on checking mails and remaining time on useless meetings. Your colleagues also describe you as a ...

What do unsatisfied customers of prosthetic feet give the manufacturer?

Their feedback.

A staff member once said..

The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes.

As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from the Open Beta and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we're looking at average p...

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requ...

LPT: Never tell a sound technician how they are doing.

They hate feedback.

Someone used a cane to point out stuff instead of a laser pointer during a presentation today.

He asked for feedback on his presentation.

I said it was fantastick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sacrilegious ad-man

Father Bill is down at his local pub one night when he runs into Don, an old friend from school. They start talking old times and eventually Don brings the conversation around to the fact that Bill seems to be a man of the cloth.

"You see Bill, I'm actually in advertising, and I've been worki...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.