UPJOKE
critiquerebukeattackdisapprovalcriticalknockreprimandflakcriticcriticscontroversyaccusationsconcernsoutrageskepticism

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

A vampire joins a writing group.

They submit a story, a fluffy slice-of-life story about a family of woodland critters, and wait for their turn to receive criticism.

"It was cute, but nothing really happens," another student says, addressing the vampire. "There's no stakes."

How do you express criticism of Israel in America?

\[redacted\]

A classic reimagined...

A 120 year old grandfather goes to the doctor for his physical and says he's feeling great. "So great, in fact, I got my girlfriend pregnant!" he proudly boasts to the doctor.

"Let me tell you a story." the doctor says. "A man went for a walk in the woods whereupon he encountered a bear, who...

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

"Will you marry me?"


The Princess said "NO!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fucked women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank, and scratched his balls...

I was telling my friend a joke about sky diving but he gave me constructive criticism on it

It didn’t land very well

My girlfriend was told she doesn't take criticism very well

I said that must of been hard to hear

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My girlfriend says she’s open to a lot of stuff when it comes to sex

Apparently one of those things isn’t criticism

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To people who get pissed off about passive-aggressive criticism...

What else do you do poorly?

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I just finished reading a book called "How To Give Constructive Criticism"

It was fucking shit.

I have finally completed my PhD in Literary Criticism...

And I beg you not to speak of the irony.

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What's the difference between criticism and constructive criticism?

One pisses you off and the other helps to piss you off

What do you call a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism.

A riposte

The Lorena Bobbitt documentary was very informative and well directed, my only criticism is that it was way too long

They should have cut half of it.

There a man in the Soviet Union who always complained about the constant shortages

One day the KGB went to the apartment he lived and arrested him. The occupant of the apartment knew that he was gonna die so they didn't make a fuss out of it. But after a week much to the apartment's occupant surprise, the man returned relatively unharmed except for some bruises so the occupant ask...

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Donald Trump can't take any criticism…

At this point he's such a pussy about it he may as well just grab himself.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

What do you call a boat that doesn't allow criticism?

A censor-ship

Why are sound guys so bad at taking criticism?

They hate feedback.

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I had to follow a soft skills course “How to give constructive criticism”.

It was total shit.

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An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
...

My mother said to me at dinner last week that I overreact too much to criticism.

So I shot her.

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