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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

"Will you marry me?"


The Princess said "NO!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fucked women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank, and scratched his balls...

How do you express criticism of Israel in America?

\[redacted\]

My girlfriend was told she doesn't take criticism very well

I said that must of been hard to hear

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An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
...

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A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight.

During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the air...

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Caller Question

The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?

To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."

I was telling my friend a joke about sky diving but he gave me constructive criticism on it

It didn’t land very well

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To people who get pissed off about passive-aggressive criticism...

What else do you do poorly?

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Just finished reading a book entitled improve your constructive criticism

It was absolute shit

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What's the difference between criticism and constructive criticism?

One pisses you off and the other helps to piss you off

I have finally completed my PhD in Literary Criticism...

And I beg you not to speak of the irony.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

The Lorena Bobbitt documentary was very informative and well directed, my only criticism is that it was way too long

They should have cut half of it.

What do you call a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism.

A riposte

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I had to follow a soft skills course “How to give constructive criticism”.

It was total shit.

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Donald Trump can't take any criticism…

At this point he's such a pussy about it he may as well just grab himself.

What do you call a boat that doesn't allow criticism?

A censor-ship

Why are sound guys so bad at taking criticism?

They hate feedback.

I once met a guy who was convinced that there were no word in the English language with more syllables than vowels.

I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refuses to accept criticism.

My mother said to me at dinner last week that I overreact too much to criticism.

So I shot her.

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