Gossip Jokes - 57 Hilarious Gossip Jokes

Socrates Gossip

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you t...

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Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."

The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I burned them."

The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
...

I really dislike gossipers

They discuss me.

Debra is the office gossip, always ready to find dirt on her coworkers and spread it around the office.

One day, on her lunch break, Debra sees one of her coworkers’ son sharing a meal with a woman who is clearly not his wife. Knowing that this could be the drama of the century, Debra gets in her car and follows them to a house, then takes pictures of them kissing from between the blinds. Her break is...

I hate it when chefs gossip about stuff

All they do is stand around and stir the pot.

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Three woman we’re gossiping about their sex lives

'I noticed some time ago', said the first one about her boyfriend, 'that Tom's balls are cold while giving him a bj'.

'That's funny,' says the second one. 'I noticed the same thing with Peter's balls!'

The third one says: 'I never really paid attention to that. I'm gonna try it out wit...

How old Mildred stopped gossiping.

Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Once, she accused a ...

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What kind of mushrooms always gossip about you behind your back?

Shit-talk-y mushrooms!

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Did you hear the gossip about butter?

Actually nah I shouldn't spread it.

Two people gossiping

"Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for writing down something illegal?"
"No way! What was the sentence?"

My Last 3 Boyfriends gossip

Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year.

One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up.

The se...

Why don't people gossip during breakfast?

They don't want to spill the beans.

I hate women who gossip about me at workplace

Especially to the HR ..

Two Hillbillies are sitting outside the local store gossiping...

The first one says, "Welp, yesterdee muh wife got rear ended on the highway by one of them beer trucks."

The second says, "Shoot. They git 'er good?"

First one says, "Yup. Smashed in 'er backside real good."

The second one says, "What company was it?"

First one says, "Oh ...

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3 priests are out fishing on a boat..

One of them says "We should confess our sins to one another."

The first one says "I have a gambling problem, I sneak out at night and gamble away all my money..

The second one says "I have an addiction to porn and can't stop looking at it."

The third one says "I am a gossip and ...

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Three women were gossiping about their sex life....

First woman: "My husband is a brute. He can fit his three fingers inside my vagina."

Second woman: "That's nothing. My husband put his entire fist inside mine."

Hearing them, the third woman gets up and drops her pants and says while looking between her legs, "John, could you come outs...

To enjoy gossip you really need to

have a sense of rumour.

A farmer moved into town

After getting settled in the new town, a farmer went to church for the first time. He found that the people in the church gossiped and shunned him for his poor appearance. After the service, the preacher went to the farmer and told him that "In this town, we get dressed up for church."
"But I...

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What do you call a mushroom that likes to gossip?

A shit-talkie

A priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist preacher were out fishing together

"We should all confess our sins," the priest suggests. "Give it a shot and see how it feels."

The three agree, and the Catholic goes goes first. "I'm an alcoholic. I drink till I black out every night."

"I love watching naked women on the internet," the rabbi confesses. "I just can't s...

Why does Pinocchio love gossip?

Because he is so nosey

In which month do women gossip the least?

February, cause it has only 28 days

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What did your husband get YOU?

Three southern belles stood together gossiping. The topic of discussion were gifts from their husbands. Here's how it went.

Pointing at a house on top of a hill, the first southern belle boasts, "Y'all ain't never seen a house like that. My husband built me that there house!" The second south...

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Earlier today I saw a highways worker doing nothing but gossiping whilst drinking cordial and listening to Glen Campbell.

Just seen him again, and that bitchy tarred roadman is still on the lime!

4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train

They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.

The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.

The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.

The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings o...

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Telegram

Telephone

Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

Why do bills always gossip with each other in the mailbox?

Because they are fee-mail.

What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?

"My ears are burning!"

Take steps to avoid this...

Gossiping in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: One to screw the lightbulb, and one to convince the lightbulb that the lightbulb’s sinful, promiscuous behavior is what caused the first one to screw it, and if the lightbulb gossips to the police about being screwed, it would be damaging the church’s mission of preaching the Good News of Jesus...

I get all my gossip from a ketchup bottle

Its a very reliable sauce

Why won't Malia and Sasha Obama's classmates gossip about them?

Because they know their father can read their emails.

One space rock, said to the other space rock, “got any more gossip on the affair?” The other space rock replied, “yeah, turns out Carl’s mistress... is a man!”

Space rocks always love when the story gets meteor.

Four priests met for a friendly gathering

During the conversation one priest said, “Our people come to us and pour out their hearts confessing certain sins and needs. Let’s do the same. Confession is good for the soul.”

In due time all agreed. One confessed he liked to go to movies and would sneak off when away from his church. The s...

Three Moroccan Jewish women have a chat.

They've known each other for quite some time and every wednesday they have this tradition where they drink tea together and gossip and chat. The first one says: " You know my son, he had such a great year this year, if he wanted he could buy all of Paris and still have some change.". The second one ...

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Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip...

That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes...

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Boo fucking hoo...

Could also be gossip in Korea.

First Rule of Thesaurus Club:

You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.

A crocodile is walking to the Roman Colosseum, where a gladiator duel is scheduled to take place.

Along the way, he runs into a serial killer.

The crocodile, being a crocodile, is unconcerned and promptly proceeds to devour her alive before continuing on his merry way to the Roman Colosseum.

He makes it there just fine, and enjoys a gladiatorial match for the ages- a feast for the ...

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Sam decided to go skiing with his best friend, Dean.

They loaded up Sam's jeep with their skiing equipment and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a horrible blizzard. Slowly they arrived to a farmhouse and asked the lady of the house if they could spend the night there.

'I am recently widowed and I'm afraid my neigh...

Karen's patient husband was right by her side when she had a headache.

She told him that if anything could cure her headache, it would be him just being there for her and listening. So he sat by her side and listened as she spoke about every other time she had had a headache, and about her other medical concerns, and about neighborhood gossip. He brought her a cup of t...

I went to a drug convention hoping to buy the drugs I saw on Breaking Bad. Too bad I couldn’t find any. All the dealers kept gossiping about two people I didn’t know.

Who cares if Chris told Meth.

what do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull?

not much of a watchdog, but it’s a vicious gossip.

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister are on a train.

They chat for a bit when the priest suggests they all share their gravest confessions. He offers to go first.
"Sometimes, after communion service, I'll drink more of the wine than I should and flirt with the nuns."

The Minister replies, "mine's far worse. Sometimes, after taking collec...

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Gods on vacation

The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Allah said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Ea...

A church got a new pastor, who the music minister immediately disliked. Eventually, their conflict spilled out into the Sunday services.

The first week, the pastor preached about commitment and how we should dedicate our lives to serving one another. The music minister led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The second week, the pastor preached about tithing and how important it was for the congregation to contributed to the chu...

A British tabloid receives an order for a smear article about an activist...

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.

"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli...

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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notif...

Tapeworms in a cow

Time for another terrible joke.

So, there are these two tapeworms in a cow. They are talking and just generally gossiping a bunch. One of them tells the other something shocking. The other tapeworm says. "Where did you ever hear that" The first tapeworm replies.

"I heard it through the...

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Three Pastors go fishing...

Three pastors go on a fishing trip. One pastor pipes up and says,

"Hey, I trust you fellas, what do you say to sharing our biggest fault and try to help each other? I'll go first, I'm really addicted to masturbating. I do it all I can every time I can and it's starting to hinder my love life ...

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A tell all old woman at the court of a small provincial town

At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?" "Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very di...

Clergy with terrible, terrible habits.

A Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, a Baptist minister, and an Episcopalian rector were attending an ecumenical conference. After the conferences were done and they had supper, they were relaxing in the hotel restaurant, talking.

The Catholic priest said, "You know, it's great to get to k...

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2 Nuns and a Bottle of Whiskey

A bartender is waiting for closing time at his pub so he can lock up, and go home. It's a slow night and he has no customers.

He hears a light knock at the back door, opens it, and there are 2 nuns there. One says, "Mr Bartender, can we impose upon you for a wee favor?"

"Certainly,...

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A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

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A prison guard gives Bill Cosby and opportunity...

After several brutal years in prison, Bill Cosby is approached by a prison guard who presents him with what seems like a great opportunity.

"Bill," he says, "you've demonstrated good behavior in here for the past couple years despite all the harassment from the other inmates. I know it must n...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

God wanted to take a vacation...

...so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go.

"Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter.

"No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God.

"Well, how about Mercury?"

"No, it's too hot there."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "what about Earth?"
...

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