I really dislike gossipers

They discuss me.

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What do you call a mushroom that likes to gossip?

A shit-talkie

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To stop anymore gossip.

Yes, I did get arrested for assault on New Years Eve.

But, in my defence, it was nearly midnight and if you were standing next to a Muslim with a rucksack shouting 10,9,8,7. you would have twatted the fucker as well.

In which month do women gossip the least?

February, cause it has only 28 days

Two people gossiping

"Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for writing down something illegal?"
"No way! What was the sentence?"

I went to a drug convention hoping to buy the drugs I saw on Breaking Bad. Too bad I couldn’t find any. All the dealers kept gossiping about two people I didn’t know.

Who cares if Chris told Meth.

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Have you heard the gossip about butter?

Actually nah, i should'nt spread it..

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Telegram

Telephone

Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

what do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull?

not much of a watchdog, but it’s a vicious gossip.

My Last 3 Boyfriends gossip

Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year.


One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up.


The se...

The Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused To...

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Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."

The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I burned them."

The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
...

Socrates Gossip

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you t...

I get all my gossip from a ketchup bottle

Its a very reliable sauce

A priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist preacher were out fishing together

"We should all confess our sins," the priest suggests. "Give it a shot and see how it feels."

The three agree, and the Catholic goes goes first. "I'm an alcoholic. I drink till I black out every night."

"I love watching naked women on the internet," the rabbi confesses. "I just can't s...

Why do bills always gossip with each other in the mailbox?

Because they are fee-mail.

I don't repeat gossip

So listen carefully the first time

To enjoy gossip you really need to

have a sense of rumour.

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startling gossip

A businessman returned home from the office with some startling gossip. He informed his wife that he'd heard that their neighbor is apartment 4-G had fucked every woman in the building except one. "That's right," replied the wife. "Its that stuck-up Mrs. Choen on the eight floor!"

Clergy with terrible, terrible habits.

A Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, a Baptist minister, and an Episcopalian rector were attending an ecumenical conference. After the conferences were done and they had supper, they were relaxing in the hotel restaurant, talking.

The Catholic priest said, "You know, it's great to get to k...

Why won't Malia and Sasha Obama's classmates gossip about them?

Because they know their father can read their emails.

What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?

"My ears are burning!"

A British tabloid receives an order for a smear article about an activist...

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.


"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli...

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(LONG) There was once an old mobster who liked to gamble

And this made man’s heyday was primarily during Prohibition, the days when a man of means could relax with drink and a hand of poker or rummy. Fortunes in ill-gotten gains were won and lost in such places, so it was a surprise to many that the old crook who haunted the craps table had never lost a s...

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A prison guard gives Bill Cosby and opportunity...

After several brutal years in prison, Bill Cosby is approached by a prison guard who presents him with what seems like a great opportunity.

"Bill," he says, "you've demonstrated good behavior in here for the past couple years despite all the harassment from the other inmates. I know it must n...

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Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip...

That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes...

Karen's patient husband was right by her side when she had a headache.

She told him that if anything could cure her headache, it would be him just being there for her and listening. So he sat by her side and listened as she spoke about every other time she had had a headache, and about her other medical concerns, and about neighborhood gossip. He brought her a cup of t...

First Rule of Thesaurus Club:

You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.

God wanted to take a vacation...

...so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go.

"Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter.

"No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God.

"Well, how about Mercury?"

"No, it's too hot there."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "what about Earth?"
...

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A tell all old woman at the court of a small provincial town

At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?" "Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very di...

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Gods on vacation

The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Allah said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Ea...

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Three Pastors go fishing...

Three pastors go on a fishing trip. One pastor pipes up and says,

"Hey, I trust you fellas, what do you say to sharing our biggest fault and try to help each other? I'll go first, I'm really addicted to masturbating. I do it all I can every time I can and it's starting to hinder my love life ...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

Tapeworms in a cow

Time for another terrible joke.

So, there are these two tapeworms in a cow. They are talking and just generally gossiping a bunch. One of them tells the other something shocking. The other tapeworm says. "Where did you ever hear that" The first tapeworm replies.

"I heard it through the...

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