An observation on an age old question...

What deep thinkers men are...
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'.

The reason I said that ...

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation.

And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.

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A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

A policeman was interviewing 3 guys who want to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh....

A child’s observation:

If a mother laughs at dad’s jokes, we have guests.

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A Rather Distasteful Joke

New students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important quali...

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Autopsy class

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.' Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked ...

The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in the room 222

Close to 17:00 he calls the room service from the landline and says the following.

tu ti, tu tututu

The attendant has a hard time understating that request and considering that it is the president, not just some normal customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an en...

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Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on. From Todays GCFL

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best patients to operate on.


The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."


The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Eve...

There's a quantum observation theory where only police have consciousness

cop didn't see it I didn't do it

A stoner was conducting frog observations in his lab

Day 1: He cut off the frog's right arm and told it to jump, so it jumped.
He wrote in his journal, "if you cut off the frog's right arm and tell it to jump it'll jump."

Day 2: He cut off the frog's left arm and told it to jump, so it jumped.
He wrote in his journal, "if you cut off a f...

I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

My wife came back home from the hairdresser's. She asked me what I thought of her new look, and she got upset when I made my observation.



'So, you think I look like a bulldog!' she wept.

I laughed to myself.

'No! You need to get your ears tested!' I replied.

'Oh...' she began to smile.

'I said you look like a bald hog,' I added.

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Customer satisfaction

Don't think I've seen this posted here so here goes

A company executive decided to have lunch at this restaurant with rave reviews. He sat down at a table and noticed that every waiter had a spoon in their shirt pocket. He called a waiter over to ask him about this.

'I noticed somethin...

Observation

The orthopedic surgeon Betty worked for was moving to a new office, and the staff was helping transport many of the items. Betty sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, his bony arm across the back of her seat. She hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares o...

A biologist, a mathematician, and a physicist watch as two people enter an empty house and three people leave the house.

The biologist says, "They reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one person enters the house, it will be empty again."

The physicist says, "At least one of our observations was incorrect."

Santa is entangled

Eureka! I have it. Santa's wave function is entangled with the wave functions of all non-naughty kids and all presents. Observation on Christmas morning collapses the wave function, so presents appear instantaneously under the trees of all good kids. No violation of relativity in Santa's travel. ...

From my observations I've noticed that many jokes about 9/11...

...tend to be inside jokes.

There was a lizard that lived in my back yard who lost his tail. After weeks of observation, the tail just wouldn’t grow back.

I’m not sure what the science is behind this, but I’m sure it was just a reptile dysfunction.

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K-9 Super Dog

My dog, Enforcer, has extremely sensitive olfactory receptors. I have trained him to be able to detect everything from bombs and drugs to cancer.

We do a lot of training for the police and the process can be very annoying. There is always at least one officer that doesn't believe a dog can d...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

My doctor diagnosed me with severe lack of observation.

That came out of nowhere.

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Balls INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middl...

I may be biased, but I think blind people have the best observational humor.

I guess I’m just a big fan of dark comedy.

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4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

Observation

There was a man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch the guy do this day after day for months.

Finally the doctor decided to see what this man was listening to, so one day he approached the wall and put his own ear up to the wall a...

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Psychiatrist Observations

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "You...

An observation by Adam Hills

"I have a slight theory as to why there’s such a high percentage of obesity in America as compared to the rest of the world. I think it’s because in 1984, a group of English and Irish musicians got together and put out a song that told us to ‘feed the world’.
And then a year later, a group of Am...

Observational humor isn't funny

See?

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OBSERVATION

Boobs are proof to women that men can focus on two things at once

Do you know how much I hate observational comedy?

This much.

A lot of comedy today is observational humor

You guys ever noticed that?

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