The Taylors were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had traveled to America as pilgrims on the Mayflower. They had included congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports figures and television stars. They decided to research and write a family history, something for their childr...
I'm thinking of making a series of non-gloss self portrait dinner placemats
I'll name it My Multitude of Matte Mats of Matt by Matt
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’
Husband goes to a police station... “My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”
Sergeant at Police Station: “What is her height?”
Husband: “Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall
Husband: “Don't know. N...
I accidentally gave my girlfriend super glue instead of lip gloss
She is still not talking to me
A lad knocked on the door of a beautiful large house.
He asked if there were any jobs that needed doing. The man said he would give him £50 to paint the porch. The lad agreed and took the paintbrush and tin of white gloss paint away. The man’s wife said “£50 – that’s far too little. Did he not see the porch goes half way round the house? It will take t...
A contractor is taking a tour with a client discussing color themes. GREEN SIDE UP!
The contractor yelled out the living room window as he turned his attention back to the confused client. "Ah yes you definitely want a neutral tone for a room of this size and a decorator can help pick out the right furniture to accent." The client relaxed and completely agreed with his insight. "...
Mary Poppins Decided To Grow Some Vegetables
Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.
She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.
Sherlock's Front Door
Dr. Watson arrived at 221-B Baker Street and was stunned to find his friend Sherlock Holmes out front in work clothes, painting the front door a pale yellow gloss.
"Holmes what are you doing?" asked the confused Watson.
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."