Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

People criticize the Roman that had to crucify Jesus...

...but I think he nailed it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Told to me by an immigrant friend who was a Drill Sargent in the Russian army in the '80s

A Sargent and a Private are walking across a Soviet army base when they approach a General coming the other way. The enlisted men salute and the Sargent calls out:

"Sir, your top shirt button is unbuttoned!" (A serious faux pas, according to my friend).

The General is in no mood for it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wolf, a rabbit and a tortoise needed a drink.

They drew sticks and the tortoise came up short and had to go to the shop to get a bottle of Vodka.

An hour passed and the wolf and the rabbit got pretty pissed.

"This is too slow even for a slowpoke like him", said the wolf. "If I went, we would already be on our second bottle by now...

What did Putin say to NATO in response to being criticized for annexing parts of Ukraine?

'Oh, Crimea river.'

People will always criticize how you said something ...

irregardless of what you actually said.

She criticized my apartment...

...so I knocked her flat.

What do you call a horse that criticizes something?

A naysayer

I think it's really shameful how people criticize Lance Armstrong for taking drugs, the man won 7 Tour De France's on them.

When I'm on drugs, I can't even *find* my bike.

So, A man is pulled over......

A man stops on a traffic signal and is waiting.Suddenly the police asks him to pull over.He pulls over the car and and the police sees that the man is wearing his seatbelt and looks fine.

The police is satisfied and pleased to see a good samaritan.He hands the man $100 and says:

Police...

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

Voltaire said,

"To learn who rules over you, simply find out
who you are not allowed to criticize."

Hence, we need to rise up against children with leukemia.

I counted 1500 lockdown protesters in our city.

Hold on, it's 900.

Edit: No, wait, it's 500.

United States: A reporter that criticizes the government...

...might be labeled as fake news and have mean presidential tweets written about them.



Central America: A reporter that criticizes the government may be secretly arrested in the middle of the night.




Saudi Arabia: Hold my beer...

Everyone criticizes Putin's Russia...

But look at Putin's America!

Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

If Trump gets a coin every time he gets criticized

He would have built the wall using his own money.

Why doesn't KFC have toilet paper?

Because it's finger licking good

It's my first joke so don't criticize please

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We often criticize pedophiles...

but they, at least, drive slowly near schools.

My daughter thinks I criticize her too much...

That's just one of her many faults.

(Shamelessly taken from Arrested Development. Thanks, Lucille.)

I try not to criticize those who practice incest

After all, it's all relative.

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?”

Nun : "Mother Superior told me."

Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"

Nun : "No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor."

Man : "Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if ...

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

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