Come Up With Jokes - 88 Hilarious Come Up With Jokes

Apple have come up with a new revolutionary eye patch for pirates.

It's called the iEye patch.

(I'm sorry)

Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork…

Think I nailed it!

I cannot believe no ones come up with a cure for anorexia yet.

I thought it would be a piece of cake!

This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with

I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.

I told her to sleep on it.

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

I tried to come up with a joke about restraining orders.

But this is as close as I’m allowed to get.

I tried to come up with a good joke about vampires but couldn’t.

They all suck.

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First joke I've ever come up with. So far nobody has laughed

I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out of different parts such as our arms, nose and even our ass. Intrigued, I asked "when will this technology would be available?" The optician replied "arm and nose is coming in 2019, hindsight is 20...

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How did you come up with your reddit username?

I made mine when I stopped giving a shit

I've come up with a new menu item for our local gastropub...

It's a wooden plank, with boiled eggs, Brussel sprouts, cabbage, pungent cheeses and different types of bean salads.
They can call it a "Shart-Tooterie board".

A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence...

...that contains the word "contagious."

Amy stands up and says "Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Then Becky stands up and says "a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of Europe and because it was very contagiou...

Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?

Because they stick.

I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.

Snoop Dogg has come up with a plan to smoke weed even after he dies.

He’ll be..rolling in his grave.

My wife asked me where I come up with my jokes ...

I told her I Reddit somewhere online ...

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. Tha...

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I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

It is not easy to come up with jokes about undelivered letters.

People just don’t get them.

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Can you come up with a better joke with this punchline?

Why did the king lock his beautiful virgin daughter away in a fortress when all the men came around?
Impregnability
(Work in Progress)

Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

After five long years, I’ve come up with the best clock joke ever…

…it’s about time!

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A radio station was having a contest to see who could come up with a new word

Host: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

Host: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”

Host: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to the Bahamas: What sentence can you use...

So I discovered that the creatures from avatar have come up with a new business idea.

They’ll let you rent a tribesman as a father figure over the Christmas period.

I heard they’re being called For lease na’vi Dads

When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.

One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,

"C, eh."

The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,

"N, eh."
...

How to come up with a dad joke - Beginner's Advice

1. Read a dictionary.
2. Find Rhymes.
3. Think about the rhyme.
4. Find more Words.
5. Toss the dictionary out of the window.
6. Apologise to the neighbor for hitting him with the dictionary.
7. Catch the dictionary the neighbor threw back.
8. In case you didn't catch it, fix br...

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At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared

A female student's composition:

'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'

A male student's composition:
...

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Heaven is overcrowded, so Saint Peter has to come up with a plan.

His plan is, that he will only allow people who died in an interesting way through the Pearly Gates. There are three guys arriving at the same time, so Saint Peter goes to the first and says: "My son, heaven is overcrowded, I will only let you enter if you died in an interesting way."
The guy s...

Can we come up with a brand new, never ending joke.

So let’s say one person initiates the joke by coming up with a line, the next person either continues the set up or has a punchline but the punchline must also be able to set up the next persons line, etc etc etc, can it be done? Will it be consistently funny? I think I’ve made sense but I’m not gre...

I was going to tell a joke about vaporized water, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline

It was a mist opportunity.

I was trying to come up with a joke about my microscope.

Then I realized I had a bad objective.

I Spent All Week Trying to Come Up With a Joke About The French Army...

...but I decided to just give up.

I can never come up with shower thoughts....

As soon as the water hits me, I feel the pressure.

I tried to come up with a good vaccine joke but what's the point.

Half of Americans won't get it anyways.

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I have come up with a new sex move.

Guy sticks dick in pussy, girl shoves fist in her own ass. girl somehow feels for dick and when she knows where she gives him a handjob inside of her. I call it 9/11 because its an inside job.

I've been trying to come up with a somewhat sensitive joke for the anniversary of Kobe Bryant's death

But I don't think it would land properly..

My brother asked if i could help him come up with a way to advertise the new vacation resort he was opening up.

I said "Brochure."

I couldn’t come up with names so...

Person 1: Did you know that there’s a secret menu at that burger place?

Person 2: No, tell me about it.

Person 1: The most secret is a burger. This burger is so hardcore that it qualifies as breakfast, lunch and dinner for 7 people, for 7 years. And if you finish it in under an hour, t...

Did I come up with this :P

So i tell all my friends this joke that isnt the funniest but I believe I came up with it by myself and I make sure I tell everyone I do. Am i wrong? haha.

anyway. Where is Yodas favourite place to drink?

Dagobah

Am I now a comedian or did I see this somewhere el...

How did the worst band in the world come up with their name?

After their first gig, the crowd was shouting that they wanted their nickle back.

"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"

"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"

"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".

"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"

"You're welcome, Lana".

I’m trying to come up with an iphone 11 joke...

It’s basically an iphone X joke with a few minor tweaks and improvements

Classical music jokes are easy to come up with

I could write you a long Liszt

My first Joke I have come up with.

A fart and a shart walk into a Pub.
"This place stinks! Exclaimed the fart.
" I feel ya" replied the shart.

My Mexican friend had twin boys and couldn't come up with names..

I suggested Juan and Two

I’ve been trying to come up with a joke about the Reagan assassination...

But I can’t get any of them to hit

I asked my Jewish friend to come up with an random number

he said 6 million

I've come up with a new screen resultion!!

The idea was thrown out, but I don't understand why, it was 0k

A radio DJ is on air and comes up with a competition

The winner will get £1000 if they can come up with a word, not in the dictionary without checking.

Several listeners call in but unfortunately their responses were already in the dictionary.

Hamish, a Scottish listener, phones in and says "Goan"

The DJ checks the dictionary an...

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should come up with a drug for erectile dysfunction....

And call it ElonGates!

I couldn't come up with a good pun about bones.

Maybe I'll come up with one Tomarrow.

How did Bill Gates come up with the name Microsoft?

Ask his wife.

Didn't come up with this one but I love it

So I was living with my abusive aunt and uncle on their ranch. They would get mad easily and beat me for almost nothing and they often try to catch me doing things I'm not supposed to. One day my uncle came home with a new donkey named Dirty. He was really expensive and my aunt hated him but she cou...

We’re trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We’ve got some ideas.

But it’s still up in the air.

A very long time ago, the ancients struggled to come up with a term for a 24 hour period.

It got very late and they said "lets just call it a day".

Yesterday I heard they've come up with a cure for deafness.

Everybody will be able to hear about it soon.

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Some people on this sub come up with crappy jokes and rely on the NSFW tag to make people curious...

I'm tired of clicking only to find that it's hardly even a fucking joke

Reporter: “Sir, did you mean to come up with the, now famous, ‘no pun in ten did’ joke?”

“Nope, unintended.”

How did the medical community come up with the term PMS

Mad cow disease was already taken

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males
OBSERVATIONS
1) the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain
2) heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort
3) pupils constrict s...

I tried to come up with a math joke...

but all my ideas were derivative
and the punchline didn't add up.
Anyway, comedy has no absolute value.
Your jokes are sum of the best,
but minus not very funny
because I'm a perfect square.
I halve one, I guess...
but you're too obtuse to get it,
and trying to simplify it...

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Doctors in New York have come up with a cocktail of drugs to treat symptoms in patients with Coronavirus..

They’re calling it The Manhattan.

A French computer scientist has come up with a quick way of transferring files electronically.

It’s called a Pierre to Pierre network.

I tried to come up with a Star Wars Day joke...

but they all just felt forced.

I've come up with some rules changes to make Settlers of Catan more realistic

Before you build a settlement, you have to murder and enslave all the natives that live on the island.

What do you get when Redditors come up with a brilliant idea?

A punning clan with a cunning plan!

How did they come up with Canada's name?

Well first they picked a C, eh. Then an N, eh. Then a D, eh.

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

I was trying to come up with a joke about social security

I abandoned the idea because you probably won't get it

Probably not the first to come up with it but here's a joke I thought up today

So I went to Walmart and as I was leaving the store manager stopped me. She said I was stealing and had to go back to the cashier to pay for my items. I explained to her that I wasn't stealing anything the cashier said there was a special promotion today and as a valued customer all my items wo...

How many redditors does it take to come up with an original joke?

Apparently more than 15.8 million.

I really wanted to make an obscure joke about tools, but awl I could come up with was this one.

Nailed it.

When I promise to come up with an organ transplant pun...

I de-liver.

Your mum is so slow

It took her 9 months to come up with a good joke

I've been spending a lot of time trying to come up with a way to wear my mask incorrectly.

I feel like the answer has been right under my nose this whole time.

(Edit: i actually think it would actually be worded better as "i finally found a way to wear my mask incorrectly")

I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers...

but I Kant.

I was trying to come up with a name for my group of mystery-solving chickens

Apparently the Clue Clucks Clan was already taken.

Whoever wrote the Bible should've come up with two more divine entities

So instead of calling it the "Holy Trinity" it would be the "Repentagon".

My wife asked me to name Meatloaf’s top 3 songs… I named “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” and “I’d do anything for love”… but then couldn’t come up with another one.

But hey, two out of three ain’t bad.

Nintendo: surely you can't come up with a worse name than Wii U

Microsoft: hold my beer

Idk if someone has already posted this joke but... How does Spider-Man come up with such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response-ability

Scientists have come up with a new name for experiments that utilize placebos

Trick or treatment

How does a Canadian feel when they come up with a good idea?

They’re sorry they didn’t think of it sooner.

Can a ninja come up with a cooler name for his throwing stars?

Shuriken

I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

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I keep trying to come up with a proctology joke...

...but the punch lines are always shit.

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Keepers at a zoo realized that a lone female gorilla that was recently brought in for habitation was badly in heat.

Because of this the gorilla was acting very amorous with the keepers every time they tried to feed her. So they figured if she just had sex that she might calm down.

It was then they approached a rather dumb janitor and asked him if he'd like to have sex with the gorilla for $500.

The ...

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How to come up with a good joke for this sub-Reddit.

1. Think about an original punchline that could work with some set up
2. Think about a situation that isn't too short or long but could work
3. Imagine you telling it to someone and asking yourself if it could work
4. Give up entirely and repost every fucking joke you see

Every time I come up with a new metaphor it makes me sneeze.

It really sets off my analogies.

Someone has most likely made this dad joke before but I'm still proud/ashamed to have come up with it myself.

Man 1: Did you hear about my neighbor who jumped off a cliff?
Man 2: Yeah, it's really unfortunate, he seemed like such a down to earth guy.

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