This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know that your cat’s a free thinker?

It shits outside the box

Men who are bald on top are great thinkers and men who are bald on the back of their heads are great lovers and...

men who are bald on the top and the back *think* they are great lovers.

My pet rabbit was an enlightened thinker but was electrocuted.

Now, he's a Volt-Hare

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Person 1: I always get the guy who made The Thinker confused with the guy who painted the Mona Lisa.

Person 2: How could you say that, they’re nothing alike!

Person 1: Yea, well, fuck you and horse you Da Vinci on.

Confessions Of A Heavy Thinker

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than a social thinker.

I began to think alone – “to relax,” I told myself – but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking bacme more and more i...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what? "At that point I would h...

The 3 step Chinese torture

A guy comes to a Chinese house in the middle of nowhere. Being late he ask to sleep in their house. The dad accepts but says: "If you sleep with my daughter I will use the 3 step Chinese torture on you!"

The guy accepts and enters the house. The daughter is stunning beautiful. Also she flirts...

Why is René Descartes considered a thinker?

Because he is.

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pedro was sexually a very experienced man...

Pedro was sexually a very experienced man when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive.

On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, "Pedro! What is that?"

Pedro, a quick thinker, said, "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these."
...

A balding man was getting a haircut.

The man’s barber said, “Do you know what they say if you’re bald in the front?”

“No,” the man said.

“They say you’re a thinker.”

“Oh?” the man said.

“Do you know what they say if you’re bald in the back?”

“No,” the man said.

“They say you’re a lover,” the ba...

A man with no arms is homeless and looking for a job.

He goes to the pastor in his local church one morning and says:
"Pastor, I am in desperate need of work. Is there any kind of job you can give me, despite my obvious disability?"
The pastor, with a cheeky grin, points to the churches bell tower and says:
"You see that bell up in the tower? ...

After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."


Noah being ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That means you are Gay

A Man In Night Club..
Bartender: Who Are You? I’ve never seen you before.
Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here for a drink.
Bartender: What kind of Job?
Man: Well. I am a Consultant.
Bartender: Whats that?
Man: Its a logical thinker.
Bartender: Logical Think, what? <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A self-made millionaire decided that he was lonely and needed to find a mate. So, he organized a bit of a competition for it.

As his search neared the end he narrowed the choices down to four.

One was a doctor. She was a surgeon, made incredible money. She was focused and driven. Because she was so wealthy on her own, he knew she wasn't in it only for the money.

One was a lawyer. Again, a successful professio...

I was in a job interview.

The guy asked me what my biggest strength was but I was unable to answer.



So I phoned up the next day and said, "Hi, it's me."



"Sorry, who is this?"



"I had a job interview with your company yesterday, and I was asked what my biggest strength was. Unfortun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Russian Joke

A father is waiting for his kid to be born in the hospital. He's super nervous, pacing back and forth, cigars in his breast pocket ready to go. After what seems like a several days, a doctor finally walks into the waiting room and asks who's waiting for the baby. The father runs up to the doctor....

Both of 'em?

Brad went over to Jack's house. While there Jack asked him to grab his slippers from upstairs, because he had back problems and couldn't really walk too well.

Reluctantly, because he was a guest so he thought he shouldn't be Jack's errand boy, Brad made his way upstairs.

While looking ...

Three philosophers are having a debate

Three philosophers are sitting in a study, discussing ideas. One says "Socrates once said I know that I know nothing. Which means whoever is most aware of their own stupidity is the smartest"

"I am the stupidest" another says, "for I do not know how to tie my own shoelaces and must get my wif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magic dildo

For my line of work I have to travel a lot and my wife was okay with it at first, but after a while she started getting really lonely. I understood where she was coming from as I had become quite lonely going from hotel to hotel. Instead of letting something regrettable happen I told her let's go to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Northerners

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven God went missing for six days. 

Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' 

God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'...

So two penguins are in the middle of a desert

and they're sitting in a canoe just paddling away, as hard as they can, not going anywhere, sand is flying everywhere, and they just keep paddling. eventually one penguin looks to the other and says "Where's your paddle" the other replies "Sure does."

Its usually a thinker for most, but i lov...

The Dolphin Joke

I once knew a man from Quebec. He was a man of great talent. But too often people with great talent go... unfulfilled. I knew this guy, he went by the name Jaques De Gatineau. Jaques was a great man. He was a thinker, a real smart guy, I guess you could say he was our hope. While I was scrambling to...

On their way to a conference...

A group of soldiers are on their way to a conference, and must take the train. Due to the way the military works, they must each purchase their own tickets, and will then be reimbursed upon arrival.

Traveling in one car are a group of brand new Officers, and a group of bitter, crusty Sergean...

Ed and Tom's Butcher Shop

There were once two brothers, Ed and Tom. They owned a butcher shop together, with Tom in the front on the register and Ed in the back chopping meat.

One fine day, Ed is chopping meat in the back when he chops his finger right off. Ed screams:

"AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.