UPJOKE
collectmustergathergatheringcrowdrallyingprotestreboundmobilizeridetauntteaseragsummonbait

Rally Jokes

Massive trump rally scheduled for tomorrow

Miami Beach @ 10:00, come show your support!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary Clinton was being driven in a private limo to a rally...

... when suddenly, the car hit a large and old-looking cow.

The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...

because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems.

At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head...

He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tel...

Trump rally...

Tomorrow at 8 am on the beach at Wilmington North Carolina. Spread the word!

I went to a Trump rally the other day, and the only thing higher than the average IQ of the crowd...

Was the average BMI.

What do you call a zombie at a trump rally?

Starving

Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump Rally?

He's fine. It was just Fake Noose.

Trump is leaving a rally and heading to his limo

When suddenly a would be assassin jumps from the shadows and takes aim. A secret service agent, brand new on the job, shouts “Micky Mouse!” This startles the assassin and he is captured in the confusion. Later the agents supervisor takes him aside, congratulates him and says “but what in the hell ma...

What has 80 feet, 137 teeth and $72 in cash?

The front row of a Trump rally

What is served at a Trump rally?

White whine and salty crackers!!

What do you call a white supremacist at a BLM rally?

An ambulance.

How do you instantly break up an anti-quarantine rally?

Cough.

What's the difference between a Trump rally and a Klan rally?

Several thousand yards of white fabric.

What are the two most disruptive words you can say on stage at a political rally?

"Hey Siri"

There are two booths set up at a Trump rally.

Someone asks "why isn't anyone lined up at this booth?"

"It's a kissing booth."

"Why's everyone over at the other booth?"

"That's the punch line."

Americans leaving their homes to rally outside against having to stay in their homes

Thought the title was enough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Waving a Nazi flag at a Bernie rally

Is like waving a diploma at a Trump rally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump holds a fund raising campaign rally.

During the rally, he steps down from the stage and slaps one of his cheering supporters. Now the shit has really hit the fan.

Why aren't all the Trump supporters out having a rally against his impeachment?

Their white sheets aren't clean from the last rally yet

I'm organizing a rally against the right peaceably to assemble.

It will be the protest to end all protests.

(There, original joke. Looking forward to coming back in a few days and seeing a re-post of it make the front page.)

What was the rallying cry of the trio of rotting leaves?

d'three of us matter!

I didn't go to the Mayday rally today.

People said it would be perfectly safe, but I saw a lot of red flags.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tourette's convention rally

What do we want?!

A CURE FOR TOURETTE!!

When do we want it?!

CUNT! SHIT! FUCK!

A black guy dies & finds himself at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter....

SP: Before I allow you to enter Heaven, you must tell me something truly extraordinary about your life.

BG: Sheeet, no problem. I was a star NFL QB for 15 years!

SP: One of many. What else?

BG: I have 2 Super Bowl rings & 3 MVP trophys!

SP: These things do not impress...

Matthew McConaughey walks into a Trump rally

"Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a High School pep rally....

The principal had announced earlier that day that he would make an inspirational speech for us. At the rally, he walked up to the microphone for his speech. But, all he did was look at the crowd, smiled, and stepped down.

We were left speechless.

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....

.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.

He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one...

Black lives matter held a rally in Houston, but no one knew what they were trying to say.

The Astros stole all their signs.

Why do Trump supporters enjoy polish people at his rally...

so that they can say that their ahead in the Poles.

Polish gram-pa said it.

Why did the biker decline an invitation to the rally?

He was just two tired.

At a rally today Donald Trump ordered the secret service to remove a crying baby.

They had him halfway to the curb before realizing the error.

Why did the dyslexic man get thrown out of the Texas Republican rally?

TAXES!!!

What’s the difference between a monster truck rally and the rockettes?

A monster truck rally has a CUNNING array of STUNTS

Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally?

There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd.

The moon landings looked more realistic than Hillary's rally last week.

And those were faked with 1960s technology.

What's the difference between a religious revival and a bikers rally?

At a religious revival, they say "STAND UP FOR JESUS"

At a bikers rally, they say "SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"

Kanye West invited me to his presidential rally, I told him I'd only go if I could wear X-Ray goggles, he asked me why?

I said to him, "I already know you're crazy, but now I can see your nuts too!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Contest! The Three Funniest Jew Jokes get a free Christmas hat [US & Canada Only]

We're jews over at Rally Flip Cap and we think Jewish jokes are hilarious. We also think ironic prizes are hilarious. So to celebrate Hanukkah we're going to giveaway 3 Merry Christmas hats!

The 3 most upvoted jokes get this hat for free, completely free, including the shipping, no hidden fe...

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

A Drunk's Poem

Starkle, starkle, little twink,

Who the hell you are I think.

I'm not under what they call

The alcofluence of incohol.

I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,

I'm just a little slort of sheep.

Tee martoonis make a guy

Fool so feelish, don't know why. ...

A fathom is a unit of measure equal to 6 feet

Therefore, a cluster of rally attendees not practicing social distancing could be deemed "unfathomable"

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

Herman Cain is going to find out about the Coronavirus 5x5x5 plan.

Positive test within 5 days of TrumpRallyTulsa

He spread Coronavirus to least 5 of his friends

He only has 5 minutes left of his 15 minutes of fame

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most dangerous race in the world?

The Dakar Rally, you racist motherfuckers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A joke my cousin heard from an amateur comedian in a New York show

I was at an anti-police violence rally and somebody was shouting "Cops suck dick! Cops suck dick!" And I thought to myself... "Man, if cops did suck dick I'd be committing crimes all the time!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An illiterate man returns from hospital to his village.

The pills that the doctor gave him was too big to swallow so he asks people how to take it. No one knows so he calls his doctor

"Sir, the pills that you gave me are too big how do I take them?" Then he hangs up the phone and asks the people again

"He said these are suppositories and ha...

A joke told to me by an ex-NSA spook who worked in Western Germany during the Cold War. It describes the past leaders of the USSR perfectly.

Lenin, Stalin, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev are on a train to the Great Worker's Rally in Moscow. Suddenly, the train stops and the great men get out to discover that there are no tracks in front of the train. Worried about making it to the rally on time, the men start discussing a solution.

Lenin...

Yo Mamma so ugly...

Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Satan is giving a new demon trainee a tour of Hell

Their first stop is a huge cauldron full of lava, completely surrounded by frantic demons punching, kicking, and stabbing at the occupants.

The demon asks Satan, "what's going on over there?"

Satan replies, "Oh, that's for the Jews. Boy, they're a lot of trouble. Any time one of them t...

If you want to defeat capitalism......

If you want to defeat capitalism
Then you need to rally the *lowercase*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is really bringing the nation together...

Everyone I know seems to be rallying behind "Fuck Trump".

In protest, my friends and I are gonna march down to the city square dressed in trash that we picked up around the city...

...like litter-rally.

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...

The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the c...

So there's this musician.....

So theres this musician who is incredibly gifted. Any instrument he touches he can instantly play at a masters level. Unfortunately for the musician he lived in a country ruled by a dictator. One day the dictator learns of the musician's talent and has the musician brought before him.

The dic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man encounters a magic lamp and out pops a genie

The genie tells the man he will grant a wish of his choice, and the man proceeds to tell the genie his wish. The genie replies, “no problem, it should be done by tonight.”
Later that night, the man is waiting in his living room when he notices what appears to be a Ku Klux Klan rally forming in h...

A spy stationed in a foreign country stopped responding to his handler.

A spy stationed in a foreign country stopped responding to his handler. After a while, the handler received a letter in the mail. It told her the spy has been compromised, but, before his capture, he'd snuck out some very important government secrets. He'd used the world's smallest memory card to co...

Hoist the colors high!

Something you'd rather hear a pirate say than yelled at a KKK rally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump phones the Queen to ask for advice.

Donald Trump phones The Queen, and he says to her:

“Since we are living through such troubled times I thought it might be good to give the country a point to rally and unite behind. So, as I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it sho...

A traffic cop pulled over a driver in who had been weaving erratically along the highway

Approaching the car, he said: ‘Sir, i need you to blow into a breathalyser.’
‘Sorry officer,’ he replied. ‘I can’t do that. I’m an asthmatic. If i do that, I’ll have a rally bad asthma attack.’
‘Well, then i need you to come to the station to give me a blood sample.’
‘I can’t do ...

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A graduate has an interview at a fancy restaurant

A young achiever recently graduated from university and is in the process of interviewing for her first "real" job. She made it past the preliminaries with one of her preferred employers and was invited to have dinner at a fancy restaurant with her potential boss. Naturally, she arrives early to mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Bartender, a Priest, and an Anti-Lockdown protester walk into a bar... [LONG]

Ok, not a bar, because the bars are all closed. But I digress. So they walk into... I dunno, Wal-Mart, Whatever. Turns out all three know each other and start talking about the lockdown and how it has been affecting them.

The Bartender started by lamenting the loss of their income and social ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.