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Advent Jokes

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days



(ba dum tsssss)

I don't have an advent calendar

So I'm just opening cupboards and eating whatever is in there

What did Texans use for heat before the advent of firewood?

Electricity

I bought a Russian advent calendar.

Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've got an advent calendar for Jehovah's Witnesses...

Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.

(As it's Advent now:) Karen goes to Bethlehem

She demands to see the manger.

Every year, I’m amazed that advent calendars continue to sell out.

I thought their days were numbered.

Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

According to my chocolate advent calender...

Theres only 3 days to Christmas.

Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

I came home to find all the windows wide open and everything had been taken.

Next year I'll be hiding my advent calendar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.

That’s odd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone...

What sort of sick fuck does that to someone's advent calendar?!

This year, Starbucks are issuing a new cup size for Christmas.

It's called the Adventi.

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

Xmas Joke Help

Hi All,

So December 1st is upon us (in Australia at least) and that means that it is time for me to begin my annual tradition of posting daily status updates on facebook with terrible xmas jokes until xmas. An advent calendar of xmas cracker jokes if you will.

Anyway this is my third o...

I can never finish anything

so I bought a cyanide advent calendar.

The Clock Has Arrived

In the days before the advent of the mobile phone, and even when fixed lines were scarce, an engineer's wife was expecting, and the baby was due any day....

The engineer was very confident that it would be a boy, and was eagerly looking forward to the delivery day....

As fate would hav...

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