UPJOKE
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What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days



(ba dum tsssss)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got an advent calendar for Jahovah's Witnesses

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off

Every year, I’m amazed that advent calendars continue to sell out.

I thought their days were numbered.

(As it's Advent now:) Karen goes to Bethlehem

She demands to see the manger.

I don't have an advent calendar

So I'm just opening cupboards and eating whatever is in there

According to my chocolate advent calender...

Theres only 3 days to Christmas.

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone.

What kind of sicko does that to someone’s advent calendar?

Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.

That’s odd.

This year, Starbucks are issuing a new cup size for Christmas.

It's called the Adventi.

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

I can never finish anything

so I bought a cyanide advent calendar.

The Clock Has Arrived

In the days before the advent of the mobile phone, and even when fixed lines were scarce, an engineer's wife was expecting, and the baby was due any day....

The engineer was very confident that it would be a boy, and was eagerly looking forward to the delivery day....

As fate would hav...

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