This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just bought a Jehovah Witness themed advent calendar,

behind every door someone tells you to fuck off

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

Did you hear about the Advent calendar that passed away?

Its days were numbered.

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Advent calendar

I just got my new jehovas witness Advent calendar, everytime I open a door it says "fuck off, not today!"

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.

That’s odd.

Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone...

What sort of sick fuck does that to someone's advent calendar?!

Man's just been jailed for stealing an advent Calender

He got 24 days

This year, Starbucks are issuing a new cup size for Christmas.

It's called the Adventi.

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christmas

After checking that my wife had left, I snuck into our daughter's room as she lay fast asleep in bed. I knelt down beside her, as quietly as possible. I then slowly began to force her flaps open, before sliding my fingers in, one by one.

Overcome with hunger, I popped it into my mouth. I kne...

The Clock Has Arrived

In the days before the advent of the mobile phone, and even when fixed lines were scarce, an engineer's wife was expecting, and the baby was due any day....

The engineer was very confident that it would be a boy, and was eagerly looking forward to the delivery day....

As fate would hav...

Some Christmas jokes!

**What is the best Christmas present in the world?**

A broken drum – you just can’t beat it

**What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?**

It's Christmas, Eve!

**What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?**

Frostbite!

**Why are...

I can never finish anything

so I bought a cyanide advent calendar.

Xmas Joke Help

Hi All,

So December 1st is upon us (in Australia at least) and that means that it is time for me to begin my annual tradition of posting daily status updates on facebook with terrible xmas jokes until xmas. An advent calendar of xmas cracker jokes if you will.

Anyway this is my third o...

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