What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days



(ba dum tsssss)

According to my chocolate advent calender...

Theres only 3 days to Christmas.

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar

Behind every door, someone tells you to fuck off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone.

What kind of sicko does that to someone’s advent calendar?

Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

This year, Starbucks are issuing a new cup size for Christmas.

It's called the Adventi.

Some Christmas jokes!

**What is the best Christmas present in the world?**

A broken drum – you just can’t beat it

**What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?**

It's Christmas, Eve!

**What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?**

Frostbite!

**Why are...

My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.

That’s odd.

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

I can never finish anything

so I bought a cyanide advent calendar.

Xmas Joke Help

Hi All,

So December 1st is upon us (in Australia at least) and that means that it is time for me to begin my annual tradition of posting daily status updates on facebook with terrible xmas jokes until xmas. An advent calendar of xmas cracker jokes if you will.

Anyway this is my third o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Low life scum

WE'VE JUST COME HOME TO FIND ALL THE WINDOWS AND DOORS WIDE OPEN,THEY'VE TAKEN THE FuCKIN' LOT......IT'S ALL GONE. THE DIRTY ROTTEN THIEVING BASTARDS. WHAT KIND OF SICK MINDED PERSON WOULD DO THAT TO ANOTHER PERSON ? YOU ARE NOT HUMAN. YOU ARE LOW LIFE SCUM...................THAT WAS MY ADVENT CALEN...

The Clock Has Arrived

In the days before the advent of the mobile phone, and even when fixed lines were scarce, an engineer's wife was expecting, and the baby was due any day....

The engineer was very confident that it would be a boy, and was eagerly looking forward to the delivery day....

As fate would hav...

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