How do you resuscitate a fish?

SeaPR.

A German jumped into a pond, pulled out my drowning dog and resuscitated it

I said ‘thanks, are you a vet?’

He said ‘vet? I’m soaked!’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies before being resuscitated

And ends up going to hell for a few minutes before coming back to life. His friend asks him what death was like, and he had only positive things to say about hell: "Oh man, it was great. There were beautiful women, all you could drink, basically a free for all party down there. The only thing is, yo...

Husband: "I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my Grandmother."

Wife: "Why does it say 'Do Not Resuscitate?'"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oral sex might just work!

A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a comatose woman. She is gently sponging her nether region when suddenly the monitor blips.

“Doctor!” she exclaims, “look at this!”

The doctor comes in, she does it again, and the monitor blips again.

“Interesting,” says the doctor. “Call her h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is walking her dog along the pier

When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper. Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened. The woman, who is incredibly...

The two young artichokes were very much in love.

The couple were strolling down the boulevard one sunny afternoon. Up ahead, a delivery truck had a blowout and swerved across two lanes, finally jumping the curb and hitting the boy artichoke, knocking him flat.

It was awful. The ambulance came and the EMTs did their best to resuscitate him. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been going to the doctor trying to make his penis larger

One day he is on his way to see this doctor when he loses control of his car and gets into a major accident

The car is claimed as a total loss and he is rushed to the hospital where he is pronounced dead

Thankfully, with hours of trying, the doctors are able to resuscitate him but he r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How men think...

A woman was in a coma in the hospital. One day a nurse was giving her a sponge bath, and as she was cleaning the woman's pelvic area, she noticed the EKG monitor reacting as she wiped around the woman's vagina.

Excitedly, the nurse called a Doctor, and told him what had happened.

The...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.