UPJOKE
coldchillchili pepperfrigidicycoolfrostywintrycayennejalapenochilechilichilliunfriendlyarctic

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Hot and cold sex

After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man.. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her...

Wife said looks like it’s gonna be chilly again tonight.

I said no that’s nachos.

Two guys were in a kayak when it got chilly

One of them lit a small fire in the back and it ended up sinking

Yep, you can’t have your Kayak and heat it too

This wind is really picking up and it's quite chilly

Yeah, I'm not a fan

What do you call a goat that is too cold?

A chilly billy

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The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

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It's getting chilly!

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."


The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
...

Chilly

Did you know that you can freeze a human to -273.15 C and he'd be 0K

A Russian tank is parked up, just outside Kyiv, as dawn breaks...

The driver sticks his head out, feels the morning cold and says *'Chilly today, isn't it?*'.

To which the commander replies, '*No, we haven't finished here yet*'.

(A recycled 1979 Russian invasion of Afghanistan joke)

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I told my girlfriend that when I die, I want her to take my ashes, mix them with a bowl of chilly from Wendy’s and eat it.

That way, I can tear up that ass one last time.

I was a bit chilly and my dad told me to go stand in the corner.

The corner is 90 degrees.

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So it's a chilly morning in Brno, and everybody 's in line to buy meat.

They're waiting and waiting, and the line's not moving at all.

Eventually a Party official comes out and says "Due to the conspiracy of wreckers, there isn't enough meat. All the Jews need to get off the line".

So the Jews all get off the line and go home, but still everyone's waiting ...

A man sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chilly

The waitress says, "Sorry but the guy next to you ordered the last bowl." He looks over to the guy sitting next to him and sees that he has finished his meal, but the bowl of chilli is still full.
He asks the guy, "Are you going to eat that?" To which the guy replies, "No, help yourself." So he s...

My girlfriend likes it chilly in the bedroom.

But honestly, im not a fan.

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What do you call a chilly vagina dentata?

A chatterbox.

A Penguin is driving on a scorching day out near Nowhere, Texas

… and his car breaks down. Penguin gets his car towed to the nearest shop.

Mechanic says “looks like you blew a seal”. He asks the mechanic how long it should take. The mechanic says probably a few hours. So the penguin asks if there's anywhere to go to cool off while he waits. Mechanic says...

My girlfriend dropped this on me after some Tex-Mex last night ...

"I'm chilly"

She steps closer and takes my hand

"Will you be my con queso?"

And before I could even respond ...

"Sorry, was that too cheesy for you?"

After a plane lands, a man asks the flight attendant.

"Is it chilly outside?"
"No sir, I'm afraid we are in Buenos Aires."

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An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happened...

She replied, “It was getting chilly in there, so I turned off the fan.”

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

Yo momma so dumb....

Someone said it was chilly outside and she went to go grab a bowl.

Cop spots a guy driving past with a South American plate. He's eating some kind of Mexican food and has no clothes on! He pulls him over and asks, "Where are you from? What are you eating? Aren't you cold?"

"Chilly", he replies.

Satan is doing his weekly Hell inspection when he finds a man on fire in a sun chair with a piña colada. He asks him “aren’t you hot?”

No, I’m from Phoenix. It’s rather chilly in here.

What did the farmer say about his hot pepper farm in the mountains?

It's a little chilly.

Why did the jalapeño ask for the window to be closed?

He was a little chilly

I live in Nashville.

Weather is nice here in the Nashville area this weekend. Sunny. A little chilly though so must be a.......draft....

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

Top 10 worst jokes!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."


3.Two peanuts walk into a ba...

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The Italian Stallion and more

The Italian Lover

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired...

Ole and Sven go to Hell (long)

One day, Satan was walking through Hell, making sure the souls were properly tormented, until he came upon an unusual sight. Sitting next to a lava pool were Ole and Sven, decked out in parkas, hats, boots and gloves.

Confused, Satan walks up to them and asks them why they're dressed for win...

Do you know The perfect system to avoid condom accident ?

The perfect system to avoid condom accident,
use double condom with chilly powder in between,
if outer breaks she will know ,
if inner breaks u will know.

My 8 year old cousin asked me if I wanted to hear a joke

Amanda: "I want to tell you a joke. Okay:
A snowman wants to go on vacation.
He wants to go to Chile because he thinks it will be chilly--BUT--he actually lands in a bowl of chilli.
Then he dies."

A penguin's car breaks down

So he takes it to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him that its going to be a couple of hours until he can get to it. "Oh man," the penguin replies. "It's too hot here for me, I'm a penguin after all." The mechanic tells him there is a grocery store across the street, maybe he can wait there. So the...

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Isn't that some shit!?

One day all the sparrows got together to fly south for the winter, the one little sparrow tells his buddies he's not ready to fly quite yet and to go on without him. About a week later it starts to get cold out, so the sparrow figures he better start his journey.
As he is flying south it starts t...

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