What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes ...

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

What is a baby pepper's favorite temperature?

Just a little chili.

How do you measure the mass of a red hot chili pepper.

Give it a weigh. Give it a weigh. Give it a weigh now.

Man: M'sieur, I would like some pepper sent up to ma room.

Receptionist: Certainly sir, black pepper or red pepper?

Man: Toilet pepper

What does a nosey pepper do?

Gets jalapeño buisness!

What do you call a tiny spanish pepper?

A jalapequeño.

A man in New Mexico asked a farmer if he had any local chili peppers for sale.

Unfortunately, the farmer said he had 99 poblanos but a Hatch ain't one.

Had the choice between 3 Cokes and 4 Dr Peppers.

I picked seven up.

Don't drink Mr Pibb. It's just a cheap knockoff of Dr Pepper..

The dude didn't even get a degree.

Facebook recently started a produce market dealing exclusively in peppers.

Yet another way they're jalapeño business.

What do you call peppers from the Philippines?

Filipeños

I got lead poisoning from a Dr. Pepper knock-off

I guess I shouldn’t drink Mr. Pb again

What does a nosy pepper do?

It gets jalapeno business.

Why did the Red Hot Chili Peppers cross the road?

To get to the Otherside.

Why was the pepper mad?

He was insalted

The Pepper Farm

A man was driving through the countryside when he happened upon a sprawling farm, covered as far as the eye could see in brightly colored variants of peppers. Astounded at the vastness and variety, the man turned up the driveway and made his way to the pepper stand where stood an older woman, presum...

What was the pepper shaker arrested for?

A salt

What do you call a Muslim pepper?

A halal-peno.

I’m sorry.

These hot green peppers won’t stop with the personal questions.

It’s like they’re jalapeño business.

What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a Labrador?????????????

A hot diggity Dog.

What do you call a retired military member who has been showered in salt and pepper?

A seasoned veteran.

What did the farmer say about his hot pepper farm in the mountains?

It's a little chilly.

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

Tony Stark and Pepper potts are sitting in bathtub feeling Happy..

... Suddenly Happy felt disgusted and left.

What does Dr. Pepper have his PhD in?

Theoretical fizz-ics.

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard...

He's a seasoned veteran.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

What type of medicine does Dr Pepper practice?

Fizzyology

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to cry during sex

but now pepper spray doesn't affect me

Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night?

To protect themselves from a salt

A Frenchman staying at a hotel in England calls room service and asks for some pepper...

"What kind of pepper would you like, sir? Black pepper, white pepper, red pepper?" asked the manager.

He replied, "Toilette pepper!"

I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . .

. . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?

What do you call a pepper that makes you yell?

A Hollerpeño

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. What do you suggest?"

"Pepper."

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.

(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the two habanero peppers that had sex?

It was fucking hot.

Where do the hottest peppers live?

Scoville!

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because if they lived in pepper water they would sneeze

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?"
The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta g...

What is a jihadist's favorite kind of pepper?

Allahpeño

Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police?

He's now a seasoned veteran.






Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of 10 dollar bills sitting on the counter.

He figures there must be thousands of dollars in that jar because it is quite large and nearly filled to the brim.

The man then approaches the bartender and inquires him about the jar of money.

The bartender tells him, "If you drop a 10 dollar bill into that jar and pass three challeng...