Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?

Because it didn't habanero.

Did you hear about the nosey pepper?

He was jalapeño business.

I got hit in the head with a can of Dr. Pepper today

Luckily I’m not hurt, it was a soft drink

How come peppers are so nosy?

Cause they be jalapeño business.

What kind of Doctor is Dr. Pepper?

A Fizzician

How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper

You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

What do cops use pepper spray for?

A salt!

My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars..

..and came to us a seasoned Veteran.

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Why does Dr Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife is dead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bless you

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tiss...

What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?

A fizzician!


I’ll see myself out






Edit: I guess adding mentos to this joke was a good idea...

Thanks for the gold and silvers!

Happy New Years y’all!

My head chef had his 10 year anniversary in work today. I put some salt and pepper on him.

He's a seasoned professional

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

In Barcelona, there's a common prank where spicy peppers are hidden inside kiwi fruits, and then the 'victim' is tricked into eating them

Nobody expects the Spanish in-kiwi Sichuan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sits down at a bar and see a jar full of $10 bills.

He asks the bartender, “Hey barkeep! Whats up with this jar of money?”
The bartender replies, “The game is simple. Put in $10, complete a challenge, and you win the jar.”
The man is intrigued and slides in a $10 bill. “Alright, whats the challenge?”
“First, you have to drink this entire bo...

Did you hear about the Bell Pepper flavored vodka?

It makes you bell-igerent.

Pepper and salt shakers.

True story - happened at a restaurant this afternoon with my 4 year old daughter L.


L, pointing to the stainless steel shakers: How do you know which is salt and which is pepper?

Me: Look at the holes on top. If it is the letter S, it's salt. If it is the letter P, it's pepper.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into an eco-friendly sandwich shop.

He takes a few steps in and realizes that the place smells like shit. The man asks a lady sitting down what the smell is all about.

"This place uses cow manure to power the place. It smells bad, but it does help the ecosystem."

The man is confused, but since the place has good food r...

When hiking near bears...

...you should always wear a bell around your neck and carry a can of extra strength pepper spray.

To figure out what type of bears are near your trail, you can examine their droppings.

Black bear droppings are a dark colour and may contain plant material.

Grizzly bear droppings...

When the bass player from the red hot chili peppers was growing up...

he only saw his father at Christmas time, because his work digging the railways of Mexico kept him away from home most of the year. To deal with missing his father he wrote a song about him which his father loved and used to play to his fellow workers when he returned to Mexico. As a result the song...

To spice things up in life,

I ate a bunch of chilli peppers.

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says he'll drink anything that has gin in it

The Bartender decides he wants to impress the man with something creative. He grabs some cold-pressed mango juice from the refrigerator, squeezes in the juice from a small lemon, adds some ginger ale, and garnishes it with rosemary and an orange twist. Finally he adds the gin.

As the man fini...

Where did Dr. Pepper get his M.D from?

University of Minnesoda

9/10 doctors recommended Colgate

Except Dr Pepper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob’s flight

Bob is on his flight home from a long business trip.

He’s thankful to find the middle seat will be open for the upcoming 5 hour trip.

About 30 minutes after take off, he notices the man in the window seat sneeze and then proceed to take a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe off the he...

What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua?

A hot, diggety dog.

Why don't they build bridges out of red peppers?

Because they would collapsacum...

What did the pepper say to the table salt?

Why you Sodium fine?

A Horse walks into a bar.

He orders a drink and puts a can of pepper spray on top the bar.

The bartender proceeds to give him the drink and says “Why the strong mace?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is it sexist....

...I just assume Dr. Pepper is a guy?

Some people say that when a pepper is really small it's a sign that it is very hot...

...but, in reality, it's a little chili

A burglar is sneaking out of a house...

Waiting outside are two cops. One points a can of pepper spray at the criminal.

"FREEZE IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL USE FORCE!"

The burglar nods, puts his hands up and stands still. After a few seconds, the cop steps forward and touches his arm. Suddenly looking confused and angry, the cop s...

Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

Why didn't the peppers want to start a company?

They didn't want to be jalapeno business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time i had sex, i cried.

I don't know if it was because i was emotional or because of the pepper spray.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and I wanted to spice up our sex life

The chili peppers were unsuccessful

Annual Brewers Convention

The CEOs of Budweiser, Heineken and Guinness meet at the annual Brewers Convention. They decide to go for drinks afterwards.

They go to a bar and sit down at a table. The CEO of Budweiser says, "First round is on me!" and orders three Budweisers. They drink and chat, and after a while the CE...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl came in the doctors office and said

You have to help me, each time I sneeze I have an orgasm. How long have you suffered from this? I don’t actually suffer as such ...
Well then are you taking anything for it?
Not unless you count the pepper.....

I bought pepper spray to keep dogs off.

I hope they really leave me alone when they see me crying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to the doctor the other day for a sexual problem.

It’s not what you’re probably thinking though.

My eyes and sometimes my entire face would burn during sex. Sometimes my eyes began watering uncontrollably, making me unable to see.

The doctor said it was probably the pepper spray but I’m seeking a second opinion.

Don't drink Mr Pibb. It's just a cheap knockoff of Dr Pepper..

The dude didn't even get a degree.

What do you call peppers from the Philippines?

Filipeños

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

Man: M'sieur, I would like some pepper sent up to ma room.

Receptionist: Certainly sir, black pepper or red pepper?

Man: Toilet pepper

What do you call a Muslim pepper?

A halal-peno.

I’m sorry.

Why’d the momma pepper put a jacket on her baby?

Because he was a little chili

What do you call a set of salt pepper dispensers that a rapper would own?

Tupac Shakurs

A black pepper and a white pepper walk into a bar

After a while the black pepper notices the white pepper looking at him all crazy and says "Whacha lookin at?"

And the white pepper says "ACHOOOO!"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.