Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can?

Because his wife died.

A soldier was hit by mustard gas in war, and then pepper spray by a police officer.

He's now a seasoned veteran.

Don't drink Mr Pibb. It's just a cheap knockoff of Dr Pepper..

The dude didn't even get a degree.

What does a pepper do when it gets annoyed?

It gets jalapeño face.

A man in New Mexico asked a farmer if he had any local chili peppers for sale.

Unfortunately, the farmer said he had 99 poblanos but a Hatch ain't one.

Had the choice between 3 Cokes and 4 Dr Peppers.

I picked seven up.

How do you measure the mass of a red hot chili pepper.

Give it a weigh. Give it a weigh. Give it a weigh now.

What do you call a tiny spanish pepper?

A jalapequeño.

What do you call peppers from the Philippines?

Filipeños

I got lead poisoning from a Dr. Pepper knock-off

I guess I shouldn’t drink Mr. Pb again

Did you hear about the time an anvil fell on Dr. Pepper?

He was sodapressed.

What does a nosy pepper do?

It gets jalapeno business.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady sneezes on a plane

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman mi...

Facebook recently started a produce market dealing exclusively in peppers.

Yet another way they're jalapeño business.

The Pepper Farm

A man was driving through the countryside when he happened upon a sprawling farm, covered as far as the eye could see in brightly colored variants of peppers. Astounded at the vastness and variety, the man turned up the driveway and made his way to the pepper stand where stood an older woman, presum...

Why was the pepper mad?

He was insalted

These hot green peppers won’t stop with the personal questions.

It’s like they’re jalapeño business.

Why did the Red Hot Chili Peppers cross the road?

To get to the Otherside.

What was the pepper shaker arrested for?

A salt

What do you call a Muslim pepper?

A halal-peno.

I’m sorry.

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a Labrador?????????????

A hot diggity Dog.

The worst thing about pepper farmers?

They get jalapeño business!

What do you call a retired military member who has been showered in salt and pepper?

A seasoned veteran.

My wife said she is divorcing me if I don’t quit making Red Hot Chili Peppers puns.

I assured her “We could put this all under the bridge and I would see her on the other side of it. Although I used to think I can’t stop I will because I don’t want her getting scar tissue emotionally. By the way, what’s for dinner?”

Anyway, she’s leaving me.

What did the farmer say about his hot pepper farm in the mountains?

It's a little chilly.

What does Dr. Pepper have his PhD in?

Theoretical fizz-ics.

Tony Stark and Pepper potts are sitting in bathtub feeling Happy..

... Suddenly Happy felt disgusted and left.

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard...

He's a seasoned veteran.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to cry during sex

but now pepper spray doesn't affect me

Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night?

To protect themselves from a salt

What type of medicine does Dr Pepper practice?

Fizzyology

A Frenchman staying at a hotel in England calls room service and asks for some pepper...

"What kind of pepper would you like, sir? Black pepper, white pepper, red pepper?" asked the manager.

He replied, "Toilette pepper!"

Before I go on any long journeys, I always put some salt and pepper on my head.

I'm a well-seasoned traveller.

What do you call a pepper that makes you yell?

A Hollerpeño

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. What do you suggest?"

"Pepper."

I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . .

. . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the two habanero peppers that had sex?

It was fucking hot.

Where do the hottest peppers live?

Scoville!

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.

(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because if they lived in pepper water they would sneeze

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?"
The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta g...

What is a jihadist's favorite kind of pepper?

Allahpeño

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class

The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude pers...

Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police?

He's now a seasoned veteran.






Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this

Some people bring pepper spray for self protection. Others carry a gun.

I bring Goo-Gone for sticky situations.

There's a protocol when it comes to bears [Long]

If you go camping, you should carry bells so not to startle a bear and be attacked, and pepper spray in case it does.

It would help to learn the scat of the bear, so you can avoid areas with dangerous species.

Brown and black bear's is small and dark.

Grizzly's is large, light i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...

On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed.

I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.