Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?

Because it didn't habanero.

I got hit in the head with a can of Dr. Pepper today

Luckily I’m not hurt, it was a soft drink

How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now…

Did you know dr pepper was based off a real doctor?

He was a fizzican

What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeño business.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

My Grandfather survived mustard gas and pepper spray attacks in the war.

We call him a seasoned veteran.

what do you call a pepper sprayed Walter White?

Eyesinburn

What's a sure-fire method to figure out precisely how many grams a chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

What do nosy peppers do?

They get jalapeño business.

What did the nosey pepper do?

Got jalapeños buisness!

Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier.

He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.

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The Jar in the bar

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?" "Well, here's the deal. You pay 10 dollars, and if you pass th...

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The pepper, the pickle, and the penis

Commiserating together at the bar are a pepper, a pickle, and a penis.

The pepper says, “Nobody understands the hell I’ve been through. When you’re a pepper, they take you in the prime of your life and throw you on a hot, tin roof to suffer in the sun until you’re a husk of your former self.”...

How do great scientists like to eat their peppers?

All fried. No bell.

Salt: So nice to see you. Paprika: How do you do?

Nutmeg: 'Sup.

Garlic: Yo!

Pepper: HI!

Oregano: Hola.

Seasons' Greetings everyone

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A man and a woman are sitting beside each other on an aeroplane.

The woman sneezes and right after she is done she shudders and moans.

The man asks,"Are you alright? Because the sneezing seems normal but the shuddering and shivers... Not very much."

The woman replies,"Oh yeah, I have this rare condition where I orgasm every time sneeze."

\-"T...

What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?

A fizzician!


I’ll see myself out






Edit: I guess adding mentos to this joke was a good idea...

Thanks for the gold and silvers!

Happy New Years y’all!

My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it.

Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.

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What do you call a Japanese spice demon?

Pepper-oni.

Does anybody have a scale I could borrow?

I just bought a bag of red hot chili peppers and I need to give it a weigh! Give it a weigh! Give it a weigh nowww!

The young salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job.

The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him t...

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A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom... so the man stands up to let her out. She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom. She re...

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A woman goes to the doctor. “Please help. Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.”

The doctor says “are you taking anything for it?”

The woman says “Yes. Pepper.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Mr. Salt tell Mrs. Pepper before they had sex?

Hold on, let me get some condomints.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting next to a woman...

A man is sitting next to a woman. man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of a plane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes la...

Why did Pepper go to prison?

A-SALT



I made this joke years ago, I hope y'all like it.

A big pepper is sitting on the couch when his small pepper roommate walks in the door shivering

Big pepper: "Why are you shaking? Are you cold?"

Small pepper: "I'm a little chili."

Pepper

I bought a womble pepper grinder for my mum today, but she keeps complaining that the pepper is either underground or overground.

Chili special

Guy goes into a diner and sees the special of the day is chili. Waitress comes up and asks what he'd like and he says, I'll take a bowl of that chili. Waitress apologizes and says we sold out, that guy, pointing next to him, got the last bowl. The guy says okay that's fine I'll have a Dr pepper for ...

What did Dr. Pepper say when he got pulled over by the soda cops?

Oh no! It's the fizz!

What do cops use pepper spray for?

A salt!

A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.

The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.
...

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Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

Why did the patient try to get a diagnosis from his drink?

Because it was a Dr Pepper

Some people say that when a pepper is really small it's a sign that it is very hot...

...but, in reality, it's a little chili

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the sa...

My head chef had his 10 year anniversary in work today. I put some salt and pepper on him.

He's a seasoned professional

When the bass player from the red hot chili peppers was growing up...

he only saw his father at Christmas time, because his work digging the railways of Mexico kept him away from home most of the year. To deal with missing his father he wrote a song about him which his father loved and used to play to his fellow workers when he returned to Mexico. As a result the song...

Did you hear about the Bell Pepper flavored vodka?

It makes you bell-igerent.

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

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What do you call a spicy pizza haunted by Japanese demons?

A pepper oni pizza

After starting the Lonely Hearts Club Band and getting honorably discharged, Sgt. Pepper did the one thing he always wanted to do...

Get a doctorate.

What did the pepper say to the table salt?

Why you Sodium fine?

Why don't they build bridges out of red peppers?

Because they would collapsacum...

In Barcelona, there's a common prank where spicy peppers are hidden inside kiwi fruits, and then the 'victim' is tricked into eating them

Nobody expects the Spanish in-kiwi Sichuan

What did the Computer Science major say to the English major?

Yeah I'll take a #3 with a small fry and a Dr. Pepper, and a #7, just the sandwich. Do you guys still have that smoky barbeque sauce or has it been discontinued?

What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua?

A hot, diggety dog.

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