UPJOKE
black pepperwhite pepperpaprikazestchili pepperbell peppercinnamonturmericpiperspicehot pepperspice upseasoningsaltjalapeno

I got hit in the head with a can of Dr. Pepper today

Luckily I’m not hurt, it was a soft drink

What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeno business!

What kind of Dr is Dr Pepper?

A Fizzician

I heard a joke about getting pepper sprayed.

It was a macing.

How do you find out how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is??

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!!

I was eating at a restaurant the other day when a lawyer sat at the next table across from me. The waiter arrived to take his order and accidentally knocked the salt and pepper straight into his lap.

I thought, “Now there’s a seasoned professional”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was sitting next to a woman on an airplane who after everytime she coughed she would loudly moan

After the 3rd time the man asked the woman if she was ok.

The woman responsed that she had a condition where after every time she coughed she would have an orgasm.

The man said that's terrible and asked the woman if she was taking anything for it.

The woman responsed just pepp...

Did you hear about the soldier who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray?

He was a seasoned veteran.

Why didn’t the green pepper get into archery?

He didn’t Habanero!

What do angry peppers do??

They get jalapeno face!!

Love is like a Ghost Pepper, you taste it with delight.

And when it's gone you wonder, what ever made you bite.

Why did the baby bell pepper put on a sweater?

Because it was a little chili.

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

(Roughly translated from a recent issue of *Acadie Nouvelle*)

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Life’s like a box of jalapeño peppers. What you do today…

might burn your ass tomorrow

I threw a seasoning at someone they said it was assault

But it was pepper

(OC)

What did the nosey pepper do?

Got jalapeños buisness!

what did the archer ask the pepper?

"do you habanero?"

I thought of this tonight making dinner. I'm sure someone has thought of this before me, but figured I would share anyway.

what do you call a pepper sprayed Walter White?

Eyesinburn

Why don't you want to be friends with a pepper?

Because they're always jalapeño business.

My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it.

Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.

Montana State Golfer Warning

The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to take extra precautions, and be on the alert for bears while playing on Gallatin, Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forest’s golf courses.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on th...

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The pepper, the pickle, and the penis

Commiserating together at the bar are a pepper, a pickle, and a penis.

The pepper says, “Nobody understands the hell I’ve been through. When you’re a pepper, they take you in the prime of your life and throw you on a hot, tin roof to suffer in the sun until you’re a husk of your former self.”...

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

What do you call an Army Commander who is covered in pepper?

A seasoned veteran

Did you know dr pepper was based off a real doctor?

He was a fizzican

What's a sure-fire method to figure out precisely how many grams a chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

How do great scientists like to eat their peppers?

All fried. No bell.

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I was in a plane when the man next to me sneezed, and wiped his knob with a napkin.

I was dumbfounded, but didn't want to make a fuss so I let it go, hoping it just wouldn't happen again. Ten minutes later, the same again: the man sneezed and wiped his knob with a napkin. I was disturbed but decided it must be something medical, so again decided to leave it alone. The third time it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Essential medicine

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, ...

Pepper

I bought a womble pepper grinder for my mum today, but she keeps complaining that the pepper is either underground or overground.

What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?

A fizzician!


I’ll see myself out






Edit: I guess adding mentos to this joke was a good idea...

Thanks for the gold and silvers!

Happy New Years y’all!

Why did Pepper go to prison?

A-SALT



I made this joke years ago, I hope y'all like it.

A big pepper is sitting on the couch when his small pepper roommate walks in the door shivering

Big pepper: "Why are you shaking? Are you cold?"

Small pepper: "I'm a little chili."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Mr. Salt tell Mrs. Pepper before they had sex?

Hold on, let me get some condomints.

Trying to teach English is very frustrating

I mean how hard is it to understand that "I peppered salt on my baked fries and boneless ribs?"

What did Dr. Pepper say when he got pulled over by the soda cops?

Oh no! It's the fizz!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing, about every 3 minutes.

Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered.
Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes, so I asked her if she was alright. She said, "Yes". Then she explained she had a very rare condition, whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm!
I asked if...

Some people say that when a pepper is really small it's a sign that it is very hot...

...but, in reality, it's a little chili

A fashion designer was interviewing a cannibal...

"So what do you think would best complement a person?"
"Salt and pepper."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Couple Goes to Yellowstone

They are talking to a Ranger and the woman asks about the danger of bears. The Ranger says "Lock up your food, carry your whistle and bear spray and you'll be fine as long as it's not bear season."

The husband says "Well, how will we know if it's bear season?"

The Ranger replies, "Oh...

When the bass player from the red hot chili peppers was growing up...

he only saw his father at Christmas time, because his work digging the railways of Mexico kept him away from home most of the year. To deal with missing his father he wrote a song about him which his father loved and used to play to his fellow workers when he returned to Mexico. As a result the song...

What do cops use pepper spray for?

A salt!

What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it?

A pepperonly pizza!

I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed

I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.

Did you hear about the Bell Pepper flavored vodka?

It makes you bell-igerent.

My head chef had his 10 year anniversary in work today. I put some salt and pepper on him.

He's a seasoned professional

The trainee competition judge arrived at the village fair

He meets his mentor at the entrance.

"Nice to meet, nice to meet, nice to meet you," stammers the mentor. "Forgive my, forgive my, forgive my speech impediment."

"Please, don't worry about it," says the trainee.

They head off to judge the villagers' chilli peppers. They come to...

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.

(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)

Where did Dr. Pepper get his M.D from?

University of Minnesoda

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

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