The 120+ Best Spice Jokes

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My wife suggested we watch some porn to spice things up. I put on “Crazy Anal Chicks vol. 4”

But it was just a bunch of women yelling at me to do the dishes, put my shoes on the entranceway mat, and hang the towels on the rack

My wife suggested that to spice things up in the bedroom, we should try the "other hole"

I said "no way", don't want her getting pregnant again.

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I spiced up our sex-life with some flavoured condoms....

My missus said, "Wow! This one tastes just like cheese and onion".
I said, "I haven't put it on yet"

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What do you call a Japanese spice demon?

Pepper-oni.

What do you call a spice vendor who refuses to wash his hands?

Someone with too much thyme on his hands.

Just had a letter from the Herb and Spice company saying I owe them $100.

If I don't pay by tomorrow, they're sending the Bay Leaf’s around

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A elderly couple want to spice up their second life

They decide that the woman will take control for that evening.

She pushes the man to the bed and tells him to wait there while she gets changed in the bathroom.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing nothing but a cape, she stands there and yells SUPER VAGINA

The man replies ...

what do you call someone who films spices?

A cinnamon-tographer!

If you've spent ages figuring out how to hang herbs and spices off your belt...

You've probably waisted thyme.

What spice do you find in hell?

SINammon

(Sorry)

There is one spice i will never understand why people use it in their food

I mean who wants to eat something with Cumin there?

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A woman was getting bored with the sex life with her husband, and decided some sexy talk would spice things up. So one day when things are getting intimate she says to her husband, "say dirty things to me." The husband smiles, leans in and gently brushing his lips to her ear whispers...

"^the ^dishes, ^^the ^^living ^^room ^^carpet, ^^^behind ^^^the ^^^fridge"

My wife and I decided to spice things up and roll play our actual jobs, her a nurse and me a handyman.

She went to bed early from working a double and her feet being sore and I didn’t even show up.

I threw away spices one grain at a time.

It was a waste of thyme.

My brother and I got so bored, we started throwing spice jars at each other.

Then the thyme really flew.

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

My wife always weeps when we go to the herbs and spices section of our grocery store...

...Seasonal depression is no joke, guys.

Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on my wifes spice rack. So far, she hasn't noticed.

Mark my words though, the thyme is cumin.

My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice.

I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.

I switched the labels on all my wife’s spices.

I’m not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

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A husband and wife of want to spice up their stale sex life.

They want to try BDSM for the first time. So one afternoon, the husband comes home from work, heads upstairs to the bedroom to change, and finds his wife spread out on the bed decked out in bondage gear and lingerie. Without skipping a beat the husband gets undressed and leans down and asks her in a...

A little incompatibility is the spice of life,

as long as he has income and she is pattable.

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To spice things up in bed, my wife said she was going to buy the sex toy she thought I would enjoy the most.

Boy, she really has me pegged.

What do you call two spices saying hello to each other during the holidays?

Seasons greetings

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I tried to spice up my love life last night.

So I sprayed my wife with instant stripper. It kinda worked, she ripped off her clothes, then ran screaming into the shower. P.S. I need somewhere to sleep tonight.

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A women wanted to spice things up in the bedroom so she went to a professional sex therapist. The Therapist went through an exhaustive list and importantly how to look sexy, which is to gently bite your lips and raise your eyebrows suggestively.

the next morning the women was in tears... she called the therapist and explained that not only did it not worked but it had completely ruin the mood. The therapist then proceeded to ask here her intimate details ( did you wear the lingerie, perfume, etc ) and could not figure out whey it didn't w...

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I made a shit recipe with all the herbs and spices i know

Anyways it was a waste of thyme

Did you guys hear about the shipment of spices that fell into the ocean??

Huge waste of thyme.

My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom

I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.

I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.

After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.

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An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage

He went to a lingerie shop to get a sexy lingerie for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive one and went home.

Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to put it on and found out that it was too small for her. She thought “He does not hav...

My friend ate so much exotic spice, he practically turned into another species.

He's a cumin being.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage

So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the condom and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband res...

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My woman wanted to try new things to spice up sex.

I told her to come over and I would show her the improvement on the 69. She got pissed when I told her it's called the 68. You suck my dick and I owe you one.

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

NSFW What did one spice say to the other during intercourse?

I'M CUMIN!!

To spice things up a bit in the bedroom, I asked my wife to talk dirty to me.

Telling me how dusty the garage was, and about the mold in the shower, was not what I was hoping for.

NSFW: My wife suggested bringing toys into the bedroom to spice things up.

So I fisted her with hulk hands.

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Me and my wife decided to spice up our camping trip by having sex

It was fucking in tents

Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices...

Then it becomes basic.

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I suggested to my wife that to spice up our sex life, we introduce fruit into the bedroom.

She went fucking bananas.

Why did the Jamaican spice dealer turn his life around?

Because he was a cinna-mon

My best friend was a chef. He called last week to say that he found a hidden message in his herb and spice rack. He was quite paranoid and later that day he was found dead.

I should have believed him when he said his Thyme was running out.

Which spice is the worst at keeping secrets?

Only thyme will tell.

My wife left me because, according to her, I talk about herbs and spices too much.

Oh well.... It was probably thyme.

According to Wikipedia, the open-source online encyclopedia, India is the world’s largest producer of spices.

But then again, you should always take stats from the internet with a pinch of salt.

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A couple decides to spice up their sex life

The man asks his wife, “let’s try doing the “Bill Clinton”, where you blow me as I’m working”.

The wife says “ok, as long as we don’t do the “JFK”, where you splatter all over me unexpectedly”.

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My wife says we should spice up our sex life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Gray.

First, she wants me to become a billionaire.

What spice should you always keep at the liquor store to make older women feel younger?

Cardamom

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My wife is going to kill me for ejaculating onto the spice rack

My thyme has cum

I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing

It would definitely spice up my autobiography.

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

I was gonna make a joke about spices . . .

But it’s not the right season

Which spice girl can still get petrol?

Geri can

What do Australia and The Spice Girls have in common?

The rest of us are trying our best but Victoria is ruining it for everyone.

The Spice Girls had a Mel B and a Mel C, but what happened to Mel A?

A be C

In honor of the upcoming Olympics: What is a gymnast's favorite spice?

Somersalts

I just found out The Spice Girls were paid off by the tobacco industry to hide subliminal pro-smoking messages in their songs.

I couldn’t believe it, so I put on one of their records, and it made me really really really want a cig or cigar.

In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It’s true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme

I’m surprised Posh Spice is still married to David Beckham

The guy just never struck me as a keeper

which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell?

the cinnamon!

dining at a Mexican restaurant one day, I saw the chef throw a spice bottle and hit one of the waiters in the head

"Ow! screamed the waiter, "I didn't see that cumin!"

The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice

He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

I recently read an article about the history of spices used in curry...

It was a cumin interest story.

If you told me you have a great eye for spices...

...then I'd bet you saw this cumin from a mile away.

My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.

I asked her what she had in mind.

“Doctor and patient roleplaying” she said. “I’ll be the doctor.”

“Sounds good to me!” I said.

So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: “Do you have an appointment?”

“Well, no...” ...

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What does an aviator use to spice things up in the bed room?

Planal beads.

I have developed this weird ability to move some spices and herbs

I can control thyme

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My wife has been watching porn to learn new ways to spice up our sex life.

The other night she laid down in bed and remained completely motionless while we made love. I asked what she was doing. She said “it’s called ‘buffering’ honey”.

Why did the spice get bullied?

Because he's ginger.

What's Peter Griffin's favorite spice?

It's clearly Nutmeg, that's for sure.

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I’m trying to spice up my sex life

So I started rubbing myself with oregano

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A Married Woman Tries to Spice Up Her Sex Life

Woman: Hey baby, I just shaved my Pussy. Do you know what that means?...........
Man: Yes, the fucking shower drain is clogged again.

My wife and I have been role playing to spice things up lately. I dress up as the UPS guy...

and she walks away from me when she sees me, refusing to touch my package for at least a week.

McCormick spices are at a huge risk

The company has a lot of intellectual property with its CEO, if he were to say fall down the stairs and die,

It would be a season-ending injury

I have been secretly messing with people's spice racks...

You might not know it, but your thyme is cumin.

I swapped all the labels around on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.

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Looking to spice up your sex life?

Wear a rubber glove next time so it feels like someone else's hand.

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

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My girlfriend and I wanted to spice up our sex life

The chili peppers were unsuccessful

My wife told me we need to go shopping, we are low on spices

It is The End of Thyme .

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This couple in their 70's wanted to spice up their sex life.

So the wife thought it would be a great idea to suprise her husband one night. That night she put on her super hero costume and hopped on the bed where her husband was laying and yelled "Super pussy!" To which the husband, hard if hearing, says "I'll have the soup please!"

This drought has really killed my spice farm

I don't have the thyme to harvest.

What's Jesus' favorite spice?

Sin o' man

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How to spice things up

A man and his wife are having a lot of trouble when it comes to being creative in bed. The wife begins to become fed up with the same old boring routine sex so the husband decides to do his research. The next night, the husband is feeling good about himself and tells his wife that he has something b...

After so many years in our marriage, my Wife wanted me to buy some pills to spice things up in the bedroom

*Apparently I was the bad guy buying diet pills.*

A wizard turned my cat into a pile of Indian spice!

Oh lawd, he cumin!

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A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life (NSFW)

The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom. She seductively asks her husband, Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this? The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies, Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!

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My wife and I, we wanted to spice up out sex life so we did a bit of role playing. She dressed as a nurse and I dressed as a doctor.

And that coma girl was already dressed as a patient, so she obviously was into it from the very beginning, your honor.

The Spice Girls want to remind you to set your clocks back an hour tonight.

Because tonight is the night, when two becomes one.

Me: I'm here for medication to help with my fear of the spice girls

Doctor: we have 3 types so tell me what you want

Me[screams]

My wife said we should spice up our love life

“What do you mean?” I asked.

She said “let’s do a bit of role playing. I’ll be the doctor and you be the patient”.

“Alright...” I went with it, “How are you, doctor?”

“We have no appointments till November. Goodbye”.

That spice mix took too long to make

It was a waste of my thyme

Lately I have been really busy and it's interfering with my hobby of collecting all of the different types of spices...

...I just don't have the thyme.

If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...

You’re going to have a bad Thyme.

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A man goes to Japan for a business trip and decides to spice things up.

The night before the meeting, he goes out and meets a “friendly” Japanese woman who he takes back to the hotel. They get to action and all night the woman repeatedly yells, “Chigau! Chigau!”

The next day the man goes to the meeting and it follows up with Golf with the Japanese employees. As t...

Did you hear about the grocery store employee who poured a bunch of spices into his pockets?

They fired him for thyme theft

I prepared a surprise dinner for my GF to teach her about different kind of spices

She doesn't know what's cumin

Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices?

I heard he's a seasoned expert.

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

On my weekends I've been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It's not much, but it passes the thyme.

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd

She literally can't even

So I’m dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

What'd the Gen Z-er say to the spice shop owner who claimed to have the largest spice plants of anyone around?

I'm here for a good thyme not a long thyme

My girlfriend wanted to "spice up the bedroom"

I hope she likes cinnamon.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish?

Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!

Last week, hubby wanted to spice things up a little, and suggested we play doctors and nurses.....

.... so I strapped him to a trolley, put him in the hallway, and ignored him for 48 hours.

I recently subscribed to a "Spice of the Month" club

The thyme has come today...

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My wife suggested buying some of those crotchless pants to spice up our sex lives.

But frankly, they make my balls hurt.

I can't cook with spices right now...

...I just don't have the thyme.

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

I've built a spice catapult that is capable of seasoning a steak from a distance of 100 yards.

It's a little hard to aim but there's no sense crying over every missed steak.

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What did the frustrated cook say when he ran out of spice for a recipe?

"I don't have thyme for this shit"

I’m writing a stand up routine about my favourite spice...

It’s a cinnamon shtick

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar...

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar, the bartender says in a thick Jamaican accent, "hey don't I recognize you from church?" The spice replies "no, I'm an atheist" The bartender exclaims "SINNA-MON"

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?

A sorority.

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An old lady wants to spice up her sex life......

so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape. That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband " SUPER PUSSY!". The husband says "Ill take the soup"

The cops picked up a couple of spices for robbing a bank. Oregano says he won’t talk,

But only Thyme will tell.

Credit to u/hawt_pawket for helping me.

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