The Spice Girls are having a reunion tour.

They’ve decided welcome Dolly Parton to the group. They are still going to perform as the Spice Girls: Sporty Spice, Scary Spice, Baby Spice, Ginger Spice, Posh Spice, & Spice Rack!

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What can a married man get for $400 that will really spice up his sex life?

A divorce.

The Spice Girls want to remind you to set your clocks back an hour tonight.

Because tonight is the night, when two becomes one.

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A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life (NSFW)

The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom. She seductively asks her husband, Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this? The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies, Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!

There is a big difference between *spice* and *spicy*

Spice is for everyone.

Spicy is for everyjuan.

My wife suggested that we spice things up a bit by playing Doctors and Nurses,

so I put her on a trolley in the hall and ignored her for 48 hours.

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What did one spice say to the other spice during sex?

I’m cumin.

If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...

You’re going to have a bad Thyme.

What'd the Gen Z-er say to the spice shop owner who claimed to have the largest spice plants of anyone around?

I'm here for a good thyme not a long thyme

My girlfriend wanted to "spice up the bedroom"

I hope she likes cinnamon.

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I suggested to my wife that to spice up our sex life, we introduce fruit into the bedroom.

She went fucking bananas.

My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom

I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.

I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.

After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.

I relabeled all the jars in my wife's spice rack.

I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin...

When I was a teenager, I was obsessed with Posh Spice.

Cost my parents a lot of money to buy all that saffron.

Kevin Durant should be sponsored by Old Spice.

He can have his own scent: Deo-Durant.

Me: I'm here for medication to help with my fear of the spice girls

Doctor: we have 3 types so tell me what you want

Me[screams]

Which Spice Girl can carry the most petrol ...

... Geri can

I think I'm going to kill off the main character in my new book

I hope it will spice up this autobiography a little

What's Jesus' favorite spice?

Sin o' man

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My wife suggested buying some of those crotchless pants to spice up our sex lives.

But frankly, they make my balls hurt.

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A woman wanted to spice up her sex life

So she went down to the local sex store, and asked the the clerk "Do you have any dildos?".

"Why, of course" replied the guy behind the counter. She was shown around the store, and finally she was shown the magic dildo. "If you say, 'magic dildo' and the hole you want fucked, it will fuck it"...

TIFU by taking my girlfriend to a food themed costume orgy.

Obligatory didn't happen today, but a few weeks ago, me and my girlfriend decided to spice up our relationship by going to an orgy. A mutual friend of ours gave us the adress, and told us to wear costumes. I was broccoli, my girlfriend was a tomato.

When we arrived, the door was unlocked. Th...

My wife said she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom

You should’ve seen the look on her face when I started rubbing in the ground chili peppers!

So I’m dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

I recently subscribed to a "Spice of the Month" club

The thyme has come today...

David Beckham gets into a cab

David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin airport. He notices the driver looks at him insistently in the rearview mirror. After 5 minutes the taxi driver asks

"Ok. At least give me a hint"

David Beckham sighs and says

"I had a brilliant career at Manchester United, married one of t...

What is a volcano's favorite spice?

Ground cumin

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What did the frustrated cook say when he ran out of spice for a recipe?

"I don't have thyme for this shit"

The cops picked up a couple of spices for robbing a bank. Oregano says he won’t talk,

But only Thyme will tell.






Credit to u/hawt_pawket for helping me.

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

How do you spice up your love life and make it unforgettable?

A few drops of Tabasco should do the trick.

To the person who stole my spices, I hope you’re happy...

Because you’re living on borrowed thyme.

My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.

I asked her what she had in mind.

“Doctor and patient roleplaying” she said. “I’ll be the doctor.”

“Sounds good to me!” I said.

So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: “Do you have an appointment?”

“Well, no...” ...

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

If you've spent ages figuring out how to put herbs and spices on your belt loop...

...you've waisted thyme.

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What do you call a Japanese spice demon?

Pepper-oni.

Today my spice rack fell to the ground, making a big mess.

I finished cleaning all the rosemary and sage so now I have a lot of thyme on my hands.

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I Started dating a disabled woman a few weeks ago and decided to spice things up a notch

So we ended up going to the Park at Night to have sex

She says, "My arms are pretty strong, why don't you take me to the Monkey bars, I can hang and we can do it that way."

before she can even climax we we're spotted by a bunch of park rangers.

sadly to say, i just left her han...

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

My wife asked me to spice things up

So I told my girlfriend to Cumin.

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar...

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar, the bartender says in a thick Jamaican accent, "hey don't I recognize you from church?" The spice replies "no, I'm an atheist" The bartender exclaims "SINNA-MON"

My son used herbs and spices for dinner tonight...

I told him to stop as he's not a seasoned professional

What spice do you find in hell?

SINammon

(Sorry)

What do you call someone with experience in spices

A seasoned veteran

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

How do you celebrate Columbus Day?

By getting lost in a supermarket while looking for spices.

So here I am eating a clock

It's very time consuming so I desided to spice it up abit and add some redbull to make time fly

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My long term girlfriend and I like to play a sex game to spice things up and keep it interesting...

She pretends to be a nurse, and I pretend that I'm still attracted to her.

What do you call a Jamaican spice trader?

Cinna-Mon.

I’m writing a stand up routine about my favourite spice...

It’s a cinnamon shtick

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My GF wanted to try anal.

So my GF said she wanted to try anal. I told her that I was happy with what we were doing already. However, she insisted she wanted to spice things up, so I figured I would give it a try.

Unfortunately, after going at it for a while she started to feel some pain and we had to stop. I figur...

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Role playing can spice up your sex life.

Pretend to be someone who's good at sex.

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish?

Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!

If the plural or mouse is mice, and the plural of louse is lice...

What does it really mean if my spouse wants to spice things up?

I've figured out why white people hate diversity.

Variety is the spice of life.

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A man goes to Japan for a business trip and decides to spice things up.

The night before the meeting, he goes out and meets a “friendly” Japanese woman who he takes back to the hotel. They get to action and all night the woman repeatedly yells, “Chigau! Chigau!”

The next day the man goes to the meeting and it follows up with Golf with the Japanese employees. As t...

Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices?

I heard he's a seasoned expert.

Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.

They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.

Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage

So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the condom and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband res...

As a child, I had a real obsession with Posh Spice

Which cost my mum a fortune in saffron...

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Was Mussolini a fan of spices?

Well, of course! I mean, he even made the fucking trains run on thyme

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Told my wife had discovered her Boobs, are like a spice rack

Why she said? Is it because they bring flavour to everything i wear?

no i said.. It's because the spice rack is starting to sag on the right side.

What do you call jalapeño flavored ice cream?

Spice cream.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

I just got a notification from Amazon about the package of spices that I ordered

The thyme has come.

I've built a spice catapult that is capable of seasoning a steak from a distance of 100 yards.

It's a little hard to aim but there's no sense crying over every missed steak.

Does anyone know what happened to the spice girls?

They all became old spice

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out.

What a waste of thyme.

What is Hannibal Lecter's favourite spice?

Ground ginger.

Which spice is the worst at keeping secrets?

Only thyme will tell.

which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell?

the cinnamon!

A man approached me and told me he was a chef

He asked if I had spices among other ingredients to make a nice dish so I obliged. He began mixing some of the said spices and I allowed it, thinking it was to make mixed spice, then he got one of them and poured it on the floor.

It was then I realized he was wasting my thyme.

Did you hear the Spice Girls are putting on a reunion tour? Sporty Spice, Posh Spice, Scary Spice and Baby Spice are all on board, but Ginger Spice turned them down.

Luckily they signed Donald Trump to replace her; he’ll be performing as Pumpkin Spice.

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A woman decided she needed to spice up her sex life. When her husband came home from work she was waiting for him wearing nothing but saran wrap.

When he walked through the door he looked at her and said, “Oh no! Not leftovers again.”

I can't cook with spices right now...

...I just don't have the thyme.

The Spice Mafia

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic...

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A married couple try to spice up their love life

The wife says "I have an idea that I think would be fun. Why don't we go to a bar and you act as if you don't know me, then you can try and pick me up?"

The husband, reluctant at first says "Okay, sounds interesting. Let's give it a shot."

Later that night they head to their local pu...

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My wife says we should spice up our sex life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Gray.

First, she wants me to become a billionaire.

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?

A sorority.

We got our Seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil.

It's for Autumnmobiles

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A old woman wanted to spice up her sex life with her husband.

She is in the bathroom after a shower and ties her towel around her neck like a cape.

She runs out of the bathroom wearing nothing but the cape and screams "SSUUPPPEERRR PUSSY!!"

Her husband doesn't even look up from his book and just says, "I'll take the Soup"

What spice does a tiny doggo like on its steak?

Puppercorn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend told me I need to spice things up in the bedroom...

So I told her I would cumin her pussy.

(That joke only works sometimes because it's seasonal)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to spice things up

A man and his wife are having a lot of trouble when it comes to being creative in bed. The wife begins to become fed up with the same old boring routine sex so the husband decides to do his research. The next night, the husband is feeling good about himself and tells his wife that he has something b...

My girlfriend complained about my obsession with spices.

So I said, "Bae, leave."

Did you hear about the hostage situation at the spice factory?

They used a cumin shield.

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Little Ernie was taking a walk in the park with his father

Little Ernie was taking a walk in the park with his father, when suddenly a bee settled on a rock, in front of them. Just for a spice, Ernie picked up a piece of wood and smashed the bee, whereupon his father said:

-"That was very cruel, Ernie. And for being cruel, you will get no honey for ...

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were sitting around talking about how much they hate their lives... [NSFW]

The cucumber said, "man my life sucks the most, whenever i get big, fat, and juicy someone chops me up and throws me in a salad. The pickle speaks up, "man you dont know shit, when i get big, fat, and juicy someone sticks me in vinegar, covers me in spices, and closes me in a jar. The penis has had ...

I want a sand timer with ground spices instead of sand

That way when it starts to run out I can say, "Oh no, I'm running out of Thyme!"

What do you call someone with a spice garden on Gallifrey?

A Thyme Lord.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I have been bored in the bedroom, so she asked me what I thought of toys to spice things up...

I said, "You had better think long and hard before buying a dildo."

This year we finally learned who the worst spice girl is

It's Sean

In my opinion guys should only us two fragrances of Old Spice deodorant...

Fuji or Timber...

but that's just my two scents.

I wanted to rearrange all the spices on my spice rack

But I couldn't find the thyme.

Harrison Ford said this joke on Jimmy Fallon

Two cannibals walk by past each other in the woods in opposite directions. Cannibal 1 says to the other, "hey, how's it going?".

Cannibal 2 replies "not so good, I ate something funny".

Cannibal 1: "really ? Like what?

Cannibal 2: "a missionary"

Cannibal 1: "well, how d...

If girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice ...

Why do they smell like tuna?

What did the the Jamaican daddy spice say to his son when he was being bad?

Your a cinnamon

Why doesn't Muad'Dib like the Spice Girls?

They remind him too much of his mother.

I'll see myself out.

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