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Spice Jokes

My brother and I got so bored, we started throwing spice jars at each other.

Then the thyme really flew.

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My wife suggested we watch some porn to spice things up. I put on “Crazy Anal Chicks vol. 4”

But it was just a bunch of women yelling at me to do the dishes, put my shoes on the entranceway mat, and hang the towels on the rack

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A husband and wife were trying to think of ways to spice up their sex life...

So one day the man came home with some flavored condoms. That night they were in bed, and the wife went down under the covers.

A few seconds later she popped her head back up and said, "Ugh, that one tastes like cheese!"

And her husband said, "I didn't put it on yet."

My wife suggested that to spice things up in the bedroom, we should try the "other hole"

I said "no way", don't want her getting pregnant again.

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I spiced up our sex-life with some flavoured condoms....

My missus said, "Wow! This one tastes just like cheese and onion".
I said, "I haven't put it on yet"

What do you call a spice vendor who refuses to wash his hands?

Someone with too much thyme on his hands.

I threw away spices one grain at a time.

It was a waste of thyme.

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A elderly couple want to spice up their second life

They decide that the woman will take control for that evening.

She pushes the man to the bed and tells him to wait there while she gets changed in the bathroom.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing nothing but a cape, she stands there and yells SUPER VAGINA

The man replies ...

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What do you call a Japanese spice demon?

Pepper-oni.

Sugar... Spice... and Everything Nice

These were the ingredients God chose to create the perfect dry rub for a rib.

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Decided to spice things up in bed with my wife…

… So I finished on her knee. She didn’t take it so well. I guess she had a knee-jerk reaction.

What spice do you find in hell?

SINammon

(Sorry)

Will I find the right spice to use for my dish?

Only thyme will tell.

I switched the labels on all my wife's spices.

I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing

It would definitely spice up my autobiography.

That spice mix took too long to make

It was a waste of my thyme

what do you call someone who films spices?

A cinnamon-tographer!

If you've spent ages figuring out how to hang herbs and spices off your belt...

You've probably waisted thyme.

There is one spice i will never understand why people use it in their food

I mean who wants to eat something with Cumin there?

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage

So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the condom and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband res...

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

My wife always weeps when we go to the herbs and spices section of our grocery store...

...Seasonal depression is no joke, guys.

Did you guys hear about the shipment of spices that fell into the ocean??

Huge waste of thyme.

My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom

I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.

I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.

After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.

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An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage

He went to a lingerie shop to get a sexy lingerie for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive one and went home.

Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to put it on and found out that it was too small for her. She thought “He does not hav...

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A husband and wife of want to spice up their stale sex life.

They want to try BDSM for the first time. So one afternoon, the husband comes home from work, heads upstairs to the bedroom to change, and finds his wife spread out on the bed decked out in bondage gear and lingerie. Without skipping a beat the husband gets undressed and leans down and asks her in a...

Which spice girl can still get petrol?

Geri can

My friend ate so much exotic spice, he practically turned into another species.

He's a cumin being.

Did you hear the Spice Girls are putting on a reunion tour? Sporty Spice, Posh Spice, Scary Spice and Baby Spice are all on board, but Ginger Spice turned them down.

Luckily they signed Donald Trump to replace her; he’ll be performing as Pumpkin Spice.

Why did the Jamaican spice dealer turn his life around?

Because he was a cinna-mon

My wife and I decided to spice things up and roll play our actual jobs, her a nurse and me a handyman.

She went to bed early from working a double and her feet being sore and I didn’t even show up.

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My woman wanted to try new things to spice up sex.

I told her to come over and I would show her the improvement on the 69. She got pissed when I told her it's called the 68. You suck my dick and I owe you one.

What do you call two spices saying hello to each other during the holidays?

Seasons greetings

NSFW What did one spice say to the other during intercourse?

I'M CUMIN!!

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I made a shit recipe with all the herbs and spices i know

Anyways it was a waste of thyme

Why did the spice get bullied?

Because he's ginger.

Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices...

Then it becomes basic.

What do Australia and The Spice Girls have in common?

The rest of us are trying our best but Victoria is ruining it for everyone.

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A couple decides to spice up their sex life

The man asks his wife, “let’s try doing the “Bill Clinton”, where you blow me as I’m working”.

The wife says “ok, as long as we don’t do the “JFK”, where you splatter all over me unexpectedly”.

What's Jesus' favorite spice?

Sin o' man

An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...

... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."

"Why the long clause?" asked the bari...

What's Peter Griffin's favorite spice?

It's clearly Nutmeg, that's for sure.

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How to spice things up

A man and his wife are having a lot of trouble when it comes to being creative in bed. The wife begins to become fed up with the same old boring routine sex so the husband decides to do his research. The next night, the husband is feeling good about himself and tells his wife that he has something b...

NSFW: My wife suggested bringing toys into the bedroom to spice things up.

So I fisted her with hulk hands.

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Me and my wife decided to spice up our camping trip by having sex

It was fucking in tents

My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.

I asked her what she had in mind.

“Doctor and patient roleplaying” she said. “I’ll be the doctor.”

“Sounds good to me!” I said.

So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: “Do you have an appointment?”

“Well, no...” ...

The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice

He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell?

the cinnamon!

In honor of the upcoming Olympics: What is a gymnast's favorite spice?

Somersalts

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My wife is going to kill me for ejaculating onto the spice rack

My thyme has cum

What'd the Gen Z-er say to the spice shop owner who claimed to have the largest spice plants of anyone around?

I'm here for a good thyme not a long thyme

Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on my wifes spice rack. So far, she hasn't noticed.

Mark my words though, the thyme is cumin.

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

I was gonna make a joke about spices . . .

But it’s not the right season

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I suggested to my wife that to spice up our sex life, we introduce fruit into the bedroom.

She went fucking bananas.

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Looking to spice up your sex life?

Wear a rubber glove next time so it feels like someone else's hand.

McCormick spices are at a huge risk

The company has a lot of intellectual property with its CEO, if he were to say fall down the stairs and die,

It would be a season-ending injury

If you told me you have a great eye for spices...

...then I'd bet you saw this cumin from a mile away.

This drought has really killed my spice farm

I don't have the thyme to harvest.

My wife left me because, according to her, I talk about herbs and spices too much.

Oh well.... It was probably thyme.

The Spice Mafia

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic...

To spice things up a bit in the bedroom, I asked my wife to talk dirty to me.

Telling me how dusty the garage was, and about the mold in the shower, was not what I was hoping for.

According to Wikipedia, the open-source online encyclopedia, India is the world’s largest producer of spices.

But then again, you should always take stats from the internet with a pinch of salt.

I wanted to rearrange all the spices on my spice rack

But I couldn't find the thyme.

What spice should you always keep at the liquor store to make older women feel younger?

Cardamom

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I’m trying to spice up my sex life

So I started rubbing myself with oregano

I have been secretly messing with people's spice racks...

You might not know it, but your thyme is cumin.

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A Married Woman Tries to Spice Up Her Sex Life

Woman: Hey baby, I just shaved my Pussy. Do you know what that means?...........
Man: Yes, the fucking shower drain is clogged again.

I recently read an article about the history of spices used in curry...

It was a cumin interest story.

In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It’s true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme

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To spice things up in bed, my wife said she was going to buy the sex toy she thought I would enjoy the most.

Boy, she really has me pegged.

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My girlfriend and I wanted to spice up our sex life

The chili peppers were unsuccessful

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My wife says we should spice up our sex life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Gray.

First, she wants me to become a billionaire.

I have developed this weird ability to move some spices and herbs

I can control thyme

David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.

After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"

Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".

Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"

My girlfriend wanted to "spice up the bedroom"

I hope she likes cinnamon.

A wizard turned my cat into a pile of Indian spice!

Oh lawd, he cumin!

My wife said we should spice up our love life

“What do you mean?” I asked.

She said “let’s do a bit of role playing. I’ll be the doctor and you be the patient”.

“Alright...” I went with it, “How are you, doctor?”

“We have no appointments till November. Goodbye”.

I swapped all the labels around on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.

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Role playing can spice up your sex life.

Pretend to be someone who's good at sex.

I can't cook with spices right now...

...I just don't have the thyme.

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What does an aviator use to spice things up in the bed room?

Planal beads.

I invented a utility belt that holds one type of spice.

Everyone told me it was a waist of thyme.

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This couple in their 70's wanted to spice up their sex life.

So the wife thought it would be a great idea to suprise her husband one night. That night she put on her super hero costume and hopped on the bed where her husband was laying and yelled "Super pussy!" To which the husband, hard if hearing, says "I'll have the soup please!"

I know my brother has been messing with my spices...

He thinks I didn't notice since I'm blind,

\-

But I know it, my thyme is cumin, I can feel it.

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar...

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar, the bartender says in a thick Jamaican accent, "hey don't I recognize you from church?" The spice replies "no, I'm an atheist" The bartender exclaims "SINNA-MON"

What is Hannibal Lecter's favourite spice?

Ground ginger.

Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices?

I heard he's a seasoned expert.

If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...

You’re going to have a bad Thyme.

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My wife has been watching porn to learn new ways to spice up our sex life.

The other night she laid down in bed and remained completely motionless while we made love. I asked what she was doing. She said “it’s called ‘buffering’ honey”.

I recently subscribed to a "Spice of the Month" club

The thyme has come today...

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

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An old lady wants to spice up her sex life......

so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape. That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband " SUPER PUSSY!". The husband says "Ill take the soup"

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A man goes to Japan for a business trip and decides to spice things up.

The night before the meeting, he goes out and meets a “friendly” Japanese woman who he takes back to the hotel. They get to action and all night the woman repeatedly yells, “Chigau! Chigau!”

The next day the man goes to the meeting and it follows up with Golf with the Japanese employees. As t...

What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish?

Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!

Does anyone know what happened to the spice girls?

They all became old spice

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A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life (NSFW)

The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom. She seductively asks her husband, Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this? The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies, Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!

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If Zac Efron was a shitty spice girl...

He would be called Whack Saffron

Me: I'm here for medication to help with my fear of the spice girls

Doctor: we have 3 types so tell me what you want

Me[screams]

The Spice Girls want to remind you to set your clocks back an hour tonight.

Because tonight is the night, when two becomes one.

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

Well this should spice things up.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

I’m writing a stand up routine about my favourite spice...

It’s a cinnamon shtick

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd

She literally can't even

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