UPJOKE
spicecurry powderturmericchili pepperdresscuminsouth asiacookeryindiavindaloobangladeshblack peppercinnamonindonesiasri lanka

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One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
Americ...

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A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

Is it acceptable to dip bread into a curry?

Asking for my naan.

My kids cried when I told them I had put ginger in the curry.

They loved that cat.

At the Indian restaurant, the waiter asked me, “Curry ok, sir?”

Me: Ok. One song, and then I really need to go home.

When I went out for a curry last week I saw that the menu had about 20 different types of curry on it.

So I asked for a clean one.

What's the difference between evaporation and farting after a curry?

Evaporation is when a liquid becomes a gas....

I tried Wookie curry for the first time last night

The flavour was alright but the meat was a bit chewy.

Have you ever tried beaver curry?

It’s just like a regular curry but a little otter!

Man walks into a library and orders an incredibly hot curry.

"This is a library", says the librarian

"Oh, sorry", replies the man

"*I'd like to order an incredibly hot curry please*", he whispers

I told my son I couldn't make curry one night because we didn't have flatbread.He asked why?

I told him it was a naan issue.

What is steph curry’s step brother’s name?

Step Curry!

I recently read an article about the history of spices used in curry...

It was a cumin interest story.

I really want to tell you all what makes Indian Curry taste so great.

But I had to sign a Naan disclosure agreement.

My wife just asked me what I ordered from the Indian curry shop.

It was naan of her business.

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said...

Did you hear about the two drug users who injected curry powder thinking it was heroin?

One got a dodgy Tikka and the others in a Korma.

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Had a curry last night

'My arse is burning after that curry last night' I said to my wife.

'Ring sting?' she said.

'What's he going to do about it?' I replied.

A red curry and a green curry had a fight....

There was no winner...it was a Thai.

I accidentally spilled a coconut milk based curry on my patella, but just a small amount.

It was only a Thai knee issue.

Why is there no more curry in Afghanistan?

Because there's a thali ban.

There was this musician in North Korea…

One day he was called upon Kim Jong-Un himself to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean orchestra play it to him in the humble auditorium.

The man, not wanting to displease the Great Leader, did as he asked.
The big night arrived with the musician stood at the fron...

What is Boy George's favourite curry?

Korma Chameleon

Where does Vin go after eating a really hot curry?

Da loo.

Got into an argument with a colleague so I bought their favorite Indian food, to attempt to make up.

I tried to curry favor but they were having naan of it. I only managed to tikka them off more.

Tim Rice and Tim Curry are going to open an Indian restaurant together.

They plan to call it 'Tim's'

What do you call LSD covered in curry powder?

Tandoori trippin'

Beaver curry

A Canadian is showing his English friend around his hometown.

Canadian: "Have you ever tried beaver curry?"

Englishman: "Beaver curry,!?"

Canadian: " Yeah, it's like normal curry, but just a bit otter."

What do you call a person who is willing but hasn’t yet tried Indian food?

Curry-ious

In order to put a bit of flavour in my vegan curry I put ginger in it

.

The neighbours bloody loved that cat but my curry was bang on!

What's Ferris Bueller's favourite curry?

chicken-tikkahhhhhhhhhhh

I fainted in the curry house when I heard R.E.M had split up

That's me in the Korma

What side dish does George Michael ask for with his curry?

Well I guess it would be rice

I went out for a pelican curry last night....

It was really nice, but the bill was enormous!

I am surprised how Stephen Curry's back isn't broken...

From carrying all of the Golden State Warriors' bandwagoners

My dad had an accident once eating curry

He slipped into a korma.

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Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks "Curry Ok Sir?"

I said "Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off".

The kids were really suprised when I put ginger in their curry...

...they really *did* love that cat.

> Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*

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I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...

Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the virgin megastore, what a disappointment.

Just saw A blonde running down the street.

She had an arm full of chicken tikka masala.

I think she got mixed up when her friend said,

today we are going to rob Curry's.

For Americans and other English Tongue out there.

( Curry's in England is an electrical store.)

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A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians...

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piec...

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The Golden State Warriors flew to Jamaica to play an exhibition game against a local team.

The Warriors kept on losing the ball and missing easy shots. Kerr, the Warriors' coach was furious, but the players said that the balls were too small, and kept slipping out of their hands.



By the end of the half, they were down by 20 points, with Steph Curry, the Warriors' captain...

Hey, Jude what kind of bread would you like with your curry?

Naan, naan, naan, naan, naan, naan, naan...

A vegetarian lady looked at my mutton curry and said, "You know, a sheep died so you could have that."

I looked at her salad and responded, "Maybe she died because you keep eating all her food!!"

My doctor told me to take two tablets every four hours.

A**nd now I'm banned from Currys!**

Two British Raj colonels are sitting at a table, enjoying a cup of tea and a warm bowl of curry

The first colonel turns to the other and says

"Why I say, this India land is extraordinary!"

The second colonel replies;

"Quite so, but there's just one issue"

"What's that?"

Looking outside onto the street, the second replies;

"Too many damn foreigners!"

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Once a dictator chose a musician to compose a piece of music.

The musician not wanting to displease the dictator accepted the offer.

One month after the day came. The orchestra shited in the name of music. The dictator got furious and gave him a death sentence. They gave him a spicy curry as his last wish. He sat on the electric chair. They electrocuted...

What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?

Curry in a hurry

WW2 joke

Germany: Do you like chicken?
England: No
Germany: Do you like curry?
England: No
Germany: Then you won't like what I did
England: Did you make curry chicken?
Germany: No I invaded Poland

How much cash can you make robbing an Indian restaurant?

As much as you can curry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un asked a well known North Korean composer to create a piece for him

The composer had many months to find people to play, and to write a piece. Once it was performed on stage, it sounded terrible. The players werent synchronized, and they were all playing the wrong notes. That night the composer was set to be executed.

Before the composer was put in the electr...

Indian people are a lot like Russian people.

They're always in a curry.

Why would Indians make great basketball coaches?

They invented Curry

Steph Curry picks up a veteran and a rookie teammate on his way to a game against the Lakers.

While on the road, they wind up behind an SUV and Steph sees that Shaq is behind the wheel. Steph kicks it into overdrive and passes Shaq going 70 mph.

A little while later they see Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Mustang. Steph floors it and passes him going 80 mph.

Halfway to the game, t...

A kid playing tag runs up to Tim Curry and says...

you're IT

If I worked at an Indian restaurant I wouldn't ingratiate myself with the boss in order to influence menu choices.

I don't think it's right to curry favour for curry flavour.

Me: Do you like broccoli?

"No."
"Do you like curry?"
"No."
"Then you won't like what I did?"
"Did you cook broccoli or curry for me?"
"No, I banged your sister."

What do passionate Indian chefs and functional programmers have in common when they are exhausted?

They curry on.

What is the favorite food of the cannibal who only ate scientists?

Marie Curry

Queen Elizabeth has been on the Throne for 65 years

That's one hell of a dodgy curry.

I just got my best score on Sitar Hero 3!

I got five stars on "Curry On My Wayward Son"

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

Which NBA player has moves like a mouse?

S. Curry

What do you call a Vietnamese themed restaurant that only serves Indian food in Chinese take out containers?

PhoCurry.

Why did the Chicken Tikka Masala cross the road?

Because it was in a curry.

Why did the Indian restaurant in Dallas have al fresco seating?

Because Texas is an open curry state.

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