I relabeled all the jars in my mom's spice rack

I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I finally finished my book on making love to herbs

It's about fucking thyme.

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

A cook during medieval times is ordered to prepare a feast for the king...

Knowing this was a feast for the king, the cook prepared everything diligently and carefully. At the day of the feast, the king and his guests arrive and begin to eat. They are in love with the food from the lamb to the roast duck to even the soups. The king recognized the cooks ability and made him...

I was going to continue garnishing my food

but I ran out of thyme

I wonder why thyme isn’t used in medicine.

It’s supposed to heal all wounds.

Why was the chef mad?

He had all the money in the world, but no thyme.

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

The herb with the most medicinal properties is Thyme...

It heals all wounds.

Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit?

Because thyme heals all wounds.

:D

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It took us ages to get this joke... Want to have a go?

So the theme for my [House Warming Party](http://i.imgur.com/TaE9k.jpg) was "Puns" and everyone came dressed as a pun. I sewed boxes of smarties to my pants (hardy har har). [This guy](http://imgur.com/a/yWeqt#0) arguably had the hardest one to guess. Those are sprigs of thyme. They're in white ...

I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle...

..it became herby.

The waiter asked me if I wanted any herbs on my food

But I don't have the thyme for that

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

I was going to make a joke about herbs and fish...

But this is neither the plaice nor the thyme to do so.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

Which spice is the worst at keeping secrets?

Only thyme will tell.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the frustrated cook say when he ran out of spice for a recipe?

"I don't have thyme for this shit"

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

The cops picked up a couple of spices for robbing a bank. Oregano says he won’t talk,

But only Thyme will tell.






Credit to u/hawt_pawket for helping me.

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

My wife and I are really spicing it up this Valentine’s Day

She’s cumin onto me all the thyme

I spent 2 hours gathering herbs but ended up throwing them out.

It was a waste of thyme.

I really need to upgrade my knowledge about a particular herb.

It's about thyme.

Have you heard of Mussolini's herbal locomotive fuel?

He made the trains run on thyme.

After years of searching, I finally found a great herb joke.

It's about thyme.

To the person who stole my spices, I hope you’re happy...

Because you’re living on borrowed thyme.

I would put more herbs in my meals

but I can never find the thyme

Why was the procrastinating chef’s soup always so bland?

He ran out of thyme

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation....

Invest in stocks

Beef, chicken, vegetable. You'll be a bouillonaire in no thyme!

Barry Allen (the Flash) wanted to have an herb garden, but decided against it.

I mean, he really shouldn't be travelling through thyme...

Did you hear about the poor herb farmer?

He was always having to work over thyme.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At last, someone's written a book about herb erotica...

It's about fucking thyme

You’ll never be good at cooking...

If you don’t put the thyme in

I only had 5 minutes to season my Lamb before it went in the oven

It was a race agaisnt thyme

Today my spice rack fell to the ground, making a big mess.

I finished cleaning all the rosemary and sage so now I have a lot of thyme on my hands.

Did you hear about the Legend of Zelda gardening sim?

You play as Link, the hero of Thyme.

When I do the gardening, I alphabetise my herbs, people often ask how I find the time.

I respond with "Easy, Thyme is right between the Tarragon and Turmeric"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

A man is at a restaurant and he asks a waiter,”Sir, are you not going to season my food?”

And the waiter replies,”I’m sorry but I don’t have thyme.”

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

How does Mary Poppins cure smelly feet?

Step in thyme.

A woman once claimed she could hit me from across the kitchen with a fancy bottle of herbs.

I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.

Did you hear about the chef that died?

He ran out of thyme

I was thinking about doing a practical joke involving herbs

But I’m not gonna waste my thyme

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Long] Bruce Buffer invites Joe Rogan and Dana White over for dinner...

On their way to Bruce’s house, Dana says “Joe, you’re gonna fuckin’ love Bruce’s cooking. This guy is the best, he could start his own restaurant. But hey, I’ve got to warn you - *do not* ask him how he cooks the food.”

Joe agrees, but thinks to himself *Well fuck, now I really wanna know...*...

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish...

I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice...

I was hosting a funeral for my goldfish, and my friend thought it was okay to ask "What herbs should I season which fish with?"

I told him "Come on dude, there's a thyme and plaice."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Was Mussolini a fan of spices?

Well, of course! I mean, he even made the fucking trains run on thyme

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

My girlfriend left me because she said I focus too much on growing and giving away herbs for really low prices

Now I don't know what to do with all this free thyme on my hands

My girlfriend told me all of the spice was gone from our relationship. I asked her how I could help...

“I just need a little thyme.”

My neighbor was very urgent when asking me for herbs.

He said that he was running out of thyme.

I've started learning to cook . . .

I thought I could make use of all the thyme on my hands.

Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.

They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gordon Ramsey today released his long-awaited book about having sex with herbs.

It's about fucking thyme.

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

My mom asked me to throw some herbs in our dinner...

I told her I didn’t have the thyme.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out.

What a waste of thyme.

I just got a notification from Amazon about the package of spices that I ordered

The thyme has come.

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

What do you call a clock made of mint? (OC)

Thyme.

My girlfriend complained about her new bunny misbehaving

I said "just give her some thyme".

A couple of police officers taught me a valuable lesson about grocery stores.

Apparently, employees aren’t supposed to have free thyme.

The wife and I were trying to spice things up in the bedroom...

so now I cumin her every thyme.

If you break your leg... put some herbs on it.

I mean, thyme heals all wounds.

You can always tell when a chef is Russian.

They never put thyme into the dish!

The Spice Mafia

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic...

You know what they say about herbal medicine...

Thyme heals all wounds.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking wrote a cookbook?

It's called A Brief History of Thyme.

Picking herbs is an awful job...

... It's very thyme consuming.

Why do gardeners hand out their herbs?

To pass the thyme.

I can't cook with spices right now...

...I just don't have the thyme.

My wife asked why the spaghetti sauce tasted odd

I told her I didn't have the thyme to make it right.

Two friends are looking for their car key.

Nick and Nick had been friends since childhood. The first Nick had lived in his hometown, Thyme, and the second lived in New York. They were visiting Nick from New York's family for Christmas, and had a plane to catch in 3 hours, and they were desperate to try and find it. After 2 grueling hours of ...

A chef, a clockmaker, and a thief walk into a bar, but the bartender says he doesn't get the joke.

They all say, "It's okay, these things take thyme."

We should move to a herb based fuel economy

We can finally make the trains run on thyme.

2 weeks building a greenhouse for my herbs only to see it blown away in freak winds

What a waste of thyme!

What basic skill do herb farmers always struggle with?

Thyme management

Cooking is actually really easy for anyone to do

It's just that most people don't have thyme.

I asked a friend of mine what it was like being a herb farmer....

...He said its not so bad and that he had a lot of thyme on his hands.

What's Cyndi Lauper's favorite herb?

Thyme after Thyme

There was a runner...

He was the fastest man in the world, and promised to all the chefs in the world that if they could bring him his favorite kind of hot dog while he was on his daily jog, then he would give them free running lessons.

Hundreds of chefs attempted to give him the best recipe after catching him, ye...

I want a sand timer with ground spices instead of sand

That way when it starts to run out I can say, "Oh no, I'm running out of Thyme!"

Two Chefs get in an argument,

And they split the kitchen right down the middle.

One Chef has the oven and fridge on his side, and the other has the freezer, a spice rack, and a microwave on his.

So the first Chef looks at the other and says

"What are you gonna do? You can't cook anything in a microwave, you'...

I wanted to rearrange all the spices on my spice rack

But I couldn't find the thyme.

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."

A spice belt for chefs

Might be a waist of thyme

I've never really got the point of herbs and seasoning...

I just think it's a waste of thyme.

What do you call someone with a spice garden on Gallifrey?

A Thyme Lord.

A man in Victorian clothes just appeared out of thin air and handed me a fistful of herbs.

I think he might be a Thyme traveller.

What did the chef say to his assistant when he got handed the wrong ingredients?

This is neither the thyme nor the plaice.

A dystopian future

Mr. and Mrs. Thyme are two people living in a dystopian future where babies are assigned a random combination of letters and numbers for a name, such as DL-6 or UR-1. However, due to a large amount of protesters, the law has been changed so that parents can choose their own name if they run to the c...

I asked a gardener which herbs were snitches...

He said only thyme would tell.

Herbal Doctors,

someone should tell them Thyme Doesn't heal all wounds.

I once made a belt out of herbs.

It wasn't very useful and just ended up being a waist of thyme.

There's a chef that doesn't bother putting gloves on before prepping his food

Now he's got a lot more thyme on his hands.

Why couldn't the man open a fish and herb shop?

Because he didn't have the thyme or the plaice.