How much thyme does Mike Tyson put into his spaghetti?

About twenty minutes

I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

I switched all the labels in my wife's spice cabinet.



She hasn't noticed yet. But I'm sure the thyme is cumin.

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My book on herbal erotica finally arrived today.

It’s about fucking thyme.

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack ?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes

I wonder why thyme isn’t used in medicine.

It’s supposed to heal all wounds.

I’d tell you a joke about herbs

But I don’t have enough thyme to do that

Lately I have been really busy and it's interfering with my hobby of collecting all of the different types of spices...

...I just don't have the thyme.

Did you hear about the grocery store employee who poured a bunch of spices into his pockets?

They fired him for thyme theft

What did the cook say to the bomb defuse technician?

We are running out of Thyme.

The cops broke down the door and asked Rosemary about the kidnapping

She claimed that she didn't have the Thyme

Just watched a 5-minute video of some guy throwing herbs in the garbage

What a complete waste of thyme

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

On my weekends I've been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It's not much, but it passes the thyme.

Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.

I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."

I had to fire my cook today

He was a thyme waster.

I forgot I marinated the beef 3 days ago.

I think I put more thyme in it than I should.

I swapped all the labels around on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.

Why does a bored chef cut herbs?

He wants to waste thyme!

I’ll let myself out

I’m making a belt decorated with herbs

My friends tell me it’s a waste of thyme

The spices in my cabinet where so old that I had to throw them out.

What a waste of thyme.

My lil brother wanted to make a herb bouquet.

My little brother wanted to make a herb bouquet for his school assignment. So i helped him to make it. It took us 5 hours to collect all kinds of herbs from our garden and made an amazing bouquet. But the next morning, when he had to go to school, the herbs were dried and ugly.

Turns out, al...

Did you hear about the guy who went to prison for smoking herbs?

He's doing time for doing thyme.

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Was running late so I jacked off in the herb garden.

I wanted to cum on thyme.

My girlfriend threatened to leave me over my reliance on herbs...

But I said I needed thyme to think.

I wanted to make a nice herby chicken dish for dinner but scratched my plans

I didn't have the thyme for it

Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit?

Because thyme heals all wounds.

:D

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world.

I invented a utility belt that holds one type of spice.

Everyone told me it was a waist of thyme.

The herb with the most medicinal properties is Thyme...

It heals all wounds.

I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle...

..it became herby.

Oh man... did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way...

I mean, the doctors cannoli do so much.

It’s just crazy how you can wake up one day and be gone tomato.

I’ve truly never sausage a tragic thing.

So sad he ran out of thyme... :~(

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

I went to the farmers market to get some herbs and vegetables.

But when my friends invited me over for some pizza, I figured it was a waste of thyme.

That spice mix took too long to make

It was a waste of my thyme

So I hear they are going to start using bio diesel made from herbs for trains.....

....maybe ours will now run on Thyme.

I recently finished my long overdue book on my favourite herb....

It’s about thyme

When should you crush herbs?

When you need to kill some Thyme!

I just found an amazing way to grow herbs!

It may take some thyme, though...

I just read my first cooking book!

It's about thyme.

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

First attempt at cooking for my Italian girlfriend, she's due here any minute, and I think I royally screwed up the meal. Need help urgently!

Thyme is a factor.

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...

You’re going to have a bad Thyme.

I'm not proud of this.

I want to learn to cook but who's got Thyme?

Headline: Herb-Powered Vehicle Sends User to Past or Future of Choice

Byline: Thyme Travel

My friends always say I’m late, so I’ve started putting herbs in my shoes.

Now I can always be on thyme.

Things got spicy after I touched my girlfriend's rack.

I didn't realize it was broken on one side... what a waste of thyme!

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

If you've spent ages figuring out how to put herbs and spices on your belt loop...

...you've waisted thyme.

Why did the herbalist get a second job?

He had too much thyme on his hands.

Did you hear about the politician who wants our public transportation to run on alternative fuels?

He promises to make the trains run on Thyme.

What'd the Gen Z-er say to the spice shop owner who claimed to have the largest spice plants of anyone around?

I'm here for a good thyme not a long thyme

For Sale: Gents trouser belt made of plaited herbs.

No thyme waisters, please.

Whoever took my herbs last night:



You’re living on borrowed thyme

I couldn't find the right herb while cooking the other day. So I put oregano in instead...

I always try to make up for lost thyme

A man approached me and told me he was a chef

He asked if I had spices among other ingredients to make a nice dish so I obliged. He began mixing some of the said spices and I allowed it, thinking it was to make mixed spice, then he got one of them and poured it on the floor.

It was then I realized he was wasting my thyme.

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

What does Thanos use to season his food?

He uses the thyme stone

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation....

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

Why did the chef miss his deadline?

He ran out of thyme.

I was going to add some herbs to my cooking

but I had to serve it soon and there wasn’t any thyme

After years of searching, I finally found a great herb joke.

It's about thyme.

I tried to make a good cooking joke

But I ran out of thyme

A cook during medieval times is ordered to prepare a feast for the king...

Knowing this was a feast for the king, the cook prepared everything diligently and carefully. At the day of the feast, the king and his guests arrive and begin to eat. They are in love with the food from the lamb to the roast duck to even the soups. The king recognized the cooks ability and made him...

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

Time flies when you name your bird after seasoning.

I am aware that the correct spelling is thyme

To the person who stole my spices, I hope you’re happy...

Because you’re living on borrowed thyme.

What is the one thing a medical professional and an herbalist can agree on that will fix anything?

Thyme

Why are chefs in such a rush?

Theyre running out of thyme.

I would put more herbs in my meals

but I can never find the thyme

I really need to upgrade my knowledge about a particular herb.

It's about thyme.

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

The cops picked up a couple of spices for robbing a bank. Oregano says he won’t talk,

But only Thyme will tell.






Credit to u/hawt_pawket for helping me.

I recently subscribed to a "Spice of the Month" club

The thyme has come today...

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

When I do the gardening, I alphabetise my herbs, people often ask how I find the time.

I respond with "Easy, Thyme is right between the Tarragon and Turmeric"

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish...

I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice...

Today my spice rack fell to the ground, making a big mess.

I finished cleaning all the rosemary and sage so now I have a lot of thyme on my hands.

You’ll never be good at cooking...

If you don’t put the thyme in

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

I was thinking about doing a practical joke involving herbs

But I’m not gonna waste my thyme

Which spice is the worst at keeping secrets?

Only thyme will tell.

Why was the procrastinating chef’s soup always so bland?

He ran out of thyme

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[Long] Bruce Buffer invites Joe Rogan and Dana White over for dinner...

On their way to Bruce’s house, Dana says “Joe, you’re gonna fuckin’ love Bruce’s cooking. This guy is the best, he could start his own restaurant. But hey, I’ve got to warn you - *do not* ask him how he cooks the food.”

Joe agrees, but thinks to himself *Well fuck, now I really wanna know...*...

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

Barry Allen (the Flash) wanted to have an herb garden, but decided against it.

I mean, he really shouldn't be travelling through thyme...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsey today released his long-awaited book about having sex with herbs.

It's about fucking thyme.

I only had 5 minutes to season my Lamb before it went in the oven

It was a race agaisnt thyme

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

I was going to continue garnishing my food

but I ran out of thyme

Did you hear about the Legend of Zelda gardening sim?

You play as Link, the hero of Thyme.

Did you hear about the poor herb farmer?

He was always having to work over thyme.

How does Mary Poppins cure smelly feet?

Step in thyme.

My neighbor was very urgent when asking me for herbs.

He said that he was running out of thyme.

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

The wife and I were trying to spice things up in the bedroom...

so now I cumin her every thyme.

A woman once claimed she could hit me from across the kitchen with a fancy bottle of herbs.

I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.

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