I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

Apparently adding herbs to your garbage can makes it smell better.

But I don't have thyme for that rubbish.

Did you hear about the guy who owned the Earth's supply of herbs?

He had all the thyme in the world

I found recipe in a Moroccan book for rolls.

It calls for fresh thyme, but I only had dried thyme and it was expired. I made it anyway and I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll!

How does Jimmy season his world before eating it?

It just takes some thyme

Did you guys hear about the shipment of spices that fell into the ocean??

Huge waste of thyme.

They FINALLY published my book on herbs

It's about thyme

I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin

I keep my herbs in alphabetical order

People ask me how I find the thyme. It's easy. It's right next to the Sage

I wonder why thyme isn’t used in medicine.

It’s supposed to heal all wounds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

I accidentally bought expired seasoning at the store

It was a bad thyme

I was bored so I made a robot to distribute herbs

It helped pass the thyme

What's the secret ingredient in Bruce Buffer's spaghetti sauce?

iiiiiiit's Thyme!!!

I just lost my farmhand job...

I was told it was because of my poor thyme management.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

Why was the herbal railway a big success?

All the trains ran on thyme.

In continuing attempts to reduce the worlds CO2 emissions, top scientists have found a way to make cars run on Parsley...

A spokesperson for the group has stated that they are now doubling their efforts to make trains run on Thyme.

Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit?

Because thyme heals all wounds.

:D

You hear about the chef who died

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. His wife is really upset cheese still not over it.

How much thyme does Mike Tyson put into his spaghetti?

About twenty minutes

My wife left me because, according to her, I talk about herbs and spices too much.

Oh well.... It was probably thyme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.

The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?

The husband quickly try to explain.

So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My...

Sorry to anyone who felt my joke about herbs and fish was inappropriate.

I realise there’s a thyme and a plaice for these things...

I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack....

I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.

What did the dying chef say to his assistant?

I’m running out of thyme.

Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on my wifes spice rack. So far, she hasn't noticed.

Mark my words though, the thyme is cumin.

I've been sacked from my job as a chef after spending every shift chopping herbs instead of cooking meals.

They couldn't be dealing with thyme wasters.

A chef sits down with his son, who just turned eighteen

Dad: son, I believe you are ready to learn the secret to a perfect meal
Son: are you really sure I'm ready
Dad: yes son, it's thyme

Why is it called Sesame Street?

They couldn't call it Thyme Square.

Too Much

My friend filled an entire swimming pool up with herbs.



He had a lot of thyme on his hands.

The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice

He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It’s true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme

Did you hear Gordon Ramsay wrote a book about herbs?

It’s about thyme!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I’m late for work I just masturbate near the herb rack

That way I always come on thyme.

So I hear they are going to start using bio diesel made from herbs for trains.....

....maybe ours will now run on Thyme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is going to kill me for ejaculating onto the spice rack

My thyme has cum

What Does Enya Use To Season Her Food?

Only Thyme

A man walks into a grocery store with a gunshot wound.

The grocer asks him if he needs a doctor.

The man says he just wants to know where the spice isle is.

Confused the grocer asks why and the man replies “Because thyme heals all wounds.”

I spent over 3 hours making a belt out of herbs, but in hindsight...

it's just a waist of thyme.

I hope I can save my herb garden from this infestation.

I'm running out of thyme!

I tried my best to make a complete herb garden

But I just couldn't find the thyme.

Never ask a Physicist for cooking tips.

They'll just say Thyme is relative.

Have you noticed that some herbs taste much better at Christmas?

It's the most wonderful thyme of the year.

Ordered some spices online a while back to enhance my roast chicken recipe, unfortunately due to the pandemic I was told the package would be delayed.

But today is the day, the thyme has finally come.

My girlfriend said she would leave me because I argue with her about spices

She hasn't left yet, still I think the thyme is cumin

My best friend was a chef. He called last week to say that he found a hidden message in his herb and spice rack. He was quite paranoid and later that day he was found dead.

I should have believed him when he said his Thyme was running out.

I have developed this weird ability to move some spices and herbs

I can control thyme

How do plants stay in touch?

FaceThyme

Why couldn't the chef make a tasty dish?

He never had enough thyme.
(I wish I could say my 4 year old came up with this, but I don't have kids.)

Lately I have been really busy and it's interfering with my hobby of collecting all of the different types of spices...

...I just don't have the thyme.

Why couldn't Mary Poppins keep her herb garden alive?

Because Bert kept stepping in the thyme.

I recently finished my long overdue book on my favourite herb....

It’s about thyme

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

I have been secretly messing with people's spice racks...

You might not know it, but your thyme is cumin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My book on herbal erotica finally arrived today.

It’s about fucking thyme.

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

My wife was running low on some seasoning for Thanksgiving dinner, so she stretched it by adding marijuana.

It was high thyme.

This drought has really killed my spice farm

I don't have the thyme to harvest.

I’d tell you a joke about herbs

But I don’t have enough thyme to do that

Why did Bob put up a lightbulb next to the kitchen clock?

Because he couldn't find the thyme


.


I'll see myself out

On my weekends I've been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It's not much, but it passes the thyme.

A cook during medieval times is ordered to prepare a feast for the king...

Knowing this was a feast for the king, the cook prepared everything diligently and carefully. At the day of the feast, the king and his guests arrive and begin to eat. They are in love with the food from the lamb to the roast duck to even the soups. The king recognized the cooks ability and made him...

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

I swapped all the labels around on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.

How did Hannibal Lecter overseason his dinner?

He just had too much thyme on his hands.

Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.

I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."

I forgot I marinated the beef 3 days ago.

I think I put more thyme in it than I should.

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

Just watched a 5-minute video of some guy throwing herbs in the garbage

What a complete waste of thyme

Which spice is the worst at keeping secrets?

Only thyme will tell.

I had to fire my cook today

He was a thyme waster.

The cops broke down the door and asked Rosemary about the kidnapping

She claimed that she didn't have the Thyme

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

Why does a bored chef cut herbs?

He wants to waste thyme!

I’ll let myself out

Did you hear about the grocery store employee who poured a bunch of spices into his pockets?

They fired him for thyme theft

When should you crush herbs?

When you need to kill some Thyme!

I just found an amazing way to grow herbs!

It may take some thyme, though...

Did you hear about the guy who went to prison for smoking herbs?

He's doing time for doing thyme.

I wanted to make a nice herby chicken dish for dinner but scratched my plans

I didn't have the thyme for it

That spice mix took too long to make

It was a waste of my thyme

My lil brother wanted to make a herb bouquet.

My little brother wanted to make a herb bouquet for his school assignment. So i helped him to make it. It took us 5 hours to collect all kinds of herbs from our garden and made an amazing bouquet. But the next morning, when he had to go to school, the herbs were dried and ugly.

Turns out, al...

I invented a utility belt that holds one type of spice.

Everyone told me it was a waist of thyme.

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

First attempt at cooking for my Italian girlfriend, she's due here any minute, and I think I royally screwed up the meal. Need help urgently!

Thyme is a factor.

I'm not proud of this.

I want to learn to cook but who's got Thyme?

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

I just read my first cooking book!

It's about thyme.

If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...

You’re going to have a bad Thyme.

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish...

I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice...

I couldn't find the right herb while cooking the other day. So I put oregano in instead...

I always try to make up for lost thyme

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

Time flies when you name your bird after seasoning.

I am aware that the correct spelling is thyme

Headline: Herb-Powered Vehicle Sends User to Past or Future of Choice

Byline: Thyme Travel

Why did the herbalist get a second job?

He had too much thyme on his hands.

After years of searching, I finally found a great herb joke.

It's about thyme.

My friends always say I’m late, so I’ve started putting herbs in my shoes.

Now I can always be on thyme.

Whoever took my herbs last night:



You’re living on borrowed thyme

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

Things got spicy after I touched my girlfriend's rack.

I didn't realize it was broken on one side... what a waste of thyme!

My student loan providers said that they're going to "garnish" my wages?

I guess it's true that thyme is money

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