I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin

I wonder why thyme isn’t used in medicine.

It’s supposed to heal all wounds.

I spent over 3 hours making a belt out of herbs, but in hindsight...

it's just a waist of thyme.

Why is it called Sesame Street?

They couldn't call it Thyme Square.

How much thyme does Mike Tyson put into his spaghetti?

About twenty minutes

Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap around the labels on my wifes spice rack. So far, she hasn't noticed.

Mark my words though, the thyme is cumin.

I switched all the labels on my wife spice rack. I’m not in trouble yet....

but the thyme is cumin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They finally published my book about having sex with herbs....

It’s about fucking thyme! NSFW

Why couldn't Mary Poppins keep her herb garden alive?

Because Bert kept stepping in the thyme.

I have developed this weird ability to move some spices and herbs

I can control thyme

My best friend was a chef. He called last week to say that he found a hidden message in his herb and spice rack. He was quite paranoid and later that day he was found dead.

I should have believed him when he said his Thyme was running out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack ?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes

Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit?

Because thyme heals all wounds.

:D

My girlfriend said she would leave me because I argue with her about spices

She hasn't left yet, still I think the thyme is cumin

My wife was running low on some seasoning for Thanksgiving dinner, so she stretched it by adding marijuana.

It was high thyme.

This drought has really killed my spice farm

I don't have the thyme to harvest.

I’d make a clock out of spices

But I just don’t have the Thyme

Why did Bob put up a lightbulb next to the kitchen clock?

Because he couldn't find the thyme


.


I'll see myself out

Ordered some spices online a while back to enhance my roast chicken recipe, unfortunately due to the pandemic I was told the package would be delayed.

But today is the day, the thyme has finally come.

Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.

How did Hannibal Lecter overseason his dinner?

He just had too much thyme on his hands.

I saw a man drive through my city with a van full of herbs and spices

He was a thyme traveler

I have been secretly messing with people's spice racks...

You might not know it, but your thyme is cumin.

Did you hear what happened to the Italian chef? He pasta way.

Looks like he ran out of thyme

So I hear they are going to start using bio diesel made from herbs for trains.....

....maybe ours will now run on Thyme.

How long does it take to grow a herb garden?

A lot of thyme

Lately I have been really busy and it's interfering with my hobby of collecting all of the different types of spices...

...I just don't have the thyme.

I’d tell you a joke about herbs

But I don’t have enough thyme to do that

I know my brother has been messing with my spices...

He thinks I didn't notice since I'm blind,

\-

But I know it, my thyme is cumin, I can feel it.

On my weekends I've been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It's not much, but it passes the thyme.

Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.

I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."

I had to fire my cook today

He was a thyme waster.

Did you hear about the grocery store employee who poured a bunch of spices into his pockets?

They fired him for thyme theft

The cops broke down the door and asked Rosemary about the kidnapping

She claimed that she didn't have the Thyme

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

Just watched a 5-minute video of some guy throwing herbs in the garbage

What a complete waste of thyme

I swapped all the labels around on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.

I wanted to make a nice herby chicken dish for dinner but scratched my plans

I didn't have the thyme for it

I’m making a belt decorated with herbs

My friends tell me it’s a waste of thyme

I forgot I marinated the beef 3 days ago.

I think I put more thyme in it than I should.

I recently finished my long overdue book on my favourite herb....

It’s about thyme

Why does a bored chef cut herbs?

He wants to waste thyme!

I’ll let myself out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was running late so I jacked off in the herb garden.

I wanted to cum on thyme.

The spices in my cabinet where so old that I had to throw them out.

What a waste of thyme.

When should you crush herbs?

When you need to kill some Thyme!

My lil brother wanted to make a herb bouquet.

My little brother wanted to make a herb bouquet for his school assignment. So i helped him to make it. It took us 5 hours to collect all kinds of herbs from our garden and made an amazing bouquet. But the next morning, when he had to go to school, the herbs were dried and ugly.

Turns out, al...

Did you hear about the guy who went to prison for smoking herbs?

He's doing time for doing thyme.

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

That spice mix took too long to make

It was a waste of my thyme

I invented a utility belt that holds one type of spice.

Everyone told me it was a waist of thyme.

I went to the farmers market to get some herbs and vegetables.

But when my friends invited me over for some pizza, I figured it was a waste of thyme.

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

I just found an amazing way to grow herbs!

It may take some thyme, though...

My student loan providers said that they're going to "garnish" my wages?

I guess it's true that thyme is money

Headline: Herb-Powered Vehicle Sends User to Past or Future of Choice

Byline: Thyme Travel

First attempt at cooking for my Italian girlfriend, she's due here any minute, and I think I royally screwed up the meal. Need help urgently!

Thyme is a factor.

If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...

You’re going to have a bad Thyme.

My friends always say I’m late, so I’ve started putting herbs in my shoes.

Now I can always be on thyme.

I'm not proud of this.

I want to learn to cook but who's got Thyme?

I couldn't find the right herb while cooking the other day. So I put oregano in instead...

I always try to make up for lost thyme

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

Whoever took my herbs last night:



You’re living on borrowed thyme

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

Why did the herbalist get a second job?

He had too much thyme on his hands.

What'd the Gen Z-er say to the spice shop owner who claimed to have the largest spice plants of anyone around?

I'm here for a good thyme not a long thyme

A cook during medieval times is ordered to prepare a feast for the king...

Knowing this was a feast for the king, the cook prepared everything diligently and carefully. At the day of the feast, the king and his guests arrive and begin to eat. They are in love with the food from the lamb to the roast duck to even the soups. The king recognized the cooks ability and made him...

Things got spicy after I touched my girlfriend's rack.

I didn't realize it was broken on one side... what a waste of thyme!

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

Did you hear about the politician who wants our public transportation to run on alternative fuels?

He promises to make the trains run on Thyme.

A man approached me and told me he was a chef

He asked if I had spices among other ingredients to make a nice dish so I obliged. He began mixing some of the said spices and I allowed it, thinking it was to make mixed spice, then he got one of them and poured it on the floor.

It was then I realized he was wasting my thyme.

What's the #1 rule of the spice trade?

Thyme is money.

If you've spent ages figuring out how to put herbs and spices on your belt loop...

...you've waisted thyme.

To the person who stole my spices, I hope you’re happy...

Because you’re living on borrowed thyme.

Time flies when you name your bird after seasoning.

I am aware that the correct spelling is thyme

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

After years of searching, I finally found a great herb joke.

It's about thyme.

I was going to add some herbs to my cooking

but I had to serve it soon and there wasn’t any thyme

I tried to make a good cooking joke

But I ran out of thyme

When I do the gardening, I alphabetise my herbs, people often ask how I find the time.

I respond with "Easy, Thyme is right between the Tarragon and Turmeric"

Which spice is the worst at keeping secrets?

Only thyme will tell.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in th...

I really need to upgrade my knowledge about a particular herb.

It's about thyme.

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish...

I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice...

I would put more herbs in my meals

but I can never find the thyme

What is the one thing a medical professional and an herbalist can agree on that will fix anything?

Thyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the frustrated cook say when he ran out of spice for a recipe?

"I don't have thyme for this shit"

I recently subscribed to a "Spice of the Month" club

The thyme has come today...

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

The cops picked up a couple of spices for robbing a bank. Oregano says he won’t talk,

But only Thyme will tell.






Credit to u/hawt_pawket for helping me.

Today my spice rack fell to the ground, making a big mess.

I finished cleaning all the rosemary and sage so now I have a lot of thyme on my hands.

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

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