I made a video about the symbiotic relationships between fungus and algae

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The kind of joke that should have been invented by a six year old, but instead by me, a thirtysomething: What kind of fungus grows on a cow?

a mooooshroom

(I don't know if I can actually claim credit as an inventor of this joke, but I've never heard it anywhere)

I had a foot fungus I was going to try to get rid of

But then it really started growing on me.

What’s a fungus’ favorite cookie?


Want to know how someone with foot fungus feels?

Just step into their shoes.

While practicing writing with my kids, we wanted to write the word FUNGUS, but ended up writing FUNGI instead...

There wasn't Mushroom on the page.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a fungus was being mean

would you call it a shit-talky mushroom?

At first I didn't really care for this toenail fungus...

...but it's really starting to grow on me!

You know, I used to hate my foot fungus...

But it’s slowly growing on me

Why did the fungus have to downsize?

There was too mush-room

How much room do you need to make a fungus?

As mushrooms as possible

I used to always find foot fungus to be quite repulsive.

But after a while, it grew on me.

Why wasn’t the fungus invited on the road trip?

Because there wasn’t mushroom.

Please don’t blame my seven year old for this, it was written by an adult.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...

Have you met the charismatic fungus on my feet?

He really grows on you.

I tried to find out what plural of fungus was

Everyone just said I'm a fun guy

I would make a fungi fun-guy joke...

...but those are overused. Too bad there isn't mushroom for other fungus jokes.

Why does the fungus always win the argument?

They don't leave mushroom for debate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fungus that wants to fight you?

shit-talking mushroom


yo mama so fat when she was falling spiderman had to use the world wide web

Freddy the fungus and Alice the algae met one another and...

they took a lichen to each other

Watching Planet Earth, a bioluminescent fungus appeared on screen.

A bug started crawling over it, but didn't really eat anything.

My friend: "Guess he wasn't hungry."

Me: "Yeah, he just wanted a light snack."

What did the fungus say to the tree?

I think I've taken a lichen to ya.

A female fungus asked a male fungus to a date...

He replied, “I always knew I was a fungi.”

A man goes to his doctor...

A man goes to his doctor because he's feeling sick and tired and generally rundown. Doctor orders some tests and tells him to come back first thing in the morning.

The next morning, the doctor looks grave.

"Sir, I regret to have to tell you you have psoriasis, multiple sclerosis, toe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Theee doctors are discussing their careers...

The dentist says, “I’ve worked on some of the nastiest mouths in my career, some people who didn’t brush their teeth for years, so disgusting it made me feel sick working on them.”

The podiatrist chimes in, “You think that’s bad? I’ve worked on people who never took care of their feet and ha...

Who was the leader of the Mushroom army?

Fungus Khan!!!

A gem of a story from my grandfather.

My grandmother needed athlete’s foot cream so they went to a pharmacy to find some. The pharmacist didn’t speak a word of English and after about 5 minutes of trying to explain what my grandmother needed my grandfather gave up and walked out. 2 minutes later my grandmother walked out with the anti f...

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