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Lactose Jokes

A man threw some milk at my lactose intolerant friend

How Dairy!!!!

Sorry if that was a bit cheesy:)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m lactose intolerant and…

Last night, I decided to have ice cream, just for shits.

What do you call a lactose intolerant music artist?

Post Provolone

I want to make more lactose jokes (and I have a lot!) but…

I just feel like I’d be milking it, y’know?

What do they call the side effects of lactose intolerance in France?

Smelly derriere (dairy air)

What do lactose intolerant people call a collection of meat and cheese?

A shart tootery board

My wife is lactose intolerant...

so whenever she drinks milkshakes, it gives her the milk shakes.

What do you call a lactose-intolerant person’s farts?

Their dairy-air

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

People who don’t eat cheese because they are lactose intolerant…

…need to learn to be more accepting of different cultures

I think Ponyboy from the Outsiders was lactose intolerant

He didn’t like Darry

I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...

He seems to eat a lot of Derry

They say life is like a box of chocolates...

And I'm lactose intolerant.

My wife teases me with ice cream bc she knows I’m lactose intolerant.

She really milks it too.

Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman?

She committed soya-cide.

what’s it called when someone who’s lactose intolerant still likes eating cheese?

BrieDSM

Did you know lactose intolerance is a genetic thing?

Runs in the family.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they.... lactose.....

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

I don't understand lactose intolerance ppl

Why can't they just tolerate it? It's not that hard.

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.

We don't have to pose for pictures.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think i'm lactose intolerant

I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife

But they're all too cheesy

I had to break up with my girlfriend after I ran over her feet with a lawnmower...

I'm lactose intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got into a street fight with the dairy cartel...

...Being lactose intolerant, I immediately knew shit was about to go down.

Why couldn’t the cow get a pedicure?

Because he lactose

What is a lactose intolerant ativaxxer's worst nightmare?

Big Parma

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

A man is talking to a woman and he asks for a fun fact about her. she tells him "I am missing all my toes". the man says, "I'm sorry but I can't date you". The woman asks why and the man responds:

I am lactose intolerant.

Cursed Warning

High-Lactose Cheeses are just minigun ammo for Lactose Intolerant people

[OC] Why cant milk cartons walk?

Because they lactose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: how is your bacteria converted into lactose, mixed with some sugar and milk and fruit to give it that nice extra flavor?

Friend: It's called yogurt asshole

My friend told me he can’t drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said “No whey!”

A skeleton walked into a bar…

The bartender slides him a glass of milk and the skeleton says:

“Really Jerry? I’ve known you for 20 years and you do this?”

The bartender replies:

“Oh sorry, I thought it would be funny. You know being a skeleton and all…”

To which the skeleton respond:

“What no. ...

Scientists recently have been doing some new studies with the mummy of Egypt's famous boy king.

With the aid of highly advanced mri scans they were able to ascertain he suffered from a major gastro intestinal disorder. Apparently he was lactose intolerant. So it turns out, me and the Egyptian kid got a toot in common

Yo mama so dumb

She thought her indigestion was lactose intolerance living in the milky way.

Why have there been no alien sightings in our galaxy yet?

They're lactose intolerant

I would give you guys a cheesy joke

But you're probably lactose intolerant.

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

What’s the difference between somebody who doesn’t drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the waiter

So a customer says to the waiter, "I'm a vegetarian, I'm allergic to gluten, I don't eat carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm allergic to nuts. What should I get?"

And the waiter says, "... the fuck out."

My younger brother took his life 3 years ago. Always a comedian, here’s his cheesiest joke

Farmesan the dairy farmer is feeling bleu because of a string of falls he's been suffering. He calls up his doctor, Dr. Edam JaColby, and tells him "Doc, I'm in so much paineer!"and schedules an appointment. So Farmesan carephilly stumbles over to the clinic. "You mozzarella needed to see me cause y...

Why don’t cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

What’s the difference between someone who can’t eat cheese, and someone who hates amputees?

Ones lactose intolerant, the other is lack-toes intolerant

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

Why can't milk wear sandals?

Because they lactose!

What does milk and people with foot fetishes have in common?

They both hate people who lactose.

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