A man threw some milk at my lactose intolerant friend

How Dairy!!!!

Sorry if that was a bit cheesy:)

Did you hear about lactose intolerant terrorist?

He has explosive diarrhea

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

I don't understand lactose intolerance ppl

Why can't they just tolerate it? It's not that hard.

I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife

But they're all too cheesy

I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...

He seems to eat a lot of Derry

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

What is a lactose intolerant ativaxxer's worst nightmare?

Big Parma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a lactose intolerant pornstar...

A non-dairy creamer.

Why are cows so unbalanced?

Because they lactose

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

What do you say to a lactose intolerant Mexican?

No whey Jose.

Did you know lactose intolerance is a genetic thing?

Runs in the family.

My friend told me he can’t drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said “No whey!”

None of my friends seem to care that I'm lactose intolerant

But tell them I'm racist and they all flip out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think i'm lactose intolerant

I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap.

Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman?

She committed soya-cide.

I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.

We don't have to pose for pictures.

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: how is your bacteria converted into lactose, mixed with some sugar and milk and fruit to give it that nice extra flavor?

Friend: It's called yogurt asshole

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

I'd tell you a dad joke...

But I heard you were lactose intolerant

What’s the difference between somebody who doesn’t drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

What do you call someone who hates people with missing toes?

Lactose intolerant

Life is like a box of chocolate

Lactose intolerant people aren't allowed

My younger brother took his life 3 years ago. Always a comedian, here’s his cheesiest joke

Farmesan the dairy farmer is feeling bleu because of a string of falls he's been suffering. He calls up his doctor, Dr. Edam JaColby, and tells him "Doc, I'm in so much paineer!"and schedules an appointment. So Farmesan carephilly stumbles over to the clinic. "You mozzarella needed to see me cause y...

[OC] Why cant milk cartons walk?

Because they lactose.

Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose


(Lack toes)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the waiter

So a customer says to the waiter, "I'm a vegetarian, I'm allergic to gluten, I don't eat carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm allergic to nuts. What should I get?"

And the waiter says, "... the fuck out."

Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way?

He was galactose intolerant.

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

What’s the difference between someone who can’t eat cheese, and someone who hates amputees?

Ones lactose intolerant, the other is lack-toes intolerant

My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe

Apparently she's lactose intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

Interesting Title Here

Pun time!!

Q: What do you call dental x-rays? A: Tooth pics.

Q: What do you call a group of babies? A: An infantry.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A: He pasta away.

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.

Q: What do yo...

A milkshake was thrown at Jeremy Corbyn today

It's lactose versus intolerance

Why can't milk wear sandals?

Because they lactose!

I worked with a guy on a building site...

I once worked with a guy on a building site who never wore steel toe caps. When I asked him why, he said he didn't them. Turns out he was lactose intolerant.

What does milk and people with foot fetishes have in common?

They both hate people who lactose.

Cheesecake

God: (creates cheesecake)

God: (While stuffing his face in front of the angels) Oh wow! This is so great!

Angel: Don’t you think you should be sharing that?

—pause—

God:(creates lactose intolerance)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a guy that can't drink milk and a bunch of Nazi soup kitchens that ran out of bread?

The guy's lactose intolerant. The others lack toast and tolerance.

...god damn, that was painful. I'll show myself out.

*edit* for slightly better delivery

Why do cows' feet have poor grip?

Because they lactose.

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