UPJOKE
depressionmaniamanicpsychoticschizophrenicparanoidjanus-facedpsychosissymptomnarcissisticdelusionalrheumatoiddiabeticschizophreniaocd

Why did the man with bipolar go to the nail salon?

Because they offer manic cures

When I Got Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry .

My sister is so dumb, she tells everyone she is bipolar

Because she is working at two different strip clubs.

What do you call a family member with bipolar that stays still?

A Manic Kin

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I love being bipolar.

It fuckin sucks.

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Just had sex with my bipolar girlfriend

Best threesome of my life!

What's the worst part of being bipolar?

The fact you love it.

A bipolar patient, dementia patient, and narcissist walk into a club.

And the announcer says “Welcome to the first 2020 presidential debate.”

Hello and Welcome to the mental health hotline...

If you are obsessive-compulsive,
press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent,
please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities,
press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace ...

I really hate being bipolar

It's awesome!

I just read a book about Bipolar Disorder.

One hand I liked it and sent it to everyone I know, on the other hand I burned it and my house down.

I'm a bipolar Star Trek fan.

I just went to the hospital to have my dilithium level checked.

My friend who suffers from bipolar disorder called from the lobby.

He said, "Hey, I'm feeling great today. You want to go do something?"

I said, "Sure! I'll be down in a minute."

He said, "Well, that makes two of us."

What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?

One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

Last week, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder...

At first, I was ecstatic.

My bro asked what’s it like being diabetic?

I said “it has its highs and lows” I asked him what it was like to have Bipolar disorder, he said “it has its ups and downs”

My daughter is now dating a bipolar adventurer

He really did visit both the North and the South poles, quite the guy!

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A man was diagnosed as bipolar, without any sort of medical examination

He was caught fucking a female polar bear and a male penguin.

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I met a bipolar bear at my therapist's office.

He was complaining why there were no lgbt rallies near the arctic circle.

If Marty McFly had bipolar disorder...

....would that have made him Sweet n' Sour Chicken?

I went to a swimming pool with my bipolar friend

He dissolved

What do you call a magnet with mental issues

Bipolar

Santa thinks I'm naughty. Penguins think I'm nice.

I think I'm bipolar.

A wet joke

Why does water keep changing its state?



It's bipolar

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What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

Found the source of the world's problems.

It's bipolar.

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How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.

"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"

What do you cover yourself with at night that can keep you hot and cold?

A bipolar blanket

I used to wonder why the world was so crazy

Then I realized that it was bipolar.

Did you hear Earth is seeking psychiatric help?

It's bipolar...

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles?

Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south

Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife?

Scientist 2: or his husband...

I was at the Doctor's office

The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'

The Optimist said 'The door is half open'

The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'

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A large white bear walked into a bar, laughed, made out with the hottest girl, broke down sobbing, and had sex with a guy in the bathroom stall. A customer asked the bartender "Sheesh, what's his problem?"

"Bipolar"

I met a guy with a girlfriend in the arctic and a boyfriend in Antarctica...

Bipolar

My girlfriend said she was "Bi".

Little did I know she meant bipolar...

Why is the earth so emotionally unstable?

It’s a natural effect of being bipolar.

Yo Mamma's so dumb...

...she works at 2 strip clubs and told me she was bipolar.

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Sexually and mentally confused white bear

Bipolar bear

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

Yo momma so fat...

She is geographically bipolar.

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

Why did the bear beat his wife, eat their children and leave for the arctic?

Because he was bipolar.

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