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Bipolar Jokes

Why did the man with bipolar go to the nail salon?

Because they offer manic cures

Hello and Welcome to the mental health hotline...

If you are obsessive-compulsive,
press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent,
please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities,
press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace ...

What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?

One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.

I think I've got bipolar disorder.

I'm about 50% sure.

What's the worst part of being bipolar?

The fact you love it.

My sister is so dumb, she tells everyone she is bipolar

Because she is working at two different strip clubs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just had sex with my bipolar girlfriend

Best threesome of my life!

A bipolar patient, dementia patient, and narcissist walk into a club.

And the announcer says “Welcome to the first 2020 presidential debate.”

My friend who suffers from bipolar disorder called from the lobby.

He said, "Hey, I'm feeling great today. You want to go do something?"

I said, "Sure! I'll be down in a minute."

He said, "Well, that makes two of us."

I hate being bipolar

It’s awesome

Three patients with bipolar disorder are talking in a mental hospital.

The first, who's in a manic episode, starts talking about his quest to find God. The second, who's severely depressed, says they don't believe in God. The third, who's in a mixed episode, says, "that's ok, I don't believe in myself either."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist just told me I’m bipolar and indecisive.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I found a really good website for bipolar disorder.

Unfortunately it keeps going down randomly

What do you call a family member with bipolar that stays still?

A Manic Kin

I just read a book about Bipolar Disorder.

One hand I liked it and sent it to everyone I know, on the other hand I burned it and my house down.

A bipolar man was asked why he enjoyed his job working as an elevator operator.

“Because it has its ups and downs”

What's the difference between a bipolar conductor and a violinist who has been told not to stand out?

One varies their bravado, the other buries their vibrato

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love being bipolar.

It's fucking shit.

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

I'm a bipolar Star Trek fan.

I just went to the hospital to have my dilithium level checked.

My bro asked what’s it like being diabetic?

I said “it has its highs and lows” I asked him what it was like to have Bipolar disorder, he said “it has its ups and downs”

My daughter is now dating a bipolar adventurer

He really did visit both the North and the South poles, quite the guy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a bipolar bear at my therapist's office.

He was complaining why there were no lgbt rallies near the arctic circle.

If Marty McFly had bipolar disorder...

....would that have made him Sweet n' Sour Chicken?

I went to a swimming pool with my bipolar friend

He dissolved

The polar bear loves ice...

The bipolar bear sometimes love, sometimes don't

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The latest scientific study on polar bears was just published

The study noted that loss of habitat in the north pole has caused some bears to migrate to the south pole, and also a severe increase in the number of manic/depressive symptoms in the bears studied. Due to lowering numbers, many bears were expressing sexual behaviors towards other bears of both sex...

Santa thinks I'm naughty. Penguins think I'm nice.

I think I'm bipolar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was diagnosed as bipolar, without any sort of medical examination

He was caught fucking a female polar bear and a male penguin.

I walked into the psychiatrist office the other day with a penguin and an ice bear

Got diagnosed with being bipolar :(

Why does water keep changing its state?

Because it's bipolar

Found the source of the world's problems.

It's bipolar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.

"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"

What do you cover yourself with at night that can keep you hot and cold?

A bipolar blanket

I used to wonder why the world was so crazy

Then I realized that it was bipolar.

I was at the Doctor's office

The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'

The Optimist said 'The door is half open'

The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'

Did you hear Earth is seeking psychiatric help?

It's bipolar...

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles?

Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south

Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife?

Scientist 2: or his husband...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large white bear walked into a bar, laughed, made out with the hottest girl, broke down sobbing, and had sex with a guy in the bathroom stall. A customer asked the bartender "Sheesh, what's his problem?"

"Bipolar"

Why is that psychiatrists don’t want to visit Arctic areas?

They can’t handle bipolar bears.

Why did the bear beat his wife, eat their children and leave for the arctic?

Because he was bipolar.

Why does Magneto go from bad to good & back again so often.

His powers make him bipolar.

Why is the magnet on medication?

Because it's bipolar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sexually and mentally confused white bear

Bipolar bear

Why is the earth so emotionally unstable?

It’s a natural effect of being bipolar.

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

Yo momma so fat...

She is geographically bipolar.

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