Just been on a diabetes awareness website....

It asked me if i accept cookies.




Is that a trick question?

My doctor told me that I may die due to diabetes

At least that's a sweet way to go.

Why did the PR guy develop a Type II diabetes?

Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

Diabetes runs in my family...

Because no one else does.

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I...

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

How easy is it to kill someone with diabetes?

It’s a piece of cake!

Why is there no cure for diabetes?

Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy and a girl are sitting next to each other

Boy: If you let me kiss you, I'll give you a piece of chocolate.

Girl: Okay.

Boy: If you let me touch your boobs, you'll get another piece of chocolate.

Girl: Okay!

Boy: If you let me touch your pussy, you'll get another one.

Girl: You know what? At this rate, I'll...

My doctor told me quite harshly that I have to quit eating sweets if I want to avoid diabetes

He didn't sugarcoat it.

A Spanish Joke - Translated

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over.

“Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a Breathalyzer test.”

“I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then yo...

What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?

Sweet Pee

My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.

I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates

I've stopped dating this girl I met at the Diabetes Camp.

Turns out she isn't really my type.

How did the doctor tell his patient he has diabetes?

He didn't sugar coat it

They should rename type 1 and type 2 diabetes...

...to not your fault and your fault diabetes

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

Teacher: class let’s do math.

Teacher: So Bob has 25 candy bars, he eats 10. What does bob have?

Student: 15 CANDY BARS

Teacher: No Bob has diabetes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Paula Deen is set to release memoirs about life with Type 2 diabetes

It will be titled "Paula Deen - For Butter or Worse"

If I have 137 cakes and I eat 69 cakes what do I have

Diabetes

Your Momma so fat.......

Her flesh eating disease got diabetes.

Anyone have contact info for a girl named Celine?

Doctor said I have to shoot inceline three times a week to control my diabetes.

Patient: Doctor, tell me, what's wrong with me?

Doctor: I'm not going to sugar-coat it, you have diabetes.

What was the name of the Greek hero that was punished by the gods for gluttony?

Diabetes.

Yo Mama's so fat...

She's got type *three* diabetes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Holocaust Jokes Collection

Why did Hitler kill himself?

\- He got the gas bill

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Where was the highest concentration of Jews after world war 2?

\- The atmosphere

\--------------------------------------------------------------
<...

Ben has 911 candies. He eats 420. What does he have now?

Diabetes.
Ben has diabetes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man did a urine test

The test came back and the doctor said that he had diabetes. The man couldn't believe it and he gave another urine samples and redid the testing five times, but the result was still the same in everyone of them.
The man was so mad that he wanted to fuck with the doctor. He took a urine sample fr...

Life is like a box of chocolates

If you have Diabetes, it probably won't be good for you.

An angel walks into a bar

He walks up to a blind patron and heals him. The formerly blind man stands up shouting "I can see! It's a miracle!"

The angel smiles and walks up to a crippled man and restores his legs. The man does a dance of joy and hugs the angel, who tells him to go in peace.

The angel then walks...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little kid was on a park bench eating a 1 quart container of ice cream...

It had fudge, caramel syrup, sprinkles, and just about everything you could think of.

A man walks up to him and said, "That is so unhealthy! You'll become overweight, possibly get diabetes and so many more bad things."

The kid said, "My grandfather lived to be 102!"

The man rep...

If you have 13 candy bars and John eats 9, what does John have?

Type 2 diabetes

A driver was swerving all over the road...

... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,

"Sir, please blow into this machine"

"Sorry officer, I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"

"Okay, could we get a blood sample...

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

If you put your ear to a seashell, you can hear the sea.

If you put your ear to a can of soda, you can hear the diabetes.

Kids living outside of the US won't get this.

Type 2 diabetes.

Craft Beer

About six months ago, I joined the craft beer craze by setting up a back porch brewery, mixing my own corn mash and hops and water. It took me a few batches, by trial and error, but I finally got a good balance of bitterness, color, carbonation and “buzz.”

The stuff tasted pretty good, so I s...

I use to call my wife "my sweet"

She developed diabetes.. So now I call her "my sweetener"

On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... how much do you like kids?...

Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have

Type II Diabetes

A pedophile spots two 12 year old girls walking in the forest

He approaches them and says:

'I'll give you a lollipop each if you let me pet your hair!'

The two girls glance at each other, shrug, then nod. They get the sweets, and the pedophile gently strokes their hair.

'I'll give you two more lollipops if you let me carress your shoulders...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Frenchman, a German, a Russian, and a Jew walk into a bar.

The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a glass of wine?"

The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a pint of beer?"

The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a shot of vodka?"

The Jew wonders, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have diabet...

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.

Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertr...

A guy gets pulled over for drunk driving.

When the cop walks up he asks,

"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"

Guy states, "well no I'm just on my way home, why'd you pull me over?"

Cop states, "you have been swerving so I'm going to have to take a breathalyzer"

Guy informs cop by saying, "ha well I can't do ...

What did Santa get the day after Christmas?

Diabetes

A man goes to the doctor for a urine test.

The doctor performs the test and tells him that he has Diabetes. The man doesn't believe this and tells the doctor he wants to retake the test. The doctor complies, but the test results remained the same. The man returns home and plans to confuse the doctor by mixing his urine with that of his wife ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is swerving all over the road gets pulled over by the cops...

The officer asks the man to do a breathalyzer test to which the man replies "Oh, officer I can't I have extreme asthma and I could go into a fit if I try to." The officer then asks him to come back to the station to do a piss test. The man then says, "I can't do that either, I have a severe test o...

An Englishman, a German, a Frenchman, and a Jewish guy are lost in the desert.

The Englishman says "I'm so thirsty, I must have some tea!"
The German says "I'm so thirsty, I must have ze beer!"
The Frenchman says "I'm so thirsty, I must 'ave some wine!"
The Jewish guy says "I'm so thirsty, I must have diabetes!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The bum and his amazing taste buds

So this drunk bum walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender tells him "get out of here you don't have any money and you stink". "come on say's the bum, just one and I will leave I swear". The bartender thinks about it and thinks well one won't hurt if it will get him out of here. He then g...