People think my diabetes jokes are harsh.

But it’s not like I can sugarcoat it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor diagnoses someone with diabetes

Doc: Your diagnosis is type 2 diabetes.

Patient: It runs in my family.

Doc: Nothing runs in your family, you fat cunt

I went on a diabetes awareness webiste

...and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

What do you call it when someone rebels against their diabetes treatment?

Insulince.

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I...

My uncle has diabetes and alzheimers

I asked him where his feet were and he was stumped.

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go up to a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your s...

My father was a real sweetheart

He died from diabetes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.

A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.

"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,

"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replie...

There's been a new kind of diabetes discovered in Mexico.

Doctors are calling it "Type Juan".

My doctor told me that I may die due to diabetes

At least that's a sweet way to go.

Why did the PR guy develop a Type II diabetes?

Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes

And It cost me an arm and a leg.

I just thought of this now and I don’t have time to fix it into a proper joke but... What’s the easiest way for a person with type 1 diabetes to lose it?

Eat enough to get type 2

Diabetes runs in my family...

Because no one else does.

Diabetes isn't fatal, said my doctor

"That's funny", I thought. They don't call it Liveabetes.

My grandma got her foot amputated because of diabetes. Seeing her like this reminds me that no one can escape old age.

especially if you have one leg.

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy is sitting on a park bench,

Eating 5 pounds of chocolate. He's eating, eating, eating, really having the time of his life. As he finishes the bag, an old man walks up to him and says "Son, you know it's really not good to eat so much chocolate! You'll get diabetes, high cholesterol, it can really cause serious medical issues."...

How easy is it to kill someone with diabetes?

It’s a piece of cake!

What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?

Sweet Pee

Why is there no cure for diabetes?

Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

I told my son to have sweat dreams, but he started crying

He has diabetes

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic ci...

My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.

I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates

I once had a sugar daddy

It was nothing wierd. My father had type II diabetes.

One day a little boy was eating a chocolate bar, then suddenly a man approched him and said

"Listen kid, you should not eat chocolates, it'll cause diabetes and you'll die early, the boy replied "yes you're right,! My grandpa lived a long life of 100 years before he passed away".

The man asked, "why? Because he didn't eat any chocolates?"

The kid replied: No he used to mi...

A Frenchman, a German and an American walk into a bar

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the Frenchman, "I must have wine!"

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the German, "I must have beer!"

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the American, "I must have diabetes..."

My doctor told me quite harshly that I have to quit eating sweets if I want to avoid diabetes

He didn't sugarcoat it.

My girlfriend has hayfever and diabetes

I try to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate, but she doesn't appreciate it.

I've stopped dating this girl I met at the Diabetes Camp.

Turns out she isn't really my type.

If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?

Diabetes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paula Deen is set to release memoirs about life with Type 2 diabetes

It will be titled "Paula Deen - For Butter or Worse"

How did the doctor tell his patient he has diabetes?

He didn't sugar coat it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Black people are way more susceptible to diabetes. That's not racist, it's a medical fact.

Now if I said "hide your wallets, there's diabetes patients around here," that would be racist.

You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?

Diabetes

Bob has 69 candy bars. He eats 42 of them and then stops eating. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

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