I was on a diabetes awareness website...

It asked if I accept cookies. Definitely a trick question!

People think my diabetes jokes are harsh.

But it’s not like I can sugarcoat it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor diagnoses someone with diabetes

Doc: Your diagnosis is type 2 diabetes.

Patient: It runs in my family.

Doc: Nothing runs in your family, you fat cunt

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

Studies have found that if women sleep for 8 to 10 hours daily, there is a significant decrease in hypertension and diabetes…

In their husbands!

What do you call it when someone rebels against their diabetes treatment?

Insulince.

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go upto a tree and take a leak:


* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on yo...

I just thought of this now and I don’t have time to fix it into a proper joke but... What’s the easiest way for a person with type 1 diabetes to lose it?

Eat enough to get type 2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.

A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.

"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,

"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy is sitting on a park bench,

Eating 5 pounds of chocolate. He's eating, eating, eating, really having the time of his life. As he finishes the bag, an old man walks up to him and says "Son, you know it's really not good to eat so much chocolate! You'll get diabetes, high cholesterol, it can really cause serious medical issues."...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic ci...

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I...

My doctor told me that I may die due to diabetes

At least that's a sweet way to go.

Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes

And It cost me an arm and a leg.

My uncle has diabetes and alzheimers

I asked him where his feet were and he was stumped.

Diabetes isn't fatal, said my doctor

"That's funny", I thought. They don't call it Liveabetes.

I don’t know why people say it’s hard to beat diabetes

Because I’m already on stage 3

There's been a new kind of diabetes discovered in Mexico.

Doctors are calling it "Type Juan".

Why did the PR guy develop a Type II diabetes?

Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

I once had a sugar daddy

It was nothing wierd. My father had type II diabetes.

Diabetes runs in my family...

Because no one else does.

My grandma got her foot amputated because of diabetes. Seeing her like this reminds me that no one can escape old age.

especially if you have one leg.

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

One day a little boy was eating a chocolate bar, then suddenly a man approched him and said

"Listen kid, you should not eat chocolates, it'll cause diabetes and you'll die early, the boy replied "yes you're right,! My grandpa lived a long life of 100 years before he passed away".

The man asked, "why? Because he didn't eat any chocolates?"

The kid replied: No he used to mi...

I told my son to have sweat dreams, but he started crying

He has diabetes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Diabetes is surprisingly the #1 cause of blindness

I thought it was just a fucked up weight loss program where you chop your feet off

How easy is it to kill someone with diabetes?

It’s a piece of cake!

Why is there no cure for diabetes?

Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.

What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?

Sweet Pee

A man goes to his doctor...

A man goes to his doctor because he's feeling sick and tired and generally rundown. Doctor orders some tests and tells him to come back first thing in the morning.

The next morning, the doctor looks grave.

"Sir, I regret to have to tell you you have psoriasis, multiple sclerosis, toe...

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.

I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates

My doctor told me quite harshly that I have to quit eating sweets if I want to avoid diabetes

He didn't sugarcoat it.

If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?

Diabetes

A Frenchman, a German and an American walk into a bar

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the Frenchman, "I must have wine!"

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the German, "I must have beer!"

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the American, "I must have diabetes..."

They always told me to put 5 colors on my plate to stay healthy.

So how did I get diabetes on my M&M only diet?

How did the doctor tell his patient he has diabetes?

He didn't sugar coat it

My girlfriend has hayfever and diabetes

I try to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate, but she doesn't appreciate it.

I've stopped dating this girl I met at the Diabetes Camp.

Turns out she isn't really my type.

I'm a pretty badass sugar daddy myself...

I have diabetes and 3 kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paula Deen is set to release memoirs about life with Type 2 diabetes

It will be titled "Paula Deen - For Butter or Worse"

You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?

Diabetes

Bob has 69 candy bars. He eats 42 of them and then stops eating. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

a man is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over

“Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a  breathalyzer test.”

“I can’t”, the man quicly responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “

Can’t do that ...

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