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Diabetes Jokes

People think my diabetes jokes are harsh.

But it’s not like I can sugarcoat it.

I was just on a diabetes information website...

It asked if I would accept cookies. Is that a trick question?

What do you call someone with both Type 1 and Type 2 Diabetes

Ambidextrose

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

Why doesn't a man with diabetes radiate heat?

He's adiabatic

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor diagnoses someone with diabetes

Doc: Your diagnosis is type 2 diabetes.

Patient: It runs in my family.

Doc: Nothing runs in your family, you fat cunt

I’m sorry ma’am your husband has diabetes

And if he doesn’t change he’s diet soon, he’s at risk for a heart attack or a possible stroke.

Lady: “We’d like to get a second opinion”

Doctor: “Okay. He’s ugly, too.”

What do you call a Scottish man who lost a foot to diabetes?

NATO

My uncle has diabetes and alzheimers

I asked him where his feet were and he was stumped.

My doctor told me that I may die due to diabetes

At least that's a sweet way to go.

Friend : I have got Diabetes type 1

Me : 1

He blocked me, no idea what wrong I did.

Diabetes runs in my family...

Because no one else does.

My mother in law suffers from acute diabetes and hay fever....

I always try to cheer her up with chocolate and flowers.

Why did the PR guy develop a Type II diabetes?

Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

Diabetes isn't fatal, said my doctor

"That's funny", I thought. They don't call it Liveabetes.

Why is there no cure for diabetes?

Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.

Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes

And It cost me an arm and a leg.

How easy is it to kill someone with diabetes?

It’s a piece of cake!

Studies have found that if women sleep for 8 to 10 hours daily, there is a significant decrease in hypertension and diabetes…

In their husbands!

My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.

I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates

What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?

Sweet Pee

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

My father was a real sweetheart

He died from diabetes

I've stopped dating this girl I met at the Diabetes Camp.

Turns out she isn't really my type.

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes...

Doctor: It sounds like diabetes.

Life is like a box of chocolates

It really sucks if you have diabetes ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.

A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.

"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,

"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replie...

How did the doctor tell his patient he has diabetes?

He didn't sugar coat it

Ray Charles went to the doctor.

Doctor said, "I got good news and bad news. Which would you like first?"

Ray says, "Give me the bad."

Doctor says, "Well Mr. Charles because of your diabetes we have to amputate your left leg."

Ray, "Damn. Well what's the good news?"

Doctor clears his throat and sings, "U...

my grandad was such a sweet person on the inside

it's a shame we didnt notice before the diabetes killed him

I told my son to have sweat dreams, but he started crying

He has diabetes

My doctor told me quite harshly that I have to quit eating sweets if I want to avoid diabetes

He didn't sugarcoat it.

Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?

Diabetes.
Billy has diabetes.

I just thought of this now and I don’t have time to fix it into a proper joke but... What’s the easiest way for a person with type 1 diabetes to lose it?

Eat enough to get type 2

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

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