I'm going to start a treatment center for children with epilepsy

I'll call it little seizures.

What's a toddler with epilepsy's favorite pizza restaurant?

Little seizures.

See you all in hell.

What do you call a bowl full of epilepsy?

A seizure salad

Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend who had Epilepsy?

I went to a rave. I thought it was so cool that I filmed it. But when I showed it to her, she just rolled her eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cow with epilepsy?

Beef Jerkey

Why did the doctor think the fat guy had epilepsy?

He kept having Little Caesar's.

Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy?

It was Julius Seizure.

I think my pet goldfish has epilepsy.

He’s ok swimming around but take him out to play he has a fit.

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What's the difference between an oyster shucker with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhoea?

One shucks between fits, the other fucks between shits.

The worst part about my wife being diagnosed with epilepsy is

when I ask her where she wants to get pizza, she can't decide between Shakey's and Little Seizures

I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener.

Now her clothes don't fit.

What does the guy with epilepsy do after his workout?

Has a shake.

If you have epilepsy, it's important to avoid reading Roman history books.

It could cause a Caesar.

My buddy smokes weed for his epilepsy

He'd have a fit if he ran out!

What is a person with epilepsy's favourite salad?

Chicken Seizure Salad.

What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society?

Sieze the day

Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day.

So get on out there and seize the day!

Epilepsy

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”.

Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

Carpe Diem is a great motto and all...

but if you seize everyday, you probably have epilepsy

The other day, I set a world record for the fastest Shake Weight reps..

.. on a side note, my doctor said I need to start taking my epilepsy medication regularly, but it slows me down.

The cops raided our house and set off my epilepsy...

Talk about a search and seizure

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Cow Jokes

What do u call a cow with 4 legs? A cow

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip

What do u call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Meat

What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Steak

What do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
R...

Paddy the Irishman took his goldfish to the vet...

... and says to the vet,
"Doctor, my goldfish is very sick! I think he may have epilepsy."

The vet has a quick look at the fish, and after a few seconds he says, "Well, Paddy, your fish looks fine."

Paddy then replies, "Oh wait Doc, I haven't taken him out of the tank yet!"

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy

So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet...

...and she says to the veterinarian, "Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"

The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, "Well, it looks alright to me."

The blonde replies angrily, "Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!"

How do you start a disabled rave

Throw a flash bomb in a room full of kids with epilepsy

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

A man takes his goldfish to the vet

A man takes his pet goldfish to the vet and says "I think my goldfish has Epilepsy".

The vet conducts a thorough examination of the goldfish. Then he says to the man "I can't find anything wrong with this goldfish. I don't think it has Epilepsy."

To which the man replies "well you ha...

Appreciating a joke

As an epileptic, I appreciate jokes about epilepsy. As a Jew, I appreciate Jewish and holocaust jokes. As a Caucasian, I enjoy the very few white jokes.

If only I was an Oompa Loompa, then I can enjoy Donald Trump Jokes.

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