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Epilepsy Jokes

What's a toddler with epilepsy's favorite pizza restaurant?

Little seizures.

See you all in hell.

Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy?

It was Julius Seizure.

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What do you call a cow with epilepsy?

Beef Jerkey

I think my pet goldfish has epilepsy.

He’s ok swimming around but take him out to play he has a fit.

Epilepsy

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.

Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”.

Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day.

So get on out there and seize the day!

Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend who had Epilepsy?

I went to a rave. I thought it was so cool that I filmed it. But when I showed it to her, she just rolled her eyes.

Why did the doctor think the fat guy had epilepsy?

He kept having Little Caesar's.

My buddy smokes weed for his epilepsy

He'd have a fit if he ran out!

What do you call a bowl full of epilepsy?

A seizure salad

What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society?

Sieze the day

I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener.

Now her clothes don't fit.

What happened to the guy who mixed up his Epilepsy tablets with his laundry tablets?

His clothes don't fit anymore!

What's the piece of hardware that people with epilepsy are scared of?

Flash drive

What do you call a guy with epilepsy in a bathtub?

A washing machine

I'm going to start a treatment center for children with epilepsy

I'll call it little seizures.

Epilepsy joke

What is blue and does not fit? A dead epileptic.

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What’s the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhoea?

One shucks between fits and the other fucks between shits

The cops raided our house and set off my epilepsy...

Talk about a search and seizure

Netflix announced it will be producing another 4 part docu-series on epilepsy

Don't miss the all new seiz'n

What's the difference between a clam with epilepsy and a hooker with the runs?

One you shuck between fits...

What is a person with epilepsy's favourite salad?

Chicken Seizure Salad.

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Cow Jokes

What do u call a cow with 4 legs? A cow

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip

What do u call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Meat

What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Steak

What do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
R...

What's the difference between jazz hands and epilepsy?

Is there music?

Paddy the Irishman took his goldfish to the vet...

... and says to the vet,
"Doctor, my goldfish is very sick! I think he may have epilepsy."

The vet has a quick look at the fish, and after a few seconds he says, "Well, Paddy, your fish looks fine."

Paddy then replies, "Oh wait Doc, I haven't taken him out of the tank yet!"

Carpe Diem is a great motto and all...

but if you seize everyday, you probably have epilepsy

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy

If you have epilepsy, it's important to avoid reading Roman history books.

It could cause a Caesar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an oyster fisherman with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea?

The oyster fisherman shucks between fits.

What pizza chain do people with epilepsy like the least?

Little seizures

The other day, I set a world record for the fastest Shake Weight reps..

.. on a side note, my doctor said I need to start taking my epilepsy medication regularly, but it slows me down.

A man takes his goldfish to the vet

A man takes his pet goldfish to the vet and says "I think my goldfish has Epilepsy".

The vet conducts a thorough examination of the goldfish. Then he says to the man "I can't find anything wrong with this goldfish. I don't think it has Epilepsy."

To which the man replies "well you ha...

So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet...

...and she says to the veterinarian, "Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"

The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, "Well, it looks alright to me."

The blonde replies angrily, "Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!"

How do you start a disabled rave

Throw a flash bomb in a room full of kids with epilepsy

An ambulance was called to a local restaurant this afternoon.

When the paramedics walked in, the saw two men on the floor having seizures. The paramedics split up, each going to one of the men. Suddenly, both men stopped their convulsing. The paramedics asked if they were all right.

"Oh, we're fine. We both have epilepsy, but we don't let it interfere w...

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

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