What is the difference between a pilot and a person with Alzheimer?

What is the difference between a pilot and a person with Alzheimer?

My wife said to me "If I ever get Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me"

I said "Thats the fifth time you've said that today"

What's good about Alzheimer?

1. You meet new people every day.


2. You can tell every joke twice.


3. You meet new people every day.

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Aids or Alzheimers

A woman noticed her husband wasn't quite the same as he used to be. So she takes him to the doctor. The doctor does a bunch of tests. He calls the woman into the office. He says, "Well, I've narrowed it down to two things. It's either Aids or Alzheimers." The woman says, "Oh, My God!!!! What am I go...

What is an Alzheimer patient's favorite musical group?

The Who?

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

What do you call someone with Alzheimer's?

They don't know either.

Why is it better to have Alzheimer instead of Parkinson?

It's better to forget to pay for your beer than to spill it.

I got pulled over by a cop with alzheimer’s.

He said, “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me if I've seen his wife.

Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.

My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's

And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...

Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better plac...

Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"

Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"

What is the worst combination of illnesses? - Alzheimer’s and diarrhea.

You’re running, but can’t remember where.

"A man with alzheimers tries to recall a joke-"

Wait, that's not how it starts

"A forgetful man tries to retell a story-"

No, no, that not it either

"A man-"

Aww, forget it

My favorite jokes are the ones about Alzheimer's.

My favorite jokes are the ones about Alzheimer's.

Getting Alzheimer's is like being famous because you won't recognize anybody, but everybody will recognize you...

Plus, if there's just one positive from getting Alzheimer's... It's laughing at the brand new jokes in this subreddit all day, everyday!

I googled alzheimers symptoms...

And it had already been searched before.

"What do we want!?" "A cure for Alzheimers!!"

"What did we want?"

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?

They hid their own eggs.

I think my wife’s showing symptoms of Alzheimers.

She’s telling me everyday that she can’t remember what she saw in me that made her marry me.

When you’re told you have alzheimer’s, it’s a surprise.

Every single time.

Farmers Alzheimer’s

Old Macdonald had Alzheimer’s e I e I o
With a quack quack here and a quack quack there here a quack there a quack every ware a quack quack , e I e I o With a quack quack here and a quack quack there here a quack there a quack every ware a quack quack , e I e I o With a quack quack here and a qua...

What's worse, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?

Does it really matter whether you spill your drink or you forgot where you put it?

Alzheimer’s be like:

Alzheimer’s be like:

Today I learned why Alzheimer's patients love r/jokes

Because there are no reposts


Ps I'm so sorry.

Doctor: I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers.

Patient: Hey, at least I don't have cancer!

I was searching up Alzheimer’s syndromes

But the links were all purple

Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?

Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, “If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?

”Sure, I rather have Parkinson’s”, replied Sean

“’Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget whe...

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research....

This means by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

I really screwed up asking my doctor to get tested for Alzheimer's.

I forgot my appointment. Doctor said I failed the test.

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Doctor : Your wife has either AIDS or Alzheimer's

Husband : Doc! Is there anything I can do!!
Doctor : Drive her 2 miles from home and drop her off, if she comes back, don't fuck her.

Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.

He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.

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A guy's wife faints one day, so he takes her to the hospital. After a full day of tests on the wife, the doctor approaches the husband wearing a grave expression. He says: "I'm afraid I have some bad news. We know that it's either AIDS or Alzheimer's."

The husband breaks down, and says "Oh my god, what do I do? What do I do?"

The doctor replies: "This is exactly what you need to do: Drive her home with you now, but drop her a couple of blocks from the house. If she finds her way home *don't fuck her*."

This is my first time googling Alzheimer’s

Why is most search results purple?

I just heard that Tony Bennett has Alzheimers.

He left his heart in San Diego.

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "John." "John who?" John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"John."

"John who?"

John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively

Knock knock. Who's there? Alzheimer's.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's who?



... Knock knock.

Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?

Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?


Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?


Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?

Alzheimers, its a bad thing...

...but atleast you get to meet new people everyday.

What does a person with Alzheimers and an orphan have in common?

They both don’t know their parents

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM


Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Well, you don't have alzheimers, but y...

I asked a patient who has alzheimers,”for how long have you had alzheimers “. He replied-

“As long as I can remember “

Knock knock, whos there? Alzheimer's associated, Alzheimer's associated who?

Oh god, we're too late

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Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach



They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks off...
...

I got a 23 and Me test to see if I’m going to develop Alzheimer’s.

I forgot the results.

You know what they say, I may have Alzheimer’s...

But at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s!

What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's?

You get to laugh at all the reposts on this sub, every time.

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

I suppose the one good thing about having Alzheimer's..

..is I get to laugh at all these great, original, witty Jokes on here...every day !!

My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and Alzheimer's.

It was a lot to process and the road ahead won't be easy,

but hey! At least I don't have cancer!!

"I'm getting really worried about my mom," the guy says.

The last few times i visited her she can't remember my name." "Is it Alzheimer's?" his friend asks. "No," the guy says in disgust. "It's Steve."

THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!

She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.

I beat up a kid who made fun of my Alzheimer's

As i walked away, I realised that I forgot to beat up the kid who made fun of my Alzheimer's

Doctor: I’m afraid you have cancer and alzheimer’s

Man: Doc, what’s alzheimer’s?



Doctor: it’s a disease that slowly destroys your memory and mental function. I understand this can be rough to go through and we have resources for you if you need them.


Man: Well at least i don’t have cancer

"Your wife's test results indicate she has either Alzheimer's or aids, however..."

"Your insurance only authorized the one test, so we really can't narrow it down more."
"What should I do Doc?"
"Leave her here and drive home alone. If she shows up do not sleep with her!"

Drinking coffee may reduce the chances of getting Alzheimer’s

Never heard that one before

What's the hardest thing about going to the doctor's office after a Alzheimer's diagnosis?

What's the hardest thing about going to the doctor's office after a Alzheimer's diagnosis?

I wish I had prepared for Alzheimer's when I was a younger man.

If I only know now what I knew then...

I think my wife has started to show the first signs of Alzheimer's disease

She says she doesn't remember what she ever saw in me

The biggest problem I’ve been having after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s is after I wake up

I don’t know if the women in bed is my wife or if I should pay her.

My father was diagnosed with alzheimer's last year, so I've gotten really good at introducing myself...

To all of mom's new boyfriends.

I have a really cool joke about alzheimer's.

I have a really cool joke about alzheimer's.

My grandfather with alzheimer died last year when my family couldn’t remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him.

As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

A Trip to the Doctor

The doctor says to the old man "I'm sorry, you have cancer, and Alzheimers..."



The old man says "Thank god I don't have cancer!"

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

What’s the best part about having Alzheimer’s disease?

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

What is the worst present for a person with Alzheimer?

A boomerang.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a man with Alzheimers do in his free time?

Upvote the same fucking joke for the 5th time on r/jokes .

Together, we can all end Alzheimer’s for good.

Together, we can all end Alzheimer’s for good.

There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer’s vaccine.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

Even with Alzheimer's, I've been enjoying myself.

Whoever that is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I cured my Alzheimer’s by wanking in the wind.

It’s all cumming back to me now.

My doctor recently diagnosed me with Alzheimer's

Luckily I was able to go home and forget about it.

They thought I had Alzheimer's but then all my memories came back

My doctor said I reached the point of know return.

I'm going to start a charity event for Alzheimer's....

It's called *A Walk to Remember*

“My grandmother has Alzheimer’s,” a teen tells his friend as they walked past her sitting in the living room.

“That sucks,” the friend says.



“Yeah, but it’s got some upside,” the teen replies. “Like when I get twenty dollars for my birthday every week.”

What did Rihanna say to her Grandmother with Alzheimer's?

Oh nana, What's my name?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is worried his wife is very ill.

So he takes her to the doctor. The doc runs batteries of tests, looking at every system in her body, and finally comes out to talk to the very worried man in his waiting room.

"Sir, I think we're narrowed down your wife's condition to two possibilities. She either has a serious venereal disea...

I got a letter from the Alzheimer’s Association asking for a donation...

But I keep forgetting to open it.

Couples with Alzheimer’s are so kinky.

They almost always wake up in bed with someone whose name they can’t remember.

OMG, I have Alzheimer's Bulimia!

I eat and eat and then forget to vomit.

My uncle has diabetes and alzheimers

I asked him where his feet were and he was stumped.

A man takes his wife to get tested

Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.

The doctor tells him, “Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer’

The man, clearly frustrated, asks, “Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?”
...

I set my Alzheimer's-patient grandmother's home page to r/jokes

She loves reading the fresh new jokes every day!

Knock knock

“Who’s there?”

Alzheimers

“Alzheimers who?”

Knock knock

What's the three best things about Alzheimer's?

1. You get to hide your own Easter eggs. 2. You get to meet new people everyday.

A man with Alzheimer’s walked into a bar

A man with Alzheimer’s walked into a bar

September is World Alzheimer's awareness month...

Never forget.

What did the old man with Alzheimer say?

What did the old man with Alzheimer say?

Why is Alzheimer's better than Parkinson's?

Because it's no big deal to forget a beer but a tragedy to spill a beer.

.

.

.

That's Bavarian dark humor for you.

My neighbour with Alzheimer's bangs on my door every morning at 8:00am...

And everyday he frantically asks me if I've seen his wife.

At first it breaks my heart to tell him she's been dead for years, but I always feel better about it when he smiles

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