What is the best thing about Alzheimers?

Meeting new people every day

How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side

“My grandmother has Alzheimer’s,” a teen tells his friend as they walked past her sitting in the living room.

“That sucks,” the friend says.

​

“Yeah, but it’s got some upside,” the teen replies. “Like when I get twenty dollars for my birthday every week.”

Have I told you this Alzheimer's joke?

Have I told you this Alzheimer's joke?

Someone asked me if I had Alzheimer's

I couldn't remember

What did Rihanna say to her Grandmother with Alzheimer's?

Oh nana, What's my name?

I was about to tell a joke about Alzheimer

Then I remembered that it's not funny.

They thought I had Alzheimer's but then all my memories came back

My doctor said I reached the point of know return.

So I live next door to a man with Alzheimer's...

Every morning at exactly 8am he knocks on my door and asks if I know where his wife is. Every morning I get to tell him that his wife has been dead for years.

Every morning this happens like clockwork.

I thought about moving. I thought about not answering my door. I thought about cal...

I have a 90 year old neighbor with Alzheimer’s

Who asks me every single morning if I’ve seen his wife.
Now, you have to know his wife has been dead for years and I’ve thought about not answering the door every morning or even moving, but I end up telling him that she’s dead just to see that big smile on his face.

Credit A Jeselnik

Doctor: You have AIDS and alzheimer...

Patient: At least I don't have AIDS

Someone with Alzheimers tells a joke

Wait... What was I talking about again?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach

​

They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks ...

My neighbor is a 90 year old man with Alzheimer’s.

My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man with Alzheimer’s. He’s a nice man but every morning at 9 am he asks me the same question, where is his wife. So every morning I have to answer this man that his hide has been dead for a few years now. That’s a tough responsibility for a neighbor to handle. ...

Alzheimer jokes are not funny

To get to the other side

My neighbour with Alzheimer's bangs on my door every morning at 8:00am...

And everyday he frantically asks me if I've seen his wife.

At first it breaks my heart to tell him she's been dead for years, but I always feel better about it when he smiles

I set my Alzheimer's-patient grandmother's home page to r/jokes

She loves reading the fresh new jokes every day!

Hey, I just met you...

And this is craaaazy!

I have Alzheimer's...

Hey, I just met you...

​

Welcome to Alzheimer’s club

Now the first rule of Alzheimer’s club is that....we don’t talk about chess club

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers

Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer’s vaccine.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

My doctor recently diagnosed me with Alzheimer's

Luckily I was able to go home and forget about it.

A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".

Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".

My Alzheimers seems to come and go...

Almost like it's just sometimers.

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."...

Ladies and gentlemen, we finally found a cure for Alzheimer's.

Wait, what did we do again?

What’s religious Alzheimer’s Disease?

It’s when you forget everything but the guilt.

What does a person with Alzheimer's say when they order a coffee?

I'm sorry, who are you again?

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

Another take on an old joke: What are the 3 best things about Alzheimers?

1. Hiding your own Easter eggs;
2. Meeting new and interesting people every day, and
3. Hiding your own Easter eggs.

I'm going to start a charity event for Alzheimer's....

It's called *A Walk to Remember*

What do you call a benefit 5k for Alzheimer’s?

A Walk to Remember?

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

Can’t believe it’s nearly 1996

and they haven’t found a cure for Alzheimer’s

If I ever happen to get Alzheimer's, I ask you one thing:

How did I get here?

A guy is in a doctors office. His doctor is there with him.

"I have two pieces of bad news," the doctor says.

"What are they?"

"Well, the first piece of news is that you have cancer."

"What's the 2nd piece of news?" he asks.

"Well, the 2nd piece of bad news is that you have Alzheimer's."

The man laughs and says, "Well, at l...

My grandfather has Alzheimer's so bad

that everytime he farts, he calls the fire department.

Why is Alzheimer's better than Parkinson's?

Because it's no big deal to forget a beer but a tragedy to spill a beer.

.

.

.

That's Bavarian dark humor for you.

What is the worst present for a person with Alzheimer?

A boomerang.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

My great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's

My dad is starting to show early signs of the disease as well and it's scary because I know that sooner or later I will also get Alzheimer's as well because my great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's and my dad is starting to show early signs of the disease......

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly couple go to the doctor. The doctor says the wife either has Alzheimer's, or AIDS.

"Well, how do we find out which one?"
"Is there a market in your town?"
"Yes...in the middle of town. Is that relevant?"

"Very relevant! What I want you to do, is take her to the market, and abandon her there!"
"Abandon my wife? But she might have Alzheimer's! What do I do then...

I've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's bulimia.

I eat and eat but then forget to vomit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Gran just asked me "What's the name of that God-damn Jew who keeps hiding stuff around my house!?"

It's Alzheimer, grandma. Alzheimer.

What did the old man with Alzheimer say?

What did the old man with Alzheimer say?

There are two types of old people, the ones who have Alzheimer

There are two types of old people.

What do an actor and a person with Alzheimer’s have in common?

They both act like it’s the first time they’ve had this conversation.

It's Alzheimers day on thursday...

It's Alzheimers day on thursday...

September is Alzheimer's awareness month

Never forget

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’m worried my grandma has Alzheimer’s

She keeps calling me Dave when my name is Bill
 
It’s either that or she’s thinking about someone else when we are having sex.

An elderly couple with Alzheimer's go to their doctor

After the evaluation, the doctor says, "there's no pill or procedure that I can give you two to help with your memory, you're just going to have to write your thoughts down so you don't forget later." They agree and thank the doctor.

One night, while sitting on the couch together, the wife as...

A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar.

A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar.

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as wel...

The Alzheimer’s Support Society chant...

What do we want?

We don’t know!

When do we want it?

What?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

God has an alzheimer

He gave black people beatiful white teeth but forgot about giving them reasons to smile

I was trying to google "How do I know if I had Alzheimer's?"

Apparently, someone has already searched that. Weird...

What is an advantage of having Alzheimer ?

Each joke on r/jokes isn't a repost

What is the brain told when you have Alzheimer’s?

Begone, thought.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this guy brings his wife to the Dr and asks what's wrong with her. The Doc says it's either AIDS or alzheimers. But how do we know says the guy.

Doc says take her out to the woods and leave her. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her.

What's the most exciting thing about Alzheimer's disease?

Answers:
- You can hide your own Easter eggs
- Everything
- To get to the other side
- You meet new people everyday
- what's the most exciting thing about Alzheimer's disease

You know what the best thing about Alzheimer's is?

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

An old man said “I’ve got Alzheimer’s but look in the bright side...”

“At least I don’t have Alzheimer’s”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers..

Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

AIDS or Alzheimer’s?

A man noticed his wife wasn't quite the same as she used to be. So he takes her to the doctor. The doctor does a bunch of tests. He calls the man into the office.

He says, "Well, I've narrowed it down to two things. It's either Aids or Alzheimers."

The man says, "Oh, My God!!!! W...

I went to see my doctor today, apparently I have alzheimer's.

On the plus side, at least I didn't have alzheimer's.

What's the worst thing with being diagnosed with alzheimers?

You always get it more than once.

What would JOKER say if he had Alzheimer?

"Do you know how I got these scars?"

Guy gets a call from his doctor...

Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.

Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.

Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.

Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?

Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.

Guy (waits a beat): Well at least ...

December 19 was the 102nd anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer.

But of course no one remembered.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm afraid I have some bad news about your wife.

Guy gets a call from his doctor, says "Sir, your wife is here with me, we've just concluded her testing. And I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Husband: "What is it doc?"
Doctor: Well I've narrowed the diagnosis down to one of two things, it's either Alzheimer's, or AIDS, but we're not cert...

I think I might have Alzheimer’s...

...after watching Seth Rogan’s Hilarity for Charity I forgot why I ever thought he was funny.

The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...

No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.