The 91+ Best Alzheimer Jokes

My wife said to me "If I ever get Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me"

I said "Thats the fifth time you've said that today"

I got pulled over by a cop with alzheimer’s.

He said, “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's

And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...

Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better plac...

What is the difference between a pilot and a person with Alzheimer?

What is an Alzheimer patient's favorite musical group?

The Who?

What do you call someone with Alzheimer's?

They don't know either.

There are three advantages alzheimer's...

1. You can hide your own easter eggs.

2. You get to meet new people everyday.

3. You can hide your own easter eggs.

My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s

I said to him “I don’t remember asking”

What is worst - Alzheimers or Parkinsons?

Alzheimers. Because its better to spill your beer than forget where you put it.

I think my wife’s showing symptoms of Alzheimers.

She’s telling me everyday that she can’t remember what she saw in me that made her marry me.

My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes when I tell him this is worth a world.

OG: Anthony Jeselnik

Why are Alzheimer's and Diarrhea the worst combination?

You're running but you can't remember where.

It seems like everyday I come across a new article about a cure for Alzheimer's

Turns out it's actually the same article.

Doctor says: "I have bad news. You have Cancer and Alzheimer."

Patient says: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"

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Aids or Alzheimers

A woman noticed her husband wasn't quite the same as he used to be. So she takes him to the doctor. The doctor does a bunch of tests. He calls the woman into the office. He says, "Well, I've narrowed it down to two things. It's either Aids or Alzheimers." The woman says, "Oh, My God!!!! What am I go...

What’s the difference between alzheimers and dementia?

The nice thing about Alzheimer’s is…

You meet new people every day!

Cop with Alzheimer's

A cop with Alzheimer's pulls a guy over. He walks up to the window and goes "You have any idea why I pulled you over?"

I did a google search for Alzheimer's...

But for some reason all the links were already purple.

Would you like to hear an alzheimers joke?

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Doctor, I came to pick up my wife’s results…

- Well… I had a little problem with the results. I accidentally scrambled them with another patient, we don’t know if she has aids or alzheimers.

+ What should I do now?

- Leave her in the middle of the forest, if she comes back, don’t fuck her.

I'm not afraid of getting Alzheimer's because it's like being famous.

You don't recognize anybody, but everybody recognizes you.

What's the best part about having Alzheimer's?

You get to laugh at all the reposts on here everytime.

You ever hear the one about Alzheimer's?

I forget how it goes.

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Getting older is rough. This month I only had enough money to get either my Viagra or my Alzheimers medication.

I can't recall which one I chose...

"A man with alzheimers tries to recall a joke-"

Wait, that's not how it starts

"A forgetful man tries to retell a story-"

No, no, that not it either

"A man-"

Aww, forget it

When you’re told you have alzheimer’s, it’s a surprise.

Every single time.

How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb?

I’m thinking of starting a beauty pageant for women with Alzheimer’s.

The winner will be crowned Miss Remember.

What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's?

They can watch their favourite movie over and over and over again without getting bored

September is Alzheimer's Awareness Month

Never forget...

What's the worst disease combination to have?

Alzheimer and Diarrhea. You don't know where to run

I may have Alzheimer’s…….

…………….But at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

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A man goes to the doctor…

After running tests the doctor says to the guy, "I'm sorry but I have two bits of bad news."

"The first is that you have cancer."

Guy goes "Well shit. What's the other bad news?"

Doctor says, "You have Alzheimer's."

Guy says, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

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Took my wife to the doctor to find out what’s going on with her??

Took my wife to the doctor to get looked at. The doctor says it could be two things either
A) She has aids or B) She has Alzheimer’s.

I asked the doctor how easy is it to tell which one she has.

He replies take her and drop her off in the woods. If she finds her way back home don’...

My grandfather with alzheimer died last year when my family couldn’t remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him.

As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

What is the worst present for a person with Alzheimer?

A boomerang.

What's worse, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?

Does it really matter whether you spill your drink or you forgot where you put it?

My Dad is 69 approaching his 70s

He gets really worried because both his parents got Alzheimer’s around that age.

Tells me, son, if I ever start forgetting things or show any symptoms.. I j-ju-just know I can’t go through what they did.

So… please.. just … kill me.

“Dad that’s what you said 5 minutes ago”

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Which one?

A man’s wife had some lab work done by their doctor but couldn’t get in to pick up the results so she asked her husband to stop at the clinic for her.

He goes in and tells the receptionist that he’s Mr. Smith and he’s here to pick up his wife’s lab results.

The receptioni...

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

My doctor says I'm not at risk for Alzheimer's disease, so that's good.

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's who?

Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?

Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?

Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?

Hey does anyone know when there'll be a cure for Alzheimer's?

Getting Alzheimer's is like being famous because you won't recognize anybody, but everybody will recognize you...

Plus, if there's just one positive from getting Alzheimer's... It's laughing at the brand new jokes in this subreddit all day, everyday!

Did you know that 1 in every 3 people experience Alzheimer's at some point in their life?

By the way, Did you know that 1 in every 3 people experience Alzheimer's at some point in their life?

Farmers Alzheimer’s

Old Macdonald had Alzheimer’s e I e I o
With a quack quack here and a quack quack there here a quack there a quack every ware a quack quack , e I e I o With a quack quack here and a quack quack there here a quack there a quack every ware a quack quack , e I e I o With a quack quack here and a qua...

I googled alzheimers symptoms...

And it had already been searched before.

"What do we want!?" "A cure for Alzheimers!!"

"What did we want?"

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?

They hid their own eggs.

There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer’s vaccine.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

The biggest problem I’ve been having after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s is after I wake up

I don’t know if the women in bed is my wife or if I should pay her.

I got a 23 and Me test to see if I’m going to develop Alzheimer’s.

I forgot the results.

I'm going to start a charity event for Alzheimer's....

It's called *A Walk to Remember*

I beat up a kid who made fun of my Alzheimer's

As i walked away, I realised that I forgot to beat up the kid who made fun of my Alzheimer's

What does a person with Alzheimers and an orphan have in common?

They both don’t know their parents

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who wo...

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Guy talking to his mate Dave.

Guy: You still working as a part time comedian Dave?

Dave: Yeah, I done a gig at the Alzheimer's society club,

they liked my first joke so much I told it again and again.

In fact I told it 25 times, this old bloke came up to me after

and said, I don't know how the fuck yo...

As someone with Alzheimers i will prove to you we can tell funny jokes.

What did the vegan with Alzheimers eat?

Word salad.

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Two men with Alzheimer’s at the bech

Edit: *Beach (haha)

....they are peckish and want some food.

The first man (Bob) says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.
...

Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.

He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.

Today I learned why Alzheimer's patients love r/jokes

Because there are no reposts

Ps I'm so sorry.

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM

Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Well, you don't have alzheimers, but y...

This is my first time googling Alzheimer’s

Why is most search results purple?

What did Rihanna say to her Grandmother with Alzheimer's?

Oh nana, What's my name?

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A guy's wife faints one day, so he takes her to the hospital. After a full day of tests on the wife, the doctor approaches the husband wearing a grave expression. He says: "I'm afraid I have some bad news. We know that it's either AIDS or Alzheimer's."

The husband breaks down, and says "Oh my god, what do I do? What do I do?"

The doctor replies: "This is exactly what you need to do: Drive her home with you now, but drop her a couple of blocks from the house. If she finds her way home *don't fuck her*."

What’s the best part about having Alzheimer’s disease?

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

I think my wife has started to show the first signs of Alzheimer's disease

She says she doesn't remember what she ever saw in me

Alzheimer’s

Carl, a man with Alzheimer’s, goes out to a nice restaurant with his wife. The next day his friend Adam comes to visit him.

Carl: We went to an amazing restaurant last night, everything was perfect. The food, the atmosphere, the service, it was all unbelievably good!

Adam: Really? What...

"Your wife's test results indicate she has either Alzheimer's or aids, however..."

"Your insurance only authorized the one test, so we really can't narrow it down more."
"What should I do Doc?"
"Leave her here and drive home alone. If she shows up do not sleep with her!"

Wanna hear a joke about my alzheimer's disease?

Doctor: I’m afraid you have cancer and alzheimer’s

Man: Doc, what’s alzheimer’s?

Doctor: it’s a disease that slowly destroys your memory and mental function. I understand this can be rough to go through and we have resources for you if you need them.

Man: Well at least i don’t have cancer

I just heard that Tony Bennett has Alzheimers.

He left his heart in San Diego.

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Alzheimer jokes are not funny

To get to the other side

I set my Alzheimer's-patient grandmother's home page to r/jokes

She loves reading the fresh new jokes every day!

Knock knock, whos there? Alzheimer's associated, Alzheimer's associated who?

Oh god, we're too late

So I found out today I have Alzheimer's...

What did the old man with Alzheimer say?

If I ever happen to get Alzheimer's, I ask you one thing:

How did I get here?

Together, we can all end Alzheimer’s for good.

My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and Alzheimer's.

It was a lot to process and the road ahead won't be easy,

but hey! At least I don't have cancer!!

“My grandmother has Alzheimer’s,” a teen tells his friend as they walked past her sitting in the living room.

“That sucks,” the friend says.

“Yeah, but it’s got some upside,” the teen replies. “Like when I get twenty dollars for my birthday every week.”

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "John." "John who?" John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"John."

"John who?"

John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively

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I’m worried my grandma has Alzheimer’s

She keeps calling me Dave when my name is Bill
 
It’s either that or she’s thinking about someone else when we are having sex.

My father was diagnosed with alzheimer's last year, so I've gotten really good at introducing myself...

To all of mom's new boyfriends.

A doctor had an unusual habit.

He had a fee of $50, no matter what ailment. If he failed in finding a cure, he would give $500 to the patient.

One day, a man came to him and said, "Doctor, my sense of taste is deteriorating."
The doctor gave him a jar and said, "Have a spoonful of this."
The man tries some, spits...

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What does a man with Alzheimers do in his free time?

Upvote the same fucking joke for the 5th time on r/jokes .

A man with Alzheimer’s walked into a bar

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