How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side

So the doctor tells the guy, “I’m sorry to tell you, but you have both Alzheimer’s disease and prostate cancer.”

Guy says, “Well, I guess it could be worse.”

“Worse,” says the doctor, “What do you mean?”

Guy says, “I mean, at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.”

There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer’s vaccine.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

Someone with Alzheimers tells a joke

Wait... What was I talking about again?

What is the best thing about Alzheimers?

Meeting new people every day

My doctor recently diagnosed me with Alzheimer's

Luckily I was able to go home and forget about it.

Another take on an old joke: What are the 3 best things about Alzheimers?

1. Hiding your own Easter eggs;
2. Meeting new and interesting people every day, and
3. Hiding your own Easter eggs.

My Alzheimers seems to come and go...

Almost like it's just sometimers.

What’s religious Alzheimer’s Disease?

It’s when you forget everything but the guilt.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach

​

They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks ...

Hey, I just met you...

And this is craaaazy!

I have Alzheimer's...

Hey, I just met you...

​

What desease would you prefer, if you had to choose between Alzheimer's or Parkinson?

I'd choose Alzheimer's...

Better to forget to pay for 2 beers, than spill 3...

I'm going to start a charity event for Alzheimer's....

It's called *A Walk to Remember*

A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".

Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".

If I ever happen to get Alzheimer's, I ask you one thing:

How did I get here?

First rule of Alzheimer's club:

Do not talk about chess club.

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."...

What do you call a benefit 5k for Alzheimer’s?

A Walk to Remember?

Can’t believe it’s nearly 1996

and they haven’t found a cure for Alzheimer’s

I may have Alzheimer’s...

but at least i don’t have Alzheimer’s.

My grandfather has Alzheimer's so bad

that everytime he farts, he calls the fire department.

A guy is in a doctors office. His doctor is there with him.

"I have two pieces of bad news," the doctor says.

"What are they?"

"Well, the first piece of news is that you have cancer."

"What's the 2nd piece of news?" he asks.

"Well, the 2nd piece of bad news is that you have Alzheimer's."

The man laughs and says, "Well, at l...

Why is Alzheimer's better than Parkinson's?

Because it's no big deal to forget a beer but a tragedy to spill a beer.

.

.

.

That's Bavarian dark humor for you.

My great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's

My dad is starting to show early signs of the disease as well and it's scary because I know that sooner or later I will also get Alzheimer's as well because my great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's and my dad is starting to show early signs of the disease......

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

AIDS or Alzheimer’s

A man noticed his wife wasn't quite the same as she used to be. So he takes her to the doctor. The doctor does a bunch of tests. He calls the man into the office. He says, "Well, I've narrowed it down to two things. It's either Aids or Alzheimers." The man says, "Oh, My God!!!! What am I going to do...

What do an actor and a person with Alzheimer’s have in common?

They both act like it’s the first time they’ve had this conversation.

What is the worst present for a person with Alzheimer?

A boomerang.

What did the old man with Alzheimer say?

What did the old man with Alzheimer say?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly couple go to the doctor. The doctor says the wife either has Alzheimer's, or AIDS.

"Well, how do we find out which one?"
"Is there a market in your town?"
"Yes...in the middle of town. Is that relevant?"

"Very relevant! What I want you to do, is take her to the market, and abandon her there!"
"Abandon my wife? But she might have Alzheimer's! What do I do then...

There are two types of old people, the ones who have Alzheimer

There are two types of old people.

September is Alzheimer's awareness month

Never forget

The Alzheimer’s Support Society chant...

What do we want?

We don’t know!

When do we want it?

What?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Gran just asked me "What's the name of that God-damn Jew who keeps hiding stuff around my house!?"

It's Alzheimer, grandma. Alzheimer.

An elderly couple with Alzheimer's go to their doctor

After the evaluation, the doctor says, "there's no pill or procedure that I can give you two to help with your memory, you're just going to have to write your thoughts down so you don't forget later." They agree and thank the doctor.

One night, while sitting on the couch together, the wife as...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’m worried my grandma has Alzheimer’s

She keeps calling me Dave when my name is Bill
 
It’s either that or she’s thinking about someone else when we are having sex.

It's Alzheimers day on thursday...

It's Alzheimers day on thursday...

What is an advantage of having Alzheimer ?

Each joke on r/jokes isn't a repost

I was trying to google "How do I know if I had Alzheimer's?"

Apparently, someone has already searched that. Weird...

A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar.

A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this guy brings his wife to the Dr and asks what's wrong with her. The Doc says it's either AIDS or alzheimers. But how do we know says the guy.

Doc says take her out to the woods and leave her. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

God has an alzheimer

He gave black people beatiful white teeth but forgot about giving them reasons to smile

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as wel...

What is the brain told when you have Alzheimer’s?

Begone, thought.

What's the most exciting thing about Alzheimer's disease?

Answers:
- You can hide your own Easter eggs
- Everything
- To get to the other side
- You meet new people everyday
- what's the most exciting thing about Alzheimer's disease

I think I have Alzheimer's...

I don't remember being this magnificent.

What would JOKER say if he had Alzheimer?

"Do you know how I got these scars?"

What's the worst thing with being diagnosed with alzheimers?

You always get it more than once.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers..

Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire.

You know what the best thing about Alzheimer's is?

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

An old man said “I’ve got Alzheimer’s but look in the bright side...”

“At least I don’t have Alzheimer’s”

I went to see my doctor today, apparently I have alzheimer's.

On the plus side, at least I didn't have alzheimer's.

December 19 was the 102nd anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer.

But of course no one remembered.

Guy gets a call from his doctor...

Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.

Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.

Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.

Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?

Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.

Guy (waits a beat): Well at least ...

The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...

No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.

I like my jokes like I like my Alzheimer's

I like my jokes like I like my Alzheimer's

Did you hear that doctors have finally found a cure for alzheimers?

This is so historic that the government has declared this a day of remembrance.


 

This might not get any traction but I just thought of it and made myself chuckle a little.

When my granddad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I can still remember the very first thing I said to him.

“Have you got that five grand I lent you?”

I was going to make an alzheimer's joke

but I forgot it

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm afraid I have some bad news about your wife.

Guy gets a call from his doctor, says "Sir, your wife is here with me, we've just concluded her testing. And I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Husband: "What is it doc?"
Doctor: Well I've narrowed the diagnosis down to one of two things, it's either Alzheimer's, or AIDS, but we're not cert...

Did you hear that one about Alzheimers?

Damn, I can't remember the punch line.

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"

What was Alzheimer's first name?

You don't remember? That's how it begins.

Doctor says, "I've got good news and bad news…"

The bad news is that you have Alzheimer's.

The good news is now you can hide your own Easter eggs!

Yesterday, my grandpa bought a book called "how to prevent Alzheimer's disease"

He bought one today, too.

So I found out today I have Alzheimer's...

So I found out today I have Alzheimer's...

The worst mix of diseases?

Alzheimer and diarrhea. You run but you don't remember where.

My grandfather said, "If I ever get alzheimer's I'll kill myself"

I said "I know gramps, you told me that already"