I'm an optimistic pessimist.

I'm positive things will go wrong.

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?

He kept on turning negatives into positives.

Dear Optimistic and pessimistic persons,

While you were arguing weather the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it.

Yours truly:
The Opportunist.

I was a rather optimistic child

I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

Some people are just over-optimistic.

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?

They’ll tell you that your glasses are half full.

Thanos seems like an optimistic guy.

You know, universe half full kind-of-guy.

What do you get when you mix a gullible person and an optimistic person?

Read it again.

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. To get the crowd on their feet. To feel optimistic about the day ahead, or even the life ahead. To make them feel like all their dreams are within arms reach with just a little hard work and the willingness to be something more than just who you are

Im just too lazy to get up.

What did the optimistic singer say in a failed attempt to save a suicidal man’s life?

Duet?

Why is Humpty Dumpty so optimistic about the upcoming Winter?

Because he had a great Fall!

Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.

For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.

Nico is extremely optimistic and always sees the bright side of everything.

It drives his friends Connor and Tyler crazy, so one day they decide to tell him a story that he cannot find the positive in.

Nico meets Tyler at his house and Nico asks where Connor is. Tyler tells him "You didn't hear? He found his girlfriend with another guy last night and killed them both...

I am feeling very optimistic.

But I bet it won't last.

what do you call an optimistic 0?

A cheery-o!

Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?

Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!

I'm an optimistic pessimist...

I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills

I'm more optimistic than most.

Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"

Microsoft should try making an optimistic and articulate robot that adjusts its responses based on interactions with the public.

They could call it Marco Rubio.

It could've been worse.

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.



"Not so good," says Harry.



"Why, what happened?" James queri...

After his last appointment, my son complained about how his hair looked. I told him it'll grow on him.

His oncologist, on the other hand, is not as optimistic.

What do you call two hippos riding a bicycle?

Optimistic!



My friend had this on a joke calendar this morning. If anyone can, please explain this to us. Are we that dumb that we don't get it, or is it so obvious that we might be over thinking it?

What do you call a cheery positive transformer?

Optimistic Prime.

Doctor: "All right, kid, how old are you?"

Boy: "Turning six next month!"
Doctor: "...and how very optimistic we are!"

Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!

Mechanic said it could be car rot.

(I remain optimistic that one day reddit will like one of my dad jokes)

“Don’t worry, my friend! Every mischief will end someday.”

“That’s so optimistic!”

“I work at the graveyard, my friend.”

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest


Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes


Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have wo...

A Psych Professor was conducting an experiment with a Psych Student...

There was half of a glass of water sitting on a small table. They would have the subjects of the experiment (other students from the University) come in and describe what they see. Depending on the students’ answers, they would determine their personality type.

The first student comes in and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holocaust Jokes Collection

Why did Hitler kill himself?

\- He got the gas bill

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Where was the highest concentration of Jews after world war 2?

\- The atmosphere

\--------------------------------------------------------------
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nine months into his presidency...

Nine months into his presidency Donald Trump asked his advisors to poll the American people to find out what they thought America would be like by the next election.

After a few weeks fact finding the advisors returned with an answer. They said “Mr President, there are two prevailing views t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Click here to find out what type of motherfucker you are.

You are an optimistic motherfucker for clicking this and hoping for a different punchline than "curious".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gods decided to create trees...

The land was barren with nothing but muddy ground, rock formations, some small creatures and a pair of humans. So the Gods decided to create 2 trees to live as partners. The female tree was named Eva and the male Lee. As all other forms of life around, the trees were naked.

Eva was not conten...

"Whenever one door closes, another opens."

"Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."


"No, I live in a haunted house."

Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering at a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a living. He replied, “I’m a...

Optimist Joe

An optimist by every account, Joe was sitting in the bar when his friends come to him and say, "Joe, how can you call yourself an optimist when bad things are always happening ?" To which Joe replied, "there's always a good side to every situation, you just have to know it."

So, they tell Joe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my all-time faves...

A woman was involved in a near-fatal car accident that rendered her comatose. For weeks she laid in her hospital bed, showing no signs of improvement. Her faithful husband visited her several times a day, never giving up hope.
One morning, a nurse was performing a sponge bath on her patient whe...

I got my wife tickets on a cruise ship.

It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic.

When I wake up every morning, things always go well.

I'm like the optimistic amputee who always starts his day off on the right foot.

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