What do you get when you mix a gullible and an optimistic person.

Read it again

optimistic old guys.

Two old guys on a park bench are talking.

"Ya know, when I was 25 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands.

By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried real hard.

By the time I was 60 I could bend it 20 degrees, no problem.

I'm gonna be ...

I'm optimistically single.

My bed is half full.

I’m feeling optimistic

Tomorrow’s going to be a Good Friday.

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Who are the most optimistic people in the world?

The Jews, they don't know how much it's gonna grow but they still cut it.

We have to stay optimistic now

Because positive is not a good sign....

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Two guys are talking about being optimistic.

One guy says, "Hey, sometimes there are situations where you just can't be optimistic, right?" The other guy responds, "Nah, you always have to look at the bright side. Just last week, I was with a prostitute, and she died right there in the middle of it." The first guy sputters, "What? Where's the ...

What species is the most optimistic?

Fish, they take every oppor-tuna-ty

People used to be a lot more optimistic in the past, but things have taken quite a turn haven't they. The economy's uncertain, salaries are shrinking, jobs are dissipating. Morale is generally quite low nowadays.

If the elevator were invented today, it would be called the plunger.

What is an Optimistic Vampires favorite drink?

B Positive!

I'm an optimistic pessimist.

I'm positive things will go wrong.

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?

He kept on turning negatives into positives.

Some people are just over-optimistic.

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

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Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?

Buoyant!

I was a rather optimistic child

I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?

They’ll tell you that your glasses are half full.

Thanos seems like an optimistic guy.

You know, universe half full kind-of-guy.

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead.

"Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.

"Not so good," says Harry.

"Why, what happened?" James queries.

"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Could hav...

I'm a glass-is-half-full kind of guy

unless that glass contains urine, in which case I find it difficult to remain optimistic.

I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. To get the crowd on their feet. To feel optimistic about the day ahead, or even the life ahead. To make them feel like all their dreams are within arms reach with just a little hard work and the willingness to be something more than just who you are

Im just too lazy to get up.

What did the optimistic singer say in a failed attempt to save a suicidal man’s life?

Duet?

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Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan meet at a bar every Saturday.

Dan is exceptionally optimistic. Every time one of the other three mentions something bad, Dan simply responds, "Could be worse!" This really drives them up a wall.

One Friday when Al returns home from a business trip, he, Ben, and Carl hatch a plan.

The next day Carl goes to the bar a...

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

Nico is extremely optimistic and always sees the bright side of everything.

It drives his friends Connor and Tyler crazy, so one day they decide to tell him a story that he cannot find the positive in.

Nico meets Tyler at his house and Nico asks where Connor is. Tyler tells him "You didn't hear? He found his girlfriend with another guy last night and killed them both...

Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.

For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.

Why is Humpty Dumpty so optimistic about the upcoming Winter?

Because he had a great Fall!

Optimist Joe

An optimist by every account, Joe was sitting in the bar when his friends come to him and say, "Joe, how can you call yourself an optimist when bad things are always happening ?" To which Joe replied, "there's always a good side to every situation, you just have to know it."

So, they tell Joe...

Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?

Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!

I'm an optimistic pessimist...

I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills

I'm more optimistic than most.

Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"

Microsoft should try making an optimistic and articulate robot that adjusts its responses based on interactions with the public.

They could call it Marco Rubio.

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