I'm optimistically single.

My bed is half full.

What species is the most optimistic?

Fish, they take every oppor-tuna-ty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are talking about being optimistic.

One guy says, "Hey, sometimes there are situations where you just can't be optimistic, right?" The other guy responds, "Nah, you always have to look at the bright side. Just last week, I was with a prostitute, and she died right there in the middle of it." The first guy sputters, "What? Where's the ...

I'm an optimistic pessimist.

I'm positive things will go wrong.

Some people are just over-optimistic.

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

What is an Optimistic Vampires favorite drink?

B Positive!

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?

He kept on turning negatives into positives.

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?

Buoyant!

You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?

They’ll tell you that your glasses are half full.

Dear Optimistic and pessimistic persons,

While you were arguing weather the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it.

Yours truly:
The Opportunist.

I was a rather optimistic child

I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

What do you get when you mix a gullible and an optimistic person

Read it again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad died because we didn’t get his blood type right. He kept saying, “Be positive! Be positive!”

And so we tried transfusing B positive blood but apparently he was just an optimistic little bastard was a Type A

Thanos seems like an optimistic guy.

You know, universe half full kind-of-guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

Software development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discov...

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. To get the crowd on their feet. To feel optimistic about the day ahead, or even the life ahead. To make them feel like all their dreams are within arms reach with just a little hard work and the willingness to be something more than just who you are

Im just too lazy to get up.

What did the optimistic singer say in a failed attempt to save a suicidal man’s life?

Duet?

Nico is extremely optimistic and always sees the bright side of everything.

It drives his friends Connor and Tyler crazy, so one day they decide to tell him a story that he cannot find the positive in.

Nico meets Tyler at his house and Nico asks where Connor is. Tyler tells him "You didn't hear? He found his girlfriend with another guy last night and killed them both...

It could've been worse.

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.



"Not so good," says Harry.



"Why, what happened?" James queri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a nerd with Viagra?

Optimistic.

It was too bad we could never figure out my grandfather's blood type in time.

He was so optimistic though. He kept telling us to B positive

Why is Humpty Dumpty so optimistic about the upcoming Winter?

Because he had a great Fall!

Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.

For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.

My glasses may be fogged up, but don't worry I'll be fine.

I'm optimistic!

I am feeling very optimistic.

But I bet it won't last.

Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?

Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!

After his last appointment, my son complained about how his hair looked. I told him it'll grow on him.

His oncologist, on the other hand, is not as optimistic.

What do you call two hippos riding a bicycle?

Optimistic!



My friend had this on a joke calendar this morning. If anyone can, please explain this to us. Are we that dumb that we don't get it, or is it so obvious that we might be over thinking it?

Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!

Mechanic said it could be car rot.

(I remain optimistic that one day reddit will like one of my dad jokes)

I'm an optimistic pessimist...

I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills

I'm more optimistic than most.

Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"

Optimist Joe

An optimist by every account, Joe was sitting in the bar when his friends come to him and say, "Joe, how can you call yourself an optimist when bad things are always happening ?" To which Joe replied, "there's always a good side to every situation, you just have to know it."

So, they tell Joe...

Doctor: "All right, kid, how old are you?"

Boy: "Turning six next month!"
Doctor: "...and how very optimistic we are!"

Microsoft should try making an optimistic and articulate robot that adjusts its responses based on interactions with the public.

They could call it Marco Rubio.

2 men are stranded in the desert, dying of thirst.

As they walk with all hope lost, one of them spots a well in the middle of the desert.

'Look, a well!' - said the first man

'There is no way that well has water... ' - replied the second man

'We should check if it has water. Look, let's drop that rock into the well to check whet...

What do you call a cheery positive transformer?

Optimistic Prime.

“Don’t worry, my friend! Every mischief will end someday.”

“That’s so optimistic!”

“I work at the graveyard, my friend.”

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