UPJOKE
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People with insomnia are pretty cool

They’re up for anything

Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side...

...only three more sleeps till Christmas.

I have insomnia.

I won’t rest until I find a cure.

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I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

The doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia

I can't remember which one and it's making me lose sleep!

I have been trying to understand why my candle has such bad insomnia...

...guess there is no rest for the wicked.

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Doctor can you cure my insomnia?

“Of course, we just have to get rid of the root cause!”

“Won’t be easy, the wife’s grown quite fond of that fucking baby”

People keep telling me im unlucky to have Insomnia but the jokes on them...

only 2 more sleeps till Christmas!

How does the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia spend his time?

Staying up all night wondering if there is a dog

Police say a Maryland man stole $369 worth of erectile dysfunction and insomnia meds from a pharmacy

Apparently he wanted to stay up but not stay up.

What do you call a vampire with insomnia?

Dust

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I was having problems with insomnia, so I went to see my doctor for advice.

Doctor: "You'll have to stop masturbating."

Me: "Why??"

Doctor: " Because I'm trying to examine you now!"

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My chronic diarrhoea is giving me insomnia

I'm getting real tired of this shit.

I stopped complaining about my insomnia

when I found out most of my relatives died in their sleep.

I once had a nightmare about insomnia.

Haven't slept since.

Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side...

Only three more sleeps till Christmas

What do accountants’ spouses say to fall asleep when they have insomnia?

“Sweetie, tell me about your job.”

The Bad News is that I suffer chronic insomnia

...but the Good News - just two more sleeps 'til Christmas.

I went to see my doctor about my insomnia.

Not sure he appreciated me knocking on his door at 3AM.

I had to break up with my girlfriend who suffered from insomnia

She just wasn’t very into-resting

My horse has insomnia and keeps every one awake.

She's a nightmare

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How do you get a girlfriend or wife with insomnia to fall asleep?

...tell them you’re horny.

Insomnia is very common.

Try not to lose any sleep over it.

What do philosophers suffering from dyslexia and insomnia do?

Keep up at night wondering whether dog exists

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

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Why do so many Welsh people have insomnia?

Every time they start counting sheep they have to stop for a wank

What do cashiers and insomnia have in common?

They'll both give you bags and make you miserable

I just found out insomnia is illegal in my home town.

They call it resisting a rest.

Why are people who suffers from insomnia so excited at the moment?

They only have to sleep 3 more times until Christmas

welshman with insomnia

a welshman with insomnia cannot sleep one night, so he calls up his friend, who tells him to count sheep, and that he's going to sleep. the welshman tries that and calls the friend again in the morning,
'well you didn't fix my insomnia but you sure fixed my erectile dysfunction'

I thought I’d be put in jail for resisting arrest

But as it turns out, insomnia isn’t a crime.

What does the impotent, dyslexic, physicist with insomnia think about while he tries to fall asleep?

His hadron

I once picked up a book to solve insomnia. It was a pretty heavy read.

So I pulled an all nighter.

My insomnia is getting worse

But I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

I've got really bad insomnia.

It's been keeping me asleep all night.

I visited a Blonde Doctor recently she diagnosed me with Insomnia.

Don't worry she said it wasn't anything to lose sleep over.

Another one translated from Russian...

Doctor: This medicine is for insomnia, this one is for nervous break-down, and also take this one for depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

All the avatar has done is complain about the youngsters since his return, so the new series is now called

Boomer Aang

But at least he is back!

(This is seriously what insomnia does to a guys already fading sanity).

A difficult therapy

"Doctor, I tell you, the therapy you gave me for my insomnia was too hard"

"What? I just recommended warm milk, honey and a hot bath before going to sleep. What's so hard about that?!"

"Well, milk and honey was easy, but the hot bath... I was never able to drink it all... "

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

5 Russian Jokes about Vodka

#1

A Gentleman comes to the shop and asked,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After Half an hour he comes again and asked again,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After one hour he comes again and asked to the shopkeeper...

What's the best thing about having insomnia?

Only one nights sleep til Christmas!

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An Irishman, stricken with severe insomnia, decides he needs go for a late night walk..

Figures it’d be best if he got some fresh air and such, as he highly doubts that he'll be falling asleep anytime soon. So, he slips into his boots, throws on a jacket, and heads out the door. Not 5 minutes later, he comes across a freshly painted white picket-fence that leads to an unfamiliar bar on...

I spoke to my doctor

“Doctor, can you prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?”

The doctor responded, “Why? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?”

“No, Doc. my mother-in-law sleeps well at night, the sleeping pill was for the day.”

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Being Kind Is A Weakness!

I have a very good friend. We've been friends for a long long time. His name is Bill.

So, Bill had insomnia. He hasn't slept for days. He asked me to buy some sleeping pills for him and bring them to his house. Upon reaching his house, I saw him sleeping on his bed.

So, I woke him up ...

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[Little bit racist] why do New Zealanders...

Have insomnia? Because every time they start counting sheep they get too horny to sleep.

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Meta Dick Joke

It appreciated the firm handshake.

Ok not seriously, here's the joke:
A young pre-teen boy understands he will be pubertized in the next few years. He turns to his father, a doctor, for advice. He says "You're a logical doctor. What does it mean to be a man?" The doctor thinks about it a b...

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