Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side...

...only three more sleeps till Christmas.

People with insomnia are pretty cool

They’re up for anything

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

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Doctor can you cure my insomnia?

“Of course, we just have to get rid of the root cause!”

“Won’t be easy, the wife’s grown quite fond of that fucking baby”

I have insomnia.

I won’t rest until I find a cure.

The doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia

I can't remember which one and it's making me lose sleep!

Police say a Maryland man stole $369 worth of erectile dysfunction and insomnia meds from a pharmacy

Apparently he wanted to stay up but not stay up.

I have been trying to understand why my candle has such bad insomnia...

...guess there is no rest for the wicked.

What do you call a vampire with insomnia?


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I was having problems with insomnia, so I went to see my doctor for advice.

Doctor: "You'll have to stop masturbating."

Me: "Why??"

Doctor: " Because I'm trying to examine you now!"

What do philosophers suffering from dyslexia and insomnia do?

Keep up at night wondering whether dog exists

I had to break up with my girlfriend who suffered from insomnia

She just wasn’t very into-resting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My chronic diarrhoea is giving me insomnia

I'm getting real tired of this shit.

I stopped complaining about my insomnia

when I found out most of my relatives died in their sleep.

Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side...

Only three more sleeps till Christmas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

insomnia might hit hard but

I wanna get fucked harder than my sleep schedule

My horse has insomnia and keeps every one awake.

She's a nightmare

I thought I’d be put in jail for resisting arrest

But as it turns out, insomnia isn’t a crime.

The Bad News - I've been suffering from chronic Insomnia

The Good News - Only 2 more sleeps until Santa arrives.

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you get a girlfriend or wife with insomnia to fall asleep?

...tell them you’re horny.

People keep telling me im unlucky to have Insomnia but the jokes on them...

only 2 more sleeps till Christmas!

Insomnia is very common.

Try not to lose any sleep over it.

I went to see my doctor about my insomnia.

Not sure he appreciated me knocking on his door at 3AM.

I just found out insomnia is illegal in my home town.

They call it resisting a rest.

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Why do so many Welsh people have insomnia?

Every time they start counting sheep they have to stop for a wank

What do cashiers and insomnia have in common?

They'll both give you bags and make you miserable

welshman with insomnia

a welshman with insomnia cannot sleep one night, so he calls up his friend, who tells him to count sheep, and that he's going to sleep. the welshman tries that and calls the friend again in the morning,
'well you didn't fix my insomnia but you sure fixed my erectile dysfunction'

A difficult therapy

"Doctor, I tell you, the therapy you gave me for my insomnia was too hard"

"What? I just recommended warm milk, honey and a hot bath before going to sleep. What's so hard about that?!"

"Well, milk and honey was easy, but the hot bath... I was never able to drink it all... "

Why are people who suffers from insomnia so excited at the moment?

They only have to sleep 3 more times until Christmas

There's one good thing about suffering from insomnia

3 more sleeps 'til Christmas!

What does the impotent, dyslexic, physicist with insomnia think about while he tries to fall asleep?

His hadron

I once picked up a book to solve insomnia. It was a pretty heavy read.

So I pulled an all nighter.

I've had insomnia so much it is starting to worry me.

But I won't lose any sleep over it.

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

I've got really bad insomnia.

It's been keeping me asleep all night.

I visited a Blonde Doctor recently she diagnosed me with Insomnia.

Don't worry she said it wasn't anything to lose sleep over.

All the avatar has done is complain about the youngsters since his return, so the new series is now called

Boomer Aang

But at least he is back!

(This is seriously what insomnia does to a guys already fading sanity).

Another one translated from Russian...

Doctor: This medicine is for insomnia, this one is for nervous break-down, and also take this one for depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

I spoke to my doctor

“Doctor, can you prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?”

The doctor responded, “Why? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?”

“No, Doc. my mother-in-law sleeps well at night, the sleeping pill was for the day.”

Club manager: Your last joke was so bad it put the audience to sleep. What do you plan to do about it?

Comedian: Copyright it and sell it as a cure for insomnia.

5 Russian Jokes about Vodka


A Gentleman comes to the shop and asked,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After Half an hour he comes again and asked again,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After one hour he comes again and asked to the shopkeeper...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman, stricken with severe insomnia, decides he needs go for a late night walk..

Figures it’d be best if he got some fresh air and such, as he highly doubts that he'll be falling asleep anytime soon. So, he slips into his boots, throws on a jacket, and heads out the door. Not 5 minutes later, he comes across a freshly painted white picket-fence that leads to an unfamiliar bar on...

What's the best thing about having insomnia?

Only one nights sleep til Christmas!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Little bit racist] why do New Zealanders...

Have insomnia? Because every time they start counting sheep they get too horny to sleep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Meta Dick Joke

It appreciated the firm handshake.

Ok not seriously, here's the joke:
A young pre-teen boy understands he will be pubertized in the next few years. He turns to his father, a doctor, for advice. He says "You're a logical doctor. What does it mean to be a man?" The doctor thinks about it a b...

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