My sister's band opened for the Manic Street Preachers tonight

Before their set, she said "If you tolerate this, the Manic Street Preachers will be next."

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Hulk Hogan: Doc, I had to struggle through manic-depression all my career!

Therapist: Are you saying you had to wrestle mania?

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrol...

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What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

What do you call a manic-depressive math professor with suicidal tendencies?

Sinusoidal.

I'm taking the Manic Street Preachers around rural England.

If they tolerate Diss, then the Chilterns will be next.

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A manic depressive horse named John

There once was a manic depressive horse named John. He was drinking away his problems in a bar that was popular among the local animals because they didn't card. You see, ever since he was a young colt, John used music to deal with his emotions. He started off with a vinyl record of The Beatles' *Re...

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

Why did the man with bipolar go to the nail salon?

Because they offer manic cures

A man with manic depression buys a heart rate monitor

It was made by Polar

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Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

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Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizoph...

What do you call a family member with bipolar that stays still?

A Manic Kin

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My dad's favorite joke that he created

Warning: this joke is not good in any way

Three men go on a walkabout vacation in the outback of Australia. They have never been to the continent, and unknowingly tresspassed on aboriginal grounds.

Towards dusk, they are ambushed and kidnapped by aborigines. They are taken back to thie...

The answering protocol for the psychiatric hotline.

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you ...

One day in the Vatican...

One day in the Vatican, the Pope summoned his entire staff for a major announcement. When they were all seated, he looked up solemnly from his desk and told them he had good news and bad news.

“We're ready for some good news,” they said.

“I’ve just received a telegram documenting a mir...

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The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist. They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and ...

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No Nut November.

Guess it prepares me for Dick Devouring December, Johnson Jumping January, Fuck Frenzy February, Manic Masturbation March, All Anal April, My Magical May, Just Jizz June, Jimmy Jacking July, Arse Adventure August, Stained Sheets September and my all time favourite Oral Only October.

long. Two cops lead an unfortunate man into a padded cell

Instantly the men in white coats grab him, wrench his arms behind his back and, when he screams in pain, the psychiatrist tears down his trousers and jags him with a needle.

As they're carrying the unconcious body out the younger of the cops, shocked, says:

"Was that really necessary? ...

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A graduate student in psychology

A psychology graduate student working at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate the mental condition of three patients in a local mental institution and assess their possibilities for reintegration into society.

The facility was well funded and nicer than the student ex...

A man is pulled over by a rookie cop...

When the cop approaches the window, the man produces his papers then says “I’m sure you’re going to ask about the body in the trunk since you obviously smell the weed.” The cop nearly fell back, but before he could utter a word, the man said “just be careful, the knife is under my seat.” The rookie...

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The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

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Two men are enjoying a nice Saturday afternoon of golf.

After they finish the 12th hole, they see two women on the green of the 13th, putting the ball around with an apparent lack of skill. After watching the women fumble around for about 10 minutes, one of the men says, "I'm going to ask them if we can play through." He starts walking towards them, but ...

Wife is calling her husband on the cell phone

W: Honey, please drive carefully. TV news just said some crazy manic is driving on the wrong side of the highway

H: ONE??!!! THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF THEM!!!!!

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A dumb blonde suspects her husband is cheating...

A dumb blonde suspects that her husband is cheating on her so she tells him that she is going to be gone at a friend's house for the entire day. She waits in her car down the block for an hour and then quickly drives home and runs into their bedroom. As she enters the room she finds her husband in b...

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A Woman is driving to work ...

A Woman is driving to work after finally getting her drivers license, suddenly her phone rings and it's her husband.

husband: "are you taking 82nd to work."

Wife: "yes."

husband: "be careful the radio says some manic is driving head-on in the wrong lane."

Wife: "one mani...

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