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Diabetic Jokes

How tall is the average diabetic person?

About as tall as the average person, minus two feet.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

My severely diabetic sister.

A diabetic kid died during the night.

His mother wished him "sweet dreams" before sleep.

How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle

Candy Bars

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a diabetic man's cum?

High fructose porn syrup.

A diabetic friend

I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."

Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition?

Because he was so good at pumping.

Why can't diabetics get revenge?

Cuz revenge is sweet.

Why does the Diabetic refuse to read Reddit on PC?

Because that would require accepting the cookies.

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Why did the prostitute give the diabetic a free blowjob?

She thought it'd be sweet.

My hot female doctor said I was sweet!!

Her exact words were, severely diabetic, but I know what she meant..

You can call a diabetic a cripple because

they’re candicapped

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

Whats a diabetics drug of choice?

Diet coke

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I...

What's forbidden to diabetic vampires

sweethearts

I'm a diabetic, suicidal alcoholic.

So what I'm really saying is: all I want is a tub of rum raisin ice cream.

My bro asked what’s it like being diabetic?

I said “it has its highs and lows” I asked him what it was like to have Bipolar disorder, he said “it has its ups and downs”

Sorry officer, can't do that!

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says,

\- "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says,

\- "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a r...

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My Grocery Store Experience

5-7min read. Based on a true story.

---

I was at the grocery store yesterday picking up some ingredients to make breakfast for the week. I already had a few essentials picked out like Milk, Eggs, & Bacon. Yes, Bacon is an essential. I moved to the cereal aisle but got stuck decidin...

A police officer pulls a man over who was driving erratically.

The officer walks up to the man's window and asks him.

"Sir, you are all over the road! I need you to blow into this breathalyzer to determine if you have been drinking."

The driver of the car shakes his head vehemently and says to the officer.

"Oh, I can't do that, officer! I...

What do you never tell your diabetic son?

Sweet dreams.

Why couldn't the diabetic work construction?

He had an allergic reaction when he met the formin

My diabetic friend had a serious emergency last night.

My bad.

I shouldn't have texted her "Goodnight, sweet dreams" before going to bed yesterday.

What does a diabetic's blood taste like?

Sweet irony

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..

"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.

"It may be time to take away her life support."

Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt uprigh...

I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets

It'll cost me an arm and a leg.

(It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)

A man is driving recklessly on the highway

A man is driving recklessly on the highway. A cop sees him me pulls him over.
The officer asks the man to step outside of his vehicle and then asks for him to pee into a cup.
The man replies " I can't do that I'm diabetic, my blood sugar will get to low"
The officer then asks the man to blo...

I prefer it when doctors don’t sugarcoat stuff.

It helps because I’m diabetic.

What does a diabetic neckbeard need to survive?

Incelin

Thought about putting a diabetic joke but...

Some people think they are insul'in

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NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

What is small, brown and smells like caramel ?

A diabetic who has been struck by lightning

I am both dyslexic and diabetic...

So needless to say I fell in love with the idea of "All You Can Eat Carb Legs".

I love diabetics

They're so sweet

Pikachu is type electric, Charmander is type fire

Snorlax is type 2 diabetic

I'll show myself to the door.

what do you call a morbidly obese bird?

a type coo diabetic

What's the difference between a diabetic and a teenage boy?

The diabetic pricks his finger three times a day.

Golfing and leprechauns.

One day a man was playing golf in Ireland and he sliced his drive and the ball went over to the side of the course and he heard an "ouch". The man looked over to investigate and saw that it was a leprechaun that he had hit with his ball.

"Oh I'm so sorry" said the man helping the leprechaun b...

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

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Zoom Thanksgiving

Our potluck is going to hit everyone a little different this year. My dad will finally have the whole turkey to himself. Aunt Mary will be wasted all day since she agreed to get the keg. Grandma might go into a diabetic coma since she only makes desserts. And I hope Uncle Larry starves to death sinc...

A surgeon cut off the wrong leg at my hospital today!!!

The orthopedic surgeon at the local hospital I work at accidentally cut off the wrong leg of an infected diabetic patient. After he realized he cut off the wrong leg he couldn't leave the the other infected leg attached. So he had all of the administration and attorneys meet him in the operating ro...

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Drunk driver

A cop pulled over a man who kept swerving in and out of lanes for no apparent reason. The officer goes up to the man and requests that the man take a breathalyzer test.

"I can't do that, officer," the man replied, "I'm an asthmatic. If I take the test, I might have an asthma attack."
...

COVID-19 plagues a rural country town in the States.

Lockdowns have been imposed, and the infection rate is rising fast. An overweight and diabetic anti-masker is standing on the steps of the church, going against lockdown procedures, when a bystander coming from the grocery store walks by. “Better return home man, the infection rate is rising fast!”<...

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