Why can't diabetics get revenge?

Cuz revenge is sweet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my diabetic friend to fake an emergency so we could get out class.

He said "Piece of Cake"

How tall is the average diabetic person?

About as tall as the average person, minus two feet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a diabetic man's cum?

High fructose porn syrup.

Why couldn't the diabetic work construction?

He had an allergic reaction when he met the formin

How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle

Candy Bars

A doctor flirted with me today, she said I was really sweet!

I think she meant I was really sweet, she worded it differently and said “you’re severely diabetic” but I know what she meant. She said I’m type 2 and I told her she’s my type too

What do you never tell your diabetic son?

Sweet dreams.

A diabetic friend

I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I...

What do you give to a diabetic misogynist?

Incelin.

What's forbidden to diabetic vampires

sweethearts

Whats a diabetics drug of choice?

Diet coke

A diabetic kid died during the night.

His mother wished him "sweet dreams" before sleep.

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

A guy named Jean has been out drinking

Jean has had a few drinks and is pulled over by a police officer thirty minutes into his drive home from the bar.

The police officer says to Jean: “Sir, I’m going to need you to take a breathalyser test.”

Jean replies: “I can’t.”

Officer: “Why not?”

Jean: “I’m asthmatic....

What do you call a diabetic who fixes your internet and thinks the existence of God can't be proven or disproven?

A diagnostic.

What does a diabetic's blood taste like?

Sweet irony

What does a diabetic neckbeard need to survive?

Incelin

what do you call a morbidly obese bird?

a type coo diabetic

Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition?

Because he was so good at pumping.

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..

"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.

"It may be time to take away her life support."

Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt uprigh...

You can call a diabetic a cripple because

they’re candicapped

What's the difference between a diabetic and a teenage boy?

The diabetic pricks his finger three times a day.

My diabetic friend had a serious emergency last night.

My bad.

I shouldn't have texted her "Goodnight, sweet dreams" before going to bed yesterday.

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets

It'll cost me an arm and a leg.

(It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)

What do you call a cow with no legs?

My severely diabetic sister.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zoom Thanksgiving

Our potluck is going to hit everyone a little different this year. My dad will finally have the whole turkey to himself. Aunt Mary will be wasted all day since she agreed to get the keg. Grandma might go into a diabetic coma since she only makes desserts. And I hope Uncle Larry starves to death sinc...

I prefer it when doctors don’t sugarcoat stuff.

It helps because I’m diabetic.

Thought about putting a diabetic joke but...

Some people think they are insul'in

Pikachu is type electric, Charmander is type fire

Snorlax is type 2 diabetic

I'll show myself to the door.

I am both dyslexic and diabetic...

So needless to say I fell in love with the idea of "All You Can Eat Carb Legs".

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