The 29+ Best Diabetic Jokes

A diabetic kid died during the night.

His mother wished him "sweet dreams" before sleep.

How tall is the average diabetic person?

About as tall as the average person, minus two feet.

Why can't diabetics get revenge?

Cuz revenge is sweet.

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What do you call a diabetic man's cum?

High fructose porn syrup.

A diabetic friend

I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."

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Why did the prostitute give the diabetic a free blowjob?

She thought it'd be sweet.

How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle

Candy Bars

Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition?

Because he was so good at pumping.

Sorry officer, can't do that!

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says,

\- "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says,

\- "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a r...

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I...

Whats a diabetics drug of choice?

Diet coke

What do you call a cow with no legs?

My severely diabetic sister.

My bro asked what’s it like being diabetic?

I said “it has its highs and lows” I asked him what it was like to have Bipolar disorder, he said “it has its ups and downs”

What's forbidden to diabetic vampires

sweethearts

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

You can call a diabetic a cripple because

they’re candicapped

What do you never tell your diabetic son?

Sweet dreams.

Why couldn't the diabetic work construction?

He had an allergic reaction when he met the formin

I love diabetics

They're so sweet

What does a diabetic neckbeard need to survive?

Incelin

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..

"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.

"It may be time to take away her life support."

Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt uprigh...

My diabetic friend had a serious emergency last night.

My bad.

I shouldn't have texted her "Goodnight, sweet dreams" before going to bed yesterday.

I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets

It'll cost me an arm and a leg.

(It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)

What does a diabetic's blood taste like?

Sweet irony

What do you call a diabetic who fixes your internet and thinks the existence of God can't be proven or disproven?

A diagnostic.

What's the difference between a diabetic and a teenage boy?

The diabetic pricks his finger three times a day.

Thought about putting a diabetic joke but...

Some people think they are insul'in

I am both dyslexic and diabetic...

So needless to say I fell in love with the idea of "All You Can Eat Carb Legs".

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

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