This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist says I have schizophrenia

Jokes on her I don't even have a therapist

People tend to avoid me, since I have schizophrenia...

But at least I have each other.

Mental illness joke. (I have this illness so I'm laughing at myself) I used to have a beautiful girlfriend who loved and cherished me before I got diagnosed with Schizophrenia

Then they put me on some pills and she disappeared

Doc, is it true? Do I have schizophrenia?

Jim, who are you talking to?

My roommate keeps telling me that I have schizophrenia

But jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

If you suffer from schizophrenia

Don’t worry, you’re not alone

They said that schizophrenia is an illness and I should take medication.

But look who’s over here not lonely during the quarantine!

Doctor said I've got something called "paranoid schizophrenia,"

but, then he turned into a desk lamp, so, I'm pretty sure he's out to get me.

When people speak to God it's called praying...

And when God speaks to you it's called schizophrenia.

My psych recommended me some pills to deal with my schizophrenia

I haven’t seen him since

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Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizoph...

My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD.

Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane.

I don’t think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds

Because every time I take them she goes away

i went to go tell my best friend about the new schizophrenia meds i got today...

i literally cannot find him anywhere.

My girlfriend dared me to take schizophrenia meds.

Now she's gone missing.

The best part of having schizophrenia...

...is all the friends I've made

I think our parrot has schizophrenia or something.

Whenever I get home from work and my wife's in bed he tells me that Geoffrey just left.

Two friends are sitting at a bar, one has schizophrenia. Suddenly the schizophrenic starts bursting out laughing, and it takes a few minutes for him to calm down.

When he finally does, he says "sorry, it's a inside joke".

I got kicked out of schizophrenia group therapy yesterday.

I was just trying to be polite but I guess it was wrong to say "Don't mind me, guys. Pretend I'm not here."

Schizophrenia is nothing to joke about

That's what my pet rock told me

How many schizophrenia patients do you need to fix a lightbulb?

Just one, his friend will hold the ladder.

My friend's a police detective and has been diagnosed with severe schizophrenia. He first realized there was a problem...

...when he started to question himself...

I was thinking about getting rid of my schizophrenia...

...but now I'm having second thoughts.

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I have the best way to deal with my gf

When she starts bitching about shit, I just take my schizophrenia meds and she straight up leaves me alone for a full day

A doctor diagnosed me with...

... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.

... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!

... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.

... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams...

Well I may have schizophrenia...

...but at least I have each other!

My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "CUNT!" after the tone.
* If you have sch...

Schizophrenia is a very serious condition and shouldn't be taken lightly and joked about.

At least, that's what the 12 foot tall guy in my bedroom mirror keeps telling me.

My psychiatrist sent me the bill for diagnosing me with schizophrenia.

I think we'll split the cost.

I hate the stigma around mental health

Immediately when I got medication for schizophrenia, my friends won't talk to me anymore.

I have a childhood friend who has suffered from schizophrenia his whole life. In fact, he never moved out…

He still lives in my head.

My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia.

But the good news is I started seeing someone.

When I was younger I thought I had schizophrenia...

I guess it was all in my head

Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia?

He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy.

My father has schizophrenia,

but he’s good people.

I was always told “you lose a lot of friends after deciding to better yourself”

I never believed it until all of my friends disappeared after I started taking my schizophrenia medication

People always say I fall for the slippery slope fallacy...

What’s next? Schizophrenia? Psychosis ?

I thought I had schizophrenia.

Turns out it was my wife saying: "You treat me like I don't exist."

My roommate thinks I have schizophrenia

Which is weird because I live alone.

Together,

I can beat schizophrenia.

A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?

Schizophrenia.

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Therapy, outdoors

Psychotherapist: Dan, why do you insist on having our sessions in the park? Your schizophrenia has nothing to do with your chance to get infected.

Dan: Sorry doc, just following guidelines - we don't want to crowd more than 30 people in a closed space.

Man my girlfriend is stupid.

Just because I take my schizophrenia medication doesn’t mean she has to leave me.

A concerned mother checks her son into a mental hospital after he traded the family cow for some “magic” beans.

“Ma’am” the doctor said with a look of sympathy “I’m afraid your son has a strong case of schizophrenia.”

“Oh good lord, I knew there was something wrong when he insisted those beans were magic” the mother said wiping a tear from her eye.

“Well no it’s not that, the beans are actually ...

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A graduate student in psychology

A psychology graduate student working at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate the mental condition of three patients in a local mental institution and assess their possibilities for reintegration into society.

The facility was well funded and nicer than the student ex...

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have schizophrenia.

And so do I...

A redditor and his girlfriend walk into a bar.

The bartender says “What can I get you?”

The redditor says, “Schizophrenia pills.”

The world would have seen fewer gods

if schizophrenia was recognised early on.

I have a lovely wife, good friends, and a respected family.

My friend wants me to leave all that and focus on my schizophrenia therapy.

Doctor: Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?

Man: Hit me with the bad news first, doc.

Doctor: It appears you suffer from Schizophrenia.

Man: That can't be right, I want a second opinion!

Doctor: Well, there's your good news.

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