This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought my friend with OCD a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa for his birthday.

He's going fucking nuts trying to hang it straight.

My fat friend told me I have OCD.

I told him he had OBCD.

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD.

I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

If I had a penny for every time someone said they think I have OCD...

I'd have 1,526 pennies.

My psychiatrist wrote on my evaluation form that I have ocd.

I had to correct it to OCD.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCD,

I told him that it was impossible because there is no disorder in my life

How does a person with OCD like their drinks?


I’ve been off my OCD meds for more almost a year now

(Or 11 months, 12 days, 3 hours and 7 minutes to be exact)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have OCD which severely affects my sex life.

Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again.

Old MacDonald had OCD


I don't have OCD. I have CDO.

Same thing, just in alphabetical order.

Like they should be.

I have ocd so whenever someone say "tho"

I always respond with "ugh"

I don't have OCD...

I know because I've checked 300 times

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

My wife accused me of having OCD

I soon put her in her place!

What is the favourite move of a chess player suffering from OCD?


I asked my doctor if I have OCD because of my compulsive cleaning.

Apparently cleaning your browser history does not count.

The OCD Postman...

Always Rings 47 Times

I have OCD and ADHD

so everything has to be perfect! But not for very long!

What do a funeral home and an OCD insomniac excel at doing?

Organizing a wake.

Where do you bury people with OCD

A symmetry

My wife said she couldn’t deal with my OCD anymore.

I said fine, open and close the door five times and leave.

Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

*If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.*

*If You have Ocd, Push The numbers 1, 2, 3, 7*

*If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.*

*If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.*

*If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what ...

I’m angry because nobody believes that I don’t have OCD.

There’s a fine line, people! And by that I mean 41 micrometers thick.

I have an OCD sort of condition

Its called CDO

What do you call a car with OCD?

Arrange Rover

I just picked up a fascinating new book on OCD.

I literally can't stop reading it.

OCD patients don't receive transplants in hospital

They get reorganised.

My 8-year-old’s newest joke: What did the one-legged man with OCD say when he opened the closet?

“Hi, jean!”

What job did Al Capone's assistant with OCD do?

Organized crime

How many people with OCD does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. It *has* to be seven.

My friend's OCD is really killing his luck with women

As soon as he turns them on, he has to turn them off.

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OCD Millenials

I was talking to this girl with OCD at a bar. She was pissed at her boyfriend for teasing her, so I asked what happened. She said "I can't odds."

I wrote the perfect joke about OCD...

as soon as I get the punchline to have the same number of letters as the set-up, I'll post it for you guys.

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy

I think my doctor has OCD too...

He diagnosed me with CDO.

Did you hear about the two people with OCD who were cheating on their spouses to be together?

It was a sorted affair.

Took a girl with severe OCD to subway..

and bought her a footlong sandwich. With cat like reflexes and a crazed look in her eyes she quickly slammed the sandwich on the table and whipped out a tape measure from her purse.

"I need to see if this is actually one foot long!" she giggled like a nervous school girl.

She pulled ...

Reddit has given me OCD.

Original Content Deficiency

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A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.

All f...


Does anyone else find it really frustrating that "OCD" isn't in alphabetical order?

Who brings Purell and wet wipes to all the good little OCD girls and boys?

Sani Claus.

My friend with OCD keeps hitting F5...

he says he finds it refreshing.

I told him he needs help,

now he keeps hitting F1.

(edit- thanks to r/supremesnicker for the better punchline.)

OCD Bartender

A husband and wife walk into the cleanest bar you've ever seen. It is their monthly date night and they are dressed to impress! The first thing they notice walking through the doors is a sparkle emitting from the glasses across the establishment. They look around and notice pictures on the wall line...

Why doesn't the guy with OCD ever get laid?

Because when he turns his girlfriend on he has to turn her off again three times.

My friend has OCD and says he doesn't like white girls.

Maybe because they can't even

I have CDO

That's like OCD, but sorted by alphabet,

I was gonna tell a joke about OCD...


What did the OCD man get thrown in jail for?

Organized crime.

I'm thinking about starting up a neurodivergent, mermaid-themed parody band of AC/DC. It's gonna be called


Welp we got ourselves a new disease...

But suddenly a bunch of disorders don’t count as disorders anymore:
- OCD cleanliness
- agoraphobia
- antisocial personality

"I'm just trying to get off on the right foot"

\- Foot fetishist with OCD

My psychiatrist just told me I have OC/DC

It's like OCD, but it rocks

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