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My wife said she would rather commit suicide than have dementia

She said she would never want to place that burden on me..

I said, honey that's the fifth time you've told me that.

The three advantages of dementia:

1. You can laugh about the same jokes again and again.
2. You meet new people every day.
3. You can laugh about the same jokes again and again.

A doctor recently told me that I have cancer and now he's saying that I also have dementia.

At least I don't have cancer.

Dementia

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inqu...

My grandma had dementia in her later years and would tell me this joke every time I saw her: When your appendix is removed it’s called an appendectomy. When your uterus is removed it’s called a hysterectomy. What’s it called when you have a growth removed from your head?

A haircut. (And she’d laugh every time! I miss her terribly.)

My doctor told me I have dementia

I said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember asking”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man lives with his mother who has dementia.

His mother asks what he is making them for dinner. The man replies, "A steak with potatoes."

His mother nods, and asks the same question minutes later. The man replies by saying, "I really hope I never develop dementia, I wouldn't know how to care for you." And knocks on the wooden table for ...

Living with dementia is hard.

At least I think it is, I can't remember

What did the man suffering from dementia do?

He was looking for his phone while using the torch on his phone, so he can use the phone torch to help look for his lost glasses, that are on top of his head, so that he can see the phone screen clearly.

An older man with a touch of dementia wobbles into a Catholic Church, sits down in the confessional booth, but doesn't utter a word. The Priest coughs, hoping to get a response. But the older man just sits and says nothing. Finally the Priest raps his knuckles three times on the screen.

The older guy mumbles, "Don't bother knocking, pal. There's no paper over here either.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 90 year old man was having his annual checkup while his family was standing by in the waiting room.

During the checkup, the doctor asked the man if he was having any issues with wetting the bed at night.

The man responded, "No doc, no issues at all with that. On the contrary, when I go to the bathroom, a fairy or something turns the light on when I open the door. And after I finish going ...

My nan's got dementia the poor sod, all she does is stand there looking through the window

Maybe one day, i'll let her in

My Mother-In-Law asked how Charles Manson died, and I responded, "Complications with dementia". To which she replied...

"I thought he was demented his whole life. Why is he having complications with it now??"

What do you get from a politician with dementia?

The truth

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

I searched “dementia symptoms” on Google…

All of the links were purple.

Did you hear about the guy with dementia floating out into the great salt lake?

He was drifting slowly into salinity.

What's worse than dementia?

What's worse than dementia?

There's two types of people in this world... People who have dementia,

and people who have dementia

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My doc says there is good news about my dementia

I get to fuck a different woman every day.

a guy with dementia walks into a bar

a guy with dementia walks into a bar

A man is worried he has Dementia

So he goes online and finds this really good psychologist and makes an appointment.
When he goes in for the appointment the lady behind the counter says "Hi Mr. Sturr, the usual?"

Sorry to hear about your dementia...

But do you have that 10 grand you owe me?

I’m planning to throw a rock at my grandma with dementia

She won’t know what hit her

What did Rihanna say to her grandma when she found out she had dementia?

"Oh nana, what's my name?"

An actor suffering from dementia just hit my car. I got him arrested..

As he was getting arrested he kept saying “do you know who I am???”

Although my wife is still young, I think she's showing early signs old dementia.

For example, twice this week she told me she doesn't remember what she saw in me.

Ok, so some dumbass has dementia

What was I saying again?

Dementia cases are on the rise

Plus, dementia cases are on the rise.

How many dementia sufferers does it take to change a light-bulb?

To get to the other side!

(Apologies if re-post. I forgot where I heard this)

"What do we want?"

"A cure for dementia!"

"When do we want it?"

"Want what?"

My grandpa said he was going to take the dog out for a walk. He returned an hour later with nothing but the dog lead.

As tears streamed down his face, he said, "I just... don't know where the little guy went."

"I see your dementia hasn't improved," I sighed. "You left him here on the sofa."

What's the saddest thing about Indiana Jones with dementia?

He can't find his hat.

I think I'd rather have Parkinson's than Dementia...

I'd rather lose half my beer than forget where I left it.

The best thing about dementia...

...is all the new people you meet!

Doctors seriously need to stop telling me I have Dementia

Dude I don’t remember asking

No, I haven't made any dementia jokes.

I would have remembered if I did

A man with Dementia tries to write something on the internet

A man with Dementia tries to write something on the internet

I really hate dementia

I can't remember why

A man with dementia joined a boxing club

I forgot the punchline

Did I ever tell you the joke about the guy suffering from dementia?

Did I ever tell you the joke about the guy suffering from dementia?

You know what the worst part of Grandma's dementia was?

When she forgot about Dre.

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My grandmother was recently diagnosed with dementia, so she has no short term memory.

Which really puts a damper on the make-up sex.

one of the nice things about getting old

is no longer having to worry about early-onset dementia

What’s the difference between alzheimers and dementia?

What’s the difference between alzheimers and dementia?

A patient suffering from dementia is rolled into ER.

Doctor asks : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

Patient answers : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

Every 3 minutes, someone is diagnosed with dementia

Poor lad keeps forgetting he has it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

*knock knock"

Who's there?
Nick.
Nick who?


Nick started crying, realizing that his grandmother dementia has gotten a lot worse

Heard a joke about dementia

Heard a joke about dementia

What does an Italian dementia patient eat for dessert?

Affogato.

Wanna know what would be a great game for people with dementia?

Memory.

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate being a dyslexic comedian with dementia

I always punch up the fuckline, but at least this is the first time the joke's been on this subreddit!

What is the best part of having early onset dementia

I can't remember.

I fondly remember the time I found a cure for dementia.

Ahh......That brings back memories.

Went to a dementia support group and I was the only one that showed up.

I guess they all forgot

A man finds a magic lamp, and inside lurks a mischievous genie.

"What is your first wish?" the genie asks.

"My first wish? Well, I saw a really cool movie last weekend," the man began, "I would really love to be able to watch it again for the first time."

"Your wish is my command," the genie says, giving the man dementia.

"Now, what is your–...

Rose's are red, violets are blue

I have dementia, violets are blue

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Patient walks into the doctors office

Patient walks into a doctor’s private office and sees that the doctor has a worried look on his face. The patient asks with a nervous smile “what’s wrong doc, what’s wrong with me?”
The doctor looks at him and asks “can you tell me if your family has any history of Alzheimer’s or dementia”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Sad Day

One day at the retirement home, nurse Wilson notices Mr. Johnson is just moping around looking very sad. So she says to him, "Mr. Johnson, what's wrong?". He says to the nurse "My penis died." Nurse Wilson thinking that his dementia is getting the best of him sympathizes with Mr. Johnson saying "Oh,...

What did the Italian with early onset dementia say?

I fuhgoddaboudit!

What did the italian man with dementia have for dinner?

Forgetti Bolognese.

"Forget everything you have ever known!..."

In hindsight not a great opener for my speech at the annual Alzheimer's and Dementia conference.

They say that you are what you eat...

I don't remember eating a person with dementia

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where ya left it.
[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]
Edit: Sorry I am relatively new to reddit so I've added some brackets thanks guys!
Edit 2:I decided to show my grandf...

An old man goes on a rant

“Don’t worry honey, I’m fine. I’m just faking it, I don’t have dementia. You see, I’m just tired. Tired of the kids whining and asking for money. Tired of my doctor always telling me I need to eat healthier and exercise. Tired of all these telemarketers. Tired of our neighbors always treating me lik...

Unlike past US Elections, the 2024 election is shaping up to be a feisty contest between the GOP and Dems.

The Geriatric Old People's Party and the Dementia Party.

Why was the 100 year old lady with dementia so emotional?

She was centi-mental.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?


Dementia


who?

The British Royals are having tea

Queen Elizabeth says "Philip, I think you should see a doctor. I fear you have a touch of dementia."

"ME? *You're* the one who thinks she's the bloody Queen of England!"

Forgive me for this...

One hot summer day, a cop gets a call about an indecent exposure. He rushes over to the address and is directed to the house next door where he sees an old woman, eating watermelon, dress hitched up to her waist, and no underwear on.

He walks up the driveway towards this woman about to arrest...

A bipolar patient, dementia patient, and narcissist walk into a club.

And the announcer says “Welcome to the first 2020 presidential debate.”

I told my roommate, "I just reminded my neighbor 6 times to take his cat with him when he moves tomorrow." My roommate replied, " That's just your dementia."

Ha, joke's on her. I remember all 3 times I told him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was a gifted surgeon but sadly she had to quit when she developed early onset dementia.

I was a stay at home dad looking after our twin boys. All was okay until the boys had a horrible accident while 'experimenting' with vacuum cleaners, tearing their penises right off.

I could see that my wife really wanted to sew them back on but couldn't re-member our two.

With the election coming up Tuesday, Exit polls show Donald Trump having a 300 point lead in one state...

Dementia.

A doctor diagnosed me with...

... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.

... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!

... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.

... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

David.

David who?

It was at that moment David realised how serious his mothers Dementia was.

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

“Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy”

“Wow” says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

“That’s some locomotive”

Two guys are waiting in front of the delivery room.

The younger guy asks to old man "Was that your daughter they took in?"

-No she is my wife

-Aren't you too old to be a father?

Old man gets angry and yells "So what?"

-Look, my grandfather used to love hunting. Every weekend he would take his gun and go hunt some animal. B...

Living beside a groundhog means you get one prediction every morning.

Yesterday I learned that my tomatoes will be ripe in 6 weeks.

Today I learned that my dementia is onset and early.

I don’t often tell dad jokes.

He’s pretty deaf and I have to repeat them a lot. It’s really frustrating to repeat jokes and it just never is funny the second let alone third time I tell it. I think he has dementia too.

What condition do redditors want?

Dementia, so they can’t remember the reposts!

My grandpa has a house on the edge of the woods

He's living on his own and, based on our last couple of conversations I suspect he is getting dementia. Wanting to spend some time with him before it gets worse, I decide to visit him over the summer.

The woods next to his house are barren but he insists there is wildlife. We went for a walk ...

An older man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup.

The doctor performs all of the routine tests — physical, cognitive, blood, urinalysis, etc. — and he tells the man to come back in a week for the results.

A week later the man returns to the doctor’s office. The doctor addresses him with a stern look on his face and says, “Unfortunately, I h...

"Honey, why don't you ever play golf anymore?"

Mary asks Bob, her husband.
"Dear, I'd love to, but my eyesight has been getting worse and worse and I can hardly see the ball anymore."
"Well take my brother with you then, even at his age his eyes are still as good as the day he was born!"
"But Mary, you do realize Steve has severe ...

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