Palmer Jokes

Apparently "she's so fine there's no telling where the money went" isn't a valid defence

He's six under for the first time in years...

He said "this is the first time I've had a pat on the back"

Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf. They come to a tee where the hole is on an island.

Moses says, "You gonna use a wood?"

Jesus says," No, Arnold Palmer would use a 9 iron."

Jesus does so, and his ball goes in the water. So he starts walking across the water to get his... read more

I heard that he will be half buried and half cremated.

He's addicted to love

People are saying he just rolled over.

I didn't mean to turn you on.

Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day.

This course had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water.

"Watch this, Moses, I think I can do it," exclaimed Jesus. "I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot,  and if Arnold Pal... read more

Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day. They arrived at a tough, 215-yard par three, all over water. Jesus had the honor and stepped up to the tee with a 4 iron. Moses tried to convince him that it wasn’t the right club, “That’s not enough club; you need at least a 4 wood.”

Jesus responded... read more

Benedict Arnold Palmer

First hole is a par 4, fairly straight but there's a pond that stretches from the front of the tee to a spot about 200 yards down the fairway. Jesus pulls a 4-iron out of his bag and steps up to the tee.

Moses can't believe it. "A 4-iron? Are you nuts? You can't clear the water with tha... read more

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive... read more

Doctor: "You have cancer, and I only like you as a friend."

An Ahnold Palmer

One day Moses and Jesus were playing golf. They were at the tee of a beautiful par 3, with a lake right in the middle of the fairway. Moses selects a 5 iron, tees-up his ball and swings. His ball sails very high and lands in the middle of the lake. He mutters to himself and tees-up a second ball, th... read more

They approach a par four that bends left around a small pond then straight to the green. Saint Peter decides to play it safe and hit to the turn then layup to the green.
Jesus then tees up and looks left over the pond toward the green.
JC:"What do you think Peter? Think I can make it to the... read more

They get to a par 3, but there is a small pond between them and the hole. Jesus asks, “what should I use?” Moses responds, “Arnold Palmer can hit with a 9 iron, but you should use a 7.” Jesus days, “If Arnold can do it, I can do it.” He tees up and hits the ball into the water. He sends Moses t... read more

Jesus and Moses are out golfing and they come up to a dogleg left over a big lake.

Jesus turns to Moses and says "You know, I've seen Arnold Palmer hit this to the green over the lake multiple times"

Moses says "Awesome, I'll spread the water if you don't make it"

Jesus takes hi... read more

And since the Pope had no idea how to play, he convened the College of Cardinals to ask their advice. "Call Jack Nicklaus," they suggested, "and let him play in your place. Tell the Prime Minister that you're sick or something."

Honored by His Holiness's request, Nicklaus agreed to represent ... read more

Arnold Palmer

Jesus hits his ball out into the middle of a water hazzard. He walks on the water and hits the ball to within a couple of feet of the cup.

The greens keeper walks up to Paul and says "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?"

Paul replies "no, he think's he's Arnold Palmer"