The 77+ Best Roy Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

Why was Roy Moore waiting outside the liquor store when it opened?

He heard they had a 14 year old Brandy

Roy Moore is no longer interested in this year..

Because it’s officially ‘18

What's the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-Vaxxer?

The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

Roy and Ernest went moose hunting every winter without success.

Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

They set themselves up on the edge of a clear...

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.

what do you call Roy's grandson?

Quarter-Roy

Bubba and Roy were hiking through the forest when Roy suddenly had the urge to take a leak.

He unzips his pants and by the time a good stream started, a rattlesnake popped up out of the grass and bit Roy right on the head of his pecker.

Roy stumbled away and screamed for Bubba, who came running over. Roy quickly explained what had happened and the shocked Bubba grabbed his phone and...

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

What is Roy Moore's favorite piano key?

A minor

Why is Roy Moore avoiding COVID-19?

He’d much rather catch COVID-16.

Roy Moore is in bed with a girl, and says "pretend you're 14". She found that really weird...

Her birthday was in 4 months anyway.

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?

Missionary, mostly.

Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast?

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.

What does Roy Moore and an e-book have in common?

They're both pdf files.

Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down.

Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.

My wife told me she was cheating on me with a man named Roy G Biv. I was so angry, I was seeing red

...and orange
and yellow
and green

Roy Moore likes his women the same way he likes his constitutional amendments...

12 and Under

What did former Alabama Senator Roy Moore say about coronavirus?

It's called COVID-19, means I ain't gettin' it.

Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore

I guess you could say he got Moore votes.

Why is Roy Moore so mad about the election anyways?

He normally likes coming in a little behind.

Why did Roy Moore lose the election?

There’s a minimum age for voting

Why was Roy Moore a bad music teacher?

All he knew how to do was finger a minor.

Roy Moore missed the New Years Eve countdown.

He’s demanding a recount.

The real reason Roy Moore wanted to be in D.C.

He hasn't been banned from the National Mall

In the Alabama senatorial race next week, Roy Moore is either going to win...

...or he's going to come in a little behind.

What did President Trump call Roy Moore's senate loss?

*"A minor setback."*

Did you see that Roy Moore had a high profile interview on Dateline NBC?

What was unfortunate for him is that it was with Chris Hansen, who started it by asking him to take a seat over there.

Met Roy Moore at a bar once...

Chatted him up about wanting to hook up with twenty-nine year olds.

He looked at me with disbelief and asked "how are you going to do all twenty at once?"

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today.

It is expected to dip into the teens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't Roy Moore live in a Northern state?

Because if the outside temperature drops into the teens he might try to fuck it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roy Rogers and the mountain lion

Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight wh...

Roy Moore is not happy with the events that transpired tonight

He liked it better when the night was young

I wanna ask Roy Moore voters how they feel about losing such a close race.

Unfortunately, I don’t speak Russian.

Roy Moor arrived at the polling station on a horse

His assistant misunderstood when Roy said he wanted to ride a 6 Year old bareback

Why did Roy Moore go to Walmart?

He heard that girl's pants were half off.

Trump endorsed Roy Moore but not Don Blankenship...

I guess it's all right to mess with minors, but miners are off limits.

What does Roy Moore and a guitarist have in common?

They both enjoy fingering minors.

Why does Roy Moore like D.C.

Because, while the temperature is 30°, the real feel is in the teens.

What's the difference between Bob Ross and Roy Moore?

One's a doodler and the other's a diddler.

I don't understand all the uproar about Roy Moore lately.

It seems like a minor issue to me.

What is the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-vaxxer?

Anti-vaxxers don't like to stick 'em while they're young.

[NSFW] Why did Roy Moore never miss a local Girl Scouts' meeting?

Because Brownies are delicious.

I’m really surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount in the Alabama election

Large gaps in numbers haven’t seemed to bother him before.

Why is Roy Moore’s Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel?

He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.

England football manager Roy Hodgson has just announced that he's won the competition for

"Scotland's favourite Englishman."

I’ve got my corduroy pants, my corduroy shirt, and my corduroy hat...

One more piece of clothing and I’ll be one whole Roy!

Reportedly Wayne Rooney said to Roy Hodgson "I don't know if I'm better on the left, middle or right"

Hodgson responded "Shut up and pick a seat on the plane Wayne"

The Tale of Arnold Chegwin

When Arnold Chegwin was a young man, he decided that he wanted to be a pub.
He loved the pub after spending time in his local, "The Queen's Arms". 'I'd love to be a pub', he would think.
With a roaring fire and everybody inside me laughing away...

As time passed and he grew older, he se...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Can I...?

Here's an old Roy Chubby Brown joke.

I was in my changing room the other day and a female staff member came in and was tidying up. I looked at her for a while and then plucked up the courage to ask, "Excuse me, love. Can I smell your pussy?"

Shocked, she slapped me and shouted, "You m...

What do Siegfried and the tiger have in common?

They both know what Roy tastes like.

It seems to me that if we could all live together

we could save a lot of money on rent.

-Roy Clark

What weighs 40lbs and didn't get plucked this year ?

Roy Orbison's Guitar

A special celebration...

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two Irish Gays.

Roy Fitzpatrick, and Patrick Fitzroy..

In memoriam

Rapid Roy was a daredevil who specialized in car stunts. He decided to retire in style and end his career by attempting a canyon jump in the worst car he could find. After doing some digging, he came across a Chevy Nova in an auction in Champagne, LA. It was in bad shape, but he took a chance, wo...

A luxury yacht catches fire somewhere in the South Pacific and sinks....

A single male survivor, let's call him Roy, washes ashore on a small, deserted tropical island.

Roy spends the next three years of his life struggling to survive, but, by collecting debris and materials that wash up on the shore, he manages to thrive.

Then one day, as he's combing the...

A husband on his death bed

Jane and Roy had been married for 40 years. They lived frugally and never had any children. Everything they owned was paid for.
Roy kept all of his money in cash at home. He always talked about how he was going to take his money with him when he died. Always saying he wanted all of his money put...

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici!

Roy Moore: Vidi, vici, veni.

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a 14-year old girl and a Ferrari?

Roy Moore doesn't have a Ferrari in his basement.

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.

I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".

The GOP announced a new slogan today...

“We’re not just morally bankrupt, *we’re Roy Mooreally bankrupt!”*

Republicans: "We couldn't possibly lose Alabama!"

Roy Moore: "hold my beer kids"

Dems haven't won a senate seat in Alabama since 1992

Unlike Roy Moore, they were capable of waiting 25 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The English gentleman..

..Mr. Harold James Blessing was a renowned person. He’d retired from service in the British Army, and was revered and liked by all in the town for his best qualities.

One day, while visiting the countryside where he was quite popular, he spotted an immensely pretty, dazzling, drop dead gorgeo...

I'm not saying my cat is old..

.. but if it was a person, it would be too old for Roy Moore.

How childish are Trump's tweets?

Let's just say Roy Moore would date them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy comes home from school.

Mommy says, "what did you do on the way home from school?" The little boy says, "well, on the way home from school, I cut through the park. And I saw Daddy. He was in a car with Aunt Suzy. And he unbuttoned her shirt, and then he took her bra off, and then..."

Mommy says "hmph, let's save th...

Can you imagine going to your girlfriend’s prom at 32?

Well neither could Roy Moore. He preferred freshmen.

"Don't dwell on the past,don't dream about the future", is one of the most beautiful thoughts, was it Buddha?

Naw, it's just Congressman Roy Moore's Republican campaign slogan.

Haiku for the mods

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If you marry a good, decent man...

... the color of his Rolls Roys doesn't make much difference

Financial planning

Roy was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the mo...

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