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Joel Jokes

Why was Billy Joel's laundry still wet?

Because he didn't start the dryer

Little known fact: Billy Joel's song "Piano Man"

Is about a man who was bitten by a radioactive piano.

Did you hear about Haley Joel Osment being cast in the Titanic remake?

The most iconic line will be Icy Dead People.

World renowned singer-songwriter Billy Joel questioned about Fox News tree blaze

Authorities in New York City say that they briefly questioned award-winning musical superstar William Martin Joel about his potential involvement in a Wednesday morning blaze of the Christmas tree in front of Fox NewsCorp's headquarters in Midtown Manhattan.

Police say they questioned the 72 ...

Billy Joel: "We didn’t start the fire."

Detective: "I haven’t mentioned a fire."

Billy Joel: "Damn."

Joel Osteen, God and Satan walk into a bar

Never mind, the bars closed because Joel Osteen got a Four million dollar bailout and the bar didn’t.

What did Hailey Joel Osmont say when climbing mt everest?

Icy dead people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joel Osteen dies and goes to Heaven.

He looks up at the big pearly gates and immediately recognizes where he is. He waits for a while but no one comes to greet him. Beyond the gates, he hears a band performing a concert between deafening cheers of the crowd and other indications of general merriment. He looks around but cannot find ...

Joel Osteen is coming out with his own brand of candy bars.

They’re called Charlatan Chew.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?

To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Joel Osteen and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are assholes that can't fill stadiums.

An Austrian archaeological team has recovered the bodies of several perfectly preserved neolithic hunters from within a mountain glacier. When asked for comment, American actor, Haley Joel Osment said:

Icy dead people.

Billy Joel was hospitalized last week.

He had a heart attack ack ack ack ack ack. You oughtta know by now.

Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.

Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.

If Billy Joel made a Christmas movie, what would it be called?

Miracle On 52nd Street

Gianna, a beautiful woman, was in the midst of a love triangle with two best friends, Nathan and Joel

Obviously this caused tension between the besties, and as such also troubled Gianna - she liked each one equally.

So on the 11th of February, she spoke to the two lovestruck rivals and challenged them.

"On Valentine's Day, each of you will get me a card - no gift, only a card. The one ...

My friend Joel V. was bragging last night about his farts, but I didn't believe him.

So I asked his wife, "Are Joel's farts really that stinky, or is he just talking out of his ass?"

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, De...

Are you proportional?

Joel Garner, the 6 Feet 8 Inch Giant West Indian Fast Bowler was once very suggestively asked by A Woman:- "Are you Proportionate All Over ?”

He said:- "No, If that was the case, I would have been 8 feet 6 inches tall."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two rednecks are talking about their sex lives.

"Ma first time was with ma sister and ma cousin!" Billy Joel Cletus exclaims proudly. "What?! Yer first time was a threesome?" Bobby Floyd-Wilson asks. "Nope," says Billy.

People who process expired passports are so lazy

they’re always cutting corners.

(Joel Dommett)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer problems (long joke)

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, chug chug chug it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night my date asked me, "So, do you have any guilty pleasures? Don't be shy, you can tell me!"..........

Last night my date asked me, "So, do you have any guilty pleasures? Don't be shy, you can tell me!"

I hesitated for a bit then said, "Well, sometimes when I'm masturbating I like to stick my thumb up my arse. If I'm feeling really kinky I use my whole fist. How about you?"

She repl...

One day, Johnny comes home from school and asks his mother, "Mommy, how was I born?"

"The stork brought you here," says the mother.

"And how were my brother Joel and my sister Emily born?"

"The stork brought them, too."

"And how were you born?"

"The stork also brought me."

"Did the stork also bring Uncle George and Aunt Ruth and Cousin Evan and Cou...

3 religious leaders were fishing

3 religious leaders were out fishing. To not hurt the sensibilities of Reddit, we will name them thusly:

* __Ted__ - the leader of the religion you belong to, or a version of Stephen Hawking that is able-bodied.
* **George** - the leader of a religion you like, or at least tolerate; or Nei...

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