Breaking news: After reading Matthew 19:24, megachurch pastor Joel Osteen has begun donating large sums of money.

"*Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.*" This simple verse inspired a startling change in one of the richest pastors in history, Joel Osteen.

With great enthusiasm, Mr. Osteen assures the public ...

Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console.

Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.

Gianna, a beautiful woman, was in the midst of a love triangle with two best friends, Nathan and Joel

Obviously this caused tension between the besties, and as such also troubled Gianna - she liked each one equally.

So on the 11th of February, she spoke to the two lovestruck rivals and challenged them.

"On Valentine's Day, each of you will get me a card - no gift, only a card. The one ...

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What do Joel Osteen and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are assholes that can't fill stadiums.

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Joel Osteen dies and goes to Heaven.

He looks up at the big pearly gates and immediately recognizes where he is. He waits for a while but no one comes to greet him. Beyond the gates, he hears a band performing a concert between deafening cheers of the crowd and other indications of general merriment. He looks around but cannot find ...

My friend Joel V. was bragging last night about his farts, but I didn't believe him.

So I asked his wife, "Are Joel's farts really that stinky, or is he just talking out of his ass?"

An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

If Billy Joel made a Christmas movie, what would it be called?

Miracle On 52nd Street

What did Haley Joel Osment find at the top of Mt. Everest?

Icy Dead People

Billy Joel was hospitalized last week.

He had a heart attack ack ack ack ack ack. You oughtta know by now.

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Two rednecks are talking about their sex lives.

"Ma first time was with ma sister and ma cousin!" Billy Joel Cletus exclaims proudly. "What?! Yer first time was a threesome?" Bobby Floyd-Wilson asks. "Nope," says Billy.

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A guy walks into a patio bar

A guy walks into a patio bar. He sits down next to an acquaintance. He reached into to his inner coat pocket, and pulls out a midget. This is no ordinary midget. This particular midget is only about a foot tall. He placed his midget friend on the bar. He reaches back into his coat pocket. He ...

3 religious leaders were fishing

3 religious leaders were out fishing. To not hurt the sensibilities of Reddit, we will name them thusly:

* __Ted__ - the leader of the religion you belong to, or a version of Stephen Hawking that is able-bodied.
* **George** - the leader of a religion you like, or at least tolerate; or Nei...

People who process expired passports are so lazy

they’re always cutting corners.

(Joel Dommett)

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Datsun cogs

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not.
When all of sudden one day, *chug chug chug* it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab h...

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Last night my date asked me, "So, do you have any guilty pleasures? Don't be shy, you can tell me!"..........

Last night my date asked me, "So, do you have any guilty pleasures? Don't be shy, you can tell me!"

I hesitated for a bit then said, "Well, sometimes when I'm masturbating I like to stick my thumb up my arse. If I'm feeling really kinky I use my whole fist. How about you?"

She repl...

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