Long ago in ancient Rome, the most heinous criminals were brought before Caesar to be sentenced.
One criminal was accused of murdering his mother-in-law. What made his crime especially depraved was that, after he strangled her, he allegedly cannibalized her body. Caesar said to the man, "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"By golly I did it! I did it all, and if I could do it again, ...
An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome
An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks ...
A joke from ancient Rome
Two men were drinking ale in the market. The first man turned to the second and said "My friend, I have seen your wife's nudity."
The second man looks at the first, eyes wide, and says "I shall take a knife, and with it, I shall stab your eyes!"
And so the first said, "Thank you for th...
An ancient "your mom" joke, from Ancient Rome, between 63 BC to 14 AD .
"The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.
"Intrigued he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?'
"'No your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'"
In ancient Rome, there were 4 kinds of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you instantly.
Poison IV would just make you itchy.
In ancient Rome, a man was convicted for eating his wife.
The soldiers arrested him and bought him before Caesar.
"Do you have remorse for your heinous crime?" Caeser asked.
The Roman smiled and shook his head. He looked very happy.
Caeser was shocked. He told the guards
"To commit such an act is bad enough but to be happy a...
A man walks into a bar in Ancient Rome
The bartender asks him how many bottles of wine he wants and he holds up a peace sign. The bartender brings him five bottles.
One Ancient Rome citizen talks to another....
One Ancient Rome citizen talks to another -if only you knew with how many women I have slept! -mmm? -no, not that many obviously
A man in ancient Rome cannibalises his wife and frames his neighbor Ridiculus.
Ridiculus goes to court and says, "I'm-a in-nocent-a! You have-a gott to beli-eve-a me!" (Ancient Romans sounded like Italians, in case you didn't know.)
They sentence him to fight in the colosseum. Turns out he his quite good at fighting. In no time he becomes the best, and he makes a great ...
A collection of jokes from Ancient Rome
Jokes of the Ancient Romans
Some provincial man has come to Rome, and while walking on the streets he was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: "Tell me, young man, did you...
The only way to cut ancient Rome in half is
A pair of Caesars
Once upon a time in ancient Rome...
...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in ques...
Two friends are talking: - you know how many girls i had? - mmm? - no, not that many...
The origin of CrossFit can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome.
Take Jesus for example, he fit nicely on that cross.
I figured out why orgies were so popular in ancient Rome.
For starters, you need four people to LXIX.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
I heard Dwayne Johnson is filming a movie about retrieving documents from the leader of ancient Rome
It's going to be a Rock, Paper, Caesar's shoot.
I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.
I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.
One day, in Ancient Rome
A senator was late to the Senate, when Cicero was giving a speech. He got there fifteen minutes after the start.
He slipped into his usual seat and whispered to the senator next to him: "What Cicero is talking about?"
His neighbor said: "I don't know, he hasn't got to the verb yet!"
(A joke from ancient Rome) A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.
While he's waiting a friend sees him and asks what he's doing. "I'm waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in." Says the idiot. "No wonder people call you an idiot" says the friend... "How do you know it's not coming in from the other gate?"
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren’t very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]
Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.
He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.
Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeepe...
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many?
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
We all know that Barney the Dinosaur is a LOVABLE PURPLE DINOSAUR.
In ancient Rome, there was no letter U, so they used a V instead, making Barney a LOVABLE PVRPLE DINOSAVR.
Now eliminate all the letters that are not Roman numerals. We are left with LVL VL DIV.
Next, let's refresh your brain. I=1, V=5, L=50, D=500.
When we add it all up, we get...
A barber, a bald man, and a professor are on the road... [JOKE FROM ANCIENT ROME]
A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor taking a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, ...
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗮𝗺𝗲'𝘀 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁... 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁.
The year was 2020.
By some miracle, Julius Caesar woke up in his grave.
Yes, the same dude from Ancient Rome who got whacked by Brutus and his buddies.
The stab wounds on his back had healed and he was alive again.
He dug himself out of his grave and looked at himself in...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.
As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.
The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”
“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...