Long ago in ancient Rome, the most heinous criminals were brought before Caesar to be sentenced.
One criminal was accused of murdering his mother-in-law. What made his crime especially depraved was that, after he strangled her, he allegedly cannibalized her body. Caesar said to the man, "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"By golly I did it! I did it all, and if I could do it again, ...
The only way to cut ancient Rome in half is
A pair of Caesars
An ancient "your mom" joke, from Ancient Rome, between 63 BC to 14 AD .
"The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.
"Intrigued he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?'
"'No your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'"
In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...
Poison I,II,III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain. However poison IV would make you really itchy.
I figured out why orgies were so popular in ancient Rome.
For starters, you need four people to LXIX.
In ancient Rome, a man was convicted for eating his wife.
The soldiers arrested him and bought him before Caesar.
"Do you have remorse for your heinous crime?" Caeser asked.
The Roman smiled and shook his head. He looked very happy.
Caeser was shocked. He told the guards
"To commit such an act is bad enough but to be happy a...
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren’t very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
A collection of jokes from Ancient Rome
Jokes of the Ancient Romans
Some provincial man has come to Rome, and while walking on the streets he was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: "Tell me, young man, did you...
A guy in Ancient Rome enters a bar.
He goes to the bartender and lifts his 2 fingers and say "Five wines please"
I heard Dwayne Johnson is filming a movie about retrieving documents from the leader of ancient Rome
It's going to be a Rock, Paper, Caesar's shoot.
An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome
An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks ...
I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.
I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.
(A joke from ancient Rome) A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.
While he's waiting a friend sees him and asks what he's doing. "I'm waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in." Says the idiot. "No wonder people call you an idiot" says the friend... "How do you know it's not coming in from the other gate?"
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
A man walks into a bar in Ancient Rome
The bartender asks him how many bottles of wine he wants and he holds up a peace sign. The bartender brings him five bottles.
Once upon a time in ancient Rome...
...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in ques...
Two friends are talking: - you know how many girls i had? - mmm? - no, not that many...
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
One day, in Ancient Rome
A senator was late to the Senate, when Cicero was giving a speech. He got there fifteen minutes after the start.
He slipped into his usual seat and whispered to the senator next to him: "What Cicero is talking about?"
His neighbor said: "I don't know, he hasn't got to the verb yet!"
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]
Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.
He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.
Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeepe...
The origin of CrossFit can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome.
Take Jesus for example, he fit nicely on that cross.
A barber, a bald man, and a professor are on the road... [JOKE FROM ANCIENT ROME]
A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor taking a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, ...
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many?
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗮𝗺𝗲'𝘀 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁... 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗙𝗼𝗻𝘁.
The year was 2020.
By some miracle, Julius Caesar woke up in his grave.
Yes, the same dude from Ancient Rome who got whacked by Brutus and his buddies.
The stab wounds on his back had healed and he was alive again.
He dug himself out of his grave and looked at himself in...
A Roman Famine
Long ago in Ancient Rome, there was a great famine all across the land. As food became ever more scarce many people found themselves tightening their belts to get by. And inevitably, a man was taken to court for the crime of having committed cannibalism against his wife.
Due to the horrific n...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.
As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.
The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”
“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...