I used to sponsor some kid in Africa

At least until I realized I could get a daily cup of coffee for the same price

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

What brand of medicine sponsored a boxer?

Muhammad Aleve

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

My AA sponsor said coke & hookers are not an appropriate Birthday gift..

So i took my business elsewhere!

New company sponsored exercise program

Now that we are all back at work from COVID, we have started a new exercise program. It includes such wonderful exercises as:
Running amok
Jumping to conclusions
Passing the buck
Point fingers
Climbing the walls
And my favorite exercise of all... diddly squats!

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Nazi Germany sponsored a program for less fortunate kids to travel to the Far East.

it was called "youth in Asia".

This post is sponsored by Uncle Tom’s rice.

It’s like Uncle Ben’s, but a bit more racist

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce pause this joke for a word from our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends

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My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow and I am genuinely terrified that the chute won't open.

Last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.

Why did they cancel Kleptomaniacs Anonymous?

Because the sponsor at the most recent meeting asked if anybody wanted to take a seat.

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A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

Do you know who was the biggest sponsor of the movie Human Centipede?

Nokia.

Nokia - Connecting people

Sorry.

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The kindness of the elderly . . .

When we get older, we think differently, don't we? This letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.  An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind . ...

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

How does a Muslim influencer wish for sponsored posts?

Installah

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What's up with the British Broadcasting Corporation sponsoring so much interracial porn?

seriously wtf I just want to watch the news

I've heard Dunkin Donuts is going to be the official sponsor of no nut November.

Their name will be Dunkin Nonuts for a month.

My school has become an academy; it's sponsored by IKEA.

Lessons are ok, but morning assembly takes ages.

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What do pornstars get for sponsors.

Oral B.





I'll walk myself out.

I'm proud to say that I sponsor a kid in Africa. I feed clothe and educate him all for less than 30 cents a day!

That's peanuts when compared to what it cost to send him there

My AA sponsor told me to stay away from places where I used to drink

I just sold my car.

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I heard KFC is sponsoring the cock fighting little league.

Can’t wait to see those chick contenders.

I wanted to make a joke criticising YouTube and how ridiculous it's gotten in there

But first, a word from our sponsor RAID: Shadow Legends!

As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities

Their first project will be Drag Racing

I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...

Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...

The Washington Redskins' stadium being sponsored by FedEx makes a lot of sense.

Neither delivers on Sundays.

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

No one is sure how much it cost Coke to sponsor the Paralympics,

but it undoubtedly cost an arm and a leg.

When my mom asked me to sponsor her Run for The Cure, I was surprised.

I'd thought The Cure had done quite well for themselves.

Did you hear about the new TV adaptation of Fiddler on the Roof, sponsored by Real Doll?

"Snatchmaker, Snatchmaker, make me a snatch."

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Sponsor tattoos

A pro marathon runner gets sponsor tattoos and can't wait to show his girlfriend. He says," Look honey, I have Nike on my arm and Starter on by back!" Later that night in bed, he pulls off his pants, the girlfriend sees "Aids" tattooed on his penis, screams and runs into the bathroom. The runner ye...

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Hitler sponsors a 10k...

He calls it the "Master Race"

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.

Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

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Bill Gates is having lunch in a restaurant when a young man comes over.

He says "Excuse me Mr Gates, I know this is presumptious but if I can have thirty seconds of your time: I read your amazing book about your early career and, basically, I'm now at the point you were at when you were just starting out. I'm entertaining a couple of business sponsors to lunch and it wo...

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Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...

...Because Marathons are the master race.

I worry that if Nike sponsored a Suicide Prevention Day event...

...the words "Just Do It" would be everywhere.

Whats the difference between a presidential election and a nascar race?

In nascar they wear their sponsors on their shirts.

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Three men are dying...

Three old men are on their deathbeds. The first says "I've lived a good life. I've supported my family, I've donated to charity, I've lived a good life. But my greatest disappointment is never having sex with an absolutely beautiful woman."

The second man says "I'm a very rich man. I have sev...

A greedy old miser dies alone. In his will he's divided his fortune between his pastor, his doctor, and his lawyer with one last request...

The old man's will states that he wishes to take his fortune with him. His final request is that these three, the last man on earth he feels he can trust, each bring their allotment of his fortune to his funeral, ten million each, and deposit the money in his coffin and bare witness as it's sealed a...

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A toothpaste factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes
without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the
buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with
them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to
hire an external engineering ...

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Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian General.
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you have to love this!
Thi...

Politicians should be required to dress like NASCAR drivers.

With patches all over their suits telling us who their “sponsors” are.

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

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Julia was organizing a cat show

and needed a trophy for the first prize. So she contacted a sculptor to create a trophy that resembled a beautiful persian cat.

Julia and the sculptor got together to discuss the plans for this trophy. She wanted it to be made of the finest white marble base with the persian cat made enti...

I'm so happy that my financial situation has finally improved.

I just found out the African boy I've been sponsoring has been eaten by a lion.

A YouTuber becomes a doctor...

This surgery is sponsored by Blue Apron!

My financial situation is so bad...

...I'm being sponsored by a child in Africa.

Some people say that going to bars on St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve is "amateur hour."

But that's just because they don't have a sponsor yet.

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Two Russians saw an advertisement for a job in Siberia.

Vladimir read it from beginning to end, a glowing account of a new town and industrial complex where there was sure to be full employment, high wages, luxurious Government-sponsored accommodation, and shops full of all the necessities and luxuries that roubles could buy. But just as he was reaching ...

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An Australian radio station was having a word competition...

An Australian radio station was having a word competition sponsored by a dictionary company. If you called in and you had a word that wasn't in their dictionary, you'd win $1000.

Lots of people tried with obscure words, but every time it turned out that it was in that dictionary.

One d...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

My kid was dying to go on our trip to Disneyland

sponsored by Make-A-Wish.

"We're happy to announce NASA's newest mission will allow us to LITERALLY touch our own Sun!"

"Before we continue, please welcome our strangely-excited sponsors, the Catholic Church!"

For some reason the Pope didn't...

sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn't like the name - What's wrong with "Youth in Asia"???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would happen if James Bond took Viagra?

He would continue to be a state-sponsored terrorist whose actions disgrace us all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a dollar every time someone called me sexist...

I'd have enough money to sponsor the repealing of the 19th Amendment.

So a man is on a cruise...

That's sponsored by the Democratic party for a fundraiser. He's walking around enjoying his time when he comes across a group of people watching a game of limbo.
He sees that the crowd is really enjoying watching the game, so he hops in.
When it's his turn to go under, he ducks waaayy under ...

So my First ever joke on reddit, it starts with an immigrant to the United states.

An Italian immigrant to the US, just arrived to Ellis Island. Lucky for him is Uncle is a citizen and could sponsor his entry. His Uncle also owned a fruit cart business in New York City. The young Italian knew no english when he arrived, so his Uncle taught him three phrases to aid him in selling...

Madonna is talking with the Spice Girls

Says she wants to sponsor a reunion tour so long as she can join them. The girls agree to condition. They call her Old Spice.

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Funny Lance Armstrong Joke (#2)

(#1)I just heard that Lance Armstrong got his medals taken away from him for using drugs.. This is crazy because, when I do drugs.. I can't even find my bike.

(#2) I just heard that the Tour De France is trying to eliminate Performance Enhancing Drugs.. Yet, they're sponsored by... Viagra

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