A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."

A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no feet so I won’t run away."

"What makes you think you're great ...

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A woman, tired of bad relationships, posts an ad online

The ad reads "Looking for a man who would treat me right and won't hit me, who would never run away from me, and would give me the best sex of my life. If you meet this criteria, come see me at 22A Greenich avenue"

People come and go, but noone is to her liking. Just when she was about to giv...

Two Irish guys are looking at the want ads for jobs

They see an ad for tree fellers wanted.

One turns to the other and says

"Damn if there were only one more of us"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the marketer use gametes in his ads?

Because sex cells.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy sees an ad for a company's new weight loss program

without hesitation, he calls the company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She...

Funny Super Bowl Ads;

Amy Schumer has said she won't do any Super Bowl commercials this year in support of Colin Kapernic.

Thank God! Maybe this years Super Bowl commericals will be funny.

Just wondering why Nike didn’t pick Tanya Harding for it’s ads.

Wasn’t she the first one to take a knee?

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

After being harassed by ads about hot singles that are interested in me within 1 mile, I decided to investigate.

It turns out there are a lot of hot singles in my area, but none of them are interested in me.

So I’ve seen a lot of booze ads lately

And they all say “please drink Responsibly” or “enjoy Responsibly” or something like that, and I’m just confused.

What kind of drink does Responsibly make that even other brands endorse it in their own ads?

A man sees an ad in the paper

The ad reads "Guaranteed program to help you get fit!"

The man thinks to himself "you know, I can stand to lose a few pounds" and calls the number. A man answers the phone and says "thank you for contacting us. We offer 3 plans. The first is our lightest plan and the third is our most intens...

My city likes their sewers like I like my ads

Blocked

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Tinder is the opposite of sex ads

There are actually a ton of hot singles in my area but none of them want to fuck me.

Ads on Tv...

I was watching the adverts when all of a sudden, a programme came on.

A guy reads an ad for a car driving course. 'Learn how to drive in only 5 minutes!'

He turns up and asks, "How the hell can you teach how to drive in only 5 minutes?" The teacher replies, "It's a crash course."

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What do you trust more than the government?

The ads on Pornhub telling me girls within 3 miles of my location want to hook up.

A city bus cleaner is hanging ads promoting Martin Luther King Jr Day...

His co-worker shouts "Hey, those belong at the back of the bus!"

why aren't hotdog ads allowed in nascar?

because no-one else would be able to ketchup

I keep getting these ads about Erectile Dysfunction and all I got to say that is...

How'd they know?

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some jokes

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A scotsman in glasgow calls his son in Paris the day before Christmas. He says:"I hate to ruin your day, but your mom and I are getting a divorce. 45 years of misery is enough!".

"What are you talking about" yells the son.

"We can't see...

High quality ads can be really bad for you.

They can cause ADHD.

A black guy sees an ad in the paper...

...that says, "Come and enjoy a relaxing afternoon floating down the river followed by a champagne party!" Well, the guy thinks this sounds pretty good and so heads on down to the marina. But as soon as he gets there, 3 white guys jump out of the bushes. They strip him naked, tie him to a log and th...

Ads can get you laid

Cuz when I turned on Ad blocker, all the women in my area who were interested in me suddenly disappeared.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

LPT: Make sure you properly understand job ads.

* Entry level position = We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
* Experience required = We do not know the first thing about any of this.
* Compensation commensurate with experience = You're still not experienced enough so take this low pay.
* Generous benefits = We will give you ...