Zookeeper Jokes - 72 Hilarious Zookeeper Jokes

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A zookeeper walks into a bar

A zookeeper walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Damn it's been a hell of a day. Some idiot visitor tossed a cigarette lighter into the monkey cage. We had a hell of a time getting it away from them. Every time we went near the cage they'd start throwing feces at us, which wasn't that bad, til they ...

A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.

She writes:

Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.

We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."

Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.

P.S...

I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.

I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."

I asked what happens when they do.

"We get another sheep."

Just lost my job as a zookeeper

In my defence there were signs everywhere saying "please don't feed the animals"

A zookeeper lost a pair of mongoose to a storm and needed to replace them. He began writing an email to his supplier...

“Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.”

That didn’t sound right, so he tried again.

“Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.”

That still didn’t sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:

“Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you’re at it...

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What am I in for? Well, I used to be a zookeeper, you see...

One day, my boss calls me into her office, and she tells me she's trying to breed dolphins, and she wants my help. And I hear that, and I'm all in, great way to move up in my industry.

So she tells me she's trying to mate these two dolphins, but they're not feeling frisky. She tells me she ha...

Zookeeper needs some help with the monkeys

A zookeeper says to his friend "I've got 50 dollars for you if you can bring these monkeys to the zoo for me, I'm too busy today".

The friend agrees and the zookeepers hands him the money. About an hour later the zookeeper sees his friend driving by with the monkeys in the back of his car....

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A zookeeper calls an ambulance and says: "Help, a crocodile took my leg off!"

The EMT asks: "Oh my god, which one?"
"I don't know", the zookeeper says, " those bastards all look the same!"

How did the zookeepers deal with reports of in an enclosure?

They addressed the elephant in the room

A zookeeper couldn't get his snakes to breed

The vet said he had a reptile dysfunction

The new zookeeper was killed at work on his first day.

That’s why you shouldn’t lion your resume.

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's bro...

A gorilla ask the zookeeper if he has heard about the escaped gorilla

The zookeeper says no. The gorilla replies, that’s because I’m a quiet gorilla

*muffled gorilla violence*

A zookeeper loses his Bible while at work...

... A week later when he's feeding the penguins one of them waddles up to him holding his Bible in its beak.

"Praise God, it's a miracle!" says the delighted zookeeper.

"Not really," says the penguin, "Your name is written on the inside cover."

A zookeeper walks into a restaurant with a bunch of animals...

The waiter exclaims, "This is totally unacceptable!"

The zookeeper responds, "But why?"

The waiter breathes a deep sigh and says, "Well, first of all, we need to address the elephant in the room..."

A zookeeper is driving a truck full of penguins to the zoo

His truck breaks down, and the mechanic says it will take most of the day to fix. The zookeeper sees a bus, and say to the bus driver "I'll give you $100 to take my penguins to the zoo."

The bus driver agrees, and the penguins are put on the bus.

Later that afternoon, the truck is fixe...

A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit...

"Why are you doing that?" asked the keeper.
"The sign says it's okay," replied the visitor.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"

A zookeeper called a coworker at home and said they were out of camel food.

The zookeeer at home said, “alpaca lunch”.

A zookeeper is giving a chemist a tour of the zoo.

The zookeeper gestures at a fancy new building proudly and says to the scientist "This is our replacement 'Pachyderm Palace'. It's newly built, and is not fully accessible, so it's only in use on Tuesdays."

The chemist says "Ah, so it's a periodic stable for the elephants."

When the zookeepers come in the morning, they find a kangaroo wandering the zoo...

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the c...

When I was a kid a zookeeper caught me smoking a camel.

I told him I'd kill a giraffe too if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

A zookeeper was doing his rounds one day

He had with him a rucksack and a broom. He had to inspect all the cages and make sure they were clean. First he checked on the bird sanctuary. Aside from Some droppings there were 2 dead birds on the ground. He scooped them into his rucksack and moved on.
Next, he checked the primate cages and he...

One day, a zookeeper is walking around the zoo when he sees a man throwing $20 bills into all the exhibits he passes.

"Why are you throwing money into those cages?" asks the zookeeper.

"Because that sign says it's okay," says the man, pointing to a sign.

The zookeeper looks up at the sign. It says, "Do not feed animals. $20 fine."

A zookeeper is having trouble sleeping...

because of a certain case, which made it so that all the zoo animals had to stay in his bedroom. One of them keeps on waking him up, but he’s not sure which one. He goes to see an expert on similar situations like this. They go over which one is the most likely. The expert says:

“It’s no...

The zookeeper and the penguins

A zookeeper drives to the airport to pick up a group of penguins that are coming to live at the zoo. Midway through the drive back, though, the van breaks down. The zookeeper calls AAA, who says that they'll be out to help in a couple of hours.

After a few minutes, a man passing in his car ...

What did the koalas say to the zookeeper after he cut their claws?

"Eucalyptus!"

A Mime Goes To The Zoo...

The mime, who has been down on his luck, begins to perform his act in the middle of the zoo. Just as a small crowd is beginning to gather, a couple of zookeepers come by and him away.

The zookeepers bring the mime to see the head zookeeper, who admits to the mime that recently their m...

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What spins really fast, then gets shot by zookeepers?

Harambeyblades

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This might be the stupidest joke I've written in months.

A zookeeper walks into a pub with an elephant

and orders two beers. After a few hours and a few more drinks, the elephant collapses drunk on the floor. As the zookeeper stumbles for the door, the bartender calls after him, "Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' here!" The zookeeper slurs, "That's not a lion; it's an elephant."

What do zookeepers take care of?

Zucchini’s.

My 4 year old told me this. I think he made it up but who knows.

So there’s this old, old zookeeper who is nearing retirement.

In fact, she’s so old that she has been employed at the zoo since it first opened. Since she’s been there so long, the zoo has entrusted her with taking care of the two most valuable exhibits in the zoo.

First, she is responsible for feeding an ancient lion. This lion is actually so old that...

A zookeeper stumbles across a man throwing five-dollar bills into the monkey cage.

“What the heck are you doing?” the zookeeper asks.

“The signs says it’s cool,” the man answers, pointing to a sign in front of the cages.

“No, it doesn’t,” the zookeeper replies.

“Sure it does,” says the man, tossing another bill in the cage. “It says, ‘D...

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A man goes to a zoo.......

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper e...

I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

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A gorilla dies of old age in a zoo

Being the only gorilla in the zoo, the zoo officials couldn't afford to lose the only attraction keeping their failing zoo business afloat.

So they immediately decided to hire one of the zookeepers for an extra $100/day to wear the gorilla costume they have in storage and pretend to be the g...

Did you hear about the zookeeper who failed miserably by letting his lions escape?

He lost his pride.

A gorilla in a zoo was depressed.

The veterinarian tells the zookeeper "She is in heat and she really needs to be bred".

The zookeeper says "we don't have a male gorilla. I'm not sure...."

About that time a janitor walks by pushing a broom so the zookeeper pulls the elderly man to the side.

"Sir, would you mate ...

The bear in our local zoo is losing his eyesight, so the zookeeper decided to try some prescription glasses on him.

It’s quite a grizzly spectacle.

The zookeeper said he'd tell me where the bathroom is located if I can say the alphabet.

"A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z"

He asks: "where's the D?"

"It's out for Harambe"

In honor of one of my late uncle’s best jokes:

A Czechoslovakian goes to the zoo and heads to the lion exhibit. He wants a closer look at the lions and before anyone could stop him, he was is their cage. He’s soon attacked and eaten by one of the lions.

A witness to this tragic event says to the zookeeper, “I saw the whole thing happen. ...

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A man walks into a zoo

But he finds no animals, except a dog. He finds a zookeeper and asks him, "what's so special about this dog that you guys got rid of the other animals?"

The zookeeper replies, "Nothing, it's just a shitzu."

My friend is a zookeeper who fell ill after cleaning fences from the small marsupial exhibit.

The moral of the story is quokka caca get down with the sickness.

Last month, I applied for a zookeeper position in Australia. Today, I found out that the application was unsucessful.

Perhaps I don't have the right koalafications.

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A tragedy at the zoo today

Due to an electrical failure, a fire broke out in the primate exhibit. The inhabiting apes, frightened, began throwing feces at zoo employees as they fought to control the blaze.

Thankfully, the fire has been extinguished but at least five zookeepers have been hospitalized with turd degree b...

''Did you hear about the Gorilla that escaped from the Zoo''

...the Gorilla asked the zookeeper

''No I did not'' the zookeeper replied

"That's because I'm a quiet gorilla''

^^^*Muffled ^^^Gorilla ^^^Violence ^^^*

Bees

Three men walk into a bar, sit down and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder, the second man is holding a cat but not wearing any pants, and the third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.

The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal w...

I took my niece to the zoo the other day...

The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.

I called the zookeeper over.

"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"

"It's a Shih-Tzu"

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A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.

"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar ?"

"Oscar Peterson is ...

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I’ve always wanted to have with a cougar, haven’t been able to yet.

Damn zookeepers keep getting in the way

intelligent monkey

A Grandmother buys a bag of peanuts so her Grandson can feed the monkeys at the Zoo. Upon receiving a peanut one monkey inserted the hull rectally, nodded, then extracted and devoured it. The Grandmother informed the Head Zookeeper of the animals' aberrant behavior, saying " That monkey is either p...

A zoo’s only gorilla dies...

so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.

In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion’s enclosure, taunting the animal below. ...

It's just so sad ....

How often I see zookeepers breaking their own "Don't Feed the Animals" rule.

A kangaroo keeps escaping his enclosure at the zoo.

In an effort to keep him inside at night, the zookeepers construct a 10-foot fence around his habitat. The next morning, they find the kangaroo wandering around the zoo. The zookeepers construct a 20-foot fence to keep the kangaroo from escaping, but the next day he is loose once again. The zookeepe...

Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it

Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again

Ravens and Crows

A good friend told me a story once. When she was a kid her family would often go to zoos and museums while on vacation. They were in the aviary on one of those visits looking at birds. My friend saw a crow asked the zookeeper a question.

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" ...

The Zoo Joke (Long)

So there's this zoo, and this zoo isn't very affluent, but, if someone visits the zoo, it is definitely to see their gorilla.

One morning, the workers come in early to open the zoo like normal and find, to their great sadness, that their famous gorilla has died of old age. The zoo staff are ...

At the San Diego zoo the other day…

And looking in on the chimpanzees section and a big male comes up to the glass Right in front of where I’m standing. The chimp points at my shirt pocket and holds his fingers up like he wants to smoke. I pull the pack of cigarettes out of by breast pocket and he starts nodding his head profusely. I...

A mime is working at a zoo...

One day, the head zookeeper pulls him aside to chat. He says, "Bobo, our silverback gorilla, the star attraction here at the zoo, has died. We don't want to lose the revenue, so we want to hire you to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be Bobo. We'll pay you triple what you're making now."...

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A man at the zoo is watching the Gorillas

A big silverback is right up to the edge of the cage, and the man goes over to it.

He scratches his head and, to his surprise, the gorilla does the same. The man sees this and then scratches his armpit. Again the gorilla does the same. The man beats his chest, and again, the gorilla does ...

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A man, a zoo and a gorilla

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating. The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. Would you be willing to have with this gorilla for $50...

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A man applies for a job at the zoo ...

He'd always wanted to work for the zoo, so he goes up to the zookeeper and asks if there are any openings.

"No, sorry," said the zookeeper. "We're not hiring."

"But please," said the man, "I've always wanted to work for the zoo. Are you sure there's no openings? I'll literally do anyt...

A man goes to the zoo

He's at the gorilla exhibit when a gust of wind blows some dust into his eye. He rubs his eye to get the dust out and the gorilla sees this and immediately bends open the bars to the exhibit and beats the man unconscious.
The man wakes up in the zookeeper's office and the zookeeper asks him what...

SARS, MERS, COVID, and now this!

Zookeeper at Shanghai zoo just caught a new respiratory illness from a couple of Pandas and it is quickly spreading throughout the city.

They think it might be TwoBearCulosis.

Brace yourselves, this could be the next PANDAemic

Three boys are fighting at the zoo

The zookeeper separates them and says: "Alright, I want each of you to tell me his name and what he's doing here."

The first boy says: "My name is Mitch and I was trying to feed peanuts to the gorillas."

The second boy says: "My name is Ali and I was trying to feed peanuts to the goril...

Boss "ok tell me about Lu-Lu"

Me : slowly taking a long drag of my cigarette;:

"Ah yes Lulu the one that got away."

Boss "you're a zookeeper Bob, none of them are supposed to get away!"

A panda once hid his food in order to get more.

The zookeepers were bamboozeled.

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A gorilla that swung too far

A zoo was barely making ends meet. The head zookeeper was keeping things together, but it was a struggle. Instead of a pride of lions, they had one lone lion. Instead of a band of gorillas, just two. The rest of the zoo animals were just as sparse.

One day during a thunder and lightning storm...

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Two boys go on a visit to the zoo.

After wandering around looking at all the different animals, they finally make their way to the gorilla exhibit. One boy looks to the other, says "Watch this," and sticks his fingers in his ears and looks at the gorilla. To his friend's astonishment, the gorilla copies him. He then opens his eyes wi...

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo...

...a zookeeper finds two finches which have dropped dead from old age. He puts them in a sack for cleanup and proceeds to the monkey cage.

In the monkey cage he discovers two of the oldest chimps have also kicked the bucket. Not wanting them to go to waste, he puts them in the sack with the f...

A man out of work...

...sees an opening at the zoo. The head zookeeper says to him "Our ape just died and it's too expensive to replace him. Can you dress up in an ape suit and run around the ape pen? The man, desperate for a job, agrees. The next day, he does his thing as the ape, but while hopping from tree to tree, f...

A man was driving (longish)

one day when he noticed a truck broken down by the side of the road. He pulled over and asked could he help. The truck driver told him that he was on his way to Dublin to bring a penguin to the zoo but that his engine was fried.

The driver said to him: "Well, I'm going to Dublin, so if you wa...

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The cautious monkey.

Well, this guy gone to the zoo and he see some monkey in a cage, and a sign that say "don't feed the monkey". he so want to feed the monkey. Sohe throw in a peanut. The monkey pick up the peanut and stick it in it's and pull it out and eat it.....The guy can't believe what he see. He throw...

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