I guess China finally got what they want

They managed to coronise the world.

Why is suicide illegal in china?

Destruction of state property

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.

China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

Why does China always drive on the left

they don’t have rights

Why does China have the best baseball team?

Because they took out the whole world with one bat

Say what you like about China...

[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of China (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]

I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear.

Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

In china, they invented a machine that can capture thieves

They tested out the machine in china for a week and they caught 2 thieves. The following week the russians decided to test this machine in Moscow, they caught 10 thieves. Seeing the machine's success, the Mexican government wanted to try this in the City of Mexico, they caught 400 thieves. Then the ...

I asked my Chinese friend what it’s like to live in China

He says he can’t complain

Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?

Because they ate all their bats.

Modern China's history isn't about what has happened

It's about what hasn't happened

What do you call a party where snakes choose china?

A reptile dish function.

My Chinese friend used to be the only professional gambler in China

Which makes him the only person in China who likes to bet

My mom told me: “Finish your peas, there’re starving kids in China”

I said: “Oh yeah? Name 10”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

Did you know the inventor of the typewriter was unknown until recent discoveries in China?

The new discoveries point to a man named Tye Ping

An old friend, now living in China, called me. I asked him how life is over there and if he's doing well.

He said "Ah well , you know. I can't complain".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't we buy Viagra or Cialis from China?

Because we don't want them messing with our erections.

All countries eventually got Coronavirus...

But China got it right off the bat

In Hollywood they have a museum full celebrities made from wax. In China they have something similar but the celebrities are made out of silk

They are all complete fabric Asians.

If Trump banned Tik Tok because it's made in China

Why doesn’t he just ban the Corona Virus?

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't k...

A man moves from China to the US looking for work

After he and his wife settle in, they find themselves prospering in their new country. Years later, they have a son, who grows up to be a powerful and respected businessman. One day, he comes home with a woman wrapped around his arm

"Mom, Dad" he says,"This is Tiffany Wong." His parents are...

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the W...

They’re running out of face masks in China

No big supplies there.

What's the difference between China and Las Vegas?

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

What's similar between the squareroot of -1 and the number of confirmed cases in China

They are both not real numbers

What do you get when you have more than 2 kids in China?

Youth in Asia.

Why China is arresting people for spreading misinformation?

Because spreading misinformation is government's job.

What's the best thing about China?

I don't know, but I give their flag five stars

The United States, China and Russia are attending a military exercise competition

To see which army is the strongest, the United Nations placed three rabbits in three forests.the one spent least time and sent least soldiers wins.
On day one, the U.S. Army go first. They spent half a day meeting to formulate a battle plan, strictly divide the labor, and then sent a hundred spe...

Made in China

Two old guys sitting in a park, says the one:
"Look, i got a new hearing aid, very cheap becaus it's made in China"

The other says:
"Amazing, how much did you pay?"

"Yesterday...",

If the Coronavirus really was made in China, we don't really have much to worry about...

...it won't last long.

They say coronavirus came from China.

I am not buying it, no one can sneeze that hard.

Trump's China Problem

Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"

Pence: What are you going to do?

Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.

Pence: Mine fewer.

Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.

What is the Department of Veterans Affairs in China called?

VAChina.

I just ordered a new dishwasher from china!

The wedding's next month.

A man wants to know the distance to travel from the US to China

So he calls the airport

Operator: Hi how can I help you?

Man: Hi yes I want to know the distance between the US and China...I’m thinking of travelling.

Operator: Ok just a minute sir.

Man: Ok thank you.

Man: Honey, it’s only 1 minute!

What did the head of WHO say when he was asked, "How did China's president convince you Coronavirus is under control?"

Xi blinded me with science.

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers?

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? WHO knew!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

No wonder China is behind the Coronavirus

We even saw a big red flag 🇨🇳

Why does China have so many people?

Their condoms were made in China

In China we guarantee our citizens the freedom of speech

But we do not guarantee their personal safety after their speech.

I thought I was visiting a Zoo in China

Until someone handed me a menu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China’s lack of transparency on virus is fuelling rumors: US experts

It’s basically all this he said Xi said bullshit.

A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:

Do you have elections?

The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:

Evely molning

What do guns and corona virus have in common

They were both created in China now every American has one

Why people in China like to play Mafia?

That’s the only time they can vote.

I just got off the phone with a researcher in China. He says it's not worth getting the Covid-19 now.

As they are expecting the Covid-20 PRO to be released in September

What is one thing that the police and china have in common?

They both hide their body count

There's an old saying in China: It doesn't matter whether the cat is black or white

it still tastes the same.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

A couple of good covid jokes I've heard

1. I dont know anything about Coronavirus other than if you have it; you get an undeniable urge to go the airport.
2. By the point most of the world has been exposed to covid 19, but the people in Wuhan got it right of the bat.
3. You know why I think coronavirus wont last for more than a year...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard this one a few years ago and just remembered it after some time. I don't know if it's already been posted here or not, and if it has, I am sorry! I've also made some edits to it because, well, I don't have the original at my fingertips right now.

When I was in high school - in 10th or 11th grade I think - our class got two new students about midway through the school year. They were twins - a brother and sister - and they were from China. They'd moved to the U.S. only recently, yet they still had a pretty good education in English and I assu...

My dad told me this one so i thought i might share

In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.

He finds him, and asks:

– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"

He pauses for a second, looks a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A joke translated from Mandarin

A Japanese man went to a famous Chinese restaurant in China, where he was served a platter of prawns. He asked the waiter, "In China, what do you do with the leftover prawn shells?" The waiter replied "Of course we throw them away." The Japanese man shook his head and said "No! In Japan, we send the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Question: Who is the best friend of china?

Answer: WHO is the best friend of china.

I think that China is lying about how many people died from corona virus

They always show the same person when there's new cases

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

China just released the name of the first man with Corona Virus

Ah Chu

Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?

It causes the microphones to rust

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

How's the weather in Western China?

Cloudy with a chance of genocide

Wanna hear something funny?

China is a member of UN human right council

I guess China will save the world's climate.

They are not fond of global warning.

Everything nowadays is made in China.

Except for babies. They're made in Vachina.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is china so bad at cricket?

They eat all the fucking bats

Why did China cancel Chinese New Years?

Everybody was kung-flu fighting.

They need to move China to Egypt ...

... because they are in a deep state of denial.

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

A Thai family moves to China to evade poverty in Thailand

The father and son find a job in a manufacturing plant. The days are long, the work gruesome, their clothes dirty and torn. The pay is low, but just enough to provide their family with food and shelter.

A few years pass, and the son, now 20, became really skilled. He has a good relationship ...

A philosopher asks a question to his student: "Who is smarter, the common cat or the loyal dog?"

The students looks confused and responds with another question: "Can you give me context, teacher?"
The wise philosopher nodded. "There once was an owner with a cat and a dog. He died. Because there was no more food given by the owner, the cat and the dog were left hungry and alone. The cat, havi...

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

I wonder how this whole coronavirus thing has affected Wuhan china cymbal sales.

I think the market has crashed.

If China had $1 for every time they oppressed a racial minority...

They’d become an economic global power.




Wait...

Two Irishmen are chatting. One says to the other, did you hear about the new virus from China?

I thought it was a panda, Mick.

In America, dogs are K9...

In China, dogs are E10.

For something’s that’s made in China, this Coronavirus seems to be lasting a while!

Most successful product they’ve made yet. It’s really catching on.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

Did you hear about the dangerous deadly virus in China?

It's called communism

Why is gambling illegal in China

Because they hate Tibet

Here's a joke about China

[redacted]

We shouldn't trust China on Coronavirus numbers

I mean, there are a bunch of red flags.

How can you tell if your keyboard is Chinese?

The Escape key is missing, cause there is no escape in China

Why did Jesus move to China after his resurrection?

Because it was easter.

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

Who knew that all it took was one bat from China...

... to completely eradicate the USA's school shooting problem!

Two Interpol officers were taking a Chinese criminal back to China when they got stranded on an island

Officer 1, being the senior, came up with a plan for their survival.

Officer 1: Ok, so here's what we'll do. Officer 2, you'll go around the island and collect material for us to build a shelter. I will keep trying my phone to try and contact HQ to pick us up. Chinese guy you go into the wood...

Why can't dyslexic people use the internet in China?

Because they get a virus when they open a bat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

The Spanish word for 'cat' is 'gato'.



In China they pronounce it 'gateau'.

China's presidency should be for life

That's what Xi said.

Coronavirus came from Wuhan but it isn't the only disease to come from China

There's also the Wu Ping cough.

What do you call a jehova witness from china?

Ding dong

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic

I heard the flights to China are super cheap

They might be as low as Tencent.

A friend of mine was walking in tall grass in China...

Now he has corona with lyme

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