My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

In America, dogs are K9.

In China, dogs are E10.

Well...you know what they say...What happen's in China stays...

with the Chinese government

What do you name a dead end road in China?

Wong way.

There’s a reason why China has so many fake items

And the reason is because the Chinese have mistaken ‘Copyright’ for ‘Copy Is Right’

I heard China recently banned plastic waste

They better not let Kim Kardashian in this week.

I have a friend, Celine, from China. She is beautiful but so fragile.

Poor Celine.

Who are the loudest people in china?

The Shao Ding people

What is China's national sport?

Homework

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

Trumps wall is fool-proof...

Take china for example, they've had a wall for 2000 years and still no mexicans.

What do you call children in China?

Euthanasia

A joke I heard in China that may or may not be known to the outside world

Tom visits Bob’s house and notices that Bob doesn’t have a clock. Surprised, he asks Bob how he tells time. “I have a piano,” Bob explained, “you want a demonstration?”

That night, Bob started playing All Star on his piano. A neighbor knocks on his door and yells, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING...

What did Trump say to China during the Trade War Negotiations?

It's my way, my way or the Huawei.

For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to China

For our 50th I plan on picking her up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Where does China get its beef from?

From Macau

I heard China's president, Xi Jinping, is having a little red book made of his quotes like Mao Zedong had.

I hope it will be called "That's What Xi Said"

In their 5th marriage anniversary the guy took his wife to china

when he came back his friend asked him "what did you do for the anniversary?"

"I took her to china", the man said.

his friend: "wow, that was only for your 5th anniversary, I wonder what you gonna do for your 50th one?"

he replied: "I'm gonna go get her back".

A murder-for-hire occurred in a rice field using small china ornaments as the weapon

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

I recently hired two interns from China to help with my business

Hua Ta Yu and Biyuchica Mi. Because it was easier, they both asked me to call them by their last names.

I needed to sign up for a new online service and asked Yu to do so. I gave her my credit card and off she went. After an hour I went to see if she had completed the task and she was gone! W...

In his CV, a Job applicant mentioned country of origin as China

That's a red flag.

Chinese people all have the same answer when I ask what red flags to look out for when I go to China.

They all say the national flag

There are only two phone numbers in China the wings and the wongs

So you might wing the wong number

What is the most common illness in China?

Kung Flu.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<...

Doctors in china don't ask if you want an abortion

They just ask if you want takeout or delivery

How does a joke about Tiananmen start in China?

By looking over your shoulders

There once was a lady from China, who had a great big....

...cargo liner.
Shipping drinks of crushed fruit
90 sailors to boot
She had a boat load of sea-men 'n cider

Why does China have such a big population of 1bn people?

Because their condoms are "Made in China"

Why do people in China buy so much chips?

It's the cheapest way to get good clean air.

Why are there no casinos in China?

Because the Chinese hate Tibet.

you know happened after I nuked china?

I Burned myself on the plate.

China: "We give up, Donald. What'll it take to end the Trade War?

Trump: "You'll have to move all of your factories to the US."

China: "We can't do that."

Trump: "That's too bad, because it's my way or the Huawei."

China's so good at censorship

They gave themselves 5 stars.

Knock knock joke in China

a: Knock knock

b: Whose there?

a: Yep! Its me, your buddy Hu!

I hated my trip to China

Left my review on their flag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We all know that if you assume in the USA it makes and ass out of u and me. But what does assuming do in China?

Makes an ass out of u and Ming

Why does Jackie Chan support United China?

'cause he doesn't support the Leeway

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve got to say business culture is really different in China compared to the US.

The Chinese invite foreigners to see their wall and bring them shit load of money. Americans pay their wall themselves and tell foreigners to fuck off.

Three brothers moved to America from China.

The brothers names were Chu, Bu, and Fu. These brothers decided they wanted more American sounding names so they went to City Hall to change them.

Chu decided to go by Chuck, Bu decided to go by Buck, and Fu went back to China.

I called a Chinese friend of mine to ask how he was doing while he was visiting his family back in China.

He said he couldn’t complain.

What is Apple's greatest fear about China?

That they stop their sensor ships.

What do they call a cup of coffee in China?

A cup of Zhou

Say what you want about Trump’s wall

But China has had a great wall for thousands of years and you still don’t see any Mexicans

Edit: Apparently this joke *whooshed* over a lot of people

Edit 2: ITT People who don’t realize it’s a joke about a wall and not the demographics of China

What is the difference between kids in China and putting down a dog?

Nothing, they are both Euthanasia

What's worse than an elephant in the china shop?

A hedgehog in the condom factory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master...

A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master. He says:

"Master, I keep trying but I cannot do the Kick of a Thousand Exploding Suns. Help me Master!"

His master gives him an anecdote.

"Have you seen the waves of the ocean crashing into the white cliffs whi...

If King Kong ever went to China, he'd be called

Ching Chong

The Communist Party changed things so that China uses single time zone.

It's always Party time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do ghosts, China, pansexuals and unicorns have in common?

They’re all not real

When a china man haves to pay what him name is ?

Ka Ching

Where would you take your partner if you went to China?

Baejing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor the women are extra fertile.

But their condoms are "Made in China"

Everything comes from China these days, except for babies...

They come from the vaChina

I still don't know why people think Donald Trump's wall would never work.

China did it, and they barely have any Mexicans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Viagra was banned in China by the government.

They don’t want to admit they have election ploblems.

(Bad but OC)

Why don't you ever see Golf clubs that are "Made in China?"

Because you can't trust Asian Drivers.

The heads of state of the US and China sit down to a meeting.

Donald Trump says to Xi Jinping, "I'm gonna build a wall, it's going to be the best wall, Jinping, you've got a wall, I'm going to build it better than yours."

Xi replies, "It took thousands of Chinese workers a very long time to build the Great Wall. Are you sure your country is ready for th...

An American biker decides to travel the world

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

So I adopted a 5 year old child from China

And she said to me: "Why is the sky blue?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the USA a dogs go "woof woof", in Japan dogs go "wan wan", and in China dogs go

"Sizzle sizzle"

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week ...

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the h...

A man off the boat from China is looking for a job.

A local business man decides to hire him.

He tells the immigrant,

“I will have help out my store with supplies.”

In which he responds in broken English,

“Thank you mista thank you!”

After he shows him around the store, the business goes out for the rest of the day...

What does a bull say leaving a china shop?

Cowmendesai

When the kids said they were going to dig a hole to China . . .

I warned them that it would be boring.

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

How do you destroy the great China wall?

You put some paper on it

My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government.

Visitors only see the nice china.

Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figur...

I think weekends are made in China

They don’t last long.



*reposted from somewhere else

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

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