The 113+ Best China Jokes

China should have a cricket team.

They can take out the whole world with one bat

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"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

Three men were buried under a landslide in China

Three men were buried under a landslide in China.

They're inside a car when it happened, and miraculously still have cell phone connection.

The first man made a phone call to the police:

"I'm a good citizen and husband, please come save us!"

The police tell him they will ...

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China started anal swabbing covid-19 patients for rapid results...

Step 1: Insert swab into butthole.
Step 2: Remove, and insert swab into nose.
Step 3: If you smelled it, congrats, you are COVID negative.

Results: Instantaneous.

I guess China finally got what they want

They managed to coronise the world.

China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons.

One soldier says with tears in his eyes “but but my daughter made it for me”.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

China is already welcoming Biden

China is already welcoming Biden.

They have even named a central landmark in Beijing for Biden.

"FOR BIDEN CITY!"

Recent political joke circulating in China

Three men who don’t know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.

The first man said: “I opposed covid testing.”

The second man said: “I supported covid testing.”

The third man said: “I administered the covid tests.”

What's the longest-lasting thing made in China?

COVID-19

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While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

What do you call a comedian in China?

Dead.

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The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

I always assumed that China has extremely sophisticated spying technology that they use on their rivals.

Well, that balloon has burst.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
...

3 friends from China immigrated to the US

3 Chinese guys Bu, Chu and Fu, who were friends since childhood moved to US for work.

For their names being Chinese, they weren't getting shortlisted for interviews.

A guys suggested them to Americanise their names.

When they asked how.

He suggested add something to your ...

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

Say what you like about China...

[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of China (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]

Why China is arresting people for spreading misinformation?

Because spreading misinformation is government's job.

In America, dogs are K9...

In China, dogs are E10.

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

Why is suicide illegal in China?

Destruction of government property

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China

He says he can't complain.

Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"

Pence: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Pence: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.

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China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor the women are extra fertile.

But their condoms are "Made in China"

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?

It causes the microphones to rust

To increase foreign currency reserves, the Government of China is offering a limited-time double exchange rate offer.

Buy Yuan get Yuan free.

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A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master...

A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master. He says:

"Master, I keep trying but I cannot do the Kick of a Thousand Exploding Suns. Help me Master!"

His master gives him an anecdote.

"Have you seen the waves of the ocean crashing into the white cliffs whi...

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

A factory manager in China heard about the 4 day work week

Loves it. Started making all his employees do it twice a week.

Living in China is pretty good!

I cant really complain.

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Racist taxi driver is struggling In China

...cuz every time someone tries to hail him down, he's like "fuck off dude.. I just dropped you off!"

Apple is moving its production facilities from China to Thailand.

Say hello to iPad Thai.

What is the difference between Wuhan, China and Las Vegas, Nevada?

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

There is freedom of speech in china

but there is no freedom after speech.

[An Old Joke from my Grandpa] An Indian Archeologist goes China to meet his Archeologist friend.

Chinese man takes him to his working site, After digging for a while they found some electrical wires buried underground.

Chinese Guy: (to the Indian guy) Look, these wires look ancient, Unlike you Indians, we Chinese were so advanced back then that we used electrical technologies.

Ind...

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.

China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

Mr. Chu, Du, and Fu were three friends from China that wanted to come to the US.

In order to get a visa, they were told they needed a more “American” name.

So, Chu became Chuck,

Du became Duck,

And Fu,

... well, Fu remained in China.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figur...

People of China, do you want to hear what happened on Tiananmen square in 1989?

No tanks.

Do you know what China is famous for?

\[REDACTED\]

A zoo in China denies using a man in a costume pretending to be a bear. But they do have a dog dressed up as a lion…

It’s a Shih Tzu.

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week ...

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the h...

I was on a first date recently and the girl told me she really liked the national emblem of China

I thought, well that’s a red flag.

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Viagra was banned in China by the government.

They don’t want to admit they have election ploblems.

(Bad but OC)

China has been the most important country for American schools.

Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.

How do I know China has Free Speech?

No one says otherwise.

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

Too soon for COVID jokes?

COVID is like fashion…

We started hearing about it in Italy…

Became popular in LA and NYC…

Florida ignored it…

And it was all made in China in the end.

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

They’re running out of face masks in China

No big supplies there.

CCP had announced their new president of China

Xii jingping

An Apple Factory in China is expected to cut production of iPhones by 18% in response to ongoing worker protests.

The workers' main demand is "more playtime".

There is a big difference between how Germany spies in the sky and how China does it...

...Gemany always uses 99 red balloons

I have a friend, Celine, from China. She is beautiful but so fragile.

Poor Celine.

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An American, a Chinese and a Dane is bragging

The American starts: “We have the biggest Air force in the world. When all our planes takes off, there’s so many planes that not even a single sunbeam reaches the ground.”

The Chinese replies: “Well, but China has SO many ships! If all of our fleet sets sails at once, the ships would fill so ...

Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

Free speech in China

Here is a joke I posted on r/Sino that got me banned from there:

A liberal Western bourgeois bohemian meets with a capitalist Chinese Maoist Communist in a bar. The Western liberal brags to the Chinese communist that in her country, she has so much free speech that she can stream videos to m...

Why do people in China smoke so much?

They need fresh air

I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear.

Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.

Why shouldn't you start a war with China?

Because they'll show a Wonton disregard for human life.

My friend lived in China for a long time, this was the only joke that he heard that made sense in English.

Xi went to Guangxi and spoke with the governor about the fine people of China.

The governor: Fine people...I don't know.

Xi: I will show you. Hey you! Come here! What do you do?

Farmer: I'm a farmer.

Xi: Let me ask you, if you had two houses, would you give one to the gov...

On the sixth day, God outsourced to China.

That’s why weekends don’t last very long.

I used to date someone from Albania, Viet Nam, Turkey, Morocco, Trinidad and Tobago, Russia, Tennessee, Tunisia, and China

Too many red flags

I was reading a research paper on why there's such a high child mortality rate in China.

Apparently it's something to do with the youth in Asia.

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic

Me : Have you heard about whats happening in china

Friend: No

me: neither have they

Happy Chinese New Year! Or as they say in China:

Happy New Year!

A panda walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Would you like anything to drink?"

The panda replies, "No thanks, I'm only here to eat."

"So what would you like to eat?"

"I'll just take the fries."

The bartender serves the panda, who enjoys the meal. He asks, "Now, will your payment be cash or card...

What is China’s national sport?

Hard labour.

How do we know that the COVID virus wasn't made in China?

Because it has been 3 years and it's still working

Peng Shuai was asked in the interview how is her life in China after this media debacle ?

She said "can't complain"

I went on a trip to China and it wasn’t great. 2/5

But the flag was five stars

So how’s life in totalitarian China?

Oh you know... can’t complain

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat announced:

"Gentlemen !

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-

Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece

and

Frustration of ...

All countries will get the corona virus eventually...

China just got it right off the bat...

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich

After he finishes eating, he pulls out a gun and shoots it in the air. The bartender is surprised and asks the panda why he did that. The panda pulls out a dictionary and points to the entry on "panda", which reads: "Panda: a large black and white bear-like mammal native to China. Eats shoots an...

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Ha...

China has become Russia’s ally in Ukraine.

Their alliance will be referred to as “Winnie the Putin”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army,

The leader of China calls Biden and says: "Hey man, we haven't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?" To which Biden said: "Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big showdown but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the Covid crysis, Superbowl......

So I got deported from China with a permanent travel ban for talking about my son

One day I decided to visit china. When I landed in the Chinese airport i found out that I received a text from my son Tyler saying that he won the town's annual drinking championship.

I decided to tell the wife about it and called her. It was very loud in the chinese airport and she couldn't...

Trains in China

Heard this joke in China but it probably applies in most major capital cities.

A guy from Beijing and a guy from Shanghai were talking about travelling on trains in their cities and how crowded the trains were.

The guy from Beijing says “In Beijing the trains are so crowded that the ot...

A memer, an antivegan activist, a teenager, a GTA Online player, a LoL player, an anti-China activist, and a Redditor walk into a bar.

The bartender says upon their entry, “Happy Cake Day, Elson!”

In Communist China you don't use iMessage

You use WeChat

Whats the difference between going to war with China and eating at a Chinese restaurant?

Wanton destruction vs Wonton consumption

What’s the difference between the “China Virus” and the Vietnam War?

Trump dodged the Vietnam War.

In china, they invented a machine that can capture thieves

They tested out the machine in china for a week and they caught 2 thieves. The following week the russians decided to test this machine in Moscow, they caught 10 thieves. Seeing the machine's success, the Mexican government wanted to try this in the City of Mexico, they caught 400 thieves. Then the ...

What is the most common illness in China?

Kung Flu.

What is the average temperature in China?

451° F

Little Ken Fok grew up working hard in his father’s restaurant in China

Every day before school he would get up at 6am and help prepare the dishes for that days lunch before coming home from school at 4pm to help with the evening shift by preparing and serving customers. He would make Spicy crab cakes, shredded pork and tofu. He would work until midnight and then repeat...

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China's economy is like America's pornography.

Cacheless.

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

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A man yelled on the GreatWall of China, "Xi the pooh has a tiny penis"

He was caught by the police in a minute.

He was then notified that all of his family members are held up by the police. In the same evening, he was brought to the court.

The judge: You committed a very serious crime, you need not talk, you are now sentenced to death, so are you...

What do cats in china say?

Mi Hao!

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

What's similar between the squareroot of -1 and the number of confirmed cases in China

They are both not real numbers

Why is baseball banned in China?

We all know what happened the last time someone ate the bat.

Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?

Because they ate all their bats.

Two China men were robbing a distillery.

One said to the other “is this whiskey?” The other said “yeah it’s whiskey but it’s safer than wobbing a bank”.

I once tried dating in China and Turkey

It didn't work out, there were a lot of red flags everywhere

Every thing is made in China apart from babies.

They are made in Vachina.

When a china man haves to pay what him name is ?

Ka Ching

As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.

After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.

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How do they call elevator in China?

Well,on a button like everywhere else in the world

How do they laugh in China?

L-MAO!

Why does China always drive on the left

they don’t have rights

If someone on a first date tells me their hobbies include drawing the flag of China without the stars I think to myself...

that's a big red flag!

God is travelling around the world to spread his religon

He gets to India and asks the public, 'Will you take my commandments to be yours?' The public says no and decides to try elsewhere.

He gets to China and asks, 'Will you follow my commandments?' And the public replies no.

He gets to Israel and asks, 'Will you take my commandments?' The ...

A man in China was killed by a group of underaged doctors.

He died by euthanasia.

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