China Jokes - 116 Hilarious China Jokes

Three men were buried under a landslide in China

Three men were buried under a landslide in China.

They're inside a car when it happened, and miraculously still have cell phone connection.

The first man made a phone call to the police:

"I'm a good citizen and husband, please come save us!"

The police tell him they will ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

China should have a cricket team.

They can take out the whole world with one bat

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China started anal swabbing covid-19 patients for rapid results...

Step 1: Insert swab into butthole.
Step 2: Remove, and insert swab into nose.
Step 3: If you smelled it, congrats, you are COVID negative.

Results: Instantaneous.

In America, dogs are K9...

In China, dogs are E10.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
...

China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons.

One soldier says with tears in his eyes “but but my daughter made it for me”.

What's the longest-lasting thing made in China?

COVID-19

China is already welcoming Biden

China is already welcoming Biden.

They have even named a central landmark in Beijing for Biden.

"FOR BIDEN CITY!"

3 friends from China immigrated to the US

3 Chinese guys Bu, Chu and Fu, who were friends since childhood moved to US for work.

For their names being Chinese, they weren't getting shortlisted for interviews.

A guys suggested them to Americanise their names.

When they asked how.

He suggested add something to your ...

I guess China finally got what they want

They managed to coronise the world.

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

How do I know China has Free Speech?

No one says otherwise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master...

A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master. He says:

"Master, I keep trying but I cannot do the Kick of a Thousand Exploding Suns. Help me Master!"

His master gives him an anecdote.

"Have you seen the waves of the ocean crashing into the white cliffs whi...

Recent political joke circulating in China

Three men who don’t know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.

The first man said: “I opposed covid testing.”

The second man said: “I supported covid testing.”

The third man said: “I administered the covid tests.”

Why is suicide illegal in China?

Destruction of government property

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.

China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

Say what you like about China...

[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of China (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

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While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

What do you call a comedian in China?

Dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor the women are extra fertile.

But their condoms are "Made in China"

Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?

It causes the microphones to rust

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A man was hiking in China

He walked up a beautiful mountain for hours until it was nearly night. Then he saw an old stone house, two stories high, beautiful but very old work.
He knocked on the door and an old Chinese man opened.
"Hello good sir, I know I am a stranger, but it is getting dark and I don't want to hike ...

Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"

Pence: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Pence: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.

Living in China is pretty good!

I cant really complain.

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

China has been the most important country for American schools.

Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.

Why China is arresting people for spreading misinformation?

Because spreading misinformation is government's job.

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China

He says he can't complain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

I always assumed that China has extremely sophisticated spying technology that they use on their rivals.

Well, that balloon has burst.

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Xi and Biden have a bet

Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested.

So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years.

...

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Racist taxi driver is struggling In China

...cuz every time someone tries to hail him down, he's like "fuck off dude.. I just dropped you off!"

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat announced:

"Gentlemen !

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-

Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece

and

Frustration of ...

Why don't kids in China believe in Santa?

Because they make the toys

There is freedom of speech in china

but there is no freedom after speech.

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

Do you know what China is famous for?

\[REDACTED\]

People of China, do you want to hear what happened on Tiananmen square in 1989?

No tanks.

A factory manager in China heard about the 4 day work week

Loves it. Started making all his employees do it twice a week.

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Viagra was banned in China by the government.

They don’t want to admit they have election ploblems.

(Bad but OC)

Too soon for COVID jokes?

COVID is like fashion…

We started hearing about it in Italy…

Became popular in LA and NYC…

Florida ignored it…

And it was all made in China in the end.

Apple is moving its production facilities from China to Thailand.

Say hello to iPad Thai.

What is the difference between Wuhan, China and Las Vegas, Nevada?

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

They’re running out of face masks in China

No big supplies there.

CCP had announced their new president of China

Xii jingping

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An American, a Chinese and a Dane is bragging

The American starts: “We have the biggest Air force in the world. When all our planes takes off, there’s so many planes that not even a single sunbeam reaches the ground.”

The Chinese replies: “Well, but China has SO many ships! If all of our fleet sets sails at once, the ships would fill so ...

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich

After he finishes eating, he pulls out a gun and shoots it in the air. The bartender is surprised and asks the panda why he did that. The panda pulls out a dictionary and points to the entry on "panda", which reads: "Panda: a large black and white bear-like mammal native to China. Eats shoots an...

What is China’s national sport?

Hard labour.

Why do people in China smoke so much?

They need fresh air

What is the average temperature in China?

451° F

All countries will get the corona virus eventually...

China just got it right off the bat...

I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear.

Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.

What do you call an impatient man from Bangkok who moved to the capital city of the Republic of China for a writing job, got kidnapped, covered in multicolored paint and restrained with rope?

A tied-up, tye-dyed, Type-A, Taipei-Thai typist.

Free speech in China

Here is a joke I posted on r/Sino that got me banned from there:

A liberal Western bourgeois bohemian meets with a capitalist Chinese Maoist Communist in a bar. The Western liberal brags to the Chinese communist that in her country, she has so much free speech that she can stream videos to m...

Trains in China

Heard this joke in China but it probably applies in most major capital cities.

A guy from Beijing and a guy from Shanghai were talking about travelling on trains in their cities and how crowded the trains were.

The guy from Beijing says “In Beijing the trains are so crowded that the ot...

Why shouldn't you start a war with China?

Because they'll show a Wonton disregard for human life.

On the sixth day, God outsourced to China.

That’s why weekends don’t last very long.

So how’s life in totalitarian China?

Oh you know... can’t complain

In Communist China you don't use iMessage

You use WeChat

What’s the difference between the “China Virus” and the Vietnam War?

Trump dodged the Vietnam War.

Who is China’s funniest little communist?

Lmao Zedong

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China's economy is like America's pornography.

Cacheless.

What is the most common illness in China?

Kung Flu.

Me : Have you heard about whats happening in china

Friend: No

me: neither have they

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic

Two China men were robbing a distillery.

One said to the other “is this whiskey?” The other said “yeah it’s whiskey but it’s safer than wobbing a bank”.

To increase foreign currency reserves, the Government of China is offering a limited-time double exchange rate offer.

Buy Yuan get Yuan free.

What is common between Reddit and China?

They both don't like opinions.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figur...

I have a friend, Celine, from China. She is beautiful but so fragile.

Poor Celine.

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week ...

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the h...

Somewhere in China, there is a zoo with only a dog in a lion costume in it.

It's a pretty Shih-Tzu, all things considered.

I was on a first date recently and the girl told me she really liked the national emblem of China

I thought, well that’s a red flag.

What do cats in china say?

Mi Hao!

[An Old Joke from my Grandpa] An Indian Archeologist goes China to meet his Archeologist friend.

Chinese man takes him to his working site, After digging for a while they found some electrical wires buried underground.

Chinese Guy: (to the Indian guy) Look, these wires look ancient, Unlike you Indians, we Chinese were so advanced back then that we used electrical technologies.

Ind...

Austria declares war on China:

„We have 200 soldiers and 3 Tanks“

China accepst: „We have 4 Million Soldiers, a Million Tanks an a couple hundred nuclear warheads“

Austria replies:„We abort the declaration, we can't provide enough accomodations for the war prisoners “

Happy Chinese New Year! Or as they say in China:

Happy New Year!

What do they call Jehova Whitness in China?

Ding Dong

In Communist China

Winnie the Pooh owns Disney

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

A panda walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Would you like anything to drink?"

The panda replies, "No thanks, I'm only here to eat."

"So what would you like to eat?"

"I'll just take the fries."

The bartender serves the panda, who enjoys the meal. He asks, "Now, will your payment be cash or card...

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How do they call elevator in China?

Well,on a button like everywhere else in the world

Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?

Because they ate all their bats.

How do we know that the COVID virus wasn't made in China?

Because it has been 3 years and it's still working

Who is the president of china?

An entrepreneur was looking to do business overseas. He asked his assistant "Who is the president of China?"

His assistant replied, "No, Xi is the president of China."

"Who's she?"

No boss, "Hu is Hu, Xi is Xi"

Xi and the Chinese Farmer

Xi Jinping, the president of China, went to Guangxi and spoke with the governor about the fine and loyal people of China.

The governor: "Fine people sure. Loyal? I don't know."

Xi: "I will show you. Hey you! Come here! What do you do?" Farmer: "I'm a farmer."

Xi: Let me ask y...

In china, they invented a machine that can capture thieves

They tested out the machine in china for a week and they caught 2 thieves. The following week the russians decided to test this machine in Moscow, they caught 10 thieves. Seeing the machine's success, the Mexican government wanted to try this in the City of Mexico, they caught 400 thieves. Then the ...

Everything is made in China..

.. except for babies, they are made in vachina!

Who is China's favorite NBA team?

[REDACTED]

A zoo in China denies using a man in a costume pretending to be a bear. But they do have a dog dressed up as a lion…

It’s a Shih Tzu.

Why does China always drive on the left

they don’t have rights

Made in China

Two old guys sitting in a park, says the one:
"Look, i got a new hearing aid, very cheap becaus it's made in China"

The other says:
"Amazing, how much did you pay?"

"Yesterday...",

"Do you have elections in China?"

"Yes, evely molning!"

Why did China cancel Chinese New Years?

Everybody was kung-flu fighting.

How do they laugh in China?

L-MAO!

I once tried dating in China and Turkey

It didn't work out, there were a lot of red flags everywhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to China.

He hired a prostitute to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.

The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shou...

An Apple Factory in China is expected to cut production of iPhones by 18% in response to ongoing worker protests.

The workers' main demand is "more playtime".

There once was a lady from China..

Who got diagnosed with angina.
She went to her Gyno

who said "what do I know"?
My degree is from North Carolina.

China Online

What do you call a Chinese man with a slow internet connection?

Lo Ding

God is travelling around the world to spread his religon

He gets to India and asks the public, 'Will you take my commandments to be yours?' The public says no and decides to try elsewhere.

He gets to China and asks, 'Will you follow my commandments?' And the public replies no.

He gets to Israel and asks, 'Will you take my commandments?' The ...

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers?

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? WHO knew!

The F in China stands for freedom

Friend: There isn't a F in China

Me: Exactly

What's worse than an elephant in the china shop?

A hedgehog in the condom factory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fuck China!

*sent from iphone*

What do you call a disease coming from China?

Kung-Pow Sicken.

What is a Karen called in China?

Kalen

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