Why is suicide illegal in china?

Destruction of state property

I guess China finally got what they want

They managed to coronise the world.

I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear.

Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.

So how’s life in totalitarian China?

Oh you know... can’t complain

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.

China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

What's the difference between China and Las Vegas?

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

They’re running out of face masks in China

No big supplies there.

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers?

Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? WHO knew!

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

All countries eventually got coronavirus

But China got it right off the bat.

What's similar between the squareroot of -1 and the number of confirmed cases in China

They are both not real numbers

China really got the best baseball team.

Them people took out half of the world with one bat.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

I heard about a book being written in China.

They calling it "That's what Xi said".

China has a population of a billion people.

**One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.**

A Thai family moves to China to evade poverty in Thailand

The father and son find a job in a manufacturing plant. The days are long, the work gruesome, their clothes dirty and torn. The pay is low, but just enough to provide their family with food and shelter.

A few years pass, and the son, now 20, became really skilled. He has a good relationship ...

What do you get when you have more than 2 kids in China?

Youth in Asia.

What's the best thing about China?

I don't know, but I give their flag five stars

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China

He says he can't complain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American guy, visiting China, sees a Chinese guy eating biscuits and jelly at a cafe and decides to have a little fun with him.

He pops a stick of gum into his mouth and sits next to the Chinese guy.

As he's chewing it, he casually says to the Chinese guy, "Are those biscuits you're eating? Well in America, we eat our bread without the crust, compact the crust into biscuits and sell it to China." The Chinese guy deci...

There are 4 rules of war. 1. Don’t march on Moscow. 2. Never get in a land war in China. 3. Don’t invade Afghanistan.

And finally: Ignore rules 1 to 3 if your name is Genghis Khan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

American contracts std in China.

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom.
A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, ...

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

What is one thing that the police and china have in common?

They both hide their body count

No wonder China is behind the Coronavirus

We even saw a big red flag 🇨🇳

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

Why does China have so many people?

Their condoms were made in China

In China we guarantee our citizens the freedom of speech

But we do not guarantee their personal safety after their speech.

I guess China will save the world's climate.

They are not fond of global warning.

Why China is arresting people for spreading misinformation?

Because spreading misinformation is government's job.

I just got off the phone with a researcher in China. He says it's not worth getting the Covid-19 now.

As they are expecting the Covid-20 PRO to be released in September

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

India has decided to boycott Chinese products on all fronts to protest the latter's stand on disputed territories and their failure to inform India on the Coronavirus.

Meanwhile, Chinese textile mills are rolling out an all-new clothing line: "Boycott China" and are anticipating great demand from India.

There's an old saying in China: It doesn't matter whether the cat is black or white

it still tastes the same.

"A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN"...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't k...

Question: Who is the best friend of china?

Answer: WHO is the best friend of china.

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

They need to move China to Egypt ...

... because they are in a deep state of denial.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

I thought I was visiting a Zoo in China

Until someone handed me a menu.

We shouldn't trust China on Coronavirus numbers

I mean, there are a bunch of red flags.

Why was China so slow to tell the rest of the world about COVID-19?

Because they have a bad Ping

Why would China be a bad lawyer?

It wouldn’t have many new cases

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is china so bad at cricket?

They eat all the fucking bats

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

Why did Jesus move to China after his resurrection?

Because it was easter.

Everything nowadays is made in China.

Except for babies. They're made in Vachina.

China just released the name of the first man with Corona Virus

Ah Chu

I wonder how this whole coronavirus thing has affected Wuhan china cymbal sales.

I think the market has crashed.

I think that China is lying about how many people died from corona virus

They always show the same person when there's new cases

If China had $1 for every time they oppressed a racial minority...

They’d become an economic global power.


As cinemas reopen in China millions rush to see

Man and Robin

How's the weather in Western China?

Cloudy with a chance of genocide

Two Interpol officers were taking a Chinese criminal back to China when they got stranded on an island

Officer 1, being the senior, came up with a plan for their survival.

Officer 1: Ok, so here's what we'll do. Officer 2, you'll go around the island and collect material for us to build a shelter. I will keep trying my phone to try and contact HQ to pick us up. Chinese guy you go into the wood...

What do you call a jehova witness from china?

Ding dong

Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"

Pence: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Pence: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.

Two Irishmen are chatting. One says to the other, did you hear about the new virus from China?

I thought it was a panda, Mick.

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

Who knew that all it took was one bat from China...

... to completely eradicate the USA's school shooting problem!

Why did China cancel Chinese New Years?

Everybody was kung-flu fighting.

Why can't dyslexic people use the internet in China?

Because they get a virus when they open a bat

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Trump was brought down

By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?

For something’s that’s made in China, this Coronavirus seems to be lasting a while!

Most successful product they’ve made yet. It’s really catching on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

In America, dogs are K9...

In China, dogs are E10.

Coronavirus came from Wuhan but it isn't the only disease to come from China

There's also the Wu Ping cough.

I heard the flights to China are super cheap

They might be as low as Tencent.

This one is a little bit political,I hope that doesn’t break any rules

Taiwan:I am China

China:No I am China

Taiwan:Ok then I am Taiwan

China:No you are China

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?

It causes the microphones to rust

All countries will get the corona virus eventually...

China just got it right off the bat...

Edit : Thanks for the 1k guys...

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

Three men stop for lunch

Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly ju...

Did you hear about the dangerous deadly virus in China?

It's called communism

Due to COVID-19, North Korea has shut down all of its air and railway routes across its borders with China, and is keeping all foreigners arriving in the country via China isolated for up to one month.

TIL People are trying to get into North Korea.

Here's a joke about China


What do you call an elephant dancing in a china shop?

Break dancing

Why is gambling illegal in China

Because they hate Tibet

What do they call the Coronavirus in China?

The One Grandparent Policy

What's the most popular band in China?

The Wuhan Clan.

I made a music video about a pandemic in China.

It went viral overnight

It is fitting that Coronavirus started in communist China

because everyone is going to get it.

100 years after Trump dies, he gets one day back in Earth.

Trump visits a bar and asks for a beer. "So how is it in the middle east?" he asks the bartender.

"Don't worry, we've taken care of it. It's all ours."

"How about China?"

"Nope. Doesn't exist anymore. All ours."

"Europe? Africa? South America?"

"It's all under us,"...

Why are there more doctors in China now?

They're Kung Flu fighting.

What is the most popular fruit in China?

Mandarin oranges

Coronavirus - Made in China

And so is the the hand sanitizer you will use.

I always wanted to see the Great Wall of China

So I booked a Wuhan way ticket

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just caught that Wu tang virus from China.

That shit ain't nothin to fuck with

I just got back from a cruise to China

It was sick.

Got bit by a tick in China.

Now I have Corona with Lime.

Three chinese friends moved to America

Their names were Bu, Chu and Fu. When they arrived, they decided to take american names. Bu changed his name to Buck, Chu changed his name to Chuck but Fu decided to move back to China.

"The Chairman of the Red Cross Society of China had been kidnapped. The kidnapper demands for 10mil or he will burn the Chair alive with gasoline. How much are you willing to help?"

A guy in Wuhan replied: "Maybe 10 gallon."

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic

People in China eat all kinds of crazy foods

But for some reason they only take halal organ donors

As a toy manufacturer, I've always believed that only kids know what kids want

Which is why I only open factories in China.

China's manufacturing has halted but at least they can keep making...

the News.

Me : Have you heard about whats happening in china

Friend: No

me: neither have they

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