How do I know China has Free Speech?

No one says otherwise.

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"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

What is the average temperature in China?

451° F

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China

He says he can't complain.

Why is suicide illegal in China?

Destruction of government property

What's the only thing that isn't made in china ?

Opinions

A family of cannibals visit China

"What's for dinner, mom?"

"Chinese!"

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

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The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?

It causes the microphones to rust

So china is making phones without Google apps now

Guess it was always my way or the huawei

*i'm so sorry, I tried*

I think weekends are made in China.

They don't last long.

Recently moved to China, people keep asking me how it is.

I can't complain.

What do you call a lobster from China?

A crust-asian

In reminiscence of the Tiananmen Square protests, China is introducing a new memorial day:

Happy Tanksgiving!

In Toronto it's snowing so hard right now that it's become pro-China ...

In other words, its a Blizzard.

Me : Have you heard about whats happening in china

Friend: No

me: neither have they

Two China men were robbing a distillery.

One said to the other “is this whiskey?” The other said “yeah it’s whiskey but it’s safer than wobbing a bank”.

Of all the bad things that are happening in China, one particular stands out.

Edit - Nothing bad is happening in China --- Everything is fine .-. There's no need to worry - people are happy ..- China is peaceful .-. with peaceful history .

China has been the most important country for American schools.

Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.

Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"

Pence: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Pence: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.

Here's a joke about China

[redacted]

What is China's favorite holiday?

Tanksgiving.

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic

What do they call voter manipulation in China?

Gerrymandarin.

The F in China stands for freedom

Friend: There isn't a F in China

Me: Exactly

Who is China's favorite NBA team?

[REDACTED]

What is China's favourite online game ?

Unreal Tiannament.

A little known fact about China.

The year of the Tiananmen Square massacre was the first year China tried to introduce Tanksgiving.

There’s a lot of blaming and accusations going on concerning the Trump/China trade talks. Basically . . .

It’s a lot of He said Xi said.

What's China's favorite makeup to wear?

Concealer.

TIL when China ended the one-child policy in 2015 there was actually a significant rise in adolescent euthanasia.

Sorry, youth in Asia.

The only things not Made in China today are...

Assembled in China

I was gonna make a China joke…

[THIS CONTENT, FOR YOUR SAFETY, HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA.]

In Communist China

Winnie the Pooh owns Disney

Going to China was a huge mistake

There were huge red flags everywhere

China's national anthem is titled 'March of the Volunteers'

But most people are forced to sing it.

What were the British man’s final words as he was about to be executed in China?

“Is it really THAT bloody hard to ask for tea and a mint square?”

You know how when we were kids, we thought if you dig a deep enough hole, you get to China?

The NBA is going to try to find out!

Everyone says that China doesn't have any freedom of speech. That's obviously untrue.

In the United States, you can go up to the White House and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.

Similarly, in China, you can go up to the Communist Party Headquarters and shout "Down with America!", and you won't be punished for it.

\----------

Wanted to...

Did you hear about the remote-controlled weather machine China developed?

It takes full control of a blizzard's direction in just a few keystrokes.

What do World Of Warcraft and China have in common?

In both there's tanks used to take down mobs.

Apparently in China there is really bad weather right now

Some are even calling it a Blizzard

How do we know that something is wrong in China?

There's so many red flags!

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Fuck China!

*sent from iphone*

What do you call having a 3rd kid in China?

Youth in Asia

I saw a post saying "Free China".

Turns out it was some old lady giving away her dishes.

Hey, before you make fun of China, you should actually visit the country...

They won’t let you back in after.

I met a strange man in a coastal city in China

They call him Bay-Jing.

Glorious China is the greatest amd most respectful of human rights!!!!

Now that i have the attention of their self-praise seeking robot- free hong kong.

Why are Me and China alike?

We both like to delete our history.

What would you call a domestic worker in China?

Maid in China.

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Don't be so rough on China, they have some legitimate grievances

They've been oppressed by so many nations in the world: the Mongols, the Japanese, the Chinese...

China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.

I think it was just panda ring.

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I'm trying to prevent a trip to see my in-laws in China from happening.

So I'll just say "Fuck the Chinese Government" right here.

That should do.

China has introduced more stringent censorship policies on the internet

Chinese citizens will now no longer be able to indicate merriment using lol on WeChat, they must now compulsorily use lmao, or roflmao as a tribute to communist heritage.

What's Chinas favourite type of weather

A Blizzard

Why does James Harden love China?

Because he travels

[NSFW] What does China and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

Cleaning up the bloody mess by spraying it down the drain

What natural disaster benefits China?

Blizzard

What celebrities in both China and USA have one thing in common

Afraid of criticizing Chinese government and like to criticize US government.

After years of saving Saul finally had enough money to get his eye transplant in China

His wife was opposed to the idea on moral grounds. His brother was worried he might lose what little sight he had now. His friends were worried that what he was doing wasn't entirely legal.

He dismissed them all one by one and finally bought his ticket and set off with grim determination. <...

Due to new trade agreements, China becoming increasingly concerned about running out of oil.

No big supplies there.

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

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A joke my dad sent me today but I translated it to English

Jack was bored out of his mind in the classroom on a friday afternoon, as were many of his friends. The teacher noticed this and came up with a small challenge to get their attention back to her.

"Alright, class. I tell you a famous saying and the first one to tell me who said it doesn't hav...

In China, you can criticise every Roman numeral from I to X.

But you can't criticize Xi.

I just realized why China has some of the highest IQs

Due to re-education

Why are people not allowed to roll a die in China?

Every single roll is an independent variable

In America we have charities like harvest for the hungry that helps the poor, But in China...

They have harvest for the wealthy

Im reading about a horrific clothing fire in the china. They have the fire put out already but firemen are still searching the building.

Thankfully they have not discovered any casual Ts.

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

What would China respond with regards the recent Hong Kong protests?

Tank you!

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In China, archaeologists recently discovered the oldest known statue of a penis...

...carbon dating estimates it came from the Dong Dynasty.

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Geography of a woman

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open.Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is l...

My first wife was from China, but my friends never liked her

They said I married the Wong woman

What does China produce more of?

They produce more Chinese than any other country on earth.

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WWII as a bar fight...

I made a bar fight for WWI in honor of the 101 anniversary of its end, and someone requested one for the sequel. So here it is.

Germany went into a deep depression after his defeat in the last fight. His bar tab from his enemies' victory drink was crushing. He started hitting the gym, and wan...

The UN decided to do a worldwide survey and the only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant.<...

The trade war between the U.S. and China is really devolving

Into a case of he said, Xi said.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

I’ve never understood the stereotype that Asian people are good at math,

so I decided to test it out.

I went up to at least 100 different people in China and asked them a couple of math questions

The first was “What is 109 squared?”. Around 68% of them answered correctly, which I was shocked about.

Then I asked “If 2 lengths of a triangle are 37 and ...

TIL: The "C" in China stand for [censored].

Ha ha

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Chinese prostitute

A guy went to China and while there he met a very exotic woman who he ended up having sex with him. While it was the best sex he ever had, his penis started itching and then started to swell. When he got back to the States, he went to his urologist. By then it was turning purple black and was very ...

I heard China recently banned plastic waste

They better not let Kim Kardashian in this week.

A panda walks into a cáfe.

He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.

“Why?” Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door, “look it up.”

The waiter flips to the page about pa...

What is the most common illness in China?

Kung Flu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man moves to USA after having lived 50 years in a small Chinese province

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door
but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt thes...

Doctors in china don't ask if you want an abortion

They just ask if you want takeout or delivery

Recently I went to see Burning Man in China.

It's held in Tibet and they call it 'self-immolation'.

I have a friend, Celine, from China. She is beautiful but so fragile.

Poor Celine.

Do you know why China is such a great and loving country?

Because they have a very friendly and open minded government. All voices are heard and everyone is welcome , we are treated very well and our country is in a stable position. (Post this to a website to increase your social score and to increase international investment , remove this last part)

My wife told me to do some light reading at the end of a long day. It was horrible, and now my eyes hurt.

The only thing I was able to make out was "60 watts - made in China"

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Two men walked into a Chinese restaurant and sat down to eat. To pass the time, they started talking about different countries and major religions.

"Hey Sam. You ever wondered whether there are any Jews in China?" one man asked his buddy.
"Whoa I never thought of that. Lets ask our waiter He's Chinese."

So they called the waiter and asked. "So we were curious. Are there any Chinese Jews?" one man asked.
The waiter looked confused ...

Why did China get invaded?

They weren't ready to face the Khansequences.

There’s a reason why China has so many fake items

And the reason is because the Chinese have mistaken ‘Copyright’ for ‘Copy Is Right’

Life is like a box of chocolates

It’s more dangerous if it’s made in China

What do you name a dead end road in China?

Wong way.

I heard China's president, Xi Jinping, is having a little red book made of his quotes like Mao Zedong had.

I hope it will be called "That's What Xi Said"

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

Who are the loudest people in china?

The Shao Ding people

What is China's national sport?

Homework

In their 5th marriage anniversary the guy took his wife to china

when he came back his friend asked him "what did you do for the anniversary?"

"I took her to china", the man said.

his friend: "wow, that was only for your 5th anniversary, I wonder what you gonna do for your 50th one?"

he replied: "I'm gonna go get her back".

What did Trump say to China during the Trade War Negotiations?

It's my way, my way or the Huawei.

In America, dogs are K9

In China, dogs are E10

you know happened after I nuked china?

I Burned myself on the plate.

I wouldn't date anyone from China

That's a HUGE red flag

A murder-for-hire occurred in a rice field using small china ornaments as the weapon

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to China

For our 50th I plan on picking her up

There are only two phone numbers in China the wings and the wongs

So you might wing the wong number

A joke I heard in China that may or may not be known to the outside world

Tom visits Bob’s house and notices that Bob doesn’t have a clock. Surprised, he asks Bob how he tells time. “I have a piano,” Bob explained, “you want a demonstration?”

That night, Bob started playing All Star on his piano. A neighbor knocks on his door and yells, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING...

In his CV, a Job applicant mentioned country of origin as China

That's a red flag.

How does a joke about Tiananmen start in China?

By looking over your shoulders

Chinese people all have the same answer when I ask what red flags to look out for when I go to China.

They all say the national flag

The Ginnie and the Politicians [LONG]

There are three politicians, the Chinese, the Russian and the American, they found a Ginnie and the Ginnie says, I can make 3 wishes, and you are three, so one whish for each one, they agree and the Chinese goes first,

Chinese: I want to make my country one of the richest, give me mountains o...

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My first OC joke. (Long)

A man walks into an antique shop. He approaches the female cashier and
asks, “Is this your store?”

She nods her head, “My parents owned it for a few decades, I had since inherited it.”

The man then asks her, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

The woman, barley amused, dec...

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