Santa’s Reindeer’s competition

In the days leading up until Christmas, all of Santa’s reindeer throw a party, with each reindeer throwing their own party on a different day. During the day before Christmas Eve, the elves, reindeer, and Claus’ would decide who threw the best party that year and there would be a prize.

The d...

what did the reindeer say when santa told him a funny joke

You sleigh me

What is a Dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet

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You've never heard of the 10th Reindeer?

The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk called Olive.

Why do i call him a jerk? You know... Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer has a little known brother.

Randolf the brown nosed reindeer,

he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can't stop as quick.

What do you call a blind reindeer?

I have no eye deer.

Do you recall the name of the other, 10th reindeer?

You have the original eight reindeer: Dasher, Prancer, etc. And of course, there is Rudoloph which makes nine.

The 10th reindeer is Olive. It says so right in the song:

"Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"!

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?

Nothing! It’s on the house!

What's the name of the reindeer that's directly behind Rudolf? You know the one, he's just as fast as Rudolf but can't stop as fast.

Larry the Brown Nosed Reindeer

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

As the world’s population swelled over the past few decades, Santa’s sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it.

Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin.

As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh.

Franklin is going through the list of banned it...

How do reindeer fly?

They use their Missile-toes.

(courtesy of my ten year old this morning lol)

Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer died today over Barcelona. He was struck by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did

Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.

While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...

Do you know where reindeer come from?

Clouds.

What do all the female reindeer do when Santa leaves with their guys on Christmas?

They go into town and blow a few bucks.

What is the purpose of reindeer?

It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet.

What do you call the ghost of a reindeer that loves you?

Caribou

What do you call a reindeer on Halloween?

A cariboo.......

I'll see myself out

I dont understand how one of the most widespread traditions in America is about flying reindeers from the north pole.

Its just not clausible.

Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

He prefers non-deery creamer.

If the answer to “what do you call a blind reindeer?” is ‘no idea’, what do you call a blind reindeer that can’t walk?

Still no idea.

What do you call Santa's most impolite reindeer?

Rudeolph

What do all the Female Reindeer do when Santa takes the crew out to deliver presents? (NSFW)

They go into town and blow a few bucks. ;)

Happy holidays everyone! Wish you all good health & wealth in the New Year!

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Three Asian men die in a car accident on Easter Sunday.

They find themselves at the pearly gates, where Peter is at his receptionist desk awaiting them.

“Now, here’s the deal,” Peter says to them. “You three were not believers, so you are not allowed in here.” The men glance at each other, beginning to grow pale. “However, since it’s Easter, I’m w...

Whats the difference between a Knight and Santa’s reindeer?

The Knight is slayin the Dragon, and the reindeer are dragon the sleigh!

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

No, they already have names.

Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners?

RUDE-olph, of course!

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

What did Rudolph the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?

This will sleigh you.

What does santa do with a lazy reindeer?

Sleighs 'em

What's the difference between a reindeer and a caribou?

Caribou can't fly.

What's a reindeer's favourite celebrity?

Beyonsleigh

They’re taking “Baby It’s Cold Outside” off off of the radio for being offensive?

But I can’t help to think about all those poor children that lost their grandmothers in tragic reindeer accidents.

Santas reindeer get lost on a flight one night and don't return to the pole. After being missing for weeks, they are found, the only survivor being Donner. When asked how he survived, he replied:

"They don't call me Donner for nothin'"

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Finnish reindeer

An American tourist arrived at a reindeer farm in Finnish Lapland. He asked the farm owner "I've heard that the reindeer and human vaginas are identical. Is this true?" The farm owner looked at the tourist for a while and answered: "You have to ask my neighbor. He is the only man in the village who ...

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NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

What do reindeer have that other animals don't have?

Baby reindeer

A Christmas Story

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Cla...

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It's Christmas Eve and Santa is very angry...

...his reindeer cannot fly because they ended up drinking mulled wine and are now very drunk. His elves are refusing to produce any more presents because they are angry about their pay and an angel Santa sent off to get a Christmas tree hasn't returned yet. "How the hell am I going to get Christmas ...

Chet, the Amazing Singing Parrot

A man walked into a pet store and saw a parrot on a perch that said, “Chet, the amazing singing parrot”. The man asked the clerk how to make Chet sing. The clerk says, “Easy, just watch”. The clerk lights a lighter and puts it under Chet’s right foot. (I do NOT condone harm to animals) Chet starts...

Ever wonder why angels are put on top of Christmas trees?

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, to Santa’s dismay

Because the North Pole was in a bad way

The elves were on strike and not making toys

And the reindeer were out getting drunk with the boys

Santa sat in his sleigh and pondered his plight

When what came his way ...

A Christmas tradition...

It was Christmas eve and Santa was in a really foul mood. The elves were on strike, Mrs. Claus was having one of her snit-fits, and the reindeer had gotten sick with dysentery and were tracking the results everywhere.

Just then, an angel appeared with a Christmas tree. "Hey, Santa! Where shou...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

An animal with big antlers jumped into my car and drove it off...

I mistook it for a reindeer, then realized it was just a commandeer.

Santa was hit by an Airbus 747 while flying over Barcelona last night, and none of the flight crew survived

The doctors have confirmed that the reindeer in Spain were hit mainly by the plane.

- Credit to Colin Monchrie from "Whose Line Is It Anyway"

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Proof that Santa doesn’t exists

There are about 2 billion children on earth. But Santa does not have to visit Muslims, Hindus, Jews or Buddhists, which reduces the number to 15% or 378 million. Thus, with a world average of 3.5 children per household, there are 108 million households to visit if we can assume that there are at le...

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A bird named Chet

I heard this long ago and hadn't told it in years. Another bird joke I just read, combined with the date, suddenly jarred my memory. I've never written it so there's probably a better version out there, but here goes.

A guy goes to a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. He loo...

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

T'was a wet and rainy Christmas eve...

...when santa landed on our roof.

The slippery condition were quite treacherous,

as a reindeer missed its hoof.

Santa and his reindeers came sliding down.

I would've laffed if it was a clown.

One by one, they got tangled in the lights,

and came crashing down...

It was the night before Christmas

Three colleagues were stumbling their way home after having several drinks after work, at the local pub. Unfortunately on their way home, they were struck by a car and all died instantly.

Moments later, they all found themselves in front of the pearly gates of heaven, Saint Nicolas was waiti...

When your car breaks down, it's rendered inoperable.

But when you hit a reindeer, it's reindeered inoperable.

Santa is stressed...

Many years ago on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is preparing for his big day tomorrow but nothing is goin well. Half the reindeer are sick, the elves are behind on their work and Mrs Claus' mother-in-law just arrived for the week.

But then an angel appeared at Santa's door with a Christmas tree ...

How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the Reindeer drowned.

My dad's lame holiday joke

During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas. Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"

"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the...

A hunter tribe in Siberia catches a Camel.

They kill it, and wonder what it is. To find out, they ask the best hunter.

He answers "It is not a fox, it is not a rabbit. Ask the chief of the tribe, he might know".

They ask the chief.

He says, "Not a reindeer, and not a seal. I don't know what it is".

As a last re...

Who was Rudolph's often snubbed, always forgotten brother?

Olof the other reindeer...

A farmer sitting on his porch

A farmer is sitting on his porch, when he hears a loud crash behind his house. So he grabs his gun takes off out back and sees his outhouse destroyed reindeer laying on the ground Santa's sleigh laying on its side. Then Santa stands up, yelling "Rudolph, you idiot I said the Schmidt house! "

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in m...

Bad Christmas cracker jokes.

Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!


What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
...

How did the angel get on top of the christmas tree?

So one year, Santa was having a bad time of it. The reindeer were threatening a strike, the elves had to recall 30% of their toys due to manufacturing defects, all in all, just a frustrating time.

So Santa stood up and made a very LOUD announcement.

"I am going to my study. I'm tak...

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Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone
4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christma...

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus,

"Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

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