UPJOKE
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One of Santa's reindeer served in the army with Tina Turner

Back then he was known as Private Dancer

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year...

Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rud...

Kid: Santa, what’s the story of your reindeer names?

Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow!

Kid: What about Donner?

*A dark countenance settles on Santa’s face*

Santa: The year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada...

How can you tell Rudolph the reindeer was male?

He was only liked when he was useful.

Clarence the brown-nosed reindeer.

He was right behind Rudolf, he could fly just as fast as him, but could never stop as quick as Rudolf.

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?

Nothing! It’s on the house!

How may reindeer does Santa have?

2, Rudolph and Olive the other reindeer

Which of Santa's reindeer is the most important this year?

Vaxen

Santa’s reindeer had an issue with their dinner reservation.

The restaurant simply refused to seat the Donner party.

Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..

But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.

He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.

Blinking lights, presents, reindeer, and snowmen everywhere…

I love Thanksgiving.

What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet

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What do you call a Reindeer with no eyes?

No eye deer

What do you call a Reindeer with no legs or eyes?

Still no eye deer

What do you call a Reindeer with no eyes, legs or genitals?

Still no fucking eye deer

Why was rudolf the reindeer so angry?

Because his wife went to Las Vegas and blew 50 bucks.

What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Reindeer Nuts?

Beer nuts are about $2.50, Reindeer Nuts are under a buck.

Where do you find reindeer ?

It depends where you left them.

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I've started my own brand of Reindeer Jerky...

I call it "Little Blitz N' Pieces"

One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."

"So be it," said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...

Santa’s Reindeer’s competition

In the days leading up until Christmas, all of Santa’s reindeer throw a party, with each reindeer throwing their own party on a different day. During the day before Christmas Eve, the elves, reindeer, and Claus’ would decide who threw the best party that year and there would be a prize.

The d...

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were ...

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.


The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

How does Santa choose which female reindeer to breed with his prized stud?

By choosing the one that’s the best bang for the buck.

A lot of people don't know about Rudolph's wife Olive,

but she is mentioned in the song: "Olive, the other reindeer."

What do you call a reindeer on Halloween?

A cariboo.......

I'll see myself out

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You've never heard of the 10th Reindeer?

The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk called Olive.

Why do i call him a jerk? You know... Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.

What do female reindeers do for fun?

Go into town to blow a couple of bucks

Who is the loneliness Reindeer on their birthday?

I know you're thinking it's probably Rudolph, but, let's just say no one wants to go to Donner party.

Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to spend Christmas together?

Because they have herd immunity.

Why was Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer getting a divorce?

Because every time his wife went out, she'd end up blowing 50 bucks

I know a bit early but .....,

A Little Christmas Story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
per-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more...

What is the purpose of reindeer?

It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did

Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.

While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...

If the answer to “what do you call a blind reindeer?” is ‘no idea’, what do you call a blind reindeer that can’t walk?

Still no idea.

What do you call the ghost of a reindeer that loves you?

Caribou

Why is the world's funniest joke not in Rudolph the Reindeer's joke book?

Because the real joke is in Comet's!

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet.

As the world’s population swelled over the past few decades, Santa’s sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it.

Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin.

As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh.

Franklin is going through the list of banned it...

Do you recall the name of the other, 10th reindeer?

You have the original eight reindeer: Dasher, Prancer, etc. And of course, there is Rudoloph which makes nine.

The 10th reindeer is Olive. It says so right in the song:

"Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"!

How do reindeer fly?

They use their Missile-toes.

(courtesy of my ten year old this morning lol)

When daughter dresses inappropriately for Christmas Dinner.

Mom - Can't you dress like a lady for Christmas Dinner atleast. If you behave like a bad girl, Santa won't bring you presents.

Daughter - Mom I'm old enough now. How would know if I dressed inappropriately?

Mom - Don't you know he goes around the neighborhood on this reindeer sledge ye...

Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

He prefers non-deery creamer.

Whats the difference between a Knight and Santa’s reindeer?

The Knight is slayin the Dragon, and the reindeer are dragon the sleigh!

What's the name of the reindeer that's directly behind Rudolf? You know the one, he's just as fast as Rudolf but can't stop as fast.

Larry the Brown Nosed Reindeer

I dont understand how one of the most widespread traditions in America is about flying reindeers from the north pole.

Its just not clausible.

Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer died today over Barcelona. He was struck by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

What do the lady reindeer do while the men are out with Santa on Christmas Eve?

They all head down to the Elks club and blow a few bucks.

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A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight.

During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the air...

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Finnish reindeer

An American tourist arrived at a reindeer farm in Finnish Lapland. He asked the farm owner "I've heard that the reindeer and human vaginas are identical. Is this true?" The farm owner looked at the tourist for a while and answered: "You have to ask my neighbor. He is the only man in the village who ...

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

Santas reindeer get lost on a flight one night and don't return to the pole. After being missing for weeks, they are found, the only survivor being Donner. When asked how he survived, he replied:

"They don't call me Donner for nothin'"

Queen Victoria died and went to heaven.

When she got there, she was informed that she would be reincarnated. However, she could choose which animal.

"One has always thought reindeers are majestic." She said.
So sure enough, a moment later she found herself in the form of a reindeer.

Grazing happily in the England's green ...

What was the other reindeer's name?

Olive.

What did Rudolph the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?

This will sleigh you.

What's a reindeer's favourite celebrity?

Beyonsleigh

How many reindeer were left after Santa got stranded in the mountains?

Only one. Donner ate the rest.

What does santa do with a lazy reindeer?

Sleighs 'em

What do reindeer have that other animals don't have?

Baby reindeer

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and voter fraud?

One is a childish fantasy about getting what you want. The other has flying reindeer.

Santa is entangled

Eureka! I have it. Santa's wave function is entangled with the wave functions of all non-naughty kids and all presents. Observation on Christmas morning collapses the wave function, so presents appear instantaneously under the trees of all good kids. No violation of relativity in Santa's travel. ...

Do you know which animal comes from the sky?

Reindeer

Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners?

RUDE-olph, of course!

What's the difference between a reindeer and a caribou?

Caribou can't fly.

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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

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night before christmas (covid edition)

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,

Do you know why? Because none of us were

allowed out,

Looked out into the street and no Christmas decorations about,

Looked out of the window, what did I s...

What did Santa say to his wife when she gave him a private dance?

Make it reindeer!

- Credit to my brother

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