What is the purpose of reindeer?

It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?

Nothing! It’s on the house!

What’s a dinosaur’s least favourite reindeer?

Comet

What do you call a reindeer on Halloween?

A cariboo.......

I'll see myself out

I dont understand how one of the most widespread traditions in America is about flying reindeers from the north pole.

Its just not clausible.

Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners?

RUDE-olph, of course!

Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

He prefers non-deery creamer.

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet.

If the answer to “what do you call a blind reindeer?” is ‘no idea’, what do you call a blind reindeer that can’t walk?

Still no idea.

What do you call the ghost of a reindeer that loves you?

Caribou

What do female reindeer do for fun?

Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.

Santas reindeer get lost on a flight one night and don't return to the pole. After being missing for weeks, they are found, the only survivor being Donner. When asked how he survived, he replied:

"They don't call me Donner for nothin'"

What do the lady reindeer do while the men are out with Santa on Christmas Eve?

They all head down to the Elks club and blow a few bucks.

What do the wives of Santa’s Reindeer do on Christmas Eve while Santa and the Reindeer are off delivering presents? (NSFW)

They go into town and blow a few bucks.

All of Santa’s reindeer celebrate their birthdays except one...

Santa decided that the Donner Party was not to be repeated.

Whats the difference between a Knight and Santa’s reindeer?

The Knight is slayin the Dragon, and the reindeer are dragon the sleigh!

What do you call an impolite red-nosed reindeer?

Rude-olph.

How do you call a reindeer with no eyes?

I have no eye deer...

How many reindeer were left after Santa got stranded in the mountains?

Only one. Donner ate the rest.

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

>You know **Dasher** and **Dancer** and **Prancer** and **Vixen**,
**Comet** and **Cupid** and **Donner** and **Blitzen**,
but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?
**Rudolph** the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a v...

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Finnish reindeer

An American tourist arrived at a reindeer farm in Finnish Lapland. He asked the farm owner "I've heard that the reindeer and human vaginas are identical. Is this true?" The farm owner looked at the tourist for a while and answered: "You have to ask my neighbor. He is the only man in the village who ...

You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer?

He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast.

What does santa do with a lazy reindeer?

Sleighs 'em

What did Rudolph the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?

This will sleigh you.

Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer is dead.

Reports show he was flying over Barcelona today, when the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses report, that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

No, they already have names.

What do reindeer have that other animals don't have?

Baby reindeer

Have you heard about Henry the brown-nosed reindeer?

He's just as fast as Rudolf, he just can't stop as quick

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

when four of Santa's elves got sick...

when four of Santa's elves got sick the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

then Mrs. Klaus told Santa that her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

when he went to harness the reind...

What's a reindeer's favourite celebrity?

Beyonsleigh

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More songs that need to be banned for Christmas

Since some folks have decided that “Baby it’s Cold Outside” should be banned and pulled from radio playlists, we feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well.

1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn; infidelity

2....

They’re taking “Baby It’s Cold Outside” off off of the radio for being offensive?

But I can’t help to think about all those poor children that lost their grandmothers in tragic reindeer accidents.

A Christmas tradition...

It was Christmas eve and Santa was in a really foul mood. The elves were on strike, Mrs. Claus was having one of her snit-fits, and the reindeer had gotten sick with dysentery and were tracking the results everywhere.

Just then, an angel appeared with a Christmas tree. "Hey, Santa! Where shou...

T'was a wet and rainy Christmas eve...

...when santa landed on our roof.

The slippery condition were quite treacherous,

as a reindeer missed its hoof.

Santa and his reindeers came sliding down.

I would've laffed if it was a clown.

One by one, they got tangled in the lights,

and came crashing down...

Ever wonder why angels are put on top of Christmas trees?

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, to Santa’s dismay

Because the North Pole was in a bad way

The elves were on strike and not making toys

And the reindeer were out getting drunk with the boys

Santa sat in his sleigh and pondered his plight

When what came his way ...

"Wow, Santa! Have you lost some weight? And have you been working out? I can sure tell...Because you look great for your age!"

Rudolph The Brown Nose Reindeer

An animal with big antlers jumped into my car and drove it off...

I mistook it for a reindeer, then realized it was just a commandeer.

Santa was hit by an Airbus 747 while flying over Barcelona last night, and none of the flight crew survived

The doctors have confirmed that the reindeer in Spain were hit mainly by the plane.

- Credit to Colin Monchrie from "Whose Line Is It Anyway"

When your car breaks down, it's rendered inoperable.

But when you hit a reindeer, it's reindeered inoperable.

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Proof that Santa doesn’t exists

There are about 2 billion children on earth. But Santa does not have to visit Muslims, Hindus, Jews or Buddhists, which reduces the number to 15% or 378 million. Thus, with a world average of 3.5 children per household, there are 108 million households to visit if we can assume that there are at le...

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What are the meanings of popular Christmas songs?

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - It's not okay to be different, unless your difference happens to be a super power. Then it's okay.

The 12 Days of Christmas - If you love someone you have to not only get them an expensive gift, but you have to give them a lot of expensive gifts.

Grandm...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

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‘‘Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the...

It was the night before Christmas

Three colleagues were stumbling their way home after having several drinks after work, at the local pub. Unfortunately on their way home, they were struck by a car and all died instantly.

Moments later, they all found themselves in front of the pearly gates of heaven, Saint Nicolas was waiti...

A bird named Chet

I heard this long ago and hadn't told it in years. Another bird joke I just read, combined with the date, suddenly jarred my memory. I've never written it so there's probably a better version out there, but here goes.

A guy goes to a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. He loo...

Who was Rudolph's often snubbed, always forgotten brother?

Olof the other reindeer...

Santa's pre-Christmas flight check

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his ...

A farmer sitting on his porch

A farmer is sitting on his porch, when he hears a loud crash behind his house. So he grabs his gun takes off out back and sees his outhouse destroyed reindeer laying on the ground Santa's sleigh laying on its side. Then Santa stands up, yelling "Rudolph, you idiot I said the Schmidt house! "

Rudolph the Red

Rudolph the Red and his wife are talking.

Rudolph the Red: It’s going to rain.
Wife: How do you know?
Rudolph the Red: Rudolph the red-nose reindeer

My parents never told me the truth about Santa when I was young, I ended up having to find out myself.

I can't believe how stupid I was as a child. I would think that there's some fat man in sky, flying across the world with magic reindeer, and on top of that he's able to gift everyone a present. Man I sure do feel stupid, now if you excuse me I need to prep a landing pad on my rooftop so Santa can p...

A hunter tribe in Siberia catches a Camel.

They kill it, and wonder what it is. To find out, they ask the best hunter.

He answers "It is not a fox, it is not a rabbit. Ask the chief of the tribe, he might know".

They ask the chief.

He says, "Not a reindeer, and not a seal. I don't know what it is".

As a last re...

Santa is stressed...

Many years ago on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is preparing for his big day tomorrow but nothing is goin well. Half the reindeer are sick, the elves are behind on their work and Mrs Claus' mother-in-law just arrived for the week.

But then an angel appeared at Santa's door with a Christmas tree ...

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus,

"Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents

Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the Reindeer drowned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Health and Safety Christmas Message

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash though the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only o...

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Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone
4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christma...

Bad Christmas cracker jokes.

Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!


What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
...

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The origins of the ornamental angel atop the Christmas tree

It's almost New Year's Eve and Santa is getting ready to get to work and bring presents to everyone that has been good this year. So there he is at home, taking a shower and preparing for the big night. Opening his closet, he sifts through his clothes and finds his favorite red coat and trousers, bu...

How did the angel get on top of the christmas tree?

So one year, Santa was having a bad time of it. The reindeer were threatening a strike, the elves had to recall 30% of their toys due to manufacturing defects, all in all, just a frustrating time.

So Santa stood up and made a very LOUD announcement.

"I am going to my study. I'm tak...

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in m...

My dad's lame holiday joke

During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas. Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"

"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the...

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Why Is there a little angel on top of the Christmas tree?

Many years ago, on Christmas Eve, everything went wrong at the North Pole. Mrs Claus was on the rag, the reindeer had the runs, the elves were on strike and Rudolph hit the bottle pretty hard.

Santa was pretty pissed-off and about to explode when the little angel walked in with a freshly cut ...

What is the worlds wettest animal?

The reindeer

I made up a Christmas joke today!

Santa and his reindeer crash and land in the mountains, they are starting to starve and decide they have to resort to cannibalism. Who do they eat first?

Answer: Donner!

The Perfect Couple

Once upon a time there were 2 perfect people born. A perfect boy and a perfect girl. They grow up with perfect perfect parents, perfect toys, perfect grades, and perfect teeth.

They have perfect graduations from their respective perfect schools and then go on to meet at the perfect college. ...

Why did the doe give the faun an umbrella?

In case of reindeer. And because I caribou.

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The Angel Atop The Tree Tradition

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, s...

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A North Pole story of Christmas traditions

It was not shaping up to be a Merry Christmas at the North Pole. Mr. Claus was buttoning his suspenders when an angel popped in out of nowhere, yelling "HEY SANTA!". That caused his fingers to lose grip, and the whole thing snapped him in the eye.

When he got out to the elves, they were all g...

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